The book says that loving someone is a joy. If loving someone is so painful, why should I love her without hesitation? It is only because loving her has become as important as breathing.

After returning to school from Xu Jue's villa, I immediately booked a train ticket back to my hometown. Tutoring can no longer continue, and it's probably best not to see Xu Jue again in the future. Fortunately, I heard that he was only filling in for the professor for one semester, and Xu Jue and I returned to being strangers again, which was probably the best ending.
A day later, I returned to the small town in the south of the Yangtze River that carried so many beautiful and painful memories for me.
My parents prepared a lot of my favorite dishes and tried to take me out for a walk every day, but I just locked myself in my bedroom and studied .
Years ago, I went to visit my grandmother at the old house of Yu Bai's family, but unfortunately, the house was already empty. I heard that my grandmother was picked up by Aunt Yu Bai who lived thousands of miles away. I stood in front of the small courtyard overgrown with weeds, feeling desolate in my heart. The only person in this city who could connect me with Chu Yu Bai was gone.
It feels like a cold wind is blowing into my heart, making me feel empty and cold.
The long and cold vacation passed day by day, and finally the day of school started arrived.
On the afternoon of my first day back at school, an unexpected guest came to my dormitory.
It was a girl wearing a red jacket and carrying a big backpack. The moment I opened the door, she smiled warmly and said, "Hi, Jasmine, right?"
The tone was so familiar and warm, as if we had known each other for a long time.
I nodded subconsciously.
She came up to me cheering and gave me a big hug.
I stood there in a daze, trying hard to recall whether there was such a passionate classmate or friend in my memory, but the conclusion was, no.
I was overwhelmed by her enthusiasm: "You are..."
She let me go, took a step back and said, "Moli, I'm Bai Mingxue, you can call me Snow."
I looked at her in confusion, and she laughed heartily and said, "Oh, I forgot to mention that I'm Chu Yubai's classmate at Yale..."
I seemed to have completely lost track of what Bai Mingxue said next. After she said the three words "Chu Yubai", my brain had completely gone into a frozen state, refusing to think.
"Hi, Jasmine, Jasmine!" She called me loudly, tilting her head to look at me with a friendly smile, "Won't you invite me in?"
"Oh, please come in." I mechanically said polite words, asked her to sit down, and poured her tea, but my mind was a mess and blank.
Did she know Yu Bai before she went to Yale? Did she know about Yu Bai? If she did, why did she come to see me? If she didn't know...
My thoughts are like a tangled mess, and the three words "Chu Yubai" will always be my Achilles' heel.
She introduced herself directly, "I didn't introduce myself properly just now. My Chinese name is Bai Mingxue. I grew up in the United States. I met Chu Yubai at Yale a year ago. Yubai often mentioned you, so I know you, Jasmine."
It turns out that he is a Chinese American. No wonder he has an oriental face but a warm and cheerful personality like a westerner.
She was so straightforward that I had to ask directly, "What do you want from me?"
"Jasmine, I'm sorry, the news spread too slowly, and I just found out about Yubai." She stood up again and hugged me to comfort me, just like a Westerner. Then, she let go of me, took a step back, and said with certainty, "But, Jasmine, I believe Chu Yubai must still be alive. So, after I got the news, I immediately tried my best to find out the whereabouts of Yubai's grandmother. From her, I learned that you were here, and that this was Yubai's alma mater, so I came here from the United States to find you. My next stop is Nepal, I'm going to Nepal to find Chu Yubai. Jasmine, do you want to go with me?"
She said a lot, but I only grasped two key points. She believed that Chu Yubai was still alive, and she wanted to go to Nepal to find Chu Yubai.
I don’t know why, but at that moment, I felt neither grief over losing Chu Yubai nor agreement and expectation with Bai Mingxue’s view that “Chu Yubai is still alive”, but instead extreme shame.
The self-loathing shame almost made me breathless. It has been almost a year since Chu Yubai's accident, and the person who still firmly believed that he was still alive, the person who traveled across the ocean to find him, was not me who kept saying that I loved him, but his classmate who he had only known for a year - Bai Mingxue.
Su Moli, you are so disappointing.
I bit my lips tightly and couldn't utter a word.
Bai Mingxue looked at me suspiciously, then met my gaze frankly and said seriously and directly: "Hey, Jasmine, I have something to confess to you. Well, I think you probably guessed it. Yes, I love Chu Yubai, or you Chinese girls should say "like"? Anyway, I knew from the first time I saw Chu Yubai at Yale that he is my Mr. Right. In Chinese, you should call it...the one you like?"
