"Jian Lening, why are you so afraid of them?"
Lin Jiarui, who was being pulled away by me, walked with me reluctantly for a while, then shook off my hand and questioned me angrily.
I lowered my head and stroked the scraped skin on my palm, saying calmly, "I'm not afraid, I just don't want to cause trouble. Besides, it was indeed my fault that I didn't stand firmly, otherwise I wouldn't have fallen."
"Hmph!" Lin Jiarui snorted coldly and turned away.
"Did you just happen to pass by, or did you come to see me on purpose?" I did not continue to explain to Lin Jiarui, but raised my head and looked at the young man who seemed to have lost some weight after not seeing him for many days, and asked.
"Of course I'm here to see you! Aren't we all done with the exams today? We'll be re-divided into classes and have to change dormitories next semester, so don't we have to move all our stuff in the dormitory back home? I'll ask my dad to pick me up tomorrow, and move your stuff along as well. I'll be staying at my grandfather's during the winter vacation." Lin Jiarui seemed to have forgotten his previous coldness towards me, and he suggested to me, as if nothing had happened and with an attitude of caring about me.
This is the most helpless thing about him. Every time he can slap you in the face and then give you a sweet date. You can never be cruel to him, and you will be moved by his kindness again and again.
But I am a human being, not something that can be summoned and dismissed at will. I don’t want to be coldly abandoned by Lin Jiarui again when I am immersed in his care for me.
"No need. Jingjing will come to help me move tomorrow. Besides, we are not on the same route, and your grandfather doesn't live near mine." I said with a smile, trying my best to make the refusal sound not so blunt.
Lin Jiarui seemed to have not expected that I would refuse. A trace of surprise flashed across his face, but he quickly returned to normal and said with some regret : "Well, it's good that someone picks you up. I thought no one picked you up."
I smiled and said nothing more.
I didn’t tell Lin Jiarui that although I have few friends, I would not be isolated and helpless even without him, and he didn’t need to think of me as so pitiful.
"By the way, we're going to be divided into different classes anyway. I don't know if you'll be in the same class with Sun Yu in the future, but you'd better stay away from her. I saw that she and Tang Yu have been hanging out with Xu Yan recently. You also know what Xu Yan did to you, so it's better not to get involved with them."
Seeing that I was about to leave, Lin Jiarui hurriedly grabbed me and gave me some instructions.
I neither refuted nor agreed, but just said "hmm" in an ambiguous way and walked towards the classroom.
I know Lin Jiarui said those words out of concern for me, but I don’t like him talking about that matter all the time. Doesn’t he know that it is a scar in my heart?
And his worries are unnecessary. There is no need for me to distance myself from them now. They have already distanced themselves from me.
After taking the last exam, everyone rushed back to the dormitory to pack their things and prepare to leave school the next day.
When I returned to the classroom with my exam supplies, there were not many people left. I took a quick look and found that only Wang Hong and He Yiran were still in the dormitory. It was their turn to be on duty today.
When they saw me come in, they looked up at me, then turned their heads away and whispered something to each other.
I didn't think about whether they were talking about me, nor did I go up to say hello to them. I simply packed my bag, picked up the books that were still on my desk, walked out of the classroom silently, and ran towards the dormitory.
My left hand had just been slightly scraped, and it hurt a little when the book hit it, so I could only use my fingertips to support the book to try not to let it touch the wound. But my fingertips could not support such a heavy book after all, and as soon as I went down the stairs, all the books in my hands fell to the ground and scattered all over the floor.
I bent down to pick it up, and suddenly a pair of black and white canvas shoes came into my sight. A girl with a ponytail squatted down and helped me pick it up.
Her hands are very white, thin and beautiful, as if she studied art.
The girl handed me the book and said with a smile, "Are you a student in Class 3 of Grade 1? Has Sun Yu from your class left?"
What day is today? Why are so many people coming to see Sun Yu?
I raised my head and looked carefully at the girl in front of me. She had delicate eyebrows and eyes, a delicate face, and a faint smile on her lips.
She was different from the group of girls who blocked me in Anxi. She didn't look fierce, and didn't seem like she was here to cause trouble for Sun Yu.
I subconsciously thought that this girl should be a good girl, but my eyes accidentally fell on her ear, and I saw a faint tattoo of a rose pattern under her neck that was not covered by the scarf.
This is a girl with tattoos. She looks obedient but is actually very rebellious.
She said her name was Ji Hang.
"I'm Ji Hang, Sun Yu's sister. I have something to ask her. Can you help me call her down?"
She didn't look like what Sun Yu said, a girl who was difficult to get along with. I was a little dazed for a moment, and it took me a while to come back to my senses and said, "Sun Yu is not in the classroom, she should go back to the dormitory."
"Dormitory?" Ji Hang repeated. The smile on his face disappeared. He pursed his lips and asked again, "Are you and her roommates? Can you take me to find her?"
"I……"
Ji Hang suddenly grabbed my arm and asked me, and I was speechless.
Sun Yu and I haven't had a good relationship recently, and I know that Sun Yu doesn't like Ji Hang at all. If I bring Ji Hang over, Sun Yu will definitely get angry with me.
