If my world is gray, Ling Haochen is the only color in this gray. I only need to look at this color to live bravely. But at this moment, this strong color suddenly faded, making people lose their direction and unable to distinguish the future from the past.

Since Ye Zi and I separated at the bar last time, she has never come to see me again. The last time she came to see me was to tell me that she was going to resign.
I was washing clothes in the bathroom, and there was detergent on my hands. When Ye Zi came to tell me the news, I quickly washed my hands, wiped them on my body, and asked in confusion, "Why are you quitting your job?"
Ye Zi was somewhat helpless and said, "I plan to go north to pursue my dream of dancing."
"My dream since childhood is to be an excellent dancer. It would be so beautiful to wear a beautiful dress and dance under the spotlight."
Luo Qiqi's words suddenly echoed in my ears. I asked Ye Zi: "Do you have to go north to pursue your dream of dancing? Do you have to quit your job ?"
"Yeah!" Ye Zi nodded and said, "My father has helped me contact the dance academy in City B. I want to take the exam. Besides..." Ye Zi took a breath and forced a smile, "Besides, only by leaving this sad place can I start over."
I understood Ye Zi's feelings, so I didn't ask any further questions and instead asked about the time she left.
"The flight is at 6pm next Wednesday." Ye Zi said easily.
"Really?" I asked.
Ye Zi burst out laughing and said, "I'm not Luo Qiqi, why would I lie to you?"
I smiled bitterly and said, "I'll see you off at the airport then."
"Okay." Ye Zi walked around my dormitory boredly and said, "I just came to tell you... I don't mean anything else."
"I understand." I replied calmly.
"Then I'll go back first."
I nodded: "Yeah."
Seeing that I didn't say much, Ye Zi left.
I have experienced too much about separation. Any separation of life and death has left a deep wound in my heart, so much so that one day I finally began to become numb.
All good things must come to an end, and each of us must learn to let go and lose.
Everyone can say the words and everyone understands the truth, but how many people can actually do it?
It was snowing a bit on the day Ye Zi left . She wore a light grey hat and smiled at me so hard that I didn't notice the sadness behind her smile.
"You'll meet new friends over there," I said. "I don't mind whether you remember me or not, but I sincerely hope you'll be happy. Ye Zi, you're a lot like Qi Qi, so I didn't want to open up to you at first, but now, we can no longer say 'no' to each other."
"I understand." Ye Zi reached out and hugged me, looking behind me.
I said, "He didn't come."
Ye Zi smiled slightly and said, "I'm not waiting for him."
After Ye Zi finished speaking, she carried her suitcase and walked into the terminal. She walked very fast, without stopping or looking back, and left in a chic and decisive manner.
I stood there for a long time, until a plane flying to City B flew over my head, and then I slowly came to my senses.
The leaves are gone too.
I laughed, entwining my fingers with the tassels on the bag. They were all gone, and only Mu Shaobai and Ling Haochen were left in my life. One I didn't want to hurt, and the other I didn't want to let down.
But, it would be nice if we could just leave.
The next day at noon, I was eating in the company cafeteria when I suddenly heard the voice of the host on TV, mentioning a flight from City A to City B.
I immediately stood up and ran to the TV, where I saw a few words written in large letters: "At 18:49 yesterday , CI9171 crashed due to weather conditions. No one survived."
CI9171? My body felt cold from the inside out, and I quickly took out my cell phone to check which flight it was at six o'clock last night.
My hands were shaking and tears were falling on the phone screen. The line of words that popped up on the screen made me feel suffocated.
CI79171...is the plane that Ye Zi was on!
"Ye Zi..." I opened my mouth wide, my throat felt like it was being strangled by someone's hand. I breathed rapidly, yet felt extremely depressed.
I stepped back repeatedly and fell to the ground. My colleagues next to me screamed in fright.
"Miss, are you okay?" a concerned voice came.
I shook my head in confusion and got up from the ground. The people around me overlapped in front of my eyes like phantoms. I couldn't find my way and stumbled through the crowd.
"Ye Zi...Ye Zi..." I kept repeating Ye Zi's name, and tears fell uncontrollably.
