I once thought that I would be your armor, accompanying you in the battles of youth, but unexpectedly, I was the murderer.

After hearing Jian Sile's words, his heart ached so much that he almost suffocated. Lin Qianliu gasped, and every breath was accompanied by severe pain.
She shook her head helplessly, with panic and helplessness in her eyes.
Her legs were weakening, and she barely supported herself with the last bit of stubbornness. She stared blankly at Jian Sile, trying to find some clues of lies from her expression, but Jian Sile's eyes were full of hatred. That kind of hatred was that he wished Lin Qianliu would die. Then Lin Qianliu understood that Jian Sile was not lying.
As if the last bit of stubbornness had collapsed, Lin Qianliu's legs softened and he collapsed to the ground.
It was late autumn, and the coldness of the ground seeped through her clothes, penetrated her skin, and pierced her entire body. It was like an icicle, cutting into her already scarred heart.
it hurts.
Heart-wrenching pain.
Lin Qianliu couldn't help but cover his mouth with his hands and cried wildly and suppressedly .
She never thought that it was she who made Luo Qubai disabled. She could accept any imperfections of his, could accept that he left without saying goodbye and without any explanation, could accept that he was lame and disabled, but she could not accept that all this was caused by her.
She once thought that she was Luo Qubai's armor.
She also thought that even if the whole world betrayed Luo Qubai, she would be the only one who would protect him behind her.
But it turned out that she had never accompanied him in his battles, and had never betrayed the whole world for him. What made her even more unable to let go was that she had completely ruined the flawless Luo Qubai. He could have been a very elegant man, but she had left him with a permanent disability.
Thinking of this, his heart ached even more. Lin Qianliu struggled to get up and chose to flee.
The long corridor was like a time tunnel. Memories related to Luo Qubai were played out one by one in the tunnel. Lin Qianliu staggered and struggled to escape.
She tried hard to recall the events she had forgotten, even though she felt extremely heartbroken.
After a long time, among those flying memory fragments, she vaguely grasped a certain memory.
She remembered that on the eve of the college entrance examination, she dreamed of Luo Qubai, dreaming that she did not get into Y University, and dreaming that Luo Qubai said to her coldly, "You are so bad that you are not even worthy of being my friend." She was afraid that the nightmare would come true, and she was worried about it, and all her confidence suddenly collapsed.
However, God just loves to play pranks. The more she feared that her nightmare would come true, the more she fell into God's trap.
Because she was too scared and too nervous, her stomach suddenly started to hurt for no reason. In the end, she couldn't even finish half of the questions in the Chinese language test, which was her best subject.
She was very upset because of her poor performance. When she walked out of the examination room, the nightmare of the previous night was still lingering in her mind, including Luo Qubai's words "You are so bad that you are not even worthy of being my friend." She wanted to contact Luo Qubai urgently, but she didn't dare to , for fear of affecting his performance in the next exam, so she could only bear it.
However, when she suppressed her longing until the end of her last exam, she could no longer find Luo Qubai.
Thinking back, Lin Qianliu still remembers clearly how crazy, helpless, and lost he was at that time.
She had been trying to contact Luo Qubai, but all her messages fell on deaf ears, with no response. Luo Qubai seemed to have disappeared suddenly, and she didn't know where to find him, so she could only wander around aimlessly. Heartbroken, she walked to the food stall alone. It seemed like a voice in her heart was urging her to drink to drown her sorrows. So she went up to find an empty seat and ordered a dozen beers.
She remembered all of this, and every frame of the memory was so clear.
But what happened next?
Lin Qianliu closed her eyes tightly, forcing herself to recall, over and over again, reliving the pain after the college entrance examination. Finally, she vaguely remembered that when she was drunk, she seemed to have received a call from Luo Qubai. She vaguely remembered that at that time, she thought she had called Luo Qubai, and she started by calling him a bastard, and then questioned him, asking him, "Are you finally willing to answer my call? Or, am I hallucinating?"
If she tried harder to recall, she could still remember that she had cried on the phone, saying that Luo Qubai didn't want her and that Luo Qubai was a bastard.
