Why are you so nice to me?
I asked Gu Yue over and over again in my heart, why are you so good to me? I am withdrawn, arrogant, and full of problems. No one in the class wants to be my friend. Some people even try to bully me. I am very purposeful and even hurt your mother. Why did you apologize to me? Why did you help me when someone bullied me? Why did you allow me to stay in your "private territory"? Why did you endure Wang Zhenzhen's provocation and insults for me when your mother is your Achilles' heel? Why are you so good to me?
Such questions dominated my mind. No matter how I tried to drive them out, they would re-occupy the high ground as soon as I saw, thought of or heard the word "Gu Yue".
I have wanted to ask this question countless times, but I didn't dare.
I am afraid. I don't understand why Gu Yue is so good to me, and I am afraid that I will worry about such things.
Why are you so nice to me?
I am more afraid that the answer Gu Yue gives me is not what I expected.
I went through a long period of torment. What kind of torment was it? You want to see someone, want to be with him, but you are afraid to be alone with him. You are afraid that some words will come out of your mouth, and in the next moment you will see the other person's disgust, hesitation, or inadvertently see any action of the other person to distance themselves from the relationship. Everything will be like an arrow, swishing into your chest, opening a hole, your heart is bleeding, but you can't shed tears.
There's nothing you can do but hide.
However, I couldn't hide. I worked hard on the questions until about 8:00 that night, when my dad's cell phone rang. The number was Gu Yue's. It's funny, I have the contact information of all my classmates, but this is the first time I've received a call from a classmate. I looked at the flashing screen of my cell phone, hesitating whether to answer it.
"Yuanyuan, answer the phone!" Dad leaned against the bed, squinting his eyes and watching the silent TV.
I looked back at him, but he didn't notice anything, but my heart was beating like a drum. I responded vaguely and picked up the phone like a thief.
My palms felt hot. Why was Gu Yue calling me at this time? I pressed the answer button and said in a daze, "Hello?"
"Zhang Yuanyuan?"
It wasn't Gu Yue. My heart dropped back into my stomach, and I felt a little disappointed. "It's me. What's wrong, Yue Hui?"
"Can you get some antipyretic and cold medicine over to the iron fence of the dormitory? Gu Yue has a fever, and the dormitory manager said we were faking illness so we could go out and play games. There's no one at home, so I can't get any medicine..."
I was anxious when I heard this. Wang Zhenzhen confiscated Gu Yue's school uniform in the morning. Although Gu Yue found another one to wear at noon, it was only March after all. Gu Yue had been cleaning the toilet in a sweater all morning. How could he not get sick? I said to the phone, "Have you taken his temperature? I'll send you medicine right away. If you think his temperature is too high, cool him down physically first!"
"What's wrong?" Dad asked.
I hung up the phone and went to look through the medicine box at home: "Do you have any antipyretic medicine or something like that at home? The boy who fought with me last time has a fever, and the dormitory manager won't let him go out to see a doctor."
"Yes, I'll go find it. You go get some porridge in the thermos and send it to him. I plan to give it to you as breakfast." Dad pushed me aside and started rummaging through the medicine box, ignoring my surprised look. "Is there no one taking care of him at home?" Dad asked suddenly, as if he had thought of something.
I panicked and went out to get some porridge. "I, I don't know. His family must be busy. He's from a divorced family too, and he came to me. I can't just ignore him as the squad leader."
Class monitor, this position that I usually despise, suddenly played a huge role today. I am the class monitor, I can't just ignore my classmates when something happens, right? Dad was fooled by my title, he prepared everything, and helped me push the bicycle out. Dad even forgot that this kind of thing should be asked to the class teacher, why the class monitor. I laughed in my heart that my father didn't understand the situation, and suddenly I thought, Gu Yue and I are friends, when something like this happens, only people who don't live on campus can get the medicine, why should I feel guilty? Is it because it is more convenient to find me that they called me? Thinking of this, I was discouraged again.
The school gate was closed long ago, and the reception room was too cold and no one was on duty, so the excuse of "I'm the class leader and I'm here to deliver medicine" didn't allow me to enter the school gate with confidence. I had no choice but to follow Yue Hui's instructions and go around to the iron fence of the dormitory area to call them.
On this side of the iron fence is a long slope leading to a higher place. There are camphor trees planted on both sides of the slope. I stood under the light and watched the camphor trees dim in the light. I felt a little panic and melancholy. I dialed the number several times, but the user was busy. I became more and more anxious. I didn't know what happened on the other side of the iron fence. After waiting for more than ten minutes, I couldn't help but shout to the alley in the dormitory area, but no one came and no one answered the phone.
A light shone out from the dark dormitory alley. I almost shouted, but then I realized it was a girl. Maybe Yue Hui asked her to come over to get medicine? I thought so and called the girl, "Classmate."
