My mother rushed home in a hurry 20 minutes later. After entering the house, she quickly found me, picked up the medical examination form I had placed on the ground and looked at it. She was in a daze for a long time.
After a long while, my mother squatted down, hugged me in her arms, patted my back gently, and comforted me: "Le Le, how can you say there is a problem with your heart? The physical examination only tested the blood , which doesn't count. Let me tell you, your father has a friend in the United States who is a senior cardiologist. After your father contacts his friend, let's go to the United States as a family, okay? By the way, let's confirm whether there is any problem with your heart. You know, domestic hospitals like to exaggerate small things, for fear that they can't trick you into going to them for various examinations..."
My mother patiently coaxed me into not letting my mind wander.
I nodded silently.
Although my mother said so, heart problems can be serious or minor...
I remember an uncle's daughter who had frequent fever and cough when she was just born. I thought it was pneumonia. Later, after a checkup, I found that it was a heart problem that caused her weak immunity. When she was two years old, the hospital performed heart valve surgery on her. The doctor said at the time that the earlier the surgery was performed, the easier it would be to recover.
I am now 18 years old. If I really have a heart problem, wouldn't my chances of survival be very low? In those Korean dramas and romance novels, people with heart disease would not live more than a few years if they couldn't find a suitable heart to replace it.
What should I do? What should Lin Xiaolun do? I still want to go to college happily with Lin Xiaolun, and I want to tell him openly that I like him!
I was in a panic and felt anxious.
No, it's impossible. I can't get this disease for no reason. I don't have any symptoms, and I don't often catch colds or fevers, so I'm fine . I must be fine.
I forced myself not to let my imagination run wild and told myself that the plots in TV dramas and novels were all fake and made up.
But life is like a play, how can I be sure that accidents will not happen to me?
On that day, Dad contacted his friends in the United States, Mom arranged all the company's affairs, and booked three tickets to the United States for the next day.
Early in the morning, I stood at the door and looked at the closed door of Lin Xiaolun's house, standing there stupidly for an hour.
"Le Le, do you need to buy anything? Mom will buy it for you." Mom was preparing things needed for the journey.
"I'll go by myself and take a walk."
Mom asked, “Can you do this alone?”
I smiled and said, "It's just buying some things, what's wrong with that?"
I was wandering around the supermarket absent-mindedly, choosing things and putting them in the shopping cart. After hesitating for a moment, I put them back on the shelf. As a result, the shopping cart was always empty, just like my current mood.
"boom!"
A shopping cart suddenly rushed over, knocked my shopping cart away, and then hit the shelf, knocking several packages of sanitary napkins off the shelf.
A man ran over, picked up the sanitary napkins on the ground and stuffed them back into the shelf, then looked up and asked me: "Qin Le, what are you daydreaming about?"
I came to my senses and saw Lin Xiaolun's face. I was about to smile, but I stopped myself in an instant.
I said with a dark face: "Lin Xiaolun, you seem to have a special liking for sanitary napkins?"
Lin Xiaolun blushed and immediately changed the subject: "No, what are you buying here?"
"I don't know, just browsing." I pushed the shopping cart and continued walking.
Lin Xiaolun followed me, picking things up intermittently, a few steps behind me, but soon caught up with me: "Qin Le, have you received the admission letter from Tianjin University?"
I replied casually: "I got it, but I don't want to go."
Lin Xiaolun rushed up from behind, and the shopping cart made a clanging sound: "Hey, what do you mean you don't want to go?"
I looked at Lin Xiaolun and answered, "I checked my grades and they just passed the admission line. With my grades, I can only be considered a poor student in Tianjin University. Why should I go there and endure the pressure instead of finding a university that suits me and spend four years in ease?"
I was about to leave after I finished speaking, but Lin Xiaolun grabbed my shopping cart and looked at me like a stranger.
"What are you doing? I have things to do. If you are not busy, I am busy." I snapped his fingers impatiently.
"Explain it to me clearly. Don't even think about leaving if you don't." Lin Xiaolun pushed the shopping cart away, blocking my way, with a cold light in his eyes.
I put my hands behind my back, rolled my eyes, and said lazily, "Isn't it clear to me? Lin Xiaolun, you are an excellent student, I can't compare to you."
"I don't care!" Lin Xiaolun stopped me in a tough manner, "I only remember you said..."
Lin Xiaolun stammered, looking quite unhappy.
"What did you say? " I looked up at Lin Xiaolun with an indifferent expression.