And then what?
I can’t remember, I can’t recall, my head hurts more and more, and I can’t recall any more details.
If she couldn't remember, could she still deceive herself? Lin Qianliu hoped that with her incomplete memory, she could believe that it was Jian Sile who was deceiving her, and that Luo Qubai's foot injury had nothing to do with her. However, the next moment, she remembered a scene after the hangover. She clearly remembered that after the hangover, her father didn't ask her about buying alcohol and having a hangover.
Although her father always doted on her and indulged her, he also always asked her to respect herself and would not allow her to drink alone, let alone have a hangover.
After thinking about it carefully, she remembered some more.
That day, when she woke up in the hospital, she talked about Luo Qubai, but her father was always vague and insisted that she only dreamed of Luo Qubai and did not really see him, and there was no call record with Luo Qubai in her phone. At that time, she did not doubt her father, but now thinking about it, she vaguely felt that it was her father who deleted the call record with Luo Qubai in her phone, and that her father was lying.
Piecing together so many details, she was certain that what Jian Sile said was true.
The one who lied was Dad, and the one who remained silent was Luo Qubai.
They were unwilling to let her know the truth, so she, the murderer, only knew how to feel resentful about Luo Qubai's leaving without saying goodbye, but she didn't know that it was she who caused Luo Qubai's feet to be permanently disabled.
Lin Qianliu thought about it, and sat down at the end of the corridor, leaning against the wall, covering his mouth, biting his lips, and crying in suppressed pain. Hot tears overflowed from his eyes and wet his face.
By the time Luo Qubai had bandaged his wound and came out of the emergency room, holding onto the wall, Lin Qianliu had disappeared. Only Jian Sile was left waiting outside the emergency room.
Seeing this, Luo Qubai couldn't help but frown slightly.
Jian Sile clearly saw the wrinkles between his eyebrows, but pretended not to see them. He smiled and walked over quickly, then supported him and asked with concern: "Qu Bai, how are you? Are you in pain? What did the doctor say?"
Luo Qubai was still searching for Lin Qianliu. He seemed not to have heard Jian Sile's words and asked, "Where's Qianliu?"
"I don't know, let's go." Jian Sile curled his lips.
"Oh." Luo Qubai responded indifferently and stopped talking. Even though she supported him, he insisted on putting one hand on the wall and walked forward slowly, as if he didn't need her support.
"Qu Bai, slow down." Jian Sile was very concerned about Luo Qubai's indifference. She gritted her teeth, her brows clearly showing displeasure, but her tone of voice was still gentle.
Luo Qubai still didn't say anything, but just walked forward, step by step, without slowing down.
Jian Sile suddenly recalled those days in the United States. At that time, he insisted on doing physical rehabilitation every day, and Lin Qianliu was the only thought and motivation in his heart. Although he never said it, she knew that he wanted to get better quickly and wanted to see Lin Qianliu. For Lin Qianliu, he stubbornly and strongly endured those difficult days.
Even though Jian Sile was by his side every day, the person he was thinking about in his heart was not her.
So, Jian Sile is jealous of Lin Qianliu.
Obviously, she knew Luo Qubai before Lin Qianliu, and obviously, she believed that Luo Qubai would definitely fall in love with her. But she lost to Lin Qianliu, and lost to the "latecomer" in love. She had the right time and place, but she was no match for Lin Qianliu.
She was unwilling to accept this and failed miserably, so during her time abroad, she always hoped to replace Lin Qianliu. Even though she knew it was impossible, she still hoped.
Besides, she hoped every day that in the new day, Luo Qubai would forget Lin Qianliu.
But, he didn't.
Moreover, every day he missed Lin Qianliu more than the day before.
"Qu Bai, are you in a hurry to see Qianliu?" Knowing that he was in a hurry to see Lin Qianliu, Jian Sile took a breath and, on impulse, made up a story about Lin Qianliu, "It's been two years, can't you learn to give up? Why have you become like this? Why are there flaws in your life? It's all because of Lin Qianliu! Qu Bai, can't you take good care of yourself? If it wasn't for her this time, would you be hurt? If she cared about you, the person standing by your side at this moment should be her instead of me!"