The girl used her cell phone's flashlight to shine on me: "Zhang Yuanyuan, why are you here?"
I heard the voice, it was Deng Yi. I was delighted, it was better to have an acquaintance than a stranger: "Are you here to get medicine? How is Gu Yue?"
Deng Yi walked to the iron fence where I was and looked up at me. "Medicine? What? Is Gu Yue really sick? Yue Hui was making a scene in the dormitory manager's room. I thought they were faking illness to deceive the dormitory manager again."
Again? I cursed in my heart, Gu Yue, how many unreliable things have you done. Although Deng Yi didn't come out to get the medicine, she was inside the fence, so it shouldn't be difficult to ask her to help deliver it? I hesitated for a moment and said, "They called me to send some medicine over, but I can't get in now. Can you help me deliver it?" I squatted and looked down at Deng Yi.
Because of the terrain, Deng Yi could only look up at me, and the expression on her face was clearly revealed by the light of the flashlight. Deng Yi smiled, and unlike Tian Tian or Wang Zhenzhen, her smile was calm, making people feel that she was a gentle person. She said, "Okay, throw the medicine down and I'll help you take it over."
"There's also a thermos bucket of porridge. Can you bring it to me as well? Please." I said to Deng Yi anxiously.
Deng Yi smiled again, and with a sly look, she asked, "Yuanyuan, why are you so nice to Gu Yue, sending him medicine and porridge?"
"I'm the squad leader, right? They called me, so I can't help them." I said quickly, "If you're sick, I'll send it to you, too."
"I understand, class monitor, you should care about your classmates!" Deng said while blinking, and his tone immediately turned into a joke.
I threw the plastic bag containing several boxes of medicine to Deng Yi. She reached out and grabbed it. When I wanted to put the bucket of porridge down, she stopped me.
"No, I'm not tall enough." Deng Yi waved his hand to signal me to stop. "The height difference between you and me is too big. It doesn't matter if you throw a few boxes of medicine down, but I'm afraid I can't catch the thermos bucket. Wait a moment, I'll move a stool or ask the boys to come over."
I looked down at the darkness and it was indeed a bit high, so I agreed. Just as Deng Yi turned to leave, a sentence suddenly popped up in my mind: "You can't be hostile to everyone around you, understand? People always have friends." The person who said this was very serious at the time. I looked at Deng Yi's back as he was about to disappear, and suddenly shouted, "Deng Yi!" The voice was so loud that even I was scared.
Deng Yi stopped and looked back at me. I couldn't see her face, but I knew it was full of doubt. I swallowed and said hesitantly and even tremblingly, "Deng Yi, thank you!"
Deng Yi stood at the dark alley and waved at me: "No need to thank me, it's a piece of cake! I'll go deliver the medicine first."
I calmed my pounding heart and squatted on the ground. It didn't seem so difficult. Saying thank you, saying please, waving, smiling and nodding, these didn't seem so difficult. I closed myself in a circle of self-protection, no one hurt me, and no one comforted me. What blocked me from friendly exchanges with others was not the malice from the outside world, but the fear from my heart.
This time, I didn't have to wait long before I heard footsteps in the alley. I quickly stood up and looked over there, so that the person on the other end could see me. It wasn't Deng Yi. Maybe the other party really called a boy, but judging by his height, it wasn't Yue Hui. When the man walked to the light, I realized it was Gu Yue.
"Why are you here? Didn't you say you had a fever? Where's Yue Hui? Why didn't you ask him to come get it?"
I asked a series of questions, but Gu Yue didn't answer me, just motioned me to stand back. He waved his hand and told me to step back. Before I could figure out what he was doing, he took a few steps to run up and climbed up the long slope where I was.
"What are you doing?" I didn't understand. Gu Yue, who was just at the lower side of the long slope, climbed up the long slope in a few seconds. Wasn't he sick?
Gu Yue stood on the edge of the long slope, holding on to the iron fence to keep his balance, walked up a little, found a place with relatively large gaps between the iron bars, and squeezed in sideways.
I stepped back, but Gu Yue's momentum didn't seem to slow down, and he almost bumped into me. A hoarse voice sounded above me: "Where's my porridge? Deng Yi said you made porridge for me."
I don't know why, but I feel happy in this voice.
What is your porridge? I complained in my heart, my face burning inexplicably: "Why did you climb up here? Didn't you say you had a fever? What if just now..."
"Listen to Yue Hui's nonsense!" Gu Yue pulled the thermos in my hand and tried to find a place to sit.