Lin Xiaolun took a step back, his eyes red, and looked at me in disbelief.
Come on, Lin Xiaolun, if you tell me what happened in the past, I won’t be able to pretend anymore.
Lin Xiaolun hesitated for a while, but just said softly: "I will wait for you there."
"Are you sick?" I thought it was funny.
Lin Xiaolun said coldly: "Do you have medicine?"
My face darkened, and I angrily snatched the shopping cart that he pushed away, leaving a sentence: "Inexplicable!"
After walking a few steps, I turned around and asked unwillingly, "What do you think of me? Don't you think that as a childhood sweetheart and a good friend for so many years, you should respect my choice and bless me? What do you mean by this?"
"Just childhood sweethearts, just good friends?" Lin Xiaolun looked extremely serious, with a hint of sadness in his eyes.
I raised my lips and smiled, teasing, "Lin Xiaolun, you are not secretly in love with me, are you?"
Lin Xiaolun slowly placed one hand on the shopping cart, took a bottle of drink from the shelf with the other hand, and said, "I don't really like to eat grass in my own backyard. I just feel sorry that I will lose you as a friend after going to college."
Hearing this, my heart felt like it was being weighed down by a huge rock, and I couldn't help but tighten my grip on the shopping cart.
"Just one last confirmation, are you really not going to Tianjin University?" Lin Xiaolun asked.
"No." I answered without any thought.
"Okay, see you later." Lin Xiaolun looked at me deeply, turned around and walked away with the shopping cart. I left the shopping cart, which was not yet filled, and followed him silently.
From paying to leaving the supermarket, until his back was swallowed up by the dim light, Lin Xiaolun did not look back once.
That's fine, that way he won't be able to see me crying so miserably behind him.
Lin Xiaolun, if I didn't come back, if you didn't see me at Tianjin University, don't miss me. Find a kind and gentle woman to marry and live your life happily.
You just need to remember that Qin Le is naughty and Qin Le is just an optional friend in your life. It is enough to just remember these.
Our story ends before it even begins.
When I got home, my parents were discussing leaving some valuables at Aunt Tang's house. After packing up everything, my father carried the things and walked towards Lin Xiaolun's house.
"Dad." I walked over and whispered, "Tell Aunt Tang that we are going to the United States for a trip and will not be back until school starts. If...if Lin Xiaolun asks about me, just tell him that I may study in the United States in the future, or I may study in my second choice school. Don't tell him that I'm sick."
My father, who had a few strands of white hair on his temples, hugged my shoulders, gently rubbed my hair, and said, "I understand that you care about me, don't worry."
I nodded, turned around and continued to help my mother pack.
My mother stopped me and said, "Go pack your things!"
I thought of something, walked into the bedroom, turned on the light, and took out a large stack of letters from the drawer, all of which were letters I had written to Lin Xiaolun in the past.
At that time, I was very dissatisfied with other girls who kept writing letters to Lin Xiaolun, especially Lin Xiaolun who always showed off to me. His smug look made me want to teach him a lesson.
But when , I would blush slightly and my heart would beat wildly when I thought of Lin Xiaolun.
At that time, I couldn't help but imitate other girls and write down what I wanted to say to Lin Xiaolun.
I didn't write any cheesy words. All I wrote was to blame Lin Xiaolun and warn him that he could only be nice to me in the future.
Although these letters never left my drawer.
I looked at the lighter in my hand.
Do you want to burn it?
If it is burned, it will turn into ashes and can never be found again.
After hesitating for a while, I gave up and put the letter in a small box and stuffed it under the bed.
Things can be burned to ashes, but the memories hidden deep in the heart cannot be broken even by a heavy hammer.
In the end, I only took the white shirt that Lin Xiaolun tied for me when I was 14 years old.
Mom and Dad put a pile of luggage into the trunk of the taxi. I sat in the back seat and leaned against the window to watch Aunt Tang, Uncle Lin and my parents say goodbye.
I stuck half of my head out of the window and glanced around, but didn't see Lin Xiaolun.
It seems that what I said before made him angry. It's okay if he is angry, just keep mad at me and keep hating me.
I curled my lips and thought to myself: Qin Le, you have been a man of your word since childhood. Once you make a decision, no one can pull you back. You must not give up all your efforts because of a momentary sadness.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and fastened my seat belt.
Mom and Dad got in the car. Aunt Tang walked to the car window and said with a smile, "Lele, have fun in America."