She paused, smiled self-deprecatingly and said, "American girls are always like this. When we see someone we like, we must tell him the first time. Otherwise, what if we never meet him again in this life? So, I told him the first time that I liked his bright smile, calm expression, his navy blue shirt and his whole person. But he said he had someone he loved. Later, I found out that the person he liked was a girl named Jasmine who was far away in China."
"Ah, he also taught me to sing a song." She hummed softly, "What a beautiful jasmine flower, what a beautiful jasmine flower, when the jasmine flower blooms, the snow is not whiter than it..."
"Jasmine, he loves you very much." She turned her head to look at me, her big eyes innocent and pure, "But I won't give up, Jasmine, can I compete with you fairly?"
It turns out that, besides me, there is another person in this world who loves Chu Yubai like this. It’s great.
She is so frank and straightforward that it is impossible to refuse her. But what's the use? The person we like is... gone!
I almost blurted out these words, but as soon as I opened my mouth, tears fell.
"Hi, Jasmine." Bai Mingxue patted my shoulder gently, her eyes firm and bright, "He's just missing. Let's go to Nepal and bring him back."
She said it so seriously and confidently, but I didn't have the courage to be as optimistic as she was. In my heart, I had already lost Chu Yubai once, and I didn't want to and didn't have the courage to give myself even a little hope, and then lose him again with a broken heart. I clearly understood what it meant to be missing for nearly a year in the earthquake.
This is probably the real reason why my grandmother and I insisted on not going to Nepal after Chu Yubai's accident. Because we knew clearly in our hearts that it would be a bad result, so we didn't want to touch it, didn't want to explore it, and didn't want to face it, because in this way, we can deceive ourselves that the worst result has not yet come...
I bit my lip tightly and shook my head in despair.
Bai Mingxue's eyes did not waver at all. She stood up and said goodbye, "No matter what, I must go to Nepal in person. Jasmine, please think about it. I will take a flight to Nepal at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. I hope you can go with me."
She wrote the hotel address and contact number on a note, handed it to me, patted me on the shoulder, and turned and left.
For a long time after Bai Mingxue left, I was in a state of being unable to think. I was in a dilemma whether to stay and realize Chu Yubai's dream, or to go to Nepal with Bai Mingxue.
It has been about 10 years since I started to have a fear of making choices. Because Chu Yubai always made the decisions for me before, but now that he is not by my side, the decisions about him have become extremely difficult, and my fear of making choices has come on fiercely, as if it is going to completely defeat me.
Stay or go to Nepal.
After Bai Mingxue left, I became extremely irritable and restless. When night fell, I went to the pavilion on the hill behind the school. I stood in the pavilion, facing the cold wind, and asked again and again, should I stay or go to Nepal?
Chu Yubai, you once stood in this pavilion, maybe I am standing in this position now, thinking about the problem, right? So, dear Chu Yubai, can you come into my dream and tell me, what choice should I make this time?
However, the only answer I got was the whirring sound of the wind. I stood motionless in the pavilion, almost like a sculpture. The stars were visible in the dark blue sky. It was late in the winter night, and the temperature was very low, but I didn't feel cold.
After a long, long time, when the sky turned gray, I decided to go to the hotel to find Bai Mingxue.
It was not yet completely light, the streets were empty, not even a taxi was in sight, and I walked to the hotel where Bai Mingxue was staying. As I walked, I couldn't wait to run, panting, my breath turned into frost, and the words Chu Yubai had said to me kept repeating in my mind.
He said, "Jasmine, remember, no matter where I am, you know how and where to find me, right?"
I always knew that you were in Nepal, but I didn't go to find you. Will you blame me for being cowardly and incompetent? Chu Yubai?
Have you been waiting for me to find you, Chu Yubai?
Then please wait for me a little longer, Chu Yubai.
I ran desperately on the deserted streets, as if the sooner I reached the hotel, the greater my chances of finding Chu Yubai would be.
At six o'clock in the morning, I knocked on Bai Mingxue's door breathlessly. Without waiting for her to respond, I said, "I want to go to Nepal. I want to find Chu Yubai. He must still be waiting for me."
Bai Mingxue said nothing, she came up to me and gave me a big hug, then she whispered in my ear clearly and distinctly: "Moli, this is the right way. As the old saying goes, if a person is alive, you want to see him in person; if he is dead, you want to see his body."
