Chapter 10: Practice of Not Loving Four
So we went shopping, eating and taking walks like ordinary couples.
There were countless times when he didn't keep his promise and called me Xihe softly, and I didn't correct him and pretended not to hear him. He would smile with satisfaction, and that smile was like the warmest sunshine in spring.
Happy times always pass quickly, as if an hour had passed in the blink of an eye. For the remaining two hours, we decided to watch a movie, Zhang Yimou's Coming Home, in which the hero and heroine experienced a long separation, a brief reunion, and finally met but did not recognize each other.
It's not a very sad story, but my tears kept flowing.
Maybe it's just because the story is so similar to ours. After today, Hua Ziyin and I can only live in a corner of this city. We know that we live in this city. Maybe sometimes we are only one street away from each other, but we will never meet again.
I let my tears flow, attributing the reason for my tears to the fact that the movie was so touching.
I sobbed and said, "The heroine is so pitiful."
Only in this way can I, under the guise of a movie, unscrupulously commemorate the love that is about to pass away before I have the chance to fully enjoy it.
Hua Ziyin nervously handed me the handkerchief and gently advised me: "Don't be sad, Xihe, people who don't remember are always happier than those who remember everything."
Yes, people who don’t remember are always happier.
Just like you and me. I tried my best to make you think that I didn't love you, to make you think that it was just you who loved me and I didn't love you. When you have gray hair and a large family, you may inadvertently remember that you once loved a girl who didn't love you, but you won't suffer for the rest of your life because we love each other but can't be together.
I'm sorry, please forgive my selfishness because this is the only way I can protect you.
"Yes, people who don't remember are always happier." I wiped my tears hard and smiled with the corners of my mouth raised.
Hua Ziyin, you must be happy!
The lights suddenly came on at this moment, the song ended, the people dispersed, and the time that belonged to us also came to an end.
I stood up, walked out first, and said goodbye , but I was reluctant to return his handkerchief. Perhaps this was the only souvenir I could keep of him.
"Xihe, can you leave your movie ticket to me as a souvenir?" His voice was so low that it seemed to be sinking into the dust .
Liking someone is probably so humble!
"Okay. As a condition, I hope I never ." I nodded, stuffed the movie ticket into his hand, and quickly turned and left.
The moment I turned around, tears burst out like a dam breaking.
I tried to smile and said to myself, Song Xihe, well done.
I stumbled through the crowd, and Hua Ziyin caught up with me from behind, calling me worriedly, "Xihe, are you crying?"
"Yes, I was crying." I raised my head and grinned at him, "I'm crying because I'm happy. I finally avenged He Xue, didn't I? Finally, you have a taste of the feeling of falling in love with someone who doesn't love you back."
I spoke ruthlessly and decisively, with the ruthlessness of cutting the Gordian knot, just hoping that he would give up on me.
If he and I must experience pain separately, I hope that he will only endure a short-lived pain, and I will be the only one to bear the long-lasting pain that corrodes my bones.
"Xihe, this is what I owe you, and I also owe Hexue." He chuckled as he spoke, "I don't feel any pain from this kind of punishment, I accept it with pleasure."
I was speechless, tears were about to fall uncontrollably. I looked up, pretending to look at the starry sky to stop the tears from flowing. At this moment, fireworks suddenly bloomed in the inky night sky, and then quietly ended, just like my short-lived love.
Hua Ziyin followed me slowly, and I knew he was afraid that it would be dangerous for me to walk home alone at night. I didn't look back, nor did I say anything to stop him.
I walked forward slowly, trying to make this last moment longer and longer. However, I knew that even the longest road would eventually come to an end.
And I just want to greedily retain more memories of him.
I turned around and pretended to chat with him casually: "The first sentence is 'Psycho', the second sentence is 'You can go and wait, but I will never go' in reply to the love letter, so what are the third and fourth sentences?"
He was stunned: "What?"
"You asked me before, the four sentences I told you before."
"Oh, that." He turned his head away from my gaze for a long time, then smiled as if nothing had happened and said, "Are you serious? I was just joking."
"So, in that love letter, you said you would wait for me at the foot of Qingzhi Mountain and tell me something important. What was that important thing?"
"What's so important about that?" He lowered his head, hiding his eyes in the shadow of his hair. "I just wanted to trick you into going."
"Really?" I stopped asking and turned to another question, "You tore off the missing page in Hexue's half of the diary, right?"
I stopped and looked at him intently. His black and white eyes were filled with undisguised panic.
"He Xue actually knew that you liked me, so she lied to me and said that the person she liked was Xu Yun. And you didn't want me to have any opinion of He Xue because of this, so that day you closed the bedroom door and tore up all the records that He Xue knew you liked me, right?"
My heart ached slightly. It turned out that he had considered every step and every detail for me, even how to not affect my friendship with He Xue.
He looked at me, the panic in his eyes receded little by little, and soon he regained his composure, smiling with the corners of his eyes curved. There was a sense of relief in that smile that I couldn't understand: "Did you find out?"
The night was as cool as water and I couldn't help but shiver.
The road finally came to an end, and under the streetlight a few meters away was the entrance to the residential area where I lived. No matter how much I didn't want to leave, this moment finally came.
None of us spoke, but we stopped at the same time in tacit understanding. The wind was weeping, and we stood in the cool breeze, looking at each other in silence.
After a long while, I looked up at him: "Xiao Yuan she..."
Before I finished speaking, he nodded heavily and said, "I know."
"You know, Xiaoyuan is like Crane Snow to me, so..." I lowered my head, not daring to look into his eyes. I knew that my request was excessive and selfish.
But he answered without hesitation: "I know, don't worry, I know what to do."
"No." Even though Xiaoyuan is like a crane snow, I don't want him to sacrifice his own happiness. "I'm not asking you to accept her immediately. I just... I just hope you don't reject Xiaoyuan outright because of me. I just hope you can give her a chance to love you."
"Okay." He looked at me, raised his lips, and gently forced a desolate smile. The smile slowly spread across his pale face, making him look like a fragile bubble.
"Well then—" I looked at him deeply, "Goodbye."
I turned and left, not daring to hesitate, fearing that I would change my mind desperately .
When I took the first step forward, he suddenly grabbed my hand from behind and held me in his arms. The next second, his kiss landed lightly on my forehead...