Jian Sile took one go and let out most of the depression in his heart.
She thought Luo Qubai would refute and scold her, but unexpectedly Luo Qubai remained expressionless and just kept walking forward.
"Luo Qubai!" Jian Sile saw this, gritted his teeth, and continued angrily, "Can you give up Lin Qianliu? I beg you, okay?"
"not good."
This time, Luo Qubai finally replied, his tone extremely firm.
What he was certain of was his persistence towards Lin Qianliu, rather than his return of her affection.
Jian Sile felt her eyes moist. She gritted her teeth and held back the tears that wanted to burst out. After taking a few deep breaths, she stopped and watched Luo Qubai walk forward two steps alone, holding on to the wall, and then she spoke again.
"Qu Bai, I know you don't like what I say, but I still have to say it." She wiped away the tears that had unconsciously slid down her cheeks and said with a sob, "Lin Qianliu is a troublemaker! If she hadn't pushed you and made you fall two years ago, your foot wouldn't have been permanently disabled! It was she who hurt you. It was she who made you almost unable to stand up!"
Luo Qubai stopped walking when he heard the voice.
Jian Sile continued: "Perhaps, after seeing Lin Qianliu, you have forgotten the pain you have endured, forgotten how difficult your life was in the United States, forgotten that devilish period of physical rehabilitation, and forgotten how you survived those complicated physical rehabilitation training. But I will not forget. I remember very clearly how painful your life was every day, and how much you paid for your recovery. It was me, I was with you day and night, and I went through that time with you.
"Qu Bai, you remember, and you are grateful. I accompanied you without any status, cooked for you in different ways every day, and brought you happiness. You told me thank you countless times, but you also know that I don't need thanks, what I need is you. But you, even if you can't respond to my feelings, you can't waste yourself like this!
"After so much effort, you were finally able to walk. As soon as you recovered, you asked to return home. It would have been fine if you had returned home. I would have accompanied you wherever you wanted to go. However, you chose C University. Your favorite school was obviously Y University. Why did you choose C University? Was it because of Lin Qianliu..."
"enough……"
"That's not enough, I want to say more!"
"Sile!"
"I know you came to C University just for Lin Qianliu. But do you know that I sacrificed myself to come to C University for you? I let you go and gave you freedom, but less than half a year after you came back, you hurt yourself again, and it was because of her!"
"Jane Sile, that's enough!"
"Isn't it enough for Lin Qianliu to harm you? Does she hope that you will never be able to stand up again?" Jian Sile ignored Luo Qubai's anger and became more and more excited as he spoke.
"Jian Sile!" Luo Qubai finally roared, interrupting her chattering, "No matter what, I only want Lin Qianliu. You don't have to give, and I don't need it either, so you can choose to withdraw from my life and stop getting entangled. If you still want to be my friend, please shut up. You are not qualified to say anything bad about Lin Qianliu, because I am the most qualified person. I have never blamed her, and I will never blame her."
"Luo Qubai..." Jian Sile's face was filled with tears. Facing Luo Qubai's back, he cried pitifully, "Am I so humble and lowly in your eyes?"
"In my heart, you are always excellent." Luo Qubai sighed, "So, I don't want you to become so humble because of one-sided love."
"Is it wrong for me to love you?"
"Love is never right or wrong, so I love Qianliu, and Qianliu is not wrong."
" But why is she worthy of you? She is the murderer. It was Lin Qianliu who caused your right foot to become disabled!"
"As long as I forgive her and tolerate her, as long as I love her, she has no so-called sin. She is definitely worthy of me because she is excellent. Jian Sile, to be fair, you also think Qianliu is a very good girl, right? If I didn't fall in love with her, you and her could still be friends, right?"
Jian Sile did not answer. She did not know, nor did she want to answer. Her heart was blinded by love and she could not think.
Luo Qubai smiled, without waiting for her answer. As soon as he finished speaking, he leaned against the wall and walked out of the hospital step by step.
He didn't know whether Jian Sile understood the unreasonableness in love, and when he couldn't refuse her properly, he could only push her away with sharp words.
