Chai Quan Extra: I May Not Love You
I didn’t know that there was a woman waiting for me, her name was Gudong, waiting for me to marry her.
We have been going around in circles for so long, and Gudong is still waiting for me to come back. I am scared. I am afraid that I can't bear her love and waiting.
It was summer when I returned to Xingfu Street. The whole city was filled with the fragrance of honeysuckle, with rich and passionate petals. The flowers bloomed and faded simultaneously, with a short flowering period. The flowers bloomed in midsummer, lonely and beautiful.
Of course, I can't say such literary sentences.
I saw it in a book.
You never thought that someone like me would read books. In fact, since I met Lanlan, I have been reading books secretly so that I wouldn't act so stupid when she talked about a celebrity.
I am a person who is brave for love, but also betrayed by love. I have my own destiny.
There is a kindergarten on Xingfu Street. A plump auntie is playing with the children with a smile on her face. She is my mother’s friend Chen Li. I always call her Fatty Auntie.
Fatty Auntie knew Gudong, and of course she knew that I had let that girl down.
"Let's play hide and seek."
"Teacher Chen, she bullied me."
"Three little rabbits playing house! One is stupid, one is dumb, and the other one hasn't come back yet!"
…………
The sound of innocent children's voices, chirping like little sparrows, made my head hurt. In the middle, there was a woman surrounded by children, her fat body twisting like a stupid bear. The fat aunt was playing games with them.
I watched them play calmly without disturbing them.
"Er Gouzi? Are you back?" Chen Li screamed in surprise when she saw me. My mother used to call me "Er Gouzi", and Chen Li followed her and never changed her name for many years.
This is also the reason why I avoid her. After all, it is not a glorious thing for a grown man to be called a "second-rate dog".
"Auntie Fatty, it's me." I said with a smile.
"You are such a heartless person—" Chen Li picked up a broom and started hitting me. "Your mother is almost dead, and you still remember to come back? You are such a heartless ungrateful person! Your mother Chai Kefu is going to die! Did you know that?"
I quickly dodged her broom and shouted, "I know! I know! I just came back because I heard the news! Why did you hit me as soon as we met? It's like I bullied you."
After Chen Li made a fuss, she began to talk in detail about what had happened in the past three years.
I came to her office, which was simple and clean. There was a photo of her and my mother on the table. In the photo, Chai Kefu was standing on the beach, smiling happily at the camera.
Oh, Tchaikovsky was young once too!
"How are you doing?" I asked her unnaturally, a little awkwardly.
Chen Li waved her hands in front of me: "Oh, it's just like that, it's okay, it's okay. But you, you could have gone out to make money, but you ran away without saying a word, what's the matter? I think that girl Gudong is also stupid, I don't know what sin she has committed..."
"Aunt Fatty, don't talk nonsense." I looked at her with a smile. After not seeing her for so many years, she was still so sarcastic.
"By the way, how is my mom?"
Your mother? Chen Li thought for a while before she realized it.
I said, "I heard from the prodigal that my mother was sick and seemed to be very ill, so I came back."
"Are you talking about your mother? Oh! She has a miserable life. She has been in the hospital for a while. You are an unfilial son. Why don't you go to see her? Why do you come to me? I was also driven back by your mother. She said it would be better to die and not to see anyone. Only Gudong, the kid, goes to take care of your mother every day." Chen Li began to scold me with tears and snot.
The sultry air is so oppressive that it makes people feel uncomfortable.
I said, "I want to ask about the situation first before going. You know my mother's temper. I'm afraid she will be even more angry with me."
Chen Li talked to me for a while and gave me the address of the hospital.
The strong smell of disinfectant, the dazzling white sheets, the empty corridor, and the pale light shining on my face.
I buried my head in my arms, my back slightly hunched, anxiously waiting for the operating room door to open. Gudong looked at me like an enemy, and I knew she hated me.
The doctor said that this was my mother’s third emergency treatment.
I felt a panic like never before. I didn't expect my mother to be so seriously ill. How come I didn't notice it?
The lights went out, and I hurried over: "Doctor, my mother..."
The doctor took off his mask, motioned me not to disturb the patient, and took me aside.
He glanced at the bed that was being pushed away. The person lying on it looked pale and was breathing with the help of an oxygen machine. There were tubes and instruments inserted in his arms and heart. I wanted to go over, but the doctor stopped me.
The doctor asked me, "Are you a family member of the patient? Why is this the first time I see you?"
As I watched that person being pushed further and further away, I felt like a big piece of my heart was taken away. I never knew that Tchaikovsky would also grow old and be so fragile.
Chai Kefu was just an ordinary person with a bad reputation throughout her life. She gave me everything she had, but I only thought of ways to piss her off.
"Auntie has been suffering from cancer for a long time. It's a miracle that she has survived for so many years." Gudong said with emotion, "Dog, you are her relative, haven't you seen her get sick?"
Chai Kefu seldom went home, and I seldom went home either. How would I know that she had cancer!
"Doctor, I'm sorry, it's my fault, I'm not a human being." I sat dejectedly on the chair. I never took Tsai Kefu to heart, but I didn't know...
"You young people..." The doctor sighed and left.
Gudong and I stayed by my mother's bed. I wiped her hands and face, praying that she could live longer. I had never done such a thing in more than 20 years, so I looked a little clumsy, but I felt very complicated.
I wish it were not too late to fulfill .
When Gudong saw us mother and son reunited, he went home very sensibly and left his space to us.