I was stunned. Her words were like a sharp arrow, whistling and piercing my body. It turned out that going to Nepal to find Chu Yubai would give me two options: life or death!
The answer is that I don't have the courage to go through it again. My consciousness was hazy, and I knew that I had subconsciously started the "self-protection of covering one's ears and stealing the bell" again. Therefore, when Bai Mingxue asked me if I had booked a flight to Nepal while packing her luggage, I just nodded unconsciously.
That morning, I followed Bai Mingxue to the airport like a zombie.
When Bai Mingxue pulled me to get a boarding pass, I said in panic, "Mingxue, can you go to Nepal first? I actually... don't have a passport, and I haven't applied for a visa. Besides, I haven't asked for leave from school. If I skip classes without reason, I might be expelled from school. I swore to help Yu Bai realize his dream, so I can't be expelled. So, you see, I can't go to Nepal with you today..."
I spoke quickly, but Bai Mingxue said nothing, just looked at me. Then, she sighed softly, turned around and went to change her boarding pass alone.
I bit my lips hard and tried to smile, pretending not to see Bai Mingxue's sympathetic and compassionate eyes. It was not until Bai Mingxue boarded the plane and the plane carrying Bai Mingxue, who was determined to embark on the journey of finding her beloved, took off that I suddenly realized that the reasons I gave for not being able to go to Nepal were just excuses.
The truth is, I was weak and incompetent, and deep down I had already given up on finding Chu Yubai. I, who kept saying that I was afraid to go to Nepal to find out the truth because I couldn't accept that Chu Yubai was no longer in this world, had actually already accepted the worst outcome.
Bai Mingxue loves more bravely and persistently than I do, but I am probably not even worthy of claiming that I "love Chu Yubai"!
I walked out of the airport with the crowd in a daze. The cold wind blew in my face, as if it took away all the strength in my body. I walked forward aimlessly, and forward until I could no longer walk.
I slowly squatted on the ground, hugging myself tightly, but still felt colder than ever before. Tears flowed silently and violently, because of Chu Yubai who had already died in my heart, and because of the cowardly me who had given up on Chu Yubai.
Someone honked the car horn behind me, and I was like a little kid, inexplicably triggered to feel aggrieved, burst into tears, and ignored everyone else.
After a long while, someone came up to me and called my name with a hint of disappointment: "Su-Mo-Li!"
I looked up and saw that man frowning at me through my tearful eyes. There was a green beard on his thin chin and he looked haggard. It was Xu Jue.
Maybe because I had already lost face in front of him, I just kept crying without caring about anything else.
He pulled me up without saying a word. I didn't struggle and let him stuff me into the passenger seat. I just broke down and cried.
Xu Jue drove the car very slowly, circling a certain area again and again. He kept handing me banknotes in silence, and I used my tears to consume all the banknotes. I don't know how long it took, but it seemed that my tears could no longer flow, and I could only sob softly.
I was suddenly distracted.
"Su Moli!" Xu Jue called my name in a low voice and said, "The book says that loving someone is a joy. If loving someone is so painful, why do you still love without hesitation? Are you stupid?"
"No." I bit my lip and was silent for two seconds. Unconsciously, I confessed my true feelings to him, "I'm just sad. I don't seem to love him as much as I thought. I'm just sad. It seems that compared with others, I am not qualified to say that I love him."
Xu Jue remained silent.
After a long while, I murmured to myself: "I'm just disappointed in myself..."
Xu Jue raised his eyes and glanced at me in the rearview mirror, still without saying a word, but driving the car very fast as if he was competing with someone.
"I used to think that I was the person in the world who loved him most desperately..." I was like a person who had been suppressing his feelings for a long time and had no one to talk to. I kept talking, "I'm not as pretty as others, nor as good as others. Why did such a wonderful person choose me? I used to have such doubts. Later, I told myself that although I am not as good and beautiful as others, I love him more than anyone else in the world, and that's why he chose me. But now, I realize that there are people in this world who love him more than me. So, you see, even the only reason why he chose me is gone..."
I murmured to myself, thinking Xu Jue wouldn't listen, nor would he understand how I felt at the moment.
But he suddenly said, "Su Moli, you are very disappointed in yourself. Is it because you think you are not as pretty or outstanding as others, or do you think Chu Yubai is so superficial that he will change his mind as soon as he meets a prettier and more outstanding girl? So in your heart, 'pretty and outstanding' is the only criterion for whether you will fall in love with someone?"