Suddenly, a man opened his arms to me. I rushed over and grabbed him as if I had found a life-saving straw. He hugged me tightly in his arms and said softly, "Don't think about it, don't think about it..."
I greedily inhaled the breath in his arms, then slowly raised my head. Through my blurred vision, I saw his angular face.
Ling Haochen...
I called him softly, buried my head in his arms, and lost consciousness.
It was like I had a very long dream. In the dream, I saw Luo Qiqi and Ye Zi. I introduced them to each other, and their smiles were so innocent.
Suddenly, a beam of light rose between me and them, it was extremely dazzling, and by the time I reacted, I could no longer see them.
"Qiqi...Ye Zi!" I exclaimed, stretched out my hand, and grabbed nothing on the ground.
I felt pain all over my body and slowly woke up. Because of the nightmare, I fell off the bed to the ground.
I heard hurried footsteps outside the door. I looked up and saw Ling Haochen running in. He asked with concern, "What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare? Don't be afraid." After that, he hugged me and patted my back gently.
I leaned on Ling Haochen's shoulder, silent, the fear just now still lingering in my heart.
After a while, he coaxed me and asked, "Nian, are you hungry?"
I sat up and looked at him in confusion.
Ling Haochen looked very proud and said, "I made a loving dinner. It was very delicious."
As I listened, tears welled up in my eyes.
I pouted like a child who lost his favorite toy and wanted to cry reluctantly.
"No, no, let's just not eat it." Ling Haochen hurried to coax me.
But it’s hard to coax her.
Ye Zi has passed away, and her body is gone. She was only 25 years old, and she still wanted to pursue her dreams in her prime years.
Why? Why is it always like this? Is it true that the dreams and lives of those who get close to me will be taken away by God?
"Nian..." Ling Haochen called me softly.
"Leave me alone!" I yelled at Ling Haochen unhappily.
Yes, leave me alone. Bad things will happen if you get close to me. Yang Yanxiao is right. I am a jinx, a disgusting jinx!
I broke away from Ling Haochen. No matter how he called me from behind, I remained indifferent and ran extremely fast.
Leave me alone and don't come near me anymore.
Ye Zi’s death made me cut off all contact and stay in a dark room for a whole week.
The day I left, I could barely open my eyes. Ji Dahai said I looked like someone who had been locked up in a small dark room for seven days. I was listless, skinny, and withered.
During the seven days I stayed at home, I figured out a lot of things.
It happened that the day I went out was Ye Zi's funeral. Ye Zi's father went out two days late because he had not yet handed over his work, but before he went out, he heard the bad news about his wife and daughter.
I arrived at Ye Zi's funeral, Ling Haochen and Mu Shaobai were also there.
It was drizzling that day, and I was holding a black umbrella, like a lonely grass lost in the world.
After paying homage to Ye Zi, I left that place, possibly forever.
Ling Haochen and Mu Shaobai followed me without saying a word until we parted at a fork in the road.
In the third year of CE, Mu Shaobai reported a piece of good news to me. He said that he had signed a contract with a state-owned enterprise that was enough to buy a small villa.
"Congratulations." I said to Mu Shaobai on the other end of the phone with a smile.
Mu Shaobai also smiled, without saying much, and then asked me: "Achen has a game on Saturday, let's go and cheer for him."
I was silent for a few seconds and said, "Send me the address and specific time."
One minute after I hung up the phone, I received a text message from Mu Shaobai.
On Saturday, I dressed simply and decently, first made an appointment with Mu Shaobai, and then went to the place where Ling Haochen was competing.
Ling Haochen’s motorcycle is still the fiery red one.
I was sitting in the audience, looking at the girls in front of me cheering for the game, and I seemed to see Luo Qiqi.
I couldn't help but laugh, pointed it out to Mu Shaobai, and said, "Look, when I first came to watch Ling Haochen's game, Luo Qiqi and Yang Yanxiao were standing in that position. They were the loudest among the cheers at that time."
Mu Shaobai smiled and said, "We were also sitting in this position at that time."
I sighed and said, "Time flies. You were still a student then, but now you have graduated and are working."