I was pulled out of the darkness by him unexpectedly, and I was brought under the light while still holding the handle of the thermos. I looked at the two shadows connected under the street light, and my heart was beating like a drum for some reason. I didn't know why I didn't want to let go, and let Gu Yue hold the thermos. The two elongated black shadows were stained yellow by the orange street light, just like my heart that was warmed to a mess.
"Sit down!" Gu Yue took me to the side of the long sloped road, held me down and made me sit on the side of the road. He turned around and jumped into the ditch which was less than calf-deep, and sat opposite me.
"Have you taken the medicine?" I asked calmly.
"What kind of porridge did you bring? Do you know how to make porridge?" Gu Yue ignored me and curiously placed the thermos bucket on his lap. He opened the lid and the aroma of preserved egg and lean meat porridge immediately overflowed. "It smells good."
"Don't think too much. My dad made the porridge, not me. Besides, this is my breakfast!" Looking at Gu Yue drinking porridge, I was a little angry. "Yue Hui called me in a hurry. What's wrong with you? Say something!"
Gu Yue looked at me while eating. The height difference made our eyes not at the same level even when we were sitting. "I'm fine. Don't listen to Yue Hui's nonsense. He has such a noisy personality that he will make everything a big deal. I'm fine, really. If you don't believe me, feel it!" After saying that, Gu Yue actually grabbed my hand and put it on his forehead.
But I had been standing outside for too long, my hands were already cold, and when I touched them, I felt a burning sensation. When I touched the burning sensation on his forehead, it seemed as if the fire was burning into my heart. I suddenly pulled my hand back, my heart was beating like a drum, and the heat seemed to still be at my fingertips. I put my hands behind my back and clenched them into fists. I didn't know why Gu Yue would do such an intimate thing, but I was panicked.
"What’s wrong with you?"
I was afraid that Gu Yue had seen through my panic, so I hurriedly said, "Whether you have a fever or not is not up to me or you. After drinking the porridge, go to the small clinic in front. And how many times did you pretend to be sick to make the dormitory manager not believe what you said?"
Gu Yue picked up the spoon and prepared to continue drinking porridge. When he heard what I said, he immediately looked up at me and said, "I won't go. I told you that I don't have a fever. I just had a little fever in the afternoon! Why do you believe Yue Hui and not me? I don't even know if there is anything wrong or not."
The street light fell into Gu Yue's eyes and turned into dots of starlight. I looked at the spots of light and Gu Yue's face illuminated by the light. I turned my head away and said, "Whatever you want!"
The disagreement led to a long period of coldness and silence. Gu Yue was only focused on drinking his porridge, while I was anxious and looked around, but I didn't dare to look at Gu Yue. What was so scary? I didn't know. That night, I seemed to have stayed there for too long. This long slope with camphor trees on both sides seemed like a world isolated from the world. The whistles outside the world, the voices of people, and all the worldly noises seemed to be far away from this world. This night was so beautiful that I couldn't help but want to say what was in my heart.
But what can I say? Ask Gu Yue that question? Should I say it or not? My heart seemed to be bewitched by this night. All rationality left me, leaving only the stirring emotions. Say it, say it, say it, my heart kept urging me. But at the moment when I was about to blurt out the words, Gu Yue easily put down the spoon. So, everything was stirring, and then returned to silence.
Gu Yue looked at me, seeming to want to say something but stopping himself.
I pretended to be generous and said, "No need to thank me, it's 20 yuan in total, thank you for your patronage!"
Gu Yue smiled at me, tapping the thermos bucket with a spoon, looking very satisfied: "Based on our relationship and friendship, do you still need me to pay you?"
What is our relationship? What kind of friendship do we have? I kept asking Gu Yue in my heart. But he was like a careless person, forgetting what he said in an instant. After saying that, he seemed to have discovered a grass growing on the side of the road with curiosity, and his face almost came close to the curb, studying the grass with great energy.
I didn't answer him, and Gu Yue also forgot to ask me to answer. There was another long silence, with both of us speechless. The sound of car horns cut through the solemnity of the night sky. I woke up from a dream and looked at the main road below the long slope. I looked back at Gu Yue, who was also staring at me without blinking.
"I should go home." I stood up and avoided Gu Yue's gaze.
"Oh, that's right. It's quite late." Gu Yue looked up at me. The orange light smudged his profile. He seemed to be annoyed. "Where's your car? I'll go with you to get it."
The bicycle was just a few meters away. Although the slope was not steep, I didn't plan to ride it down. Gu Yue walked on the other side of the bicycle and followed closely down the slope, and soon reached the main road.
"Go back, be careful, and remember to take your medicine." I held the handlebars and looked at the road ahead. After I finished speaking, I walked away without waiting for Gu Yue to reply.
"Zhang Yuanyuan!"
"What?" I turned around almost the moment I heard his voice.
