The happiness that I once thought I had collapsed in an instant.
Standing at the crossroads of life,
I don't know which way leads to heaven.
Or maybe it’s all hell.

One year there was a joke that became popular all over the country.
The joke is: How many steps are there to stuff an elephant into a refrigerator?
the answer is--
Step one, open the refrigerator.
Step two: put the elephant in the refrigerator.
Step three: Close the refrigerator door.
Now, looking at my parents who are trying their best to explain and cover up the truth in front of me, I also want to tell them a joke.
The joke is: How many steps are there to send Li Ge from heaven to hell?
It also requires three steps.
First, give me the illusion of a happy family, make me envied and hated by everyone, and make me proud and unbridled.
Then, smash it mercilessly.
at last……
"Li Ge, sit down. Dad will tell you what's going on. Don't be angry yet." My father held my hand. The pain and helplessness in his expression made me want to laugh.
My mother's attitude was much more open. She looked at me and knew that she could no longer hide it, so she took out the two divorce certificates that I had crumpled up from my hand and said with relief, "Li Ge, I should have told you a long time ago, but your father and I were afraid that it would affect your studies, so we wanted to wait until you graduated from college before telling you. It's good that you found out now, otherwise we wouldn't know how to tell you."
As soon as I said this, my dad immediately gave me a look that told me to shut up.
My mother, who is usually gentle and submissive, glared back at me without giving in, as if she had given up everything: "What? Are you blaming me? If you hadn't had a mistress and an illegitimate child outside, would we have divorced? If it weren't for Li Ge, I would have given up long ago! Do you still want to blame me now? Ha, Li Ge is already so old, I think she can understand my decision, but I don't know if she can understand you."
I looked at my mother, trying to read anger or deception in her expression, but all I saw was endurance of humiliation and a desperate struggle.
"Yes! I did cheat. But didn't you find someone else outside later? Don't think I don't know!" My dad retorted without giving in.
When my mother heard my father's accusation, she was so angry that she picked up the divorce certificate in her hand and threw it at my father: "How dare you blame me? Isn't it you who forced me to do everything? If your heart had not been with me for a long time, would we have come to this point?"
" Is it fun to bring up the past now? Do you have to say all this in front of Li Ge?" Mom's words made Dad even more embarrassed. He glanced at me, then turned back and growled, trying to stop Mom from continuing.
"Interesting, of course it's interesting! How can I let Li Ge know what kind of person a good father in her mind is like if I don't bring up the past!"
The grievances and resentment that my mother had endured for so many years were like a flood that was blocked by a dam. Once it broke, it was unstoppable. At this moment, my mother had completely lost her mind, constantly complaining about the pain of pretending to be happy all these years, and she was unable to care about me who was devastated by their complaints and accusations.
I used to think that the eight o'clock TV dramas were too melodramatic. Either your parents cheated on you, or you fell in love with your half brother or half sister, as if your family had the most troubles in the world. In real life, how can there be so many melodramatic things?
Now, looking at the parents who were so loving a moment ago and are now accusing each other like enemies, I understand that reality is not necessarily less bloody than in TV dramas, and their acting skills are countless times better than those stars who only know how to stare and open their mouths.
I clearly remember that the date on the divorce certificate was May 2007... They kept it a secret from me for so many years in the name of love? Why do I suddenly want to laugh so much?
I asked myself: "Li Ge, do you still think you are the happiest person in the world?"
Not any more.
I am the stupidest person in the world, stupid enough not to know that my parents have been divorced for nearly ten years, stupid enough to think that I have a happy family, stupid enough...
If someone says to me again with envy: "Li Ge, you are the synonym ."
I would definitely roll my eyes at him and say, "You are crazy!"
I'm like a joke.
What a joke.
Those who once looked at me with great envy now had expressions of sadness and contempt.
The past days stretched out their hands and slapped me hard, they kept reminding me: "Li Ge, what are you thinking! Do you still think you are a little princess who knows nothing about the world?"
I saw those beautiful memories about family that were once sweet, wonderful, happy, intense, and I thought would last forever, falling to the ground and collapsing before my eyes like perfect sculptures.
The dust from those scattered memories fell into my eyes and turned into tears.
“Li Ge, you have to know that no matter what happens between your mother and I, there is one thing between us that will never change, and that is, we both love you…” My father walked up to me with guilt and pain on his face, and stretched out his hand to try to wipe away my tears.
I took a step back to avoid my father's outstretched hand.