"Well! Aunt Tang, you and Uncle Lin should take care of your health at home." I answered obediently as always.
The driver stepped on the accelerator, I rolled up the window, the taxi started slowly, and finally drove away.
My heart feels empty, as if something is missing.
I lowered my head and asked, "Mom, did Aunt Tang tell me why Lin Xiaolun didn't come out?"
"Hmm...it seems like he went out to play with his friends. Oh, by the way, Xiaolun didn't know we were leaving today."
I turned my head and looked at my figure vaguely reflected in the car window, and the sadness in my heart instantly spread.
Yes, Lin Xiaolun, it seems that the one I left behind was you.
I turned around and looked behind the car, hoping to see Lin Xiaolun on the busy street.
This city where I have lived for 18 years was moving forward like a slow motion. I rubbed my tearful eyes and leaned on the back of the chair, waiting stubbornly.
Suddenly, a bicycle appeared from the corner of the street. The boy on the bicycle was wearing a white shirt that I was familiar . He was pedaling hard and chasing towards us.
"Lin Xiaolun?" I hurriedly moved to the driver's side and shouted, "Master, stop..."
I was stunned for a moment, stopped the car, and then what?
Then what can I do?
"What's wrong, Lele?" Dad asked me with concern. I shook my head, sat back in my seat, lowered my head and remained silent.
The taxi passed the intersection just before the yellow light came on. I looked back and saw Lin Xiaolun, who was stopped by the red light, riding on his bicycle with his head lowered. I couldn't see his expression.
I smiled faintly, ignoring the tears welling up in my eyes, and leaned against the window, saying softly, "Goodbye, Lin Xiaolun."
Finally, tears slowly flowed down my cheeks.
My sky slowly faded.
Before boarding the plane, my mother held my hand the whole time.
My seat was next to the window. I glanced out the window and asked, "Mom, can we change seats?"
After hearing this, my mother quickly changed seats with me. Because I usually have a mild fear of heights, when I was sitting on the plane, I suddenly felt anxious and short of breath.
"Is everything alright?" Mom asked worriedly, "Is your heart not feeling well?"
"It's okay, Mom. You know I'm a little afraid of heights." I comforted my somewhat panicked mother.
My father asked the waiter for a glass of water for me. After I drank a few sips of water, I felt a little better.
After the plane took off, I felt exhausted and had a dazed feeling.
My mother kept holding my hand and whispered, "Be good, Lele, go to sleep for a while. I'll call you when it's time."
"Yeah." I responded drowsily and soon fell asleep.
In my dream, I was barefoot catching shrimps in the river. As I was catching shrimps, I turned around and called out to Lin Xiaolun who was sitting on the shore: "Hey, Lin Xiaolun, bring me a bucket."
Lin Xiaolun looked disdainful and slowly took the small wooden barrel over.
I threw all the shrimps and small fish into the wooden barrel, then reached out my muddy hands and wiped Lin Xiaolun's face.
"Ah! Qin Le!" Lin Xiaolun raised his hand, wiped the mud and sand off his face, then chased me and splashed water on me.
The two of us played together until dusk, and almost ran into deep water. My mother picked us up, one in each hand, and carried us to the main road.
I carried the bucket and ran as fast as I could to catch up with Lin Xiaolun who was walking in front of me, but Lin Xiaolun was walking faster and faster.
No, he didn't move at all, but the ground under my feet suddenly stretched a lot. Even though I was running forward with all my strength, the distance between me and Lin Xiaolun was getting farther and farther.
The ground suddenly shook violently, and I could clearly hear screams of fear. I felt as if I had fallen into a deep valley, and suddenly woke up to find myself in the cabin, with my parents holding me tightly under them.
The screams I heard in my dream came from here.
"Mom, what's wrong?" I was a little flustered and grabbed her and Dad's arms tightly.
My mother hugged me and said calmly, "It's okay. The plane encountered turbulence, so it will be bumpy. It's okay. Don't be afraid."
The cries of women and children reached my ears. I was on the verge of life and death twice in three days. My originally resigned mentality was instantly shattered.
I was scared and I was panicking.
If my heart problem was a misdiagnosis, or there was still a chance of saving it, then I would still have a chance to see Lin Xiaolun; but if the plane crashed, then I would really never see Lin Xiaolun again, and I would also implicate my parents.
I closed my eyes .
The plane shook violently again, and the stewardess who was comforting the passengers fell down. I slowly closed my eyes, feeling extremely complicated.
Gradually, I lost consciousness.