I was stunned. Chu Yubai is certainly not that kind of person, and that is not my standard for loving someone.
"And, Su Moli!" Xu Jue turned his head to look at me, his eyes stern, as if he wanted to look into my eyes: "I think that true excellence is not being better than others, but being better than your previous self."
The sun shines softly from the car window, falling on my face, feeling warm.
I suddenly realized that Chu Yubai liked me before only because I was Su Moli, not because I was pretty or excellent. Therefore, he would not change his feelings just because he met a girl who was prettier and better than me. So now, I just need to continue to be myself and work hard to become better than my previous self. No matter whether he will continue to love me in the future, there is nothing to regret.
However, this truth was taught to me by a boy named Xu Jue.
I wanted to thank him, but he suddenly stopped the car and said indifferently: "You're here."
I realized that we had arrived at the school gate. Xu Jue tilted his head slightly to one side, and he didn't seem to want to continue talking to me. I got out of the car silently and stood there, watching him drive away quickly in silence. Suddenly, my heart felt like it was raining, and it was damp.
Xu Jue drove away in a huff, but his eyes never left the rearview mirror, where he saw the girl standing there stupidly and watching him leave.
Xu Jue realized dejectedly that even though she had just spoken to him without any scruples about how she loved another boy, he still couldn't ignore her.
He felt that he must be crazy. If he was not crazy, how could he do such a crazy thing?
Time went back to sixteen hours ago. It was eight o'clock the night before. He and his assistant Yu Ze had dinner at a hotel in the north of the city. He drove home alone and unknowingly drove to C University in the south of the city. Unknowingly, he walked into the campus. When he woke up, he found that he had come to the back mountain of the school. Then, he saw Su Moli standing like a sculpture in the pavilion.
Because she left without saying goodbye last time, his self-esteem did not allow him to go over to her, but he also could not ignore her, so on that extremely cold night, she stood in the pavilion all night, and he watched her from a distance and stayed with her all night.
Later, he drove and quietly followed her to the hotel, and then to the airport. Later, he saw her coming out of the airport, like a soulless robot, walking and walking without knowing the direction, and finally broke down and cried.
At that moment, he suddenly panicked. He thought that after she clearly rejected him, he would only allow himself to stay out of the matter and watch her from afar. However, he did not expect that in that moment, he panicked and stopped the car regardless of anything and walked up to her without hesitation, without any principles or self-respect.
Later, seeing her crying bitterly, he, who never knew how to comfort others, actually learned from others and spoke words of comfort.
He remembered saying to her—
"The book says that loving someone is a joy. If loving someone is so painful, why would you still love them recklessly? Are you stupid?"
After finishing speaking, Xu Jue was suddenly stunned. It was clearly words to comfort Su Moli, but in the end, it slapped him in the face. He loved Su Moli so hard, why was he still so reckless and without self-respect?
If Su Moli was stupid to love Chu Yubai, then wasn't it even more stupid for him, Xu Jue, to love Su Moli without hope? At least Su Moli and Chu Yubai were in love with each other, and in Su Moli's eyes, there was no Xu Jue at all!
But even so, he still taught her how to firmly love someone, and he said to her -
"So in your mind, 'beauty and excellence' are the only criteria for whether or not you will fall in love with someone?"
At that time, what he couldn't say to her was, Su Moli, if "beautiful and excellent" is the only criterion for falling in love with someone, then I will absolutely not fall in love with you, because there are many girls around me who are prettier and more excellent than you. But I just love you who disdains me.
Perhaps it was because he realized how humble his love for Su Moli was that Xu Jue left Su Moli behind in a huff and drove away. But even though he was determined to drive away, even though the little figure in the rearview mirror had disappeared, Xu Jue's heart was still filled with the three words "Su Moli".
This made him feel panic and uneasy, so he drove to the teahouse he often went to, where he met An Ran, who was also worried.
Xu Jue originally wanted to avoid An Ran, but after thinking about it, he walked straight over, sat down opposite An Ran calmly, and said straight to the point: "I lost."
An Ran was stunned for a moment, then she remembered the bet she made with Xu Jue last time. She didn't look surprised and said calmly, "Three months, the time is not up yet, you haven't lost yet."
"No!" Xu Jue shook his head, with a casual look on his face: "I lost. Don't say I can't win in three months. Just like you said, give me three years, or even thirty years, I still can't win. I admit defeat."