Thinking of this, I naturally didn't want to get into trouble and didn't want to take Ji Hang over, but I couldn't find a reason to refuse Ji Hang, and Ji Hang held my hand with a somewhat pitiful expression.
Maybe Ji Hang really wants to see Sun Yu for something? I just took him there and didn't do anything else. Sun Yu shouldn't blame me.
"Let's go!" I finally compromised. I just couldn't change my nosy personality, so I got into so much trouble.
I brought Ji Hang to the door of our dormitory and asked her to wait outside. Then I walked in with a book in my arms, looking for Sun Yu.
Sure enough, Sun Yu and Tang Yu had already returned to the dormitory. Tang Yu was packing his suitcase, while Sun Yu was sitting on her bed cracking melon seeds. When they saw me come in, they all put away their smiles and put on a stern face, not knowing who they were showing it to.
I suppressed my dissatisfaction and tried to make my expression look more natural. I put the book on the bed, walked to Sun Yu and said, "Sun Yu, Ji Hang is here to talk to you about something."
Hearing what I said, Sun Yu suddenly stopped cracking melon seeds and looked at me in astonishment, eyes wide open, asking me for confirmation: "You brought her here? Where is she now?"
"Yes." I nodded honestly, "It's just outside the dormitory door."
As soon as I finished speaking, Sun Yu stood up from the bed, glared at me fiercely, then opened the door of the dormitory and shouted angrily at the girl outside: "What are you doing here?"
Then Ji Hang's crying voice rang out: "Sister, my mother doesn't want me anymore. She left with Uncle Ying. I couldn't get through to my father's cell phone, and I don't know the phone number of my grandparents' home, so I had to come to you. Please help me find my father! My mother is gone, who will I live with in the future?"
As if afraid that Ji Hang's crying would attract other people's attention, Sun Yu pulled Ji Hang into the dormitory with a gloomy face, spat, and said coldly: "What does your mother's departure have to do with us? Who is your sister? Who allowed you to call me sister? Did you call grandpa and grandma? Why should I help you find my dad? Don't think I don't know what you are thinking. Do you think that if your mother doesn't want you, my dad will take you back to our family and we will recognize you? Impossible! You want to snatch my dad away? Dream on!"
I have never seen Sun Yu so aggressive. Although I don't know the whole story, I couldn't bear to see Ji Hang being forced to retreat to the door by Sun Yu, so I rushed up, grabbed Sun Yu's hand, and persuaded him: "Sun Yu, don't be like this, she is your sister after all."
"None of your business!" Sun Yu said angrily, shaking off my hand as if he had been electrocuted.
Being treated like this by her again and again, I started to lose my temper.
I feel like I've really had enough, and I don't want to get involved in their affairs, but what's the point of them quarreling in the dormitory like this? No matter how unwilling Sun Yu is to accept it, Ji Hang is still her father's biological daughter, and this is a fact that cannot be changed.
Now Ji Hang's mother has left with another man. I don't know the reason, but the result is obvious. Ji Hang has become an orphan who is unwanted by everyone. She can only rely on her and Sun Yu's father for help.
No one can choose where they are born, they can only choose to face it bravely.
"Sun Yu, I don't know why you've been targeting me lately. I've thought about it for a long time, and I don't think I've done anything to offend you that would make you treat me like this. You said I don't have to worry about your affairs, so can you handle your affairs well? It would be best if you don't let those girls in the third year of high school come to trouble you and find me at the same time."
Everyone has a limit to their patience. I'm not a soft persimmon that can be bullied by them.
"Humph, you're really good at pretending! Can't you remember what you did? Didn't you hug and kiss Xu Yan on the bus in front of Sun Yu? Sun Yu got along so well with you before, don't you say you didn't know she liked Xu Yan? Jian Lening, I want to tell you why you always love to break people up? The same goes for me and Sun Yu. Do you know what we hate most about you? It's your attitude now. You've done something shameful, but you're pretending to be innocent and noble. It's disgusting."
Sun Yu was silent, but Tang Yu, who was standing next to her, mocked me with sarcasm.
The name "Xu Yan" pierced my ears so hard that I couldn't ignore it.
Forgive me, I really don't know when Sun Yu fell in love with Xu Yan. When we were still sticking together like sisters, I didn't see Sun Yu and Xu Yan have any contact. Was she hiding it too well, or was I too dull to notice her girlish thoughts?
"You've never shown in front of me that you like Xu Yan, so I really don't know." After being stunned for a while, I said to Sun Yu.
Even I overlooked that there was something missing in my defense.
