Chapter 1 Memories are like a slap in the face 05
Winter came early this year. It wasn’t until the girls on campus walked by wearing thick scarves and gloves that I realized I hadn’t seen Lin Jiaxuan for almost a month.
For a long time, I always went to class and came home alone, and then stayed in the library to read books. It's not that I love studying, I just want to find other things to do to reduce the feeling of being alone.
Besides that, there is the matter about July that has been bothering me. Every time Lin Jiaxuan calls me, he asks why I don't send him fried rice. I either say it's cold and I don't want to do it, or I say I have an exam coming up and I need to study.
Actually, I am a selfish person, especially in relationships. I long for my efforts to be rewarded. If I know that the feelings I have given my whole heart will be consumed meaninglessly by others, I will stop when I am done. I would rather make myself feel uncomfortable than hope that others will get a few more points. This means that what I want is never easy.
After all, there are not so many fair things in this world.
But just when I made up my mind not to see him, he suddenly appeared downstairs of my dormitory.
That day, it was already dark when I came out of the library. When I returned to the dormitory, I saw a man standing under the magnolia tree in front of the dormitory building.
When he saw me, he ran over happily and ruffled my hair with his hand: "You're back! I was freezing to death!"
Then, Lin Jiaxuan handed me the paper bag he was holding in his arms: "Here, Wang Ji's chestnut cake, it's hot. I saw that you haven't come to see me for so long, I guess you've become stupid from studying, so I bought it for you to supplement your brain."
My heart softened. I looked at his thin coat and his red nose from the cold, feeling mixed emotions: "Wouldn't you have called me to come earlier?"
"It's okay. I didn't want to disturb you. You're so stupid. You should read more books." He said indifferently, then blew a breath of hot air on his hands, waved and ran away, "Let's go first. The wind is strong. Go up quickly."
I held the bag of chestnut cakes and stared blankly at him waving and disappearing.
I thought of a lot of things related to Lin Jiaxuan.
In my memory, he always took care of me like a family member. Shen Huai had a small flower shop, and my mother didn't like staying in the shop, so she got a driver's license and started driving a taxi.
At that time, I was introverted and didn't have any friends when I came to Flower City. Lin Jiaxuan's mother liked flowers and often brought Lin Jiaxuan to the flower shop. Lin Jiaxuan saw my school uniform and knew that I went to the same school as him. When the adults were not paying attention, he pulled my hair and pestered me with questions.
Later, he always came to my house to play with me. If I got into trouble at school, he would help me hide it from Shen Huai and my mother and quietly settle it for me. I went from being afraid of him to longing to see him every day. My life became lively and vivid because of Lin Jiaxuan. But Fang Weiyang only touched the tip of the iceberg of Lin Jiaxuan's world.
I can't bear to forget the tender years he gave me. He once made my heart beat fast, regardless of gains and losses; now I start to weigh the pros and cons, and care whether I can win in this relationship.
My mind was in a state of confusion, but I also clearly understood the cause of the illness. Later, after I finished eating the chestnut cake, I lay in bed and thought for a long time. There were too many questions circling in my mind, lingering, and I clenched my palms, with a strong desire to find out the truth.
Three days later, I finally plucked up the courage, dug out my address book, and sent a text message to someone:
July, I’m Fang Weiyang and I want to see you.
I waited anxiously for a reply, and ten minutes later she sent me an address and asked me to find her.
When I saw July, she was leaning against the railing in a daze, holding a cigarette between her slender fingers. She took a few puffs when she came to her senses. A bluish-brown mist enveloped her face, making her look a little sad. When she saw me, she quickly put out the cigarette and threw it into the trash can next to her.
"My savior finally remembered me." July leaned against the railing with his hands behind his back and greeted me.
She put on heavy makeup, with dark circles under her eyes that could not be concealed, a thick layer of powder on her palm-sized face, and a cherry mouth with bright red lipstick. When she saw me, she smiled into an upward arc.
July is indeed a beauty.
"Smoking too much is bad for your health," I said to her.
"Heh." July smiled nonchalantly and took me to the "Digital Life Museum" next door. The Digital Life Museum is actually a combination of an Internet cafe and a bar, where you can play games online, drink and chat, but the different entertainment projects are blocked by soundproof walls.
The lights inside were dim. When we went in, there was a girl playing guitar and singing on a small stage in the hall.
July asked me to follow her, and she took me to the front desk first, where a woman wearing a purple peony embroidered cheongsam and a white fur waistcoat sat. The woman was elegant and graceful, drinking and chatting with someone, and when she smiled, there were a few crow's feet at the corners of her eyes. Her carefully made-up face was weathered by the years, but she could still vaguely see her youthful beauty.
This seems to be a world that doesn't belong to me. Both she and July make me feel out of place.
Qiyue brought me to the side of the woman. The woman noticed us, put down the wine glass in her hand, looked me over, and smiled, "Hey, it's rare for Qiyue to bring friends to play."
"Sister Hong, can I use the VIP room?" July smiled and spoke in a very polite tone.
At July's suggestion, I sensibly called her "Sister Hong". I had a hunch that this person called Sister Hong was someone special.
"Is it necessary to say hello for such a small matter?" The woman laughed heartily, waved her hand and told July to come over, and casually called a waiter to bring us drinks and snacks.
July thanked me and led me into a room to sit down.
She poured me coffee and apologized, "I'm sorry to bring you here. I have to perform on stage later, so I can't leave too far."
The smell of perfume and a hint of tobacco came from her into my nose.
"Do you work here?" I looked around the magnificent house, and my hand unconsciously pressed on the soft sofa. It was my first time in such a place, and I felt a little curious.