"Didn't you ask me why I came out to get the things myself and didn't let Yue Hui come to get them?" Gu Yue took out a small box from his pocket and handed it to me. "This is for you. Happy birthday!"
Today is not my birthday! But then I remembered that every time I filled out the information, I wrote March 2nd of the lunar calendar, and today happened to be March 2nd. Did Gu Yue mistakenly think that today was my birthday? My hand was suddenly pulled up, palm facing up, and the small box was stuffed into my hand. I instinctively grabbed it, and when I looked up, Gu Yue had already run away.
I stumbled all the way home. The TV was so loud. The host of the dating show kept yelling after the female guest popped the light. I was standing outside the door and heard the "bang". I thought that the popping light in the show effect should be called "overjoyed" in my heart.
Unspeakable joy quickly filled my heart. My brain sounded an alarm in protest, but was ultimately drowned by the flowers blooming in my heart.
Happy birthday!
"Yes, your analysis of this question is correct, but you still got it wrong." I agreed with Deng Yi very frankly, and then said, "I don't want to criticize you, but you forgot one sentence."
Deng Yi looked at me stupidly: "What?"
"Odd numbers change but even numbers don't change. The sign depends on the quadrant." After I said this, I silently looked at the other person, who was stunned as if he had been struck by lightning.
Sure enough, the other party slapped his head suddenly and realized: "Yes! How could I forget this! This question is a trap for people to fall into!" Deng Yi held the test paper in a mysterious manner, recited the steps to solve the problem in his mind, and walked to his seat without paying any attention to me.
I started doing what I was doing again. This kind of scene started to happen frequently after Deng Yi asked me a question. I also went from being surprised at the beginning to being calm. It turns out that humans are social animals.
The person who had finished wiping the blackboard threw the brush onto the podium. I subconsciously looked up and saw Gu Yue, with his arms crossed over his chest, looking at me with interest, and then said, "Not bad, the academic master is starting to teach people how to do the exercises."
I raised an eyebrow at him, "Fewer friends, fewer walls. I learned that from you!"
Gu Yue chuckled, then shook his head and walked away.
A small incident kept me in a good mood for the whole morning. When the third class was about to end, the acting head teacher poked his head out of the front door, interrupted the teacher's lecture, and called Gu Yue out. I was less than two meters away from the door, and I saw the head teacher's serious expression. I watched Gu Yue walk out with a confused look on his face.
What happened?
The teacher on the podium clapped his hands twice to call back the students whose attention had been distracted. I followed the teacher's movements and looked at the blackboard. My eyes unconsciously glanced around, secretly looking at the corridor where Gu Yue and the head teacher were standing, just like watching a silent movie: the head teacher patted Gu Yue's shoulder and said something, Gu Yue's pupils contracted violently, and then they were completely empty. He shook his head, shook his head violently, and his eyes were filled with disbelief, like a thin layer of ice, which shattered with a light tap. The head teacher raised his hand and grabbed Gu Yue's arm, trying to calm him down. Gu Yue yelled at the head teacher in excitement, and he shook off the head teacher's hand and ran quickly. I turned around and followed his steps. He quickly passed the glass window and disappeared at the end of the corridor. What happened? I wondered in my heart, why did he have such an expression, such an expression of collapse?
The bell rang and my ears were filled with all kinds of sounds.
"Yuanyuan, let's go to the bathroom together?" This is Deng Yi.
"The English teacher is busy, so we will have math class next time." This was the head teacher standing at the door again.
"It's math again--" These are the reluctant students.
"Okay." My heart palpitations kept getting worse, but I didn't know why.
"The English teacher had a car accident. I will ask the monitor to take out some money from the class fund to buy some things, and ask a few class leaders to visit the English teacher with me tomorrow at noon..."
Deng Yi was very slow. When he entered the classroom, the head teacher was already standing on the podium. When the head teacher saw me standing at the door, he immediately said, "Yuanyuan, how much class fee do you have? If it's not enough, take another 200 yuan from me. Call a few class leaders and go to the hospital with me tomorrow to see the English teacher. Yuanyuan?"
The English teacher had a car accident?
"Thump, thump." The panic in my heart flowed to my body along with the blood. My brain connected what I heard with Gu Yue's collapsed expression, but a voice still said to me in a soothing way - maybe it was just hit by an electric bike, how serious could it be? I looked at the head teacher on the podium, but forgot to answer him. Deng Yi bumped me with his arm, and I reacted and nodded to the head teacher.
How big of a deal could it be? It was not until we were carrying fruits, milk, and nutritional supplements and saw Director Guo stuffing money into Gu Yue's pocket in the corridor of the inpatient department that I realized that Gu Yue's head had collapsed. Gu Yue refused to take the money, and finally Director Guo forced it into his pocket when he saw the head teacher leading us over. Gu Yue hurriedly raised his head, and when he saw several classmates, his expression was extremely embarrassed.