This was the first time An Ran had seen Xu Jue so frustrated and depressed. She couldn't help but ridicule him with a bad taste in her mouth: "Hey, hasn't Young Master Xu always been known as 'invincible in a hundred battles'? Why did a stupid little girl make you admit defeat? Are you too old?"
Xu Jue shrugged his shoulders, said nothing, and looked like he was ready to be bullied.
After a long while, Xu Jue poured himself a cup of tea and murmured to himself, "No one can defeat the immortal. You knew I would lose, right? Because you also have an immortal Qiao Huan in your heart."
An Ran's eyes flickered, she lowered her head, and touched Xu Jue's teacup with her teacup: "Officially welcome you to join the 'Love But Not Obtained' team."
Xu Jue said nothing. He raised his head and drank the tea in the cup. He slowly put the cup down and looked at An Ran with a smile: "Tell me, what is the punishment for the loser?"
"punish?"
"There has to be a stake to make a bet, right?" Xu Jue said as lightly as he could: "Tell me, I'll admit defeat if I lose. I'm not the kind of person who can't afford to lose."
"Really?" An Ran looked at Xu Jue, who lowered his proud head for a rare moment, with amusement, "Do you think you'll accept whatever I say the bet is?"
Xu Jue nodded, thought for a moment and added: "You are such a righteous person, you shouldn't make any excessive demands, right?"
"That's not necessarily true." An Ran just smiled and said nothing, deliberately wanting to see Xu Jue's anxious look.
Xu Jue, however, drank his tea nonchalantly, looking indifferent.
"You have already received the punishment." An Ran said bluntly, "For someone like you who is successful in studies, wealthy, good-looking, proud and has a strong sense of self-esteem, what could be a more cruel punishment than falling in love with an ordinary girl and not being able to get her?"
An Ran thought Xu Jue would refute sharply as usual, but he was silent, contrary to his usual behavior. Two seconds later, he said in a low voice: "Hey, after all, we are in the same boat, why do we have to love and hate each other like this?"
"You and I only fight each other, not love each other." An Ran wanted to take the opportunity to ridicule him, but Xu Jue, who was usually arrogant, now looked lonely and desolate, which suddenly made An Ran feel a little bit sorry. "What are you going to do in the future?"
"Can this kind of thing develop in the direction I want no matter what I plan to do?" Xu Jue looked up at An Ran and smiled self-deprecatingly, "I used to think that there was no one or anything in this world that I, Xu Jue, couldn't handle, but love is the most unreasonable thing. It's not that whoever is outstanding, good-looking, or rich will definitely win, right?"
He once naively believed that love was something he could get easily as long as he wanted it. However, the love that he thought was easiest to obtain actually dealt him the most heartbreaking blow. He lost all his pride and self-esteem, and ultimately ended up in complete failure.
An Ran tried to comfort him: "Maybe if I try harder..."
Xu Jue waved his hand to stop her: "Many things depend on talent. Hard work is useless. The same goes for love. 'Effort' can never beat 'fate'. Since you can't get it, it's better to let it go."
This is probably the last bit of dignity he can hold on to.
"Have you decided not to see Su Moli anymore?" An Ran was not too surprised. She knew people like Xu Jue. He had his pride and self-esteem.
But what surprised An Ran was that Xu Jue, who was so aloof, actually uttered such lonely words in a hoarse voice.
He said: "It doesn't really matter whether I see Su Moli or not, because in Su Moli's eyes, I never exist. So, let's just not see each other anymore."
I became the frantic study-seeking Su Moli again. After Bai Mingxue went to Nepal to look for Chu Yubai, it seemed that I had a legitimate reason not to go to Nepal with Bai Mingxue. But I knew clearly in my heart that at that moment at the airport, I cowardly gave up Chu Yubai, whom I loved.
Perhaps it was because of the guilt in my heart that I put all my energy into studying, and comforted myself that I did all this to realize Chu Yubai's dream, and I had not forgotten him.
Time passed by in the busy days, Bai Xueming had no news, and I never saw Xu Jue again. Maybe I would pass by him occasionally on the campus boulevard or in the corridor of the library, but he never called me again, and I didn't recognize him.
Sometimes, when walking in a crowd, I would subconsciously look for that touch of navy blue. However, there are many people wearing navy blue, but none of them is the one who looks aloof and arrogant and calls my name with gritted teeth.