Mu Shaobai smiled and said, "Weren't you still a yellow-haired girl at that time? Now you have grown into such a pretty girl. Others say that time is a butcher's knife, but I think it is a beauty knife for you."
Mu Shaobai made me laugh and stopped talking.
The sun is shining today and I’m in a good mood too.
Suddenly, a hand covered the back of my hand and gently held it.
I panicked and quickly pulled my hand back.
Mu Shaobai's eyes dimmed, and he silently withdrew his hand. Then he kept his head down, and I couldn't see his eyes or his expression.
Ling Haochen sat on the champion's throne as always.
When he came to us after receiving the award, he handed me the flowers in his hand and said, "These are from my fans. Here they are."
I didn't answer, but turned my head and asked, "Do you still have fans?"
"Isn't that right?" Ling Haochen sat down next to me and said, "I have 4 million followers on Weibo."
"Zombie fans, right?" I said.
"That's better than having only 250 fans." Ling Haochen angrily threw the flowers into my arms.
"Are we going to hold a celebration banquet?" Ling Haochen asked.
"Yes." Mu Shaobai and I said in unison.
Such tacit understanding made me a little embarrassed, but Ling Haochen didn't notice it. He patted his chest and said, "Let's go to the square."
For that meal, Mu Shaobai and I charged Ling Haochen several hundred dollars. When Ling Haochen paid the bill, he pointed at Mu Shaobai and scolded us for a full half hour.
Not long after, the company held a Christmas party.
On the day of the party, our department was dragged by our boss who had a princess mentality to perform a so-called romantic love story.
It is a story about a knight saving a princess.
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who met a vicious old witch when she was out playing. The old witch was jealous of her beauty and gave her a poisonous red apple. As a result, the princess fainted after eating the apple. A knight passing by saw the princess and could not help but kiss her, and the princess was saved by the knight.
This Snow White rip-off is so good I'm sure Andersen would kill her if he woke up.
The lovely boss pointed at me and said, "Ji Qingnian, you play the princess. There are few girls in our department, and you are the prettiest."
"Oh." I responded lightly from the side.
If Ling Haochen and Mu Shaobai weren't going to participate, I wouldn't bother to attend the rehearsal of such a childish drama.
However, what I didn't expect was that the role of the knight was played by Mu Shaobai. The lovely boss said that among all the boys in the company, only Mu Shaobai was suitable for the role of the knight.
She also told me to be content, saying what an honor it was to be kissed by Mu Shaobai.
During the first rehearsal, I kept getting into trouble. Mu Shaobai would patiently explain the sense of drama to me. I secretly asked Mu Shaobai, "How can you have so much fun playing such a childish game?"
Mu Shaobai lowered his voice and said, "In order not to disappoint others' kindness."
I continued to complain: "I could write this kind of story when I was 5 years old."
Mu Shaobai also echoed: "I have been playing the role of knight since the first grade of elementary school..."
"What are you two talking about so happily? It's the last scene. Ji Qingnian, lie down on the bed. Master Mu, prepare your lines to save the princess."
Mu Shaobai and I are ready.
I was lying on a bed covered with roses, and I heard Mu Shaobai's affectionate and corny love words in my ears. Then, I felt Mu Shaobai pressing down on me.
You don't want a real kiss?
I opened my eyes in fright and put one hand on Mu Shaobai's chest.
"Ji Qingnian, what are you doing?" the director spoke.
Mu Shaobai said softly: "Trust me."
I frowned, thought for a while, and finally decided to go for it.
Mu Shaobai put his knight-gloved palm against my cheek, then pressed his thumb against my lips. He slowly leaned down, and my soft lips pressed against his fingers.
I could feel the hot breath on my lips, and Mu Shaobai didn't leave for a long time.
"Ji Qingnian, it's time for you to wake up." The boss reminded from the side.
I slowly opened my eyes, and Mu Shaobai's face enlarged in front of me. He closed his eyes and slowly moved his lips away from his fingers.
At the Christmas party, I fell asleep on a bed covered with roses.
Mu Shaobai finished his vows and held my face in his hands. However, this time, he did not press his thumb against my lips. My heart was pounding. Mu Shaobai was about to kiss me, what should I do?