July gave me a cup of coffee, then sat across from me, crossed his legs, and blew on his coffee: "I sing here, come here on odd weeks, and go somewhere else on even weeks."
I thought of this possibility. July seemed to have been in society for a long time, and her words and deeds were not like those of a white-collar worker. I was not surprised at all that she said that.
"Little darling, what about you? What do you want to talk to me about? Tell me." The person in front of him spoke with doting in her voice, and she stepped up and down in her red stiletto heels.
She was so generous that I was a little speechless. As an outsider, I didn't know what reason I should use to ask her about Lin Jiaxuan and her affairs. Seeing me like this, she smiled.
"Hmm? Let me guess. Let me ask you a question first. Were you the person at the snack street in front of C University last time?" July had a gentle smile on her face the whole time, and then she observed my reaction intentionally or unintentionally.
I looked at her in shock, and reflexively thought that she was talking about the time when she had an argument with Lin Jiaxuan. As smart as she was, she should have known the reason why I came to see her.
"It seems to be true..." She suddenly understood, her eyes and eyebrows became relaxed, and she stretched out a finger and tapped in the air mischievously, "If you ask, I know what I can tell you."
My cheeks flushed, and I suddenly felt like a hypocrite. I knew she wouldn't say no, so of course I came to her and snooped into their story.
I held the edge of the sofa tightly, thinking it was more important to admit a fact first: "Actually, I saw you and Lin Jiaxuan quarreling last time. Lin Jiaxuan is my friend, and he didn't know that I had met you. I just overheard your conversation by accident. Sorry."
"Hmm." July listened lazily and looked at me, motioning me to continue.
"You seemed to be in a bad mood that day, and you got very angry at him. I don't know what happened between you two. I only know that Lin Jiaxuan has never acted like that before. I want to know if he...he did something wrong." I tried my best to think of the right words, not wanting any of my words to hurt this girl in front of me who was not much older than me but seemed to have experienced a lot.
She had been hurt and lost something, and what she had lost was exactly what I wanted to understand.
July frowned, pursed her lips, and said something that reassured me: "No, he did nothing wrong."
I looked at her, and I could see what was in her eyes.
Her eyes were bright and her words were as clear as pearls falling from a plate: "My ex-boyfriend was called A'ran, and he was Lin Jiaxuan's cousin. When A'ran and I were together, Lin Jiaxuan came over quite often, mostly to help A'ran's mother deliver things. That's how we got to know each other. Later, some things happened, and I broke up with A'ran, and naturally I also cut off contact with Lin Jiaxuan. I was also quite surprised when I met Lin Jiaxuan last time."
Her voice became somewhat sentimental, and her eyes were filled with memories. Thinking back to the first time we met, and the fragments of the quarrel between her and Lin Jiaxuan, the "Ah Ran" mentioned by July was probably a scar that she didn't want to mention, which made me reluctant to ask further.
"I know what you mean, thank you." I answered softly. The few words July said were enough to give me the answer. I could basically guess the relationship between Lin Jiaxuan and her.
July leaned against the sofa, propped up his chin with one hand, and looked at me with a smile: "So, little August, do you have anything else to ask?"
I shook my head embarrassedly.
"Really." July chuckled and looked at me seriously, "You know what? The first time I saw you, I felt a sense of familiarity with you. I always felt that you were like me when I was young."
I said dully, "You are not much older than me."
Unexpectedly, she heard it, laughed even louder, and said, "You can't count it that way. Some people are young and are no different from the walking dead, while some people are old and are still the same as when they were young. Young and old, age is one aspect, but the key lies here." Her finger pointed to the position of her heart.
After saying this, Qiyue's expression was a little vague. I wiped my face casually, not knowing what to say.
"Little August..." She called me lightly, and her words sounded like those of a person who had experienced it before, "Don't love too deeply, or you will get hurt ."
I was stunned, not understanding the meaning of her sudden words. I saw her bend down, pick up the coffee on the table, and drink it all. Then, she walked in front of me and pulled me: "Come on, sister will treat you to delicious food."
I stood up with her, looking up at her opening and closing the door for me. We left the Digital Life Center from the back door, and July suggested taking a taxi to a restaurant for dinner. I thought about what she said before about being in a hurry, so I refused and just said that it would be fine if it was nearby. July picked a small restaurant that she often went to, smiled and said that I was wronged, and ordered a large table of dishes.
I didn't want to waste food that day, nor did I want to disappoint July's kindness, so I ate silently until I was full. July didn't move her chopsticks, just watched me eat. Surprisingly, while I was eating, she talked about her family like an old friend. It turned out that she had a grandmother and a younger brother, who was in junior high school. Her grandmother took care of the family at home, and she usually relied on her to earn money outside.
Halfway through the meal, July received a call. Not long after, a BMW stopped outside. The window rolled down, and a middle-aged man wearing gold-rimmed glasses appeared in sight. The man was bald, and he looked at us with a somewhat obscene smile. July waved at him. I asked July not to bother with me, but July explained that he was a regular customer who came to see her performances and that she couldn't offend him, and then she walked out.
Seeing her go out, the man got out of the car to open the door for her. I could clearly see the perfunctory and fake smile on July's face. Before getting in the car, the man's big hand touched her back with ill intentions and kissed her on the face. I felt sick in my heart.
"See you next time." July waved at me from inside the car, and I smiled back. The engine started, and the car turned into a high-end restaurant next door.
I don't know what July has been through, but my intuition tells me that it's not easy for her. In this world, some people abandon their self-esteem and face to live, just because they have something they want to protect more. From this point of view, they are stronger than us. Everyone lives according to their own expectations, but life is something that is completely unrecognizable, and we are all helpless. I am a tiny dust, and so is July.