Soon it was the end of the semester. One night, when Xiaoli and I were frantically memorizing in the study room, someone walked straight up to me and sat down next to me. It was An Ran, the girl with long curly hair and a pale, small face.
"Su Moli," she looked at me and said straight to the point, "Xu Jue has left school."
She said this in a calm tone, as if she was just stating a fact to me.
I was stunned, not understanding what she meant or why she came to tell me that Xu Jue was leaving school.
But when I thought about this, I don’t know why, my heart felt like it was pricked by a sharp needle, and I suddenly became panicked.
“Doesn’t it take many years to get a PhD?” I thought that even though I might not meet Xu Jue again, he would still live on the same campus with me for a long time.
"Others need to study for many years." An Ran said, "But you also know that Xu Jue is not an ordinary person. He has completed all the courses in two years, and his supervisor agreed to let him leave school to write his doctoral thesis."
I almost subconsciously asked her, "When will he leave ?"
"Isn't it a little late to ask this question now?" She looked at me with a playful look on her face, "It turns out that you really don't pay attention to Xu Jue's news at all."
"Has he... left school?" I stood up in a hurry and the book in my hand fell to the ground.
Does her saying this mean that Xu Jue is gone?
An Ran stared at me intently, and then she smiled meaningfully: "Hey, Su Moli, does this expression of yours mean that you also care about Xu Jue?"
I was stunned and subconsciously retorted: "He helped me before. Now that he is leaving school, I should go and say goodbye. It's just a courtesy. It has nothing to do with anything else."
"Really?" An Ran said nonchalantly, "Do you care about Xu Jue, or is it just a courtesy? It actually has nothing to do with me. I just happened to pass by and saw you, and I also happened to remember that Xu Jue's farewell party is being held at the Wanda Hotel opposite the school, so I told you by the way."
After she finished speaking, she left quietly just like she came. I stood there in a daze, hesitant, with my mind full of "should I go or not?". But half a minute later, I quickly packed my things, left Xiaoli behind, and ran out of the classroom with my schoolbag on my back.
I ran all the way, not knowing the purpose or direction. When I rushed into the Wanda Hotel's box, panting, I suddenly realized why I was so anxious. The desire to see someone and the fear of never seeing someone again made me panic.
There was toasting in the hotel box, and I stood at the door of the box, feeling caught in a dilemma. Then I saw that man, the boy who always carried a bit of a cold aura with him.
In the bustling crowd, everyone was toasting to celebrate, with a cheerful tone. Only he was wearing a black suit, holding a glass of champagne, standing silently in front of the large floor-to-ceiling window, facing the night stars, with his back to the bustling world, as if he was the only one left in the world, isolated, lonely and desolate.
I wanted to turn around and leave, but he looked so lonely that I hesitated. Finally, I walked towards him involuntarily and called him softly, "Xu Jue..."
He turned slowly, and his black and white eyes seemed to be filled with bright stars. His gaze stopped on my face, and he was stunned for a second. Then he returned to his usual romantic and suave look, looking at me with a carefree smile and said, "Su Moli, I don't think I invited you here."
"I..." He was so cold and nonchalant that I suddenly didn't know what to say .
"Su Moli!" He said to me expressionlessly, "Can you finally recognize me?"
I was stunned, and then I suddenly realized that just now, in the crowd, I recognized him almost at first sight. What did this mean? I didn't dare to think about it anymore, and just comforted myself that it was just a coincidence.
"I..." I tried my best to explain, "It's just because... because you are easier to recognize..."
"Really?" Xu Jue lowered his head and didn't look at me. He shook the wine glass in his hand carelessly and stopped talking. Maybe it was my illusion, I always felt that at that moment, the corners of his lips seemed to curl up.
Two or three boys came over to clink glasses with Xu Jue. When they saw me, they looked at me in surprise, but Xu Jue didn't seem to intend to introduce me to them.
I stood there, feeling awkward and at a loss for words: "I heard that you are leaving school, so I came to say goodbye to you. Well, have a good trip."
After I finished speaking, I looked up at Xu Jue, but he turned his face to the side, said "hmm" lightly, and turned around to clink glasses with the boys one by one.
I stared at his tall back for a second. He didn't turn around, so I woke up with a start and walked away. The inexplicable panic in my heart spread again. What was I expecting just now?
I stopped myself from thinking any further and started running in panic.
I want to leave here quickly, leave this atmosphere that makes me feel weird, and leave that boy who is lonely and depressed but makes me feel a little soft-hearted.