We greeted each other awkwardly, and Gu Yue took us into the ward. Unlike the scene I imagined in my mind that Liu Sulan was fine, she was lying on the bed, sleeping, with an oxygen mask on her face and an IV tube in her hand, lifeless. Only the occasional beeping of medical equipment could prove that she was still alive. An old woman sat at the head of Liu Sulan's bed, wiping away tears. The situation was not optimistic. I couldn't get a word in during the whole visit, but I vaguely understood the intention of Director Guo to give her money, the regret in the head teacher's mouth, and the anxiety on the old woman's face.
A man hurried to the door, ready to ask Gu Yue to leave. Liu Sulan hadn't woken up yet, and it was inconvenient for us to stay in the ward for a long time. The head teacher took us to leave, and before leaving, the head teacher stuffed a few hundred yuan into Gu Yue's pocket. Having been caught in so many embarrassing situations, Gu Yue no longer refused awkwardly. He thanked the head teacher with a wooden expression, and the head teacher patted his shoulder and sighed.
When I walked out of the inpatient department, all I could think about was Gu Yue's dark eyes when he looked at me without any emotion. I didn't talk to Gu Yue during the visit, but I always felt that I should say something. So after the teacher separated from us, I found an excuse to leave the team that was going back to school and went back the same way. I walked back again after a rush of thoughts. I knew that I couldn't help him in any way, and I couldn't comfort him with any words, but I just wanted to see the boy who had grown up overnight again.
"This is the only money your uncle can borrow. But your mom is lying here, and it costs several thousand a day. Yueyue, why don't you ask your dad to borrow some? You have been married for more than ten years, and your dad won't..." A man with gray hair on his temples was standing at the end of the corridor. As he spoke, he seemed unable to speak and squatted down with his hands covering his face.
I was standing a few meters away from Gu Yue and inadvertently intruded into his embarrassment.
Gu Yue had his back to me. The cold hospital corridor made me feel that his upright figure looked somewhat desolate. Gu Yue said in an unbelievable tone, "How come there is no money? When they divorced, didn't my mother take hundreds of thousands?"
I was stunned when I heard that. The squatting man who claimed to be Gu Yue's uncle wiped his face with a look of misery: "Where are the hundreds of thousands? On the eve of your parents' divorce, your grandfather was defrauded of money and lost most of his life savings. He also cheated several relatives. Your grandfather died before he could even catch his breath, but the debt was still owed. I sold the house to pay off the debt but it was still not enough. Your mother planned to discuss it with your father, but your father just filed for divorce, so your mother... used the money to fill the hole? Your mother's life in the past few years..."
Life must be tough, right? The man who calls himself uncle may only be in his thirties, but his temples are already gray.
"Why has no one ever told me this?" Gu Yue said in a trembling voice. He wanted to take something out of his pocket, but his hands were shaking and he couldn't find the zipper. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"
"Why should I tell you, a child?" Uncle laughed bitterly, "But I can't treat you as a child now. Yueyue, your mother lost her father and her husband at the same time. She can only rely on you now. Yueyue, uncle will find a way to borrow money. The debt has not been paid off in these years. It is unknown whether people will let me in." Uncle covered his face and did not dare to look at Gu Yue. "If it were not for this situation, I would not mention these to you... Uncle is sorry for you."
"Okay, stop talking. I get it. You go in first. I'll call my dad." The uncle wanted to say something else, but was interrupted by Gu Yue. He quickly arranged everything, looking very reliable. "I'm afraid grandma can't take care of it alone. You go in first."
When Gu Yue's uncle walked to the ward, I subconsciously hid in the stairwell. Gu Yue has always resented his mother, blaming her for wanting money instead of custody, so he has always refused to call her "Mom". Even though the boundary between mother and son was accidentally broken last time, there is still a gap. Gu Yue himself may not feel the contradiction of being tempted and resentful but unable to completely turn away from warmth, but I can see clearly that Gu Yue resents the person who abandoned him but can warm him, his mother.
However, the truth is now laid bare in front of him. The reason for abandoning him was for his own good, and the reason for abandoning him was to prevent him from carrying a burden from the beginning of his life... Regardless of whether Gu Yue is willing or not, and whether he hates it or not, when he is well-fed and well-clothed, and free and easy, Liu Sulan is making money to pay off debts. He has hated it for so many years, and suddenly someone tells him that "the person you hate actually loves you the most."
Gu Yue leaned against the wall dejectedly, he looked down at his pocket and took out his cell phone. I watched him take a deep breath, unlock the phone, dial the number, wait for the call to be connected, and then he exhaled deeply: "Dad..."
