Volume 1 Chaos Comes Chapter 12 I Used to Love You
I remember that I only stayed at home for less than two weeks that year, and then I returned to school alone on the same train as I came here.
When I left home, my parents were severely scolded by my grandmother, who blamed them for making me have no feelings for the family.
Actually, I just wanted to catch up with Ai Bishui as soon as possible.
I lay on the middle bunk bed, opened the social app on my phone, and reopened the dialog box that was deleted after I sent a message on Chinese New Year. In the message bar was the photo of the New Year's Eve dinner I sent before, and the other party only had a short compliment as a reply.
The atmosphere of the conversation seems extremely awkward, so let's say something.
"I'm on the train back to school now. When will you come back?"
The other party would not reply to such a boring topic . I charged my phone, turned on my kindle and started reading the article I wrote before the New Year. After all, the paper version had been given away.
At that time z-library was still alive.
In fact, the environment on the train is impossible to watch, this is just an act to deceive yourself.
After watching for about a few minutes, I heard a crisp prompt sound and hurriedly picked up my charging phone from the small table between the two rows of berths.
After clicking on it, I found that the other party’s avatar was a cartoon cow cat holding a cake.
The message was sent by Ning Yu'an.
"Are you still home now?"
"(covering face) I'm already on the train back to school, sorry."
I don't know what I need to apologize for, but I think it's right to apologize. I have a vague feeling that the other person will be angry.
"Oh, I was just wondering if you bought any New Year clothes. I was thinking of going shopping with you. Have you already gone shopping with your parents?"
"Ah, I seem to have forgotten about this (covering my face), we should buy new clothes for the Chinese New Year."
She sent me an emoji of a kitten hitting me with a hammer, and I didn’t know what to respond.
"Hey, you know that your fashion sense is really bad, next time you buy clothes, send them to me first."
"Yeah, okay. I'll definitely send it to you."
Do I have a bad sense of fashion? I thought about the clothes I usually wear in my mind, and then clicked on ０乎.
"Boys...winter...outfits..."
I feel like these are pretty much the same as what I normally wear, or I can go to the 0 site and have a look…
"Wow, you're back to school so early. You're so diligent."
A dialogue box with a lake blue avatar popped up in the social software.
"Yeah, I haven't even finished reading that article yet, and I feel pretty stupid."
"Are you talking about the one sent out before the Chinese New Year? If you really don't understand it, it's enough to understand a few key formulas. The rest of the parts are used to explain and supplement those formulas."
"Is that so? What are they specifically?" I took out my laptop from my bag while typing.
"For example, equation (42)..."
After finishing the remaining third of the book in my bumpy and shaking train berth, I went to the toilet and retched for ten minutes.
Ning Yu'an is a very selfish person, but she is good at getting along with others, so no one notices this.
In other words, every human being is selfish, some of them hide it more deeply, and some of them are unable to hide it. And she is one of those people who is particularly good at achieving her goals through indirect means.
Born without possession, work without reliance, success without dwelling. It is because of not dwelling that one does not leave.
Her parents were both very open-minded teachers. They did not discipline her too much from childhood to adulthood. Instead, they encouraged and guided her to think and judge human nature by herself, and to try to analyze the people around her. This good habit benefited her for life.
As Ning Yu'an developed more and more feminine traits, like other girls, she also felt more and more attention and threats from the world. She gradually realized that sometimes relying on someone would make life more convenient and give her a lot of security, although she didn't want to do so subjectively.
Later, this dependence gradually evolved into another stronger emotion, which seemed to be a natural process.
The person she could rely on was Fang Cheng, the person she was most familiar with in this world. This man could bring her an unparalleled sense of certainty and stability. After all, it was a fate that started in kindergarten. They knew the meaning behind each other's every move and even the casual look and tone of voice.
However, after she started college life, this sense of security gradually collapsed over time, and her understanding of Fang Cheng as a middle school student was shattered by geographical barriers.
Ning Yu'an sensed a looming danger, but remained confident in his ability to control the situation.
I really enjoyed the campus before school started. Living here was like booking a movie theater.
I like to walk alone in the playground, or sit on the grass that has not yet turned green. The scenery in early spring is no different from that in winter, with old yellow and the blue sky as the background.
Although these views are not gorgeous, they belong to me alone . Although the beauty that can be enjoyed alone is lonely, it can easily make people immersed in it and satisfy people's possessiveness, just like a poem says:
The poet's clear scene is in the new spring, when the green willows are only half yellow.
If the flowers in Shanglin are as beautiful as brocade, everyone who goes out will be a flower-viewing person.
But the only downside of there being no one around was that the cafeteria wouldn't be open either.
One day before school started, I brought two pancakes stuffed with sausage back to the dormitory from outside the school. When I was walking through the school staff quarters, I ran into Teacher Jie who had just left the school. He was wearing a black windbreaker with a plush collar, a brown old man's hat, and a bulging briefcase under his arm. It seemed that he was going to the office.
"Good morning, Fang Cheng!" He raised his hand and greeted me, and from a distance I could see the joy on his face.
"Good morning, teacher." I bowed slightly.
"Hey, you're here at school so early? Why don't you stay home and spend more time with your parents?"
Teacher Xie stretched out his hand to signal me to continue walking, and he wanted to go to school with me.
"Yes... I feel like there are still many things I don't know... so I came here early to read books."
"Well, when we were in Moscow, we also seized every opportunity to acquire knowledge. Youth fades easily and learning is difficult, so every moment of time should be precious."
I remembered that Teacher Jie loved poetry very much. When we took Introduction to Physics in the first semester of our freshman year, the department invited academicians to introduce the research directions of the college. When it was his turn, the whole class turned into a Pushkin poetry sharing session.
“Янехочупечалитьвасничем.
Яваслюбилбезмолвно, безнадежно,
Торобостью,торевностьютомим;”
It is said on the Internet that the name of this poem is "I Once Loved You". I later looked up its Chinese translation and it seems to tell the tragic story of a young man's unrequited love for a beautiful girl.
"Is there anything you don't understand in the book? Do you need me to explain it to you?"
"Well... I've basically finished reading the book, but I don't fully understand some parts. As for the article, I've discussed it with Ai Bishui and finished reading it, and I roughly understood it."
"Okay, okay, speaking of Miss Ai, she is simply the smartest person I have ever met in my life. Moscow University was full of talented people back then, and people as smart as her were rare."
I could see some sadness in Mr. Xie's eyes. Was he missing those passionate years?
"By the way, Mr. Fang Cheng, I'm going to teach a course on complex systems next semester. Do you want to join us?"
"Yes, I will definitely participate!"
In the course selection guide compiled by seniors in the department, Mr. Xie's class is given a very high priority. There are three reasons for this: first, the course content is relatively simple compared to other limited elective courses, and the grades given are also very good; second, Mr. Xie's previous courses have very few homework assignments, and most of the exams are open-book; and finally, Mr. Xie's lectures are very relaxed, and he also intersperses some small stories. Taking his class can be regarded as a rare break.
At that time, I was looking forward to these four credits which were almost given for free.