As Eileen Chang said, love is a superstition of the right time and place.
Even if the timing and location are right, without the other party's superstition, it is not love, it can only be wishful thinking.
Love often plays tricks on you. The person you love can only see the good in the other person, or he can see the good in you but always pretends not to know. No matter how much you give, there is no guarantee of return, because love is never an item that can be exchanged at equal value.
This is true for Luo Qubai, Lin Qianliu, and Jian Sile.
Lin Qianliu had just left the hospital and stumbled into a taxi in a daze when his cell phone rang.
She was still immersed in sorrow, sobbing non-stop, wiping away tears in a panic, not noticing the buzzing of her cell phone, and even the driver's repeated calls, she seemed to be deaf to them. It was not until the driver raised his voice that she raised her head in confusion.
Seeing her tearful eyes and confused face, the driver frowned and reminded her: "Your phone has rung several times."
Lin Qianliu then hurriedly took out his cell phone from his backpack, only to see an unfamiliar phone number flashing on the screen.
She was slightly startled, then pressed the answer button.
"Hello, is this Lin Qianliu?" Before she said hello, the other party greeted her first. She sounded like a gentle and dignified woman, but her tone of voice was a little deliberately distant and there was an imperceptible dislike.
"Yes...it's me." Lin Qianliu sniffed and responded.
When she looked up, the driver was quietly asking her where she was going. She covered her phone and whispered the address of her school before turning her attention back to the call.
The other party was introducing herself and said, "I am Luo Qubai's mother, and I want to meet you."
Hearing that it was Luo Qubai's mother, Lin Qianliu was stunned for a long while before he respectfully greeted her, "Hello, Aunt Luo!"
Luo Qubai's mother ignored her greetings and said directly: "It's better to meet now than to wait for a better day."
"Ah?" Lin Qianliu was unable to react for a moment.
"Let's go to the UCC Cafe." Mother Luo ignored her surprise and immediately told her the meeting place.
"Ah?" When Lin Qianliu responded again in confusion, Luo's mother had already hung up the phone, and only the continuous busy tone remained in her ears.
Lin Qianliu's mind was still blank, as if the truth about Luo Qubai's disability had made her unable to think.
It was not until a long while later that she came to her senses. Luo Qubai's mother called her and asked her to meet in a coffee shop.
Just when she was wondering why Luo Qubai's mother would ask her to meet her, Jian Sile's figure suddenly flashed through her mind.
No need to guess, it must be Jian Sile who went to complain.
Lin Qianliu thought about it, took a deep breath, raised his head and said to the driver in the front seat: "Driver, please go to the UCC Cafe."
The driver glanced at her in the rearview mirror, and while steering, he said meaningfully: "Little girl, you are heartbroken, right? In fact, life is so long, you are bound to meet one or two bastards. Since the other party doesn't know how to cherish you, why should you shed tears for him, right? Instead of being sad, you might as well read more books. I see you are still a student, right? People should do what they should do at their age. As a student, you should focus on studying. Dating is not suitable for children of your age. You are too young and too ignorant to think that being together is love. In fact, love is not as simple as you think..."
Faced with the driver's teachings, Lin Qianliu looked embarrassed, but he didn't want to interrupt him, so he could only force a smile.
About half an hour later, the car stopped in front of the UCC cafe.
After getting off the car, Lin Qianliu suddenly became nervous. A cold wind blew from behind her, but she felt hot all over. After taking a few deep breaths, she started walking towards the entrance of the coffee shop, but each step was particularly heavy.
Knowing clearly that he might face a rebuke or a scolding, Lin Qianliu went to the appointment with the mentality of meeting a parent.
In the past, when she was pursuing Luo Qubai , she had imagined the scene of meeting his parents. She imagined that Luo Qubai would hold her hand, walk step by step to his parents, and introduce her very gently and proudly, saying "She is my girlfriend and your future daughter-in-law - Lin Qianliu". She also imagined that, like in idol dramas, when they learned that they were together, Luo's parents invited her to meet, and right away they threw out a check to ask her to leave Luo Qubai, and then she would firmly refuse the huge check like the heroine in the TV drama.
