Since it is my fault, let me make up for it with my lifelong love.

After separating from Luo Qubai, Lin Qianliu skipped all the classes in the afternoon and returned to the dormitory.
Her roommates had all gone to class. She curled up in her quilt alone, quietly recalling every detail about Luo Qubai, letting her tears wet her pillow.
She didn't know how long it had been, but she fell asleep in a daze, resting her head on the desolate ground, and dreamed of Luo Qubai in a daze.
In the dream, I recall the past thousands of times.
From the sweet start until she pushes him into the road.
Then she woke up with a scream, her heavy breathing echoing in the quiet and dim dormitory.
It was already evening, and the sky in late autumn darkened early. She cried again alone in the darkness, holding on to her memories. However, the stubbornness in her heart did not allow her to be unruly, so she could only curl up in the quilt, blocking her mouth with her fists, and sobbing softly.
At this time, Lian Shengmo was outside the dormitory. She called Lin Qianliu while using her key to open the door.
Then, a familiar cell phone ringtone came from Lin Qianliu's bed, and she faintly heard Lin Qianliu's low sobbing.
With a slight frown, Lian Shengmo hung up the phone and quietly approached Lin Qianliu's bed.
After placing his backpack and cell phone on Lin Qianliu's desk, Lian Shengmo took off his shoes and climbed up the stairs to Lin Qianliu's bed.
As the distance shortened, Lin Qianliu's crying became clearer.
Lian Sheng sighed and pulled back the quilt. Lin Qianliu's tearful face immediately came into her eyes. Although the lights were not on and the whole dormitory seemed very dim, the light from outside the dormitory building just happened to shine into the room, allowing her to see Lin Qianliu's face clearly.
Knowing that Lin Qianliu was heartbroken because of Luo Qubai, Lian Sheng Mo didn't say anything and just pulled her out of bed.
She thought that Lin Qianliu must not have eaten. As her best friend, she just wanted Lin Qianliu to live well instead of dying sadly in the dormitory.
Lin Qianliu let her do whatever she wanted. She combed his hair and helped him put on his shoes. Then she pulled him out of the door to find food.
However, as soon as he left the girls' dormitory, Lin Qianliu saw Luo Qubai.
It was unknown how long Luo Qubai had been waiting outside the girls' dormitory. Lin Qianliu only saw that he looked depressed. Lin Qianliu quickly put away his sadness, as if he had not seen Luo Qubai, and turned to talk and laugh with Lian Shengmo.
Lian Shengmo saw through her forced smile at a glance, sighed, and acted along with her.
After the two walked a few steps, Luo Qubai blocked their way.
He frowned, his eyes fell on Lin Qianliu. Before he saw Lin Qianliu, he had been organizing his words, but when he saw her at this moment, Luo Qubai was like a mute and could not speak.
Lin Qianliu glanced at him and asked, "Anything else?"
Luo Qubai opened his mouth slightly, but still couldn't make any sound.
"Student Luo, you are not waiting for me to say that I still like you, are you?" Lin Qianliu deliberately sneered, his tone full of mockery, "Don't be so naive, okay? I have fallen in love with someone else."
"Qin Shu?" Luo Qubai didn't know how he said the name of his love rival. Feeling unwilling, he clenched his fists.
"Yes." Lin Qianliu said with a smile, "Don't you believe it? It just so happens that I was planning to confess to Qin Shu when I was dating him tonight. In this case, I will just call him in front of you."
As he spoke, Lin Qianliu took out his cell phone, dialed Qin Shu's number, and pressed the hands-free button.
She did it on purpose, deliberately wanting Luo Qubai to hear the conversation between her and Qin Shu.
"Qin Shu, it's me." As soon as the call was connected, Lin Qianliu gently said to Qin Shu on the other end of the phone, "I want to see you now, not waiting for us to meet tonight, because I can't wait to tell you that I am willing to accept your feelings. You have been with me for the past two years, and I just realized that I can't live without you."
"Qian Liu..." Qin Shu was a little confused. He paused for a moment before replying, "Are you serious?"
"Of course. I'm at the dormitory door now. Come over quickly. I really want to see you right away." Lin Qianliu said with a smile and looked at Luo Qubai meaningfully.
"Okay. My Queen, I'll be there right away!" Qin Shu hung up the phone with joy.
In fact, when Lin Qianliu said "I want to see you now", he already felt something was wrong. He had known Lin Qianliu for two years, and Lin Qianliu had never said anything ambiguous to him, let alone such a straightforward longing, so he guessed that Lin Qianliu must have deliberately made this confession in front of Luo Qubai.
As for what hidden story there was that made Lin Qianliu accept his feelings in front of Luo Qubai, Qin Shu didn't want to delve into it.
In fact, for Qin Shu, as long as Lin Qianliu accepts him, he can ignore everything.
He held on to a glimmer of hope and responded to Lin Qianliu's acceptance.
Just as Qin Shu was hurriedly dressing up and preparing to go to a long-awaited romantic date, Lin Qianliu was confronting Luo Qubai.