We entered the ivory tower of school at the age of 6. Now we are 18 years old. Trigonometric functions and present perfect tense did not teach us how to deal with various unexpected accidents, and we can't even control the trembling of our voices caused by great grievances when facing pressure.
I think Gu Yue was also stunned. This rebellious, thorny boy let down his guard and sharpness, and approached his father , hoping to get some protection.
"Auntie? Isn't this my dad's phone? Let my dad answer the call!" Gu Yue said to the phone in surprise, "How could I forget to take my phone when I'm on a business trip? Give me the number of that phone! What for? I have something to talk to him about!"
But, unfortunately, these shelters may exclude you.
I heard Gu Yue's trembling voice, his excited voice, and his angry roar, and I retorted, "I'm not looking for an excuse to ask for money! My mom, something happened to my mom! Give me my dad's number and I'll talk to him myself. What do you mean you don't remember it! Don't you want me to contact my dad? Don't you want my dad to give me money? Hey!"
"Hello, hello! He hung up?" Gu Yue was still holding the phone and cursing loudly, which immediately attracted protests from the neighboring wards. He apologized dryly and turned around to look me in the eye: "Why are you still here?"
My eyes were sore, and I tried hard not to shed inexplicable tears. Just now, I wanted to reach out to Gu Yue. He looked abandoned by the world with his back to me. His helpless look against the wall made my heart ache. His questioning and irritable look while holding the phone made me want to calm his panic and tell him that no matter what he faced, I would be with him.
I will always be with you? When these four words flashed through my mind, I instantly understood my heart. Why did I always want to ask Gu Yue "Why are you so nice to me?" Why was I afraid that I would not hear the answer I wanted to hear? Why did I feel uncomfortable when I saw this person collapse and helpless? Why did I feel uneasy and palpitated when I heard that Liu Sulan was hit by a car? Because I...
"Are you okay?" How could he be okay? I clearly saw everything, but I could only say these irrelevant words to him.
"It's nothing serious. You should go back to school. Don't you have classes in the afternoon?" Gu Yue lowered his head to look at his mobile phone, tapping the touch screen with his fingers, unwilling to even look at me.
"That……"
"Is there anything I can do for you?" I wanted to ask, but Gu Yue was so proud that he would not tolerate charity from others. I opened my mouth but finally fell silent.
Gu Yue looked up at me, then walked to the window and continued to make a call. But the number that was working just now was now "user busy", and Gu Yue became more and more annoyed.
"How about you use my dad's cell phone to call?" Gu Yue suddenly left school yesterday, so I went home and borrowed my dad's cell phone, thinking maybe someone would call me.
Gu Yue hesitated for a moment, but finally picked up the phone. He had just said one sentence after the call was connected when the other end of the line began to transmit endless resentment.
"What's wrong with you? I told you that your dad forgot to take his phone. Why do you need money so urgently? Don't think I don't know. Your dad sent you another 2,000 yuan before he went on a business trip. 2,000 yuan is not enough, and you still want to cheat me out of money? Gu Yue, if you want to cheat me out of money, don't lie so much. Just be content with 2,000 yuan!"
When the voice floated out of the speaker, I wished I could disappear immediately. I forgot that my father's old phone was like having ten speakers when answering calls. Such naked humiliation seemed to be magnified countless times in the quiet hospital corridor. I was ashamed, embarrassed, awkward, and uncomfortable, but how could this feeling be even one ten-thousandth of the humiliation that Gu Yue felt at the moment?
"Don't call me from a different number anymore. You're using your mother as a cover, aren't you afraid of shortening her lifespan..."
How could a child lie about his own mother? I was stunned. If he was not at the end of his rope, why would he call someone he hated so much?
The woman's shrill voice was cut off, Gu Yue hung up the phone, handed the phone to me with a grim face, and walked past me.
I suddenly reacted and subconsciously turned to look at Gu Yue: "Gu Yue, I'm sorry, I forgot. I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I forgot my dad's cell phone..."
Gu Yue rushed into the stairwell and climbed up the stairs in two steps at a time.
I didn't know where he was going, so I stupidly ran after him holding my phone in my hand: "Gu Yue, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."
"That's enough!" Gu Yue stopped, turned around and looked down at me, "Don't follow me! Haven't you seen enough jokes?"
"I'm not..." I'm not making fun of you, I just want to help you.
"If not laughing at me, what else could you say? Sympathize with me? Pity me? Come over and give me a few hundred dollars, pat my shoulder and tell me to be strong? Stop talking nonsense!" Gu Yue stared at me fiercely, without blinking, "I don't need your cheap sympathy and self-righteous consolation!"
