Extra: I miss you, do you know?
The naivety and innocence of my 19-year-old self have been worn away by time, leaving me with maturity and sophistication. I thought I had completely changed, but when I heard my heartbeat, I found that the heart waiting for death had never changed.
01
"My name is Liu Qian. I'm a returned overseas PhD holder with a US green card."
"My name is Ai Ye. I'm 32 years old. I'm from this city. I own a house, a car, and some savings. My parents are both deceased , and I have grandparents and a brother who is 16 years younger than me to support. I currently run a not-so-big company and a small bar."
I carefully studied the returnee in front of me who was wearing glasses and looked at least five years older than me. When I mentioned that he had a house, a car, and savings, his eyebrows raised. When I mentioned the words "brother" and "bar", the spoon in his hand that was stirring the coffee paused for a moment, and then frowned.
This overseas returnee man is the nephew of the cousin of the friend of my grandmother's friend. The introducer said that this man is handsome and has an American green card. A group of young girls follow him around, but he doesn't like them all. He just wants to find someone who is gentle, generous, knowledgeable, and has substance.
This mate selection standard made Ai Dong laugh for half an hour. After the matchmaker left, he asked me, "Sister, these words have nothing to do with you. Aren't they afraid of sticking their tongues out when they lie?"
I lifted my hair and rolled my eyes at him: "In my heart, I am a gentle, generous, knowledgeable, and rich beauty. You are young and cannot see my inner self."
The metal spoon hit the wall of the bone china coffee cup again, making a crisp sound. The returnee added two more sugars to the coffee and said hesitantly, "A sixteen-year-old brother? Could it be..." Even though he didn't say the rest of the sentence, I understood what it meant.
"Could it be my illegitimate child?" I looked at the embarrassed man in front of me and chuckled, "What do you think?"
The expression on his face changed rapidly, like a wonderful face-changing trick. He must have made a difficult choice between having a house, a car, and savings and being a stepfather.
Thirteen years.
A period of time that is neither too long nor too short is enough for a girl to transform into a woman, but there is no way to completely eliminate the rumors that once existed.
Newspapers and online financial news often have news like "The identity of the famous entrepreneur Ai Ye in this city is revealed", full of words like "dissolute", "bastard", "illegitimate child", etc. They even exaggerated my rise to fame by saying that I was once kept by many people and that my current company was also opened by a sponsor. Among these gossips that deserve emphasis, there are also some contents that are not suitable for children.
I always laugh it off. For someone who has lived for so many extra years, is there anything more important than living happily?
"Ms. Ai, I want to ask, do you still want children after you get married?" The returnee stared at me with a fearless expression. It seemed that he had made his choice.
"Mr. Liu wants to marry me?" I asked.
He nodded.
"In that case, I'd better tell Mr. Liu about my marriage requirements in advance. You know I have a big family to support, so we must notarize our property before marriage, and try to go AA after marriage. As for the children, I'm sorry, I'm a DINK." This man seemed very fragile, and I saw collapse on his face again.
"I am the only son in my family. If I don't want a son after marriage, won't our family be extinct?" He was still struggling.
"Mr. Liu has studied abroad, so how come his thinking is still so backward? Oh, by the way, I have one more thing to say. I want to sign a prenuptial agreement before getting married. If either party cheats after marriage, they will have to pay the other party one million in mental damages and divorce alimony." I added.
"You... don't you know that a woman who has never given birth to a child is an incomplete woman? You... are so old and still unmarried, you deserve that no one wants you! You are just a scumbag, a lunatic." Liu Qian finally couldn't help but stood up, raised the hot coffee in his hand, as if he wanted to splash it on my face, paused for a moment, then put it down heavily, threw down a sentence "Let's never see each other again", and left.
"Mr. Liu, please stay!" I called him, and after he turned around, I said, "Remember to pay, we'll split the bill."
He turned around angrily, slapped a pink Mao Zedong note on the table, his lips trembling, without saying a single swear word .
This is my eighth blind date this year, and it failed.
If I had known about the marriage earlier, I wouldn’t have cared much. But when I thought about my grandmother’s tearful face when I got back, I felt a little sad.
Over the years, I have been counting the days of my life. Doctors have told me time and again that I don’t know when I will die and will never see the bright lights and nights of this world again. What qualifications do I have to get married? Have children? To harm an innocent person?
Of course, the Mr. Liu who left was not innocent at all.
"This Liu Qian is no good!" Shen Anzhi, who was sitting at the next table wearing sunglasses, sat opposite me and looked at the still warm coffee in front of him with some disdain. "Why doesn't he try harder for his company that is on the verge of bankruptcy? You know, their company's stock will jump when your name is mentioned."
Shen Anzhi is a man with many identities to me: partner, financier, savior and good friend. His favorite saying is: "Ai Ye, if I hadn't happened to pass by and saved you, you would have gone to see God a long time ago, so you have to be nice to me, understand?"
And...he is the only person in this city who knows about my condition.