Maybe he really feels sorry for me, but at this moment I feel that everything is so fake and ridiculous.
Dad's hand fell awkwardly in mid-air. He looked at my resistance, sighed helplessly, and withdrew his hand angrily.
I raised my hand to wipe away my tears and asked in a slightly cold tone, "Don't you find it ironic when you say this?"
When my father heard this, his face turned pale and his eyes looked a little strange, as if he didn't know me, as if I was a stranger.
But, have I ever really known him?
"Li Ge, what your father said is true. No matter what happens between us, we will treat you..."
"Stop talking." I looked at my mother with a sincere expression, "You two should stop talking. You must be tired after acting for so long. Please stop showing your love to me, okay?"
"Li Ge!" My father raised his voice and his face turned red.
"You always told me that we should be sincere and responsible in life, but Dad, have you done that? You cheated on me! You kept a mistress! You even had an illegitimate child! You are so responsible!" I sneered and turned to look at my mom. I couldn't help but burst into tears. "You keep saying that you love me and that you are doing this for my own good, but have you ever asked me if I need this false goodness and love? You haven't asked! If this is your love for me, then I don't need it!"
After saying this, I knew I couldn't stay in this family anymore because I didn't know what would happen next. I was afraid that more unbearable facts would come out of my parents' mouths.
Although I am usually arrogant and fearless, in Yi Tian's words, I am just a paper tiger, bluffing and I will be cowardly when something really happens.
What's more, I particularly hate people lying.
So, I can't stay in this house full of lies anymore.
I grabbed my bag, put on my canvas shoes, and prepared to go out.
My mother followed behind me and asked me worriedly, "Li Ge, Li Ge, where are you going?"
I glanced at her, then walked out: "Just continue your performance. I won't accompany you any more."
After saying that, I slammed the door shut, leaving my parents, with faces full of helplessness and guilt, to continue their war of so many years in a house that they didn't know if they could still call home.
Sitting on the swing , I remembered that my parents used to like to bring me here to play. I was sitting on the swing, one of them pushed me from behind, and the other frowned and complained beside me: "Hey, be gentle, what if the pigeon flies out?"
At that time, our family's simple happiness filled the entire park with the scent of happiness.
However, from today onwards, there will never be such a pair of warm hands pushing me from behind, and there will never be such a gentle person, speaking with a soft accent, smiling and complaining by my side.
I was so sad that I burst into tears without caring about my image.
What should we call all of this? A family drama caused by a camera?
If I had not joined Orange Media, if I had not had those so-called touching moments, if I had not gone to the room to look for the camera, would our family of three still be sitting together, deceiving ourselves and having so much fun?
But there are no ifs.
A few hours ago...
"Mom, Yi Tian and I were both accepted by Orange Media Company." As soon as I got the news from my good friend Yi Tian, ​​I excitedly called my parents to tell them the news.
When my parents heard the news, they happily asked me to go home quickly and said they would hold a family celebration party for me.
I rushed home quickly under the urging of my mother's continuous phone calls. As soon as I opened the door, two firecrackers went off above my head, and colorful paper ribbons fell down. My parents stood in front of me, as happy as children who had succeeded in a prank.
I walked into the house with great emotion and found that the living room was filled with balloons of various colors. On the wall behind the sofa, there was a big "congratulation" written with colorful balloon letters. Of course, there was also a table full of my favorite dishes on the table, including braised pork, sweet and sour fish, glutinous rice lotus root... Each one exuded an enticing aroma, and each one was my favorite. For a moment, I didn't know where to start.
"Oh, my saliva is about to flow out. Let me taste the taste of the dishes my parents cooked today..." I put down the things, rushed to the dining table without washing my hands, and directly picked up a piece of braised pork and threw it into my mouth.
It's fat and lean, sweet but not greasy, and leaves a lingering fragrance in your mouth. After eating it, I couldn't help but put my fingers in my mouth and suck on them.
"Mom and Dad, I love you so much. I never want to get married in this life. I want to eat the braised pork you make for the rest of my life. It's so delicious that it makes me cry."
"You just know how to talk nonsense. Go wash your hands, change your clothes and come to eat." Mom patted my hand as I stretched it out to take the second piece of braised pork, and scolded me.
I made a face at my mother, then obediently went to wash my hands and change my clothes.
"Mom and Dad, it's time to eat!" After changing my clothes and washing my hands, I came out of the kitchen, pulled my parents to sit at the dining table, and the whole family started to eat happily.