After hanging up the phone, Lin Qianliu said to Luo Qubai provocatively, "My boyfriend is coming soon. Do you want to witness our sweet moment or leave first? But it's better for you to stay. This way your heart will die more thoroughly."
Luo Qubai clenched his teeth, struggling with the question of whether he should stay or leave.
Finally, after a minute, he chose to leave.
He had never imagined what he would do if Lin Qianliu didn't love him anymore. He had always been sure that Lin Qianliu loved him and would always love him. But in fact, Lin Qianliu's love for someone else came too quickly, so that he was caught off guard and unable to react.
He didn't even dare to witness whether she was acting with Qin Shu or had really changed her heart.
He had never been afraid of anyone or anything, but for the first time, he felt afraid. He was afraid of seeing Lin Qianliu looking at Qin Shu with eyes full of love, afraid of seeing the tenderness between the two.
What he didn't know was that in two years, Lin Qianliu had actually learned to hide his true feelings deep in his heart.
On the other hand, Qin Shu, who was hoping that Lin Qianliu would finally "look back suddenly", made Lin Qianliu the queen.
In fact, he just deliberately ignored Lin Qianliu's forced smile and was only focused on being nice to Lin Qianliu.
After Lin Qianliu said that she accepted his feelings, he changed "single" to "in love" on social software such as Weibo and WeChat Moments, and solemnly announced that from then on, he, Qin Shu, would be Lin Qianliu's exclusive "slave".
On the surface, he was declaring Lin Qianliu's absolute sovereignty over him, but in reality, he was merely clarifying his own absolute sovereignty over Lin Qianliu.
Lin Qianliu didn't care about these at all.
What she cared about was that from the day she accepted Qin Shu's feelings, Qin Shu doted on her more and more. He would buy her everything that other girlfriends had or didn't have. As long as she liked to eat it, he would run to buy it no matter how far it was, and then deliver it on time. She just casually said that sugar-roasted chestnuts were delicious, and he searched the entire City C and bought dozens of sugar-roasted chestnuts for her as a "tribute". She just glanced at a retro music box in the window, and he spent a month's living expenses to buy her a token of love that he thought was her "favorite".
The better he treated her, the more guilty she felt.
He loved too deeply, and even though he could not feel Lin Qianliu's response to his feelings, he still did not look back and was devoted to her.
As the days passed, after the two had been together for a month, Lin Qianliu, who became increasingly disgusted with this unfair relationship, finally decided to face Qin Shu honestly.
So, when Qin Shu asked her out for dinner, Lin Qianliu told him frankly: "I'm sorry, the person I like has always been Luo Qubai."
Hearing Lin Qianliu's inner thoughts, Qin Shu was stunned for a moment, then smiled and said, "I know, but it doesn't matter. One day, I can replace him and fill the gap in your heart."
"It does matter." Lin Qianliu looked at him apologetically, "Because I found that no one except Luo Qubai can fill that gap."
"Qian Liu, so..." Qin Shu frowned. Even though he had expected this day to come, he still felt as if his heart had been stabbed with a knife, bleeding. He felt his throat dry and his voice hoarse. "Are you breaking up with me?"
"I'm sorry." Lin Qianliu took a breath, "You are very good, it's me who is not good. I have been deceiving you, deceiving Luo Qubai, and deceiving myself from the very beginning."
In the past, Lin Qianliu always hated people who took advantage of other people's emotions, but she never expected that one day she would become such a person.
Qin Shu used to think that never having something was more sad than having it and then losing it. However, when Lin Qianliu confessed that she couldn't fall in love with him, Qin Shu finally understood that losing something after having it was more desolate and sad than never having it, because if you never had it, you can always hold on to a glimmer of hope.
He almost suffocated when Lin Qianliu proposed breaking up and said that he could never fill the vacancy left by Luo Qubai.
But what else could he do except accept it?
Perhaps, to be exact, he had known that this would be the outcome, but from the beginning, he wanted to bet on a one in ten thousand chance. Of course, the result was that he lost, completely lost.
In the past two years, no matter how many times I was rejected by Lin Qianliu, it was never as painful as this time.
This time, it took him three months to recover from the pain.
Qin Shu knew that it was because, every time he rejected her, he could deceive himself and tell himself that he might be able to impress Lin Qianliu next time. However, this time he couldn't comfort himself with the same words, because Lin Qianliu had tried, she gave him a chance, but she still chose to break up.
Thinking of this, the melancholy in his heart became more intense. Qin Shu raised his head and took several more gulps of beer. The bottle was empty, so he put it down casually. There were already several empty bottles lying messily at his feet, but he pretended not to see them. He took out another bottle of beer from the bag, put the bottle opener on the bottle cap, opened the bottle cap skillfully, and then raised his head again and took several more gulps of beer.
It was not until two o'clock in the morning that Qin Shu finally couldn't hold back any longer and mustered up the courage to dial Lin Qianliu's phone number.
After the "beep" waiting tone, Qin Shu heard Lin Qianliu's lazy and confused "Hello". His emotions collapsed instantly, and he could no longer hold back his tears, which burst out of his eyes.
