My name is Monet, the same name as the French Impressionist painter Monet.
My father said that my mother 's favorite painting when she was alive was "Sunrise" by Monet, so he gave me this name.
When I was very young, my friends in the compound would ask me where my mother had gone. Every time, I would point to the cloudless sky, step on the large bluestone that we had worn calluses on, and answer in a loud voice like a bell: "In the sky!"
At that time, I thought that the sky was a magical alien planet where the Little Prince and his rose lived, and my mother might have turned into a superwoman to save the earth.
When I grew up, I realized that there are no little princes or roses in this world, the omnipotent Ultraman is fake, the ferocious little monsters are also fake, and my mother is certainly not a superwoman.
She just left this world due to illness.
A friend said, "Alas, children without mothers' love suffer so much, like Monet."
Another friend said, well , then let’s just let him be the leader of the gang, like Monet.
Just like that, I ascended the throne of king under their kindness. This is also the reason why I have been able to "dominate the throne" among the children, arrogant and lawless for nearly ten years since I wore open-crotch pants.
Charity is a sin committed out of compassion.
When I was ten years old, I met a man.
After the final exam that day, I and a few people in the yard rode our bicycles to the Internet cafe to play games like a pack of dogs released from a cage. The streets were full of crisp laughter and shouting. I held the handlebars of my bicycle and rushed down a small slope. Suddenly, a black car drove out from the alley , and the harsh sound of brakes resounded through the sky.
The bicycle lost balance and tilted to one side, the front of the bicycle brushed past me, I didn't have time to jump off the bicycle and fell headfirst, a sharp pain came from the palm of my hand. I got up quickly, enduring the excruciating pain, and found that the chain had fallen off. I blocked the bicycle with anger in my eyes and asked the driver to get out.
The driver didn't get out of the car. The rear window rolled down, and a young man in a black shirt stared at me with cold eyes.
I pointed at him and yelled angrily, "Boy, you almost hit me!"
The boy looked at the wound on my palm and my face covered in ash, turned around, and said expressionlessly to the person in the driver's seat, "Uncle Fu, drive."
"Get back here! I'm not done with you!" I jumped to my feet, put my hands on my hips and yelled at the car that was driving away, then ran up to it and tried to open the door.
The boy gave me a cold look, his eyes were so sinister that I couldn't help but shudder. I was so scared that I stopped and stared blankly at his face reflected in the rearview mirror, gradually going away.
I came to my senses belatedly and angrily gave the back of the car the middle finger.
When I got home in the evening, I saw the boy again. Next to him sat a middle-aged man who looked fierce and fierce. The middle-aged man was talking to my father, and the boy was drinking tea quietly.
Later, I learned that his name was Lin Jiaxuan, and the middle-aged man was also a gang leader named Heilong.
I admire cool people, like Lin Jiaxuan, so we became friends, even though he only treated me as a follower.
I like cool music, such as rock music. When I really fell in love with rock music, I left Lin Jiaxuan behind.
When Lin Jiaxuan was hanging out in society, I started to hang out as a young man, rebellious, arrogant, perverse, and fearless.
My father is a very capable man. He probably has enough money to build several pyramids. That’s what everyone says.
But this powerful man can't do anything to me, and I don't want his money.
I got into fights, made trouble, transferred schools, and became confused, all just to find the freedom I longed for.
When I was expelled again for beating up the dean of C Middle School and my dad smashed my electric guitar for the fifth time, I ran away from home.
I wandered aimlessly in the city, and turned into a bluestone alley. The sky here is small, the bars are numerous and diverse, and the high walls on both sides are painted with bright and exaggerated abstract paintings. I like these graffiti.
There was a broken wooden board with the word "zero" written on it, and a hanging card read "Grand Opening Sale"
I feel like my life is like "zero", no beginning, no end, nothing.
I didn't know that from the moment I stepped into here, I stepped into the turbine of destiny.
The lights inside were dim, the music was shrill, and snow-white limbs were twisting. I drank a beer and lay on the sofa watching these crazy scenes.
Suddenly, the door was pushed open, and a young girl came into my sight. She was wearing a white shirt and a blue knee-length skirt, and when she came in, she frowned at the plaster statue at the door.
Somehow, the haze in my heart was swept away by her lovely action. I smiled and looked around her without any concealment.
I never believed in love at first sight. But when I met her, I heard the sound of love sprouting in my heart.
When I saw her being bullied, I rushed over to help her without hesitation, wanting to show off and strike up a conversation. I have always been determined to do whatever I am interested in.
It turns out that I prefer to make her angry, drive her crazy, and watch her being unable to do anything to me rather than seeing her smile .
She probably never knew that the transfer was a decision she made. After meeting in the bar, I followed her and found out which school she was attending, which friends she made, and I guessed that she had someone in her heart.
When I went to look for my dad, I fainted in the living room. The housekeeper, Lao Guo, rushed me to the hospital. The expression on his face was so sad that it was horrible.
The medical record was full of scribbled words, and I couldn't understand them clearly, but the two clear words "lung cancer" in the middle pricked my nerves. It turned out that my coming into this world was a mistake, and then I learned the story of my mother, my father and Heilong.
I was a latent patient. They kept it a secret for a long time and were feeling lucky. But when I was eighteen years old, no miracle happened.