"I'm not. I know you. I understand." I was like a suffocating fish, blowing bubbles but unable to breathe. I wanted to say what I wanted to say, I wanted to express my true thoughts, but because of Gu Yue's eyes flashing with cold light, I couldn't utter a single word.
"You understand me? You know me? Can you know what I'm thinking? To me, you are a person standing on the shore. You tell me that you feel the same way, you tell me that you understand everything, but I tell you, you understand nothing!"
My heart was beating violently, and an inexplicable pain was transmitted to my internal organs and limbs through the blood.
I called Gu Yue's name in my heart, and I wanted to tell him that it was not like that, it was not like that.
But Gu Yue became more and more agitated: "Don't tell me that it's not like that, you are here to help me with that nonsense! Your mother is not lying in the hospital bed, and the nurse didn't tell you that the medication will be stopped if you don't pay the bill. You haven't experienced these things yourself, what do you know!" Tears filled Gu Yue's eyes, and he turned his face away and said, "Zhang Yuanyuan, I'm telling you, don't comfort me with your self-righteous 'understanding you'! Don't look at me like that!"
His voice suddenly rose, and I was startled by the rising voice. I forgot to defend myself and forgot to breathe. I looked at him with wide eyes, and I wanted to tell him that it was not like that, I did not sympathize with him, because...
"I don't need your sympathy. Don't look at me with such pitying eyes! Get out of here! Go!" Gu Yue screamed out his emotions at the top of his voice, with ruthlessness in his eyes.
I hesitated, the chill seeping into my bones.
The family members on this floor gathered in the stairwell to watch the fun, and some of them cursed and complained that we were too noisy.
After saying this, Gu Yue turned around and ran to the upper floor, disappearing. I was left alone, caught up in the discussions of others.
I listened to the chattering, and then said in a voice that only I could hear: "It's not sympathy, it's love for you."
There is a kind of clumsy secret love, which makes every eye contact seem like a confession. The emotions hidden deep in the eyes can only be revealed to you in the eye contact disguised as an unexpected encounter, but do you understand?
Eyes are weapons that pierce the soul. All I see is the ruthlessness in your eyes. But I still can't control myself. I can't stop my eyes from looking at you, and I can't stop my legs from following you.
I followed Gu Yue to a certain store, and when I saw him walking into the store, I stopped and hid. I didn't know why Gu Yue went in, but I knew he didn't want to see me.
After waiting for a long time without seeing Gu Yue come out, I could no longer hold back and quietly approached the clothing store. A sharp, almost harsh voice came out from the open door.
"Don't tell me your mom is sick and needs to be hospitalized. How dare you, a kid, tell such a lie? Besides, your parents are divorced. Your mom is sick and hit by a car. What does that have to do with our Lao Gu?"
"I'm not asking you for money. Give me my father's new phone number and I'll talk to him myself." Gu Yue's voice seemed pale and powerless amid the woman's overwhelming ridicule and cursing.
"Humph, usually Old Gu rushed to call you, but you didn't respond. Now that you're short of money and don't even have a phone number, you still have the nerve to say your last name is Gu!"
I couldn't help but take a few more steps and looked out the glass door at the woman, with her arms folded across her chest, standing on a staircase a few steps higher than Gu Yue's, looking very proud.
"I'm telling you, Gu Yue, Old Gu is a soft-hearted person. He'll give you as much money as you want. That doesn't make sense with me. Your dad gave you two thousand before he went on a business trip. Can an ordinary student spend two thousand in a week? Don't lie to me! I don't have any money! I won't give it to you!"
"I'm not looking for you, I'm looking for my dad! My mom was hit by a car and now she needs money to save her life. Please give me my dad's number, auntie! I'm not looking for you for money!" Gu Yue hunched his back. Some invisible pressure in the air pressed on the boy's back. He looked like he was about to suffocate. "I can't lie about my mom. Please give me my dad's number. I really have something urgent. Please, auntie."
The boy's tone revealed an unprecedented level of submission and pleading.
The woman's face was frozen, as if she had never seen Gu Yue talk to her in this manner before. An unnatural look flashed across her face. She turned away and lowered her voice, saying, "That number can't be dialed."
"Auntie, I'm not kidding you, I mean..." Gu Yue thought that if he softened, the woman would cooperate with him. Even if she ridiculed him or gave him a cold look, she would still give him her phone number in the end. However, he didn't expect that she would hold on to it.
"That number doesn't work either!" The woman was furious, as if she was irritated by Gu Yue's suspicion. She took out a wad of money from her bag and threw it at where Gu Yue was standing: "I told you I can't get through, so forget it if you don't believe me! It's just for money, right? Here, here are two thousand yuan. I will never give you any more money before your father comes back! Don't try to make up any lies to cheat money!"
Gu Yue stood in the open space of the clothing store, red bills hit his chest and then scattered around.