I started to feel panicked and restless.
Suddenly, a loud shout came from the audience: "Wait a minute."
I opened my eyes in surprise, and Mu Shaobai's face was right in front of me.
It was Ling Haochen who called a halt. He rushed onto the stage, apologized to Mu Shaobai, then helped me up and scolded me, "Why aren't you leaving yet? Are you stupid?" After that, he grabbed my wrist and took me away from the party.
There was an uproar behind me. I couldn’t see the expressions of the audience, let alone the expression of Mu Shaobai who was standing alone on the stage.
I could only see Ling Haochen's back.
Ling Haochen pulled me and ran a long way in one breath. People coming and going on the street all looked at him.
"Ling Haochen!" I shook off Ling Haochen's hand, a little embarrassed, "What are you doing?"
Ling Haochen panted and said, "I don't want Mu Shaobai to kiss you."
I felt a little uncomfortable, avoiding the gazes of the people around me, and whispered, "But you are embarrassing me and Mu Shaobai."
"Then I don't care. I haven't even kissed you. Why should Mu Shaobai kiss you?" Ling Haochen was like a rogue at this moment.
I stared at him fiercely, with my hands on my hips: "How dare you say you didn't?"
Ling Haochen looked up at the sky and said, "That time doesn't count."
"It's incomprehensible." I spat at him and turned back.
Ling Haochen grabbed me and asked, "Do you still want to go back?"
"What if I don't go back? There are so many people waiting there."
"No!" Ling Haochen stood in front of me, opened his arms to stop me, and said confidently, "I won't let you go back!"
"Why?" I was puzzled.
"No reason." Ling Haochen said.
How childish! A surge of anger surged up from my chest. I frowned and said, "Ling Haochen, you are not a child anymore. Can you stop being so childish? You are already 26 years old! 26 years old!"
After saying that, I took another step to the side, but Ling Haochen stopped me decisively with a firm look in his eyes.
"Get out of the way." I said coldly.
"If you want to get through, just step over me."
I stood still, staring at him intently.
Ling Haochen slowly lowered his open hand, turned his head and said, "I don't want to miss you again."
"What did you say..." My heart trembled slightly.
Ling Haochen turned his head, looked at me deeply, and said seriously: "I said, I like you, very much. I also wanted to forget you, but I can't do it. It's too difficult, harder than getting into a university, harder than forgiving the damn school director, and harder than forgiving A'long who killed Yang Yanxiao. I have no choice. I flipped through many books and searched many web pages. I want to know how to forget someone, but I found that these are in vain, because..." He took my hand and placed it on his chest, "You have taken root here."
I pulled my hand back and turned around, not wanting Ling Haochen to see my tears.
Ling Haochen smiled and said, "Nian, in the past few years, ask yourself, have you forgotten me? Can you forget me?"
"What's there to forget..." I clenched my fists tightly and said while holding back my tears.
I turned around angrily, glared at Ling Haochen fiercely, and cried, "Why can't I forget you? What's the good of me remembering you... You are always like this, and you leave so decisively every time. Do you know how much your back hurts me every time? You even persuaded me to accept someone else. Ling Haochen, you have already filled my heart. How can I accept someone else?"
Perhaps it was because I lost control of my emotions, I vented all the grievances and thoughts I had felt over the past few years. After speaking them out, I felt extremely happy, but also extremely painful.
Ling Haochen shook his head hurriedly.
"That's not the case, no..."
Ling Haochen domineeringly put his arm around my shoulders, held the back of my head with one hand, and kissed me like raindrops. His tears flowed down his cheeks into my mouth, salty.
I pushed Ling Haochen away angrily and slapped him.
Ling Haochen frowned, and held me in his arms again, kissing me madly. He seemed to have melted all his years of resentment and yearning into the fierce kiss. I was powerless to break free, and was tightly held in his arms.
Gradually, I became a little greedy for the tenderness of his lips, but reason told me that I couldn't do that.
I opened my eyes and found passers-by looking at us in surprise.
I used all my strength to push Ling Haochen away, then turned around and ran across the road.
