Chapter 10: Practice of Not Loving two
Two days later, I met Xu Yun on my way home from school. I saw him in the crowd. I was wondering whether to call him, but he had already turned his head and saw me.
Without any hesitation, he smiled and strode towards me.
Two weeks ago, I told him about He Xue, Hua Zi Yin and him via email. I think he has seen that email.
"Xihe!" He stopped two steps away from me, smiled and tilted his head to look at me. The afterglow of the setting sun fell on his face, making his smile as warm as the sun. " Long time no see."
I smiled: "Long time no see, you are still so handsome. "
I don’t know why, but after the truth came out, when I saw him again, I no longer had the awkward avoidance mentality I had before, and I could actually joke with him naturally.
"Xihe, I finally understand now." He looked at me, the smile in his eyes was still there, but his eyebrows were quietly stained with loneliness, "No matter if the person Hexue likes is me or not, you will not love me ."
"How do you know?" Even I don't understand it clearly, how can he be so sure?
He frowned. “If it was me you liked, you should have come to me the first time you knew the only reason preventing us from being together had disappeared, instead of writing me a long email in a calm manner. I once tried to convince myself that maybe you were just a little slow to warm up, so I waited patiently. However, two weeks passed... and I finally came here to find you.”
He took a deep breath, as if he was passing judgment on himself: "So, Xihe, the person you like is not me."
I was stunned. Is this really the case?
But, if I don’t like someone, why does my heart always feel so sour and painful?
Xu Yun looked at me and sighed deeply. I thought he was going to say something, but he said nothing. He just walked with me aimlessly.
After a long while, he said softly, "But, Xihe, my poor Xihe, what are you going to do?"
I looked at him blankly, watching pity slowly build up in his eyes, not understanding what he was saying.
He looked at me with eyes full of heartache: "Why can't I escape such a fate? Why did I fall in love with the person Hexue likes? Poor Xihe, what should you do?"
He was saying, do I like Hua Ziyin?
How ridiculous. I tried to smile, but suddenly I understood something.
Everywhere I looked were the dazzling white tung oil flowers. They were clearly flying petals, but they fell down like cold snow, freezing the blood in my body.
I have been so stubborn and resolute in not asking for leave even though I was sick these days, I have been living like a walking corpse these days, I have been in a daze and unable to sleep or eat these days, perhaps it is because I have already realized in my heart that I have fallen in love with someone I should not love at all, Hua Ziyin.
It turns out that liking someone is an unintentional thing.
It turns out that liking someone is something you can't help.
It turns out that liking someone is such a desperate thing.
