Volume 2 Chapter 20: The Past Is Hard to Look Back
Seeing that all the monks were speechless, Tanzong smiled bitterly and said, "Now I have to confess to the Buddha first. Since Elder Dazhi first showed his prowess in the White Horse Temple more than ten years ago, we have to trouble the abbots of the place of practice to escort him every other year. Our team has become larger and larger. Except for Junior Brother Tanlin, no one dares not to come in person. Only we ourselves know the reason clearly, but we are also very confused. Elder Dazhi's identity and status are so important. I have been worried about his background all these years. Now I have met someone who has a past with him. To be honest, I am indeed a little curious. I am guilty." After that, he closed his eyes and recited scriptures silently.
Lin Jianlan heard it all clearly outside the door and was deeply moved. The look of Tanzong walking away with his wide robe and sleeves that day was still fresh in his mind. As the head of Shaolin Temple, not to mention his martial arts skills, his Buddhist practice must have reached the highest level long ago. His mind was clear and how could he be curious about the life experience of a wise elder? He was just using humility to gain the permission of the elders. He didn't care about what others thought of his practice. He knew everything and didn't worry about it. It was easy to say "don't care", but it was difficult for others to achieve this.
The abbots inside all looked at each other, not knowing how to respond. After a while, Dao Ning said, "Now that things have come to this, there is no need to pursue the past. Abbot Tanzong is also merciful. No matter what, we will take Elder Dazhi with us to continue our journey tomorrow. We will part here and it will be difficult for us to see each other again. This young man asked to see Dazhi again, which is not a problem for us. We are just afraid that Elder Dazhi will be stimulated again after seeing him."
He was originally a direct disciple of Tanzong, so he was unwilling to refute Tanzong's opinion easily. His words were very smooth. After hearing this, the other abbots naturally did not want to offend Tanzong. After discussing with each other, they unanimously elected Daozheng to speak out and said, "Since this is related to Mr. Lin's biological father, we cannot hinder his filial piety. As long as Elder Dazhi agrees to meet him, there is only one condition. Someone must be present when they talk."
Tan Zong nodded and said, "This is a mature and prudent statement. Since we have all been the ones who have been escorting Dazhi for the past ten years, we must all be aware of his importance. I am acquainted with Mr. Lin, so I should avoid him. Since the incident happened in Ci'en Temple, I think it would be better to entrust Abbot Daozheng to stay by his side."
Everyone nodded in agreement. Dao Zheng was somewhat pleased with himself and laughed, " In that case , I will not refuse any more. You can just wait here." After that, he opened the door and went out. Seeing Lin Jianlan coming to meet him, he changed his expression and said solemnly, "Mr. Lin, father and son are like father and son. We monks will not stop them. But firstly, Senior Brother Dazhi may not be willing to see you. Secondly, to avoid any more accidents, the abbots have entrusted me to take care of Senior Brother Dazhi."
Lin Jianlan bowed his head and said, "Of course, I am truly grateful for the compassion and care of all the monks."
Dao Zheng nodded without saying anything, and walked towards the inner room where Dazhi was resting. He stopped at the door and said in a deep voice, "Elder Dazhi, there is a donor named Lin who wants to meet you."
There was silence inside. Although Lin Jianlan was still outside the door, he had already bowed unconsciously. He felt uneasy when he didn't hear the answer. He thought to himself: "Could it be that Elder Dazhi hasn't woken up yet? Could it be that seeing my appearance has stimulated him so much? Or maybe he has woken up but doesn't want to see me again, what should I do then?"
Dao Zheng thought to himself, "Even Abbot Tanzong is curious about this, let alone me? Although Elder Dazhi is of high status, he still has many mysterious things. Could it be that he really had some dealings with the boy's father?" He laughed secretly and said, "He usually looks like he has a deep cultivation, and the other abbots also respect him very much. I didn't expect that he would faint after seeing the son of an old friend. I think he is just a facade."
The two stood outside the door for a long while, each with their own thoughts, before they heard the door creak open. The young monk Wu Chang lowered his head and stood at the door and said, "Elder Dazhi, please let Mr. Lin in."
Lin Jianlan was surprised and delighted when he heard this, and hurried forward. Dao Zheng was about to catch up, but Wu Chang shrank back and said, "Abbot Fang, Elder Dazhi won't let anyone in."
Dao Zheng was furious when he saw him like this. He glared at him but couldn't yell at him. He just frowned and said, "Get out of the way."