"Read!" Ling Haochen called me from behind.
I was just about to turn around and tell him to go home quickly, but when I turned around, I heard a crash that echoed through the sky.
My whole heart felt like it was hollowed out. I slowly turned around and saw Ling Haochen's body flying high into the air, then falling onto another car. In an instant, he was bounced out again, rolled to the ground, and was hit several meters away by a van that didn't have time to brake.
I looked at the chaotic road, forgot to walk, forgot to breathe, and forgot what to do.
How is it possible? His warmth is still on my lips.
I looked at the blue car and suddenly felt depressed.
There was bright red blood on the roof of the car, and there were also some bloody marks on the ground.
There was a group of people gathered in front, pointing and talking about something.
I put my clothes in order, patted my cheeks, smiled and said, "Ling Haochen, I'll come over to your place right now. When I get over there, you have to get up from the ground and tell me that you played a joke on me."
I took a long breath and then opened my eyes wide.
But even if I open my eyes wide, tears still fall. I can’t see the road clearly, I can’t see the pedestrians in front of me clearly, I can’t see anything clearly…
Ling Haochen, where are you?
I knelt on the ground, and the phone fell to the ground because I couldn't hold it. I rolled over and squeezed into the crowd, and saw him lying in a pool of blood, his face unrecognizable.
"Tick-tick-tick--" the clock on the wall was ticking step by step, and someone behind me put a piece of clothing on me.
"Ling Haochen!" I woke up suddenly and found Ling Haochen still lying on the bed. Although the electrocardiogram on the instrument next to him was weak, fortunately it was still beating. I breathed a sigh of relief and fell exhausted on the bed.
Mu Shaobai walked to the other side of the bed and asked, "Still no movement today?"
"Yeah." I nodded, reached out and stroked Ling Haochen's brow, and asked, "Why is it that after three months, his brows are still so furrowed? I can't smooth them out even if I stroke them."
Mu Shaobai pinched Ling Haochen's arms and thighs and said, "Maybe the muscles are stiff."
I asked worriedly, "Will Haochen be unable to move after waking up due to muscle stiffness?"
"So now we have to give him a massage every day." Mu Shaobai said.
I nodded and helped Mu Shaobai to massage Ling Haochen's body.
I pinched her and said, "Haochen, my grandma said that the alien superman will come back again. Don't worry, I can wait."
At noon, Uncle Hua and Ji Dahai also came. Ji Dahai brought chicken soup and served me a bowl.
I scooped a spoonful with a spoon and handed it to Ling Haochen's lips: "Haochen, drink the soup."
Ji Dahai said hurriedly: "Haochen can't eat, this chicken soup is for you."
I drank the chicken soup into my mouth, then leaned over and kissed Ling Haochen, transferring the chicken soup between his lips and teeth.
"Qing Nian!" Mu Shaobai came over and took my hand.
I raised my head, looking aggrieved: "Shaobai, why doesn't Haochen eat?"
A trace of fear flashed in Mu Shaobai's eyes. He held my arm tightly and asked, "Qing Nian, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, what's wrong with you?" I looked at the three people with worried faces and found it a little funny.
Uncle Hua came over and advised, "Qing Nian, go back and have a rest. You haven't had a good rest for more than a month."
"No." I shook my head like a rattle. "I have to wait for Haochen to wake up. I'm afraid he won't be able to see me when he wakes up, and he'll be scared."
Mu Shaobai walked over to me, lifted my bangs, and said with a smile: "But Qingnian, you are very haggard now because you didn't get enough rest, so you must go home and rest. Otherwise, when Haochen wakes up and sees you so haggard, he will be distressed, right?"
That’s right, what Mu Shaobai said makes sense.
I nodded.
Mu Shaobai offered to take me home, and I agreed.
When I got home, I sat on the sofa by myself and said, "Mu Shaobai, can you please not leave? I'm scared to be alone."
Mu Shaobai sat down opposite me and looked at me worriedly: "I won't leave, Nian, are you okay? I think something is wrong with you."
"I'm fine." I said, tears streaming down my face, "I just miss Ling Haochen."
Mu Shaobai lowered his head and remained silent, not knowing how to comfort me.