Maybe because I felt that death was too far away, I was not too sad. I asked my dad to arrange for me to go to her school, her class, and sit behind her, just to be closer to her.
But her heart was with someone else.
The person she was thinking about was Jiang Huainan.
Some people teach you how to love, but they don’t love you.
If I can make her angry, it proves that she has feelings for me.
Afterwards, something seemed to have happened to her. She looked like a rose that had lacked water, sickly and pitiful.
One day after school, I followed her and asked her, "Are you unhappy lately?"
"Are you sick?" she yelled impatiently.
I smiled and said, "Yeah, I'm sick, do you have medicine?"
She is my medicine.
That was the first time I hoped to live longer in this world. I wanted to wait until she could cure me.
I was having physical problems, with sudden pains and confusion. My dad knew I was still playing rock music, so he rushed into the music room and smashed .
His eyes were red with anger, and he pointed at my nose and cursed: "You are in such a bad shape, and you still play rock music. Do you want to die early?"
I had a quarrel with him and told him that it was none of his business if he died and asked him to get out.
I fell on the sofa, and my whole body began to ache again. I was knocked down by the pain, but I still wanted to step on it. I suddenly wanted to see her. I was afraid that I would die alone and that she would forget me.
After she came, I took her to the riverside. When she was lost in thought, I made the long-planned, lingering confession: "Axia, I like you."
What I actually want to say is, Axia, I love you.
If I die, you must remember that there is someone in this world who loved you.
I believe in love and believe that love can last forever.
Love can be measured by time, but I live in the footsteps of death.
One morning before school, I saw her eating instant noodles with red eyes, like a poor rabbit, with an unconcealable sadness.
She likes spicy food, but I am allergic to spicy food. However, as long as she is happy, I can give my life for it.
I ran with her in the wind, in the alleys of snacks filled with fragrance. Those spicy things were really deadly, and they made my internal organs feel like they were on fire, but when I saw her smile, I suddenly didn't feel any pain.
I think I'm crazy.
I didn't expect to meet Da Fei, nor did I expect Da Fei and Ella to become a couple. I never expected the fate that followed, the cruelty and ruthlessness that destroyed all happiness, without mercy or leniency.
The flames of hell licked the vicious souls. Qin Xiaosi took a wrong step and ruined all of us.
Something happened to Ella, and her innocence died with her.
The sadness in that young face is so close to me, I can't touch it, but my heart hurts.
I hugged her in the corridor and said with sobs, "Axia, although it is selfish to say this... I am glad that it is not you..."
I was in the hospital courtyard, looking at the cold moonlight, and said sadly: "Only when people are really close to death will they realize how happy it is to be alive... No matter what happens to people, it will pass, and being alive is good."
Yes, no one knows better than me that pain, madness, illness, and suffering are all better than being alive.
When you die, there is nothing left.
When Ella fell from the building, she rushed over in a daze. I wanted to accompany her on the stage, but my body was pushed down to the side of the stage. The foot on my back was so heavy; the pain all over my body was like burning fire and pricking needles, so painful.
I think I don't have much time left, I ask Lin Jiaxuan not to let her know all this. If possible, just bring her to my grave one day in the future to see me.
The treatment in the UK was very painful. My dad stayed with me. He looked much older. This man who had been successful throughout his life and defeated countless opponents, was defeated by his own son.
The attending physician said that if the situation is optimistic, I still have two months to live.
I suddenly wanted to go back and see her. I missed her like crazy.
Seeing me back, she was flattered and happy. Seeing her tears, I hated myself for not coming back earlier.
Christmas Eve is beautiful. The whole city stands in the snow, clean and pure, just like her smiling face beside her.
Seeing her shivering in the cold, I wanted to buy her a scarf. I suddenly realized that I had never given her a serious gift.
After buying the things, thinking about her surprised and touched look, my heart was as sweet as tasting candied fruit. I ran desperately across the street, avoiding the traffic, trying to get to her side.
At that moment, there was a chorus of car horns, the dazzling light hurt my eyes, the sharp sound of brakes rang out, and my body was thrown high into the sky.
The heavy snow fell into my eyes and mouth, the coldness invaded my heart, and the darkness of the night and the white of the lights swirled above my head.
It felt like every bone in my body was falling apart, cramps spread all over my body, and countless fragments flashed through my mind .
All kinds of voices rang in my ears, and all I could see was her crying face. I lay on the edge of death, spitting out a few words with difficulty, trying to smile at her, but when I tried hard, scarlet blood flowed out from the corners of my mouth.
I tried to reach out my hand to her, trying to wipe away the tears from the corners of her eyes.
Axia, don't be afraid, don't cry.
She cried and fell on , saying that she didn't have time to like me, didn't have time to love me. Her tears were bidding me farewell, and her heart was broken into thousands of pieces.
It was getting dark all around, and the snow was desolate, rolling and falling in the air.
The weak hand drooped helplessly in mid-air, and the icy pupils gradually faded into a lifeless gray, with only the peaceful snow and the dead night inside...
In the end, that pale and slender hand didn't have the strength to wipe away the lover's tears.
Axia, don't cry...it's okay...
It doesn’t matter. Since the day I met you, my life has been complete.