Wu Chang was most afraid of being scolded, so he hid behind the door. He didn't dare to let Dao Zheng in, nor did he dare to close the door. He just glanced at the abbot's expression and didn't dare to say a word.
Lin Jianlan had just stepped in and was standing there, looking at Dao Zheng and Wu Chang. He was in a dilemma for a moment. During the stalemate, he heard an old voice from inside saying, "Abbot Dao Zheng, please allow me to talk to this donor alone."
Dao Zheng was startled and said, "I am here on behalf of the abbots. Senior Brother Dazhi has just woken up and is still weak, so I will take care of him."
Dazhi said, "Since I have decided to meet him, there will be no more problems. Please ask Abbot Daozheng to convey my gratitude to all the abbots for their care."
Dao Zheng was about to say something else, but Dazhi said, "If you can be free from worries about your own past, why should you be attached to others? Seeking fame and gain is greed, and seeking to know meaningless secrets is also greed."
Dao Zheng was shocked all over, his face suddenly became solemn, but after a moment he showed joy again, as if he heard an imperial edict, and bowed and said, "Thank you, Elder Dazhi." After saying that, he turned around and ran away. Wu Chang also let out a long sigh, tiptoed out of the door and closed it.
Lin Jianlan looked back and saw that Dazhi had stood up and sat upright on the bed, so he stepped forward and bowed, "Junior Lin Jianlan greets Elder Dazhi. Please forgive me for disturbing you today." Seeing that Dazhi didn't say anything and just looked out the door thoughtfully, he praised, "After the elder's guidance, I'm afraid that Abbot Daozheng's cultivation will make some progress again."
Dazhi said "Oh" and smiled, "Of course he understands this principle, but he has realized this, but he is still selfish." Seeing Lin Jianlan's puzzled expression, he said, "When he goes back to see the other monks, he will only say that I insisted not to allow others to be present. He will comprehend the words just now by himself, so how can he comprehend the true scriptures? Alas, it is difficult to become a Buddha because of a single thought, and I am no exception."
Lin Jianlan didn't know what he meant by this, and was a little confused. Suddenly he remembered that he had finally met Dazhi, and he didn't come here to discuss Buddhism, so he asked, "Elder Dazhi, I..."
Dazhi took over the conversation and waved his hand, saying, "I know what you want to ask." After that, he looked at Lin Jianlan, sizing him up and down, but there was no trace of fear on his face. He smiled calmly, and his eyes showed nostalgia. He said, "You and your father are really alike."
Lin Jianlan had been trying to remain calm, thinking that he was searching for his parents for his grandmother's sake. But when he heard Dazhi's words, his heart was in turmoil. He realized that he cared so much about his father whom he had never met. Tears were about to fall, and he choked up and said, "Since the elder knows my father, can you tell me where he is now? Why did he disappear without a trace? Where is my mother?"
After hearing this series of questions, Dazhi said with some regret: "I only understood after meeting you. No wonder she fell in love with him at the beginning, but he was not moved at all. It turns out that he already had a family, but we didn't know it. I don't know anything about your mother."
Lin Jianlan saw that he was not clear about what he said. Besides his mother, who else was in love with his father? These seemed to have nothing to do with his father's whereabouts, but he felt that even knowing a little bit of his father's past was extremely valuable, so he asked anxiously: "Then I hope the elder can tell me how I met my father? My father...what kind of person is he?"
What was waiting for him was an extremely long period of silence. He watched Dazhi quietly, as if he was reminiscing with his eyes closed. His face no longer had that indifferent look. He was truly a mixture of sadness and joy, as if all the ups and downs of the past had left traces on his face.
High-spirited, nostalgic, sad, helpless, disappointed... and also hatred as sharp as a knife, which solidified on his face for a long time before slowly melting away, leaving no trace.
Dazhi slowly opened his eyes and saw Lin Jianlan looking at him anxiously. His hands had unconsciously wrinkled his clothes. Although he was separated from his biological father before he was born, the father-son relationship could not be easily severed by years of separation. Thinking of this, Dazhi slowly said, "What are the two characters in your name?"
Lin Jianlan seemed startled by the voice after a long silence, and raised his head and said, "Junior Lin Jianlan, the 'Sword' of swords and the 'Lan' of waves."