The next day, Chai Kefu woke up. I was dozing off on the chair. When I saw her open her eyes, I was suddenly startled.
The wind blew up the curtains and there was the scent of flowers in the room. A look of doubt first appeared on Chai Kefu's pale face, and then she blinked hard, as if to confirm whether it was a dream.
"Mom, are you awake?" I saw her wake up and went over to check the various instrument indicators. They were all normal, so I finally felt relieved. "If you feel uncomfortable anywhere else, I'll call a doctor to check it out."
"You jinx—I'm going to beat you to death!" Chai Kefu grabbed my hair and the syringe in her hand was pulled out. Chai Kefu wanted to get up and beat me, but she had no strength in her body.
She slapped me hard on the face, and then she started to cry, "I don't have much time left... You are such a heartless person that you came to see me. I know what's going on. You wish I were dead. You wish... I don't have a debt collector like you. Get out of here! Get out!"
I touched my face and said, "Mom, your strength in a slap is so small, you are really sick, and you are not as good as before."
"Kaka... Don't bother me, you damned bastard... I know I've done something sinful, I knew this day would come... I just didn't know it would be so soon..."
As she spoke, Chai Kefu started coughing violently, and I quickly stood up to comfort her.
"Okay, okay, don't be angry, don't be angry. The medicine is expensive, don't waste it." I picked up the IV bottle that she had pulled off and hung it up again.
"I know I'm going to die! Don't pretend to be hypocritical! I have already arranged a way out for you... There is a bank card under the shoe cabinet, and it contains my savings... It's all clean money. Take the money and get out of here. Don't let me see you." Chai Kefu cried and shouted.
"No, if you get well and I spend your money, you'll be so upset that you'll die."
"Get out! Get out! Get out!"
That day I figured it out.
Over the years, Chai Kefu and I have been like two fighting dogs, you bite me and I bite you, but we cannot survive without each other. We are both too lonely, and we will feel even lonelier if we don't quarrel or make a fuss.
Ten minutes later, Chai Kefu fainted due to excessive worry and anger. The doctors rushed in and did another round of examinations. They kept shaking their heads and told me to be mentally prepared.
Chai Kefu was right. I was a debt collector. When I collected the debt, I took her life.
After seeing me, Tchaikovsky seemed to have fulfilled her wish. Her condition began to deteriorate continuously and she died ten days later.
Chai Kefu is dead, and I no longer have a mother.
Even though I hated her, I loved her most of the time.
Langzi and Xiaoshuai came back to see me, and I hugged them and cried my heart out. I just felt like I couldn't bear it any longer. Who knew that the person who was smiling all day long had such a deep sorrow?
The chirping of cicadas in midsummer echoed outside the window, disturbing people's nerves. I still remember that it was a snowy day. Chai Kefu went out wearing red and green, twisting her hips, and then she brought back a man drunk.
Those scenes that happened day after day seem so distant as if they happened in the previous lifetime.
I was suppressing the raging anger and burning pain in my heart, but I didn't know what to do.
I always think of my mother for some unknown reason.
Whenever I think of her, pain spreads all over my body. We used to quarrel, and neither of us would admit defeat, but no one has ever quarreled with me again since then.
If I had known about Chai Kefu's illness earlier, why would I have run away alone and left without any news? If Chen Li hadn't sent a letter to Langzi and the others, and Langzi and the others hadn't called me, I'm afraid I wouldn't have returned by now.
I ran away to another place because I wanted to avoid Gudong. Gudong had been in many relationships before, but she still wanted to be with me.
This little girl is even more stupid than I thought. What's so good about me? A rotten person!
I was just staring blankly at something, and when I came to my senses, my face was covered with crystal tears.
From afternoon to evening, I sat on the floor, looking at this lifeless home. The sun set and the moon climbed up to the treetops. There was no light in the room, and the whole room was filled with the smell of alcohol. The moonlight sprinkled into the house, and I could vaguely see my shadow.
I curled up in a ball and slept on the floor, seemingly having a dream.
There was also a man in the dream. He was lying helplessly on the floor. There was a woman. She walked over gently, squatted down, and called him. She said, I'm back.
The man moved, sensing a familiar breath. He pulled her into his arms, resting his chin on her shoulder, and said in a daze, "I have nothing left... I have nothing left..."
The woman hugged his neck with both hands and rubbed his face. She sighed: "You still have me." He felt relieved and lay in her arms like a child. His voice was as distant as a dream: "It's great to still have you..."
When they turned around, I saw myself and Lanlan. The next second, Lanlan's face turned pale.
I burst into tears in my dream.
When I opened my eyes, birds were singing happily on the branches outside. I yawned, looked at the empty house, and burst out laughing.
It turned out to be just a dream...
Just a dream.
I slept at home for a few days. One day, someone knocked on the door. I opened the door and saw Gudong standing outside. She walked in silently with a bag of vegetables and started cooking for me.
I suddenly felt that I owed this woman a lot.
I said in a mysterious way: "Gudong, let's start over?"
"Okay, but you have to agree to one condition of mine." She turned around, holding up the kitchen knife with chives still stuck on it, and looked at me coldly.
"No...you're not going to kill me, are you?"
"Go away, you chase me first, and only after you catch me will I agree to be your girlfriend, how about that?"
"Okay, deal!"
Thank God for giving me a chance to start over. If I can't hold on, I will let go, and if I can hold on, I will never let go.
Gudong, thank you for staying with me, a rotten person.
Lanlan, I will learn to forget you and stop loving you.
I will definitely forget you.