There were so many dishes I liked that I couldn't even chat. I was busy eating, occasionally looking up and seeing my parents' silence and distance between meals. I suddenly felt something was wrong, but I didn't know what the problem was... Maybe it was just my illusion?
After dinner, I originally wanted to go back to my room to play games, but my father forced me to watch TV with him.
Seeing my father's mysterious look, my curiosity was also aroused. I sat obediently on the sofa and watched my father fiddling in front of the TV.
After Dad finished his work, he came back to the sofa and sat next to me. He looked at me with some anticipation and some pride, and signaled me to watch TV seriously.
I looked at the TV in confusion, and saw my big smiling face suddenly appear on the 50-inch TV screen.
Photos recording my growth slid across the TV screen, and the background music was my mother's favorite song, "Friends" by Wakin Chau.
To young people, this may be just a simple PPT, or be laughed at as an old person's photo album. But to me, it is the love of my parents.
I seemed to see my parents crowded in front of the computer, trying hard to recognize the letters on the computer, pressing the keys one by one, and finally typing out the words - Daughter, you are our eternal pride.
I don't know when my mother sat next to me. She held my hand with her warm hand. The rough texture on her hand was the mark of taking care of this family for so many years. My eyes couldn't help but become moist.
I held my mother's hand with my left hand and my father's with my right hand. I felt that I was the happiest person in the world. I couldn't help but say hypocritically: "I am so happy!"
In order to prevent myself from crying in front of them, I took a deep breath and stood up, trying to make my tone light: "I'll go get the camera. We haven't taken a family photo for a long time." Then I quickly walked into my parents' bedroom.
Not long after I entered the bedroom, I heard my mother loudly ask me in the living room: "Li Ge, do you know where the camera is?"
"I know, you've always kept it in the drawer of your closet, haven't you?" I replied.
After a brief silence, my parents rushed to the door of their bedroom and said in unison: "Li Ge, don't look for her anymore..."
But it's too late.
I stiffly held the divorce certificate in my hand and mechanically turned my head like a puppet to look at their anxious faces, tears streaming down my face. I trembled and said, "Should I give you the Oscars for Best Actor and Best Actress?"
"Li Ge, please listen to our explanation."
"Li Ge, Mom didn't mean to hide this from you."
"Li Ge..."
My faith collapsed in an instant, and their voices seemed to rumble in my ears with reverberation, beating against my heart again and again.
I rushed out of the door and didn't want to look back no matter how they shouted at me behind me.
The sweet scene is still vivid in my mind, but I know clearly that from today on, I will never have such a happy moment again.
When I was crying like a dog and was in such a mess that I was almost ready to put a bowl in front of me and write with chalk a note asking for two yuan for fare home, the cell phone in my pocket rang.
"Li Ge, what are you doing? I have specially organized a party today to celebrate our joining Orange Media. It's in the largest box on the third floor of the old place. Come over dressed up!" Yi Tian yelled on the other end of the phone. For some reason, the last sentence seemed particularly meaningful.
"Oh, okay." I agreed in a depressed mood.
"Why does your voice sound a little weird? Are you crying? Oh my god, Li Ge, don't scare me! Are you at home or somewhere else now? Are you crying for joy after hearing that I organized a party to celebrate?" Yi Tian joked with me.
"Go away, I'm going right away, wait for me!"
After hanging up the phone, I quickly wiped the tears from my face with my sleeve, patted my face to make myself sober, and then tried to smile, even if this smile was uglier than crying.
After tidying myself up briefly, I headed towards the old place.
Only Yitian can help me temporarily let go of the pain in my heart.
As soon as I arrived at the third floor of the old place, I saw Yi Tian wearing a white off-shoulder shirt and wide-leg jeans. The hem of the shirt was tucked into the waistband of her pants, which made her petite figure look a little taller. She looked simple yet casual and generous.
"Wow, you're dressed very elegantly today!" I tried to make a joke like usual.
"Oh my god, Li Ge, you are so poorly dressed today. Why are you going out in just home clothes? Didn't I tell you to..." Yi Tian was obviously surprised to see me wearing a light yellow home clothes with a bunny head printed on it. She didn't care about my teasing and started to complain.
I wanted to pretend nothing happened, but when I heard Yi Tian's voice, the emotions I had been holding back all the way burst out. I hugged Yi Tian tightly, and my tears fell on her shoulders.
“Hey, hey, hey, Li Ge, you wouldn’t suddenly become so fragile, would you? I just said that you weren’t dressed well, why are you acting like someone dumped…” Yi Tian was frightened by my sudden action.