I suddenly asked: "Mu Shaobai, do you think there is a parallel world?"
Mu Shaobai looked at me blankly and said, "If you wish for it, it will be there."
"That would be great if it were true." I smiled. "In that case, in our parallel world, there is another me, another Ling Haochen, and another you, Luo Qiqi, and Ye Zi. In the parallel world, they live very happily, there is no pain, no death."
"read……"
I laughed quietly, "I know it's impossible, I'm just fantasizing."
Mu Shaobai stood up and helped me up: "Let's go back to the room and rest for a while."
I mechanically followed Mu Shaobai back to the room. Mu Shaobai covered me with a blanket, patted my head and said, "Be good and listen. Go to sleep."
I couldn't sleep, so I said, "Mu Shaobai, no matter what day it is, as long as I wait for Ling Haochen, I plan to marry him."
Mu Shaobai's hand stopped on my head. Finally, he smiled slowly and said, "I will attend your wedding that day and bless you."
Only after receiving such words of affirmation did I fall asleep peacefully.
I couldn't see the tears in Mu Shaobai's heart, maybe I was afraid to see.
That was the best sleep I had ever had since Ling Haochen's accident. I had a very long dream, as long as a century. In the dream, I was wearing a white wedding dress, and Ji Dahai was holding my hand, and I put my hand in Ling Haochen's.
In the fourth month after Ling Haochen became a vegetable, Mu Shaobai came to say goodbye to me. He said he was going to Japan for further studies and he didn't know if he would come back in the future.
I was just about to ask whether I should send Mu Shaobai to the airport, but when I thought about Ye Zi’s matter, I didn’t say it.
I said, "Bon voyage."
Mu Shaobai nodded and said to me: "Call me when Haochen wakes up."
"Okay." I nodded in response.
Mu Shaobai went directly to the airport. He left a message in our mailbox: I choose to give up, Qingnian, you must be happy.
I didn't see that postcard until later.
one year later.
I have been in the hospital for a year, and Ling Haochen has been in a coma for a year, with no movement at all.
I leaned close to Ling Haochen's ear and told him a story: "Ling Haochen, do you want to know how I spent those years after you went out to work? Do you know why I didn't answer your calls? If only time could go back I could answer your calls and talk to you a few more words. Maybe then we could open our hearts, resolve misunderstandings, and be together again, right?"
I thought Ling Haochen was listening carefully and continued, "You don't know how much I miss you, but I can't say anything. It's very uncomfortable to keep it in my heart. You are right, we have missed too much time, so you have to promise me to get better soon, okay?"
I pounded Ling Haochen's thigh and said, "You, Uncle Hua is old now, and you only have me, do you know that? You have to wake up soon, otherwise I will be snatched away by others. I don't want to go with others, because I like you, and you are the only one in my heart. Apart from you, I don't want to be with anyone else. Haochen, I..."
I stopped and stared at Ling Haochen's face in a daze.
What is that? Are there tears in the corners of his eyes?
I quickly leaned over and saw real tears! Ling Haochen was crying!
"Doctor!" I shouted hastily, "He..."
My voice suddenly stopped, and I clearly saw the electrocardiogram spun violently for a few times, and then became a straight line...
The doctor heard the shouting and rushed over. Seeing the situation, he immediately started rescue.
Two minutes later, the electrocardiogram still showed no response.
The doctor took off his mask, walked up to me, and said regretfully, "My condolences."
My condolences? I couldn't help laughing and said, "How funny."
The doctor sighed and walked out: "I persisted for a year, alas."
I closed the door and walked to Ling Haochen's bedside. Looking at the tears in the corners of his eyes, I went forward and kissed him.
The smile on my face froze. Was my body cold?
I quickly covered Ling Haochen with the quilt and then lay on top of him. A strong sense of fear rose from my heart, and the coolness of Ling Haochen's body penetrated the quilt and reached my bones.
I stood up and didn't cry.
Ling Haochen, do you know? You were a strong color in my gray world. Now, this color is gone. The city that I have been carefully protecting in my heart collapsed the moment you shed tears, and has been dim ever since.