Dazhi repeated in a low voice: "The 'jian' of swords and the 'lan' of waves, it can be seen that he has high expectations for you, a son who has never lived to see the light of day." At this point, he looked at Lin Jianlan. Lin Jianlan felt as if he was looking at him, and also as if he was looking behind him, with a hollow and distant look in his eyes. He continued: "More than ten years ago, by the Slender West Lake in Yangzhou, a young scholar was introduced to me. I still remember the name of that teahouse, it was called Guanlian Teahouse."
When Lin Jianlan heard Dazhi mention the young scholar, his heart suddenly tightened. As expected, he heard Dazhi say, "I had a little reputation in the world back then, but that scholar was not very respectful. When he was introduced to me, he just stood up and bowed and said, 'My last name is Lin and my name is Xiaoyu.' I looked up and saw that he was wearing a plain robe, very simple, with a smile on his lips, and his eyes were dark, but if you look closely, they seem to be shining with stars, and his eyebrows are raised. This face has an air of self-confidence and arrogance. I have never forgotten it to this day. Alas, I guess you have guessed that this young scholar is your father. You look 80% like him."
Lin Jianlan felt a pang in his heart, and asked with some doubt: "Elder Dazhi said that he was a little famous back then. Monks are naturally more modest when they speak. I guess he must have been very famous back then. I wonder who he is?"
Dazhi said, "I really admire his boldness, but I am also a little annoyed by it, so I said, 'I want to repay the king's kindness with my blood, and thank you for your hospitality. What are your two characters in your name?' He didn't even think about it, and answered directly, 'With the power of the nine heavens, who says a feather can't soar into the sky?' We smiled at each other, as if we were close friends who hadn't seen each other for a long time."
When Lin Jianlan heard him talking about the scene when he met Lin Xiaoyu that day, his father's quick wit and free and easy manner were as if he had seen it with his own eyes, and he couldn't help but feel excited. The last two sentences were embedded with the words "Xiao" and "Yu", but he didn't know what Dazhi's real name was.
Lin Jianlan said: "Before he left home, my father clearly said that he was going to Chang'an to take the imperial examination, so why did he go to Yangzhou?"
Dazhi sighed, "It's hard to meet a few bosom friends in one's lifetime. Seeing that he responded quickly and matched the meaning of my first two sentences, I knew that he was also a man with great ambitions. It would be more interesting to talk with him in depth. He has extraordinary vision and wants to do something, but regards fame and fortune as dirt. It is this point that makes me regard him as a bosom friend." At this point, Dazhi seemed a little sad and angry, and said, "The people present were all powerful figures in their time, but now some are dead or scattered."
When Lin Jianlan heard him mention the people present, he was wondering why they had such a tragic end, but then he heard Dazhi continue, "It's all because of Lin Xiaoyu!"
Lin Jianlan could not help but be shocked. He saw Dazhi close his eyes, trying to be calm. After a long time, he opened them again, took a long breath, and his face was calm again. He said, "This has been a knot in my heart for more than ten years. Benefactor, you should have seen that I have never concealed my hatred for you since I first met you. Even though I have been studying Buddhism day and night, I can never erase the hatred that is engraved in my heart."
Lin Jianlan was so shocked that he didn't know what to say. Thinking of the fact that Dazhi had shown an expression of hatred for him several times, he just stared at Dazhi in a daze. Seeing his expression of sadness and joy, he said, "Over the years, I have deliberately not thought about these past events. The more I am afraid of touching them, the more unforgettable they are. When I first saw you, it was as if I had seen Lin Xiaoyu with my own eyes. I knew it was an illusion, but I still wanted to tear the image into pieces and burn it to ashes. Only then did I feel relieved. It is meaningless to hate or complain about anything. If there is anything left, it is just a trace of nostalgia. The wind and clouds of that day all had their own causes and conditions. Where did he go later? Did he go against his original intention to seek worldly wealth or something else? I no longer care, but the nature of father and son cannot be severed. If the donor still insists on looking for you, you are not far from the capital of the Tang Dynasty, so you can ask someone to find out whether he has entered the court and gained a prominent reputation."
Lin Jianlan trembled and said, "Why did my father..."
Dazhi shook his head and said, " Don't ask me anymore, benefactor. Although you are as smart as Lin Xiaoyu, I can see that you are a kind person. The past cannot be retrieved, so why should I impose all the past hatred on you and let you bear the shame and guilt of your fathers? This would be like revenge on you. I have already realized the truth. If I insist on taking it up, I will tire myself and make others suffer. It is better not to ask any more questions. Just let it go."