"Qianliu..." His voice was choked with sobs, which had already betrayed his emotions, but he still held it back, thinking that he could hide his sadness and deceive Lin Qianliu.
"Yeah." Lin Qianliu could immediately tell that he was heartbroken.
She was filled with guilt and didn't know what else to say except a shallow response. At this moment, whether it was concern or anything else, it seemed like gloating.
On the other side, Qin Shu didn't say anything. He seemed to be taking a deep breath, or using the last of his sanity to arrange the next line of dialogue.
After a moment, he finally spoke: "I want to see you, can I? I want to take you somewhere, can I?"
Qin Shu's tone of request was full of humiliation. In Lin Qianliu's memory, Qin Shu had never been so embarrassed.
She gritted her teeth and wanted to refuse, but she couldn't bear it. After all, she felt guilty towards him. Finally, she nodded slowly: "Okay."
"I'll wait for you at the school gate."
"OK."
After saying this, she stood up.
Lian Shengmo, who was sleeping on the opposite bed, had been woken up. She rubbed her sleepy eyes and asked, "Xiao Qian, where are you going so late?"
Lin Qianliu climbed down from the bed and whispered, "I want to go out and see Qin Shu."
Lian Shengmo didn't ask any more questions. He just glanced at the time, and then before Lin Qianliu left, he told her, "Remember to call me if you have anything."
"I understand. You should go to sleep." Lin Qianliu responded hurriedly and tiptoed out of the dormitory carefully.
Soon, Lin Qianliu saw Qin Shu at the school gate.
Maybe it was because Qin Shu had a good alcohol tolerance. Even though he looked drunk, he recognized Lin Qianliu immediately when he saw her. He smiled gently and said to her, "Qianliu, thank you for coming to see me."
Lin Qianliu pursed her lips, wanting to ask him if he was okay, but she took back her concern as she was afraid of giving Qin Shu false hope.
Qin Jian didn't mind Lin Qianliu's silence. He just said, "Then, come with me," and then took her out of the school.
The taxi drove all the way to a park near Qin Shu's home. Qin Shu was a native of City C. Although Lin Qianliu knew him, she had never been to his home. In her memory, Qin Shu had invited her to his home, but at that time, Lin Qianliu refused without hesitation. She didn't want others to misunderstand her relationship with Qin Shu.
Lin Qianliu followed Qin Shu into the park and walked inside until they reached a corner.
Then she saw a kapok tree.
It was the beginning of March, the season when kapok flowers were in full bloom. When Lin Qianliu looked up, he saw the branches full of fiery red kapok flowers blooming in the goose yellow light.
The scenery is picturesque.
On a night like this, my heart seems to have a little warmth.
Lin Qianliu raised her head and looked at the kapok flowers steadily. She did not guess Qin Shu's intention, but suddenly thought of Luo Qubai.
She thought that if Luo Qubai saw such beautiful kapok flowers, he would definitely like it very much.
She forgot that the person standing next to her was Qin Shu, whom she had abandoned with harsh words.
Just as she was daydreaming, Qin Shu beside her sighed slightly. He seemed to see through her girlish thoughts and a sad smile appeared at the corner of his mouth.
After a long while, he spoke gently: "Qianliu, you know, I actually planted this tree."
Hearing this, Lin Qianliu turned his head to look at him in surprise.
Under the yellow light, Qin Shu's face became more and more desolate. She realized how much she had gone too far by only thinking about Luo Qubai.
The next second, before he had time to repent, Lin Qianliu heard Qin Shu's voice again.
He said: "That day, I heard your high school story, the story about Luo Qubai. That day, I decided to pursue you. So, I planted this kapok tree here. At that time, I knew that this pursuit would definitely be a long tug-of-war."
Lin Qianliu looked at him, not knowing how to respond.
Qin Shu didn't need her response and continued to narrate: "You know, it's hard for a kapok tree to bloom if it's not grafted but only inoculated with seedlings. At the beginning, I thought that by the time the kapok flowers bloomed, I should be able to wait for the day when you like me."
And now, the kapok trees are in full bloom, but he still can't wait for Lin Qianliu.
Lin Qianliu gritted her teeth, feeling more guilty. She touched her nose, which was a little sour, and said in a choked voice, "Thank you, Qin Shu."
Although she could not accept Qin Shu, she felt that such a long-lasting unrequited love was also worthy of respect.
Just like her obsession with Luo Qubai.
After she thanked him, the air fell silent. The two of them raised their heads together, looking at the fiery red trees, and fell into their own thoughts.
A cool breeze blew from the side.
After a long time, Qin Shu finally sobered up. He looked at Lin Qianliu, smiled slightly, and said word by word: "Qianliu, I have decided to let you go. I will never come to see this kapok tree again."
His smile was very bitter.
Lin Qianliu pursed his lips and didn't respond.
He walked closer, gave her a hug, and whispered in her ear: "Qianliu, I wish you happiness. You must be happy, understand?"
"Yeah." Lin Qianliu did not refuse and raised his hand to respond to his hug.
Her heart was whispering: Qin Shu, you must be happy too.