What she never thought was that she would meet Luo Qubai's parents after learning the truth about Luo Qubai's disability.
She felt guilty and didn't know what to do, but she also knew that after getting the call from Luo's mother, she no longer had any excuse to escape.
After entering the UCC coffee shop, Lin Qianliu looked around. In fact, she had never seen Luo Qubai's parents before, and she didn't know which table to go to.
At this moment, someone waved at her not far away.
It was a man, and opposite the man sat a woman, and at this moment, the woman had her back to Lin Qianliu.
Lin Qianliu frowned slightly, as if she was thinking about the other person's identity. After a few seconds, she took a step and slowly walked towards the table.
"excuse me……"
"I am Luo Qubai's father, and this is my wife." Before Lin Qianliu could even finish his question, the man began to introduce them.
"Hello, uncle and aunt, I am Lin Qianliu." Lin Qianliu bowed subconsciously.
"Please sit down." Father Luo looked at her, then walked around and sat down next to his wife, leaving the seat opposite for Lin Qianliu.
Lin Qianliu sat down tremblingly, wanting to ask something, but his tongue seemed to be tied and he couldn't speak.
She could only look at the two people opposite. Father Luo was wearing a black suit, looking mature and steady, but when he looked at her, his expression was always solemn, his eyes fell on her, as if he was suspicious of something. Mother Luo, who was sitting next to him, was dressed in a dignified and generous manner, with elegant and light makeup. Since they met, Mother Luo had not spoken, but had been looking at Lin Qianliu, without any intention of hiding her dissatisfaction and disgust towards Lin Qianliu.
Lin Qianliu swallowed lightly, and spoke with a guilty conscience, "I wonder what my uncle and aunt want to talk to me about..."
"Do you not know, or are you pretending not to know?" Luo's mother spoke up, her tone full of sarcasm and dissatisfaction.
"I..." Lin Qianliu was a little speechless.
"Also, just call us Mr. and Mrs. Luo. Uncle and aunt aren't very appropriate." After rolling her eyes at Lin Qianliu, Luo's mother continued, "Let's get straight to the point. You know why we want to see you. Two years ago, you pushed our Xiaobai out onto the street, causing him to become permanently disabled. He went from being a perfect person to a cripple. You've hurt him terribly..."
"I know. I'm sorry..."
"Sorry? What's the use of being sorry? It's you who ruined our Xiao Bai!"
"sorry……"
"Is all you can do is say sorry? Or do you think that if you say sorry, we have to say it's okay?" I don't know if it was Lin Qianliu's apologetic and helpless look that angered Mother Luo, or if Mother Luo was already full of anger. At this moment, Mother Luo couldn't help it and her voice tone rose a few degrees.
Mr. Luo, who was standing by, quickly reached out and gently held his wife's hand.
Mother Luo understood her husband's comfort, so she took a deep breath and calmed down.
"We don't pursue the responsibility for two years ago, but please show some mercy and stop provoking Xiaobai. Besides, you are not worthy of him." After adjusting her tone, Luo's mother went straight to the point, "Also, when Xiaobai was most sad, it was Sile who stayed by his side. You can't compare to that at all. Therefore, Sile is the only daughter-in-law we recognize."
Mother Luo’s words were blunt and harsh.
Lin Qianliu pursed her lips. If it were her old self, she would definitely raise her head without hesitation and say to them, "Sorry, I can't do it."
But that was her past, after all.
After knowing that she was the real culprit causing Luo Qubai's disability, she really couldn't refuse a mother's request.
So, she could only grit her teeth, let her hands hanging down on both sides grab her thighs fiercely, let her nails dig into her skin, and then promised Luo Qubai's parents: "I know, I won't be with him."
Tears fell the moment the promise came out of her mouth, landed on the dark blue skirt, and quickly disappeared.
Lin Qianliu secretly apologized to Luo Qubai in her heart. In the end, she still didn't stand in front of him and betray the whole world for him. Because the moment she pushed him out onto the road two years ago, she had already lost the qualification to protect him.
I also lost the qualification to love him.