I was dumped, dumped by my parents...
In this world, I once firmly believed in two things: one is that my parents’ love is sweet and our family is happy; the other is the unshakable friendship between Yi Tian and me.
The faith that I thought was unshakable has collapsed in half, and now, you are all I have.
Thinking of this, I hugged Yi Tian even tighter, and my tears flowed more violently, but my throat was tight, and no matter what Yi Tian asked, I couldn't say a word.
Yi Tian and I have known each other since high school. We have faced disgusting physical education teachers together, bargained with scalpers in a rainstorm to watch Jay Chou's concert together, and beat our opponents in the debate field together. We also went to the beach in Bali together during the summer vacation, but we didn't expect to run into a black tour guide and were locked in a small dark room. After escaping, we had experienced the test of life and death together, so we became sworn brothers in a passionate manner on the beach facing the sunset.
The setting sun is our witness. Over the years since then, we have remained as close as sisters, never deceiving or hiding anything from each other, and never turning against each other.
In this world, she is the only person in front of whom I dare to cry without fear of embarrassment.
"Let's go, let's go in and spend a few hours, and all the pain and tiredness will be gone!" After crying tiredly, I pulled Yi Tian and prepared to rush into the box .
Yi Tian hurriedly stopped me: "You haven't told me yet, what happened just now?"
"It's a long story. I'll tell you after I finish my number." I continued to walk towards the box, but Yi Tian stopped me again. I felt helpless. "At least let me vent for a while. After I vent, I'll tell you everything."
Yi Tian glanced at me, her expression becoming somewhat reluctant, and she sighed: "Before you go in, come with me to the bathroom and change your clothes."
"Change clothes? Where can I find clothes to change?" I was a little confused.
Yi Tian pulled me straight to the bathroom nearby, put her clothes on me, and then disdainfully put my clothes, which were stained with snot and tears, on herself. When we got to the door of the box, she even solemnly took out her lipstick to touch up my lips.
"What? Are you setting me up on a blind date?" I said puzzledly.
Yi Tian blinked and pushed open the door of the box as if she was opening a gift.
The noisy box suddenly became quiet.
In the dim light, I saw Lin Chujian at a glance. He was sitting in the corner, and with the reflection of his white shirt, I could see that his eyes were also looking at me. I always hated him wearing white shirts before, but this was the first time I felt that there was something good about him.
Xu Yaxin, who was sitting next to him, still liked to wear tight dresses that made her breathless. Her whole body was bent in an S shape like a water snake, with her chest pressed against Lin Chujian's arm, looking so graceful.
At this moment, I was so glad that Yi Tian chose to exchange clothes with me.
Xu Yaxin looked us up and down for a while, and said with a fake smile: "Yitian, your clothes are quite fashionable!"
Yi Tian looked as if she had eaten a fly. She rolled her eyes in disgust and asked in a cold voice, "Why are you here? I don't remember inviting you."
Now, I finally understood why Yi Tian asked me to dress nicely and change clothes with me.
Obviously, she originally wanted to set up a plan for Lin Chujian and I to mend our relationship, but unexpectedly, Xu Yaxin, the direct fuse that led to our breakup, also came along.
"Why can't I come? I'll be wherever Chu Jian is, is that not possible? And I heard that you two were accepted by Orange Media, I'm happy for you, so I should come and congratulate you, is that not possible?" Xu Yaxin didn't care about Yi Tian's indifference.
Yi Tian showed a somewhat contemptuous expression: "Come on, I can't accept your congratulations, just keep it and digest it slowly." After saying that, she pulled me and wanted to take me away.
But the people in the room who she had used as background were all looking at her with expectant eyes.
She was a little hesitant.
I shook her hand, motioned for her to stay and entertain her friends, and then said to everyone, "I have something else to do. I'll go back first so as not to spoil your fun..." After that, I turned and left.
The moment I turned around, I felt a familiar figure following me.
"Chu Jian, wait a minute!" Xu Yaxin shouted anxiously behind me.
Then, I heard Yi Tian yell coldly: "Aren't you here to congratulate us? Then stay here and play with everyone!"
I didn't want to turn around to see what was happening behind me, so I quickened my pace and walked out.
Look, I ran away again.
I always thought I was strong enough to face everything. But when things really happened, I found that I was so weak that I could only escape.
When I learned that my parents were divorced, I ran away.
When I saw Lin Chujian and Xu Yaxin snuggling together, I shamefully ran away again.
It turns out that people’s strength is often just their self-righteousness.