Gu Yue clenched his fingers into a fist, he moved slightly, and it looked like he would explode at any moment, I immediately rushed in and grabbed him.
But Gu Yue didn't mean to hit anyone. He moved his arms to try to break free from my hand. It was only then that I saw his face. He had no expression on his face, and it looked like a layer of frost had formed on his face.
Gu Yue glanced at me, then raised his left hand to brush away my hand that was pulling him. He squatted down in front of me, and squatted down in front of the woman.
Arrogance is not about looking down on people who are smaller than you, but watching Gu Yue squatting in front of me, I saw a lively and arrogant person being bent. I stretched out my hand to cover my mouth, but found that my hand was shaking. How many times did this proud and flamboyant person bow his head?
He squatted, bent his back, and picked up the pink banknotes on the ground one by one.
Seeing Gu Yue like this, my heart aches. In your heart, there will always be someone whom you cannot bear to embarrass or be sad, and even if others look down on him, you will be heartbroken.
But what can I do? Pull Gu Yue up and tell him not to pick it up? I can't do anything. The only thing I can do is to fall into the dust with him.
Two thousand yuan, 20 pieces of paper, it looks like a lot when scattered on the ground, but I can't help but feel guilty when I hold it in my hand, it's too thin, just a thin stack.
I pulled Gu Yue up, put the few banknotes I picked up neatly into his hand, and then I looked at him.
The plot of many TV dramas is that when the protagonist is thrown money, he will take it and throw it back in the person's face.
But the fact is, we can't afford it.
I pulled Gu Yue, whose eyes were filled with confusion, and left without looking back.
The more you want to grab something, the less likely you are to grab it.
My hands were empty, but I was still rushing forward due to inertia. When I realized that my hands were empty, I froze while maintaining my forward momentum.
"She's lying."
I looked back in panic: "Who is lying?"
Gu Yue's fragility caught my eyes. He grabbed the stack of banknotes that had not been put away yet, stumbled to the side of the road, and sat down: "She doesn't want me to contact my dad, or my dad doesn't want me to contact..."
How could that be? Maybe we’re just in some deep mountain area and there’s no signal and we can’t make phone calls?
"You heard it with your own ears. He said my aunt was pregnant and asked me not to go back. He asked me not to go back, and I could not go back. I could not go back to his home, but how could he let that woman use such an excuse to perfunctorily deal with me?" Tears overflowed from the corners of his eyes. "It's not like I took his money for nothing. The person lying in the hospital is my mother, the mother of his son. How could he..."
No matter how many times I said I didn't have any expectations for him, no matter how I said I was already a homeless child when you divorced, I still had a glimmer of hope in my heart. I used a clumsy way to attract your attention, can you see that, Dad?
"It's not as bad as you think, right?" I clearly remember the shy look on Gu Yue's face when his father sent something to school. I clearly remember the way Gu Yue enjoyed the love and care but also complained when his father called me. "Your father will not hide from you."
On the screen of the mobile phone handed over, a screenshot of the 12306 website flashed in the sun. The return ticket would arrive in this city at two o'clock in the afternoon of the day before yesterday, and the name on the train ticket was - Gu Changxing.
"How did you get this?"
"My dad's secretary bought the ticket for him online. I went to my dad's company that day and happened to see the secretary's ticket purchase record."
How could a person who had arrived in this city the afternoon before yesterday not be able to get through on his phone? How could a person who had arrived in this city the afternoon before yesterday not be able to get through on his phone? How could the woman say she had not seen him? The answer was obvious, but it was jaw-dropping and almost chilling: Gu Yue's father was avoiding Gu Yue.
The more you want to hold onto something, the less you can hold onto it. So, how can you pretend to have always had something you've already lost?
Gu Yue's hand holding the phone was still suspended in mid-air.
Why doesn't anyone hold your hand and tell you that you are not walking alone?
"It doesn't matter. I knew it would be like this. When they divorced, it had nothing to do with me..." Gu Yue said this, took back his hand holding the phone, and wanted to wipe it on his face.
I quickly grabbed his wrist and took a step forward to stand in front of him.
Gu Yue no longer held his head high. I looked at the top of his head and said, "It's okay. I'll be with you."
There was a silence of about a minute or more, and Gu Yue put his head on my shoulder: "My uncle is hoping that I can bring back medical expenses. He is already in debt and can't borrow more money. But how can I go back? With these two thousand yuan? Two thousand yuan can't even support a day! I, I..."
I have never hated my own powerlessness as much as I do today, even though I am still just a small animal in human society. But life, those sudden accidents, don't care whether you are a person who has the ability to resist emergencies, it will only suddenly drag you into a desperate situation, making you feel alone in a world of 6 billion people.