"Why should I tell you who I like? Should I tell you that I like Xu Yan because I was retaliated by Wang Dewei's group and was saved by Xu Yan? Should I tell you that Xu Yan doesn't know that I like him at all? This is my own business, why should I show it in front of others?" Sun Yu glared at me angrily and continued, "Also, even if I told you, what would happen? Don't you know what you just said? You didn't refute me to snatch Xu Yan, which means you like Xu Yan too, doesn't it? If you don't like him, why did you do that to him on the bus that day? How come you have Xu Yan's number in your phone? Do you know how ridiculous I am? I don't want you to worry, I don't want you to know that I have a crush on Xu Yan, and I'm always uneasy in my heart. I always pretend to be very happy in front of you, and I even want to share my crush with you. But when I asked Tang Yu to help me ask Xu Yan's mobile phone number, he said he didn't have a mobile phone, but I accidentally saw his mobile phone number in your mobile phone. What does this mean? It means that you, Jian Lening, are different to Xu Yan."
"Sun Yu..." I opened my mouth to explain what happened on the bus.
But just as I opened my mouth, the emotional Sun Yu interrupted me without giving me a chance to explain: "I didn't believe it at first. Tang Yu said that you knew each other when you were in junior high school. I thought since you are old friends, it is normal for him to give you his mobile phone number. But that day, I saw you riding the car back together, and your behavior was still so intimate. I knew that I was stupid all along. I was glad that I didn't tell you that I liked Xu Yan, so I wouldn't be laughed at by you. Put yourself in his shoes, you didn't tell me that you and Xu Yan were in contact all the time, why should I tell you that I like Xu Yan?"
"I felt bad when I saw you guys together that day. I was so stupid that I followed you guys all the way in the car, watching you guys get so attached to each other. After that, I was walking around alone on a strange street, and I was almost insulted by a gangster. If Xu Yan hadn't come out and met me, I would have been finished. My clothes were torn to shreds, and I was squatting on the street crying. He stood beside me and looked at me, but didn't come up to comfort me. I don't know what he was afraid of. He just threw his own clothes to me, and then ran away in a panic. I saw that he looked very panicked when he left, and I was worried that something might happen to him, so I followed him. He bought a lot of wine and got drunk, then went into an alley, squatted under a street light and made a phone call. He cried and shouted into the phone, calling your name, Jian Lening. At that moment, I felt really stupid. You can't explain why I suddenly distanced myself from you, then I tell you, it's not because Xu Yan treats you differently, but because I hate your hypocrisy. You want to be with Lin Jiarui, and you want to be entangled with Xu Yan, Jian Lening, how can you be so shameless?"
Sun Yu's lengthy speech left my mind in a mess. There were too many truths in his speech that surprised me.
Is it true that I like Xu Yan as she said? Did Xu Yan really only give me his phone number? Am I really different to him?
But what does this have to do with Lin Jiarui? Lin Jiarui and I have always been friends and have never crossed the line.
"Lin Jiarui and I are just ordinary friends. He likes An Xiaoduo. Don't you already know that? Why do you have to involve me? It's okay if you don't like me, but you can't just call me shameless. I know what I did!"
"Hmph! You're talking nonsense! If you had nothing to do with Lin Jiarui, why did Lin Jiarui tell me in person that you were the one he was most reluctant to let go of. After that birthday party, he came to me, but instead of explaining to me why the 'My Dear' in his phone was An Xiaoduo, he told me not to be mad at you, and said that you were right and it would be better for me to break up with him. If he had no interest in you, why was he so afraid that I would be mad at you? And why did he listen to you so much? Jian Lening, actually I've wanted to tell you a long time ago, sometimes it really makes people feel that there is something between you and Lin Jiarui. Even if you are just ordinary friends, he cares too much about you, doesn't he?" Tang Yu stood up again, pointing at my nose and asked.
Sun Yu and Tang Yu took turns pointing at my nose and scolding me. I felt so confused that even I was a little surprised. Why did my emotions, which were always so clear, suddenly become so chaotic?
What are my feelings towards Lin Jiarui and Xu Yan? Tang Yu and Sun Yu only saw the surface and had no idea what happened to us in the past.
"Is this her emotional criticism meeting? Just because the boy you like doesn't like you, you blame everything on her? Sister, no wonder dad always says you are spoiled, you are such a selfish person!" Ji Hang, who had been left aside for a long time, suddenly spoke up to help me.
Sun Yu didn't like her in the first place, so she was naturally furious when she heard what she said. She grabbed Ji Hang's shoulders and pushed her out of the dormitory, shouting, "Get out of here! I told you I'm not your sister!"
The door was slammed shut, leaving only me, Tang Yu, and Sun Yu in the dormitory. Ji Hang, who was locked outside, pounded on the door and cried pitifully, "Sister, I was wrong, please let me in. I haven't eaten for a day, it's okay if you don't want to see me, I just ask you to help me find a way to contact my dad and ask him to pick me up!"
"You're dreaming!" Sun Yu sat on the bed and cursed with a stern face.
The atmosphere, which was originally calm on the surface despite undercurrents, was broken. I stood there awkwardly, looking at the scratched skin on the palm of my hand, and carefully sorted out the words that Sun Yu and Tang Yu said.
After sorting out all my thoughts, I sighed with regret.
As for Sun Yu and Tang Yu, I can only say that I have not let them down. Tang Yu said that Lin Jiarui cares about me too much, maybe it is true, but I understand that Lin Jiarui cares about me because he feels guilty about me. Even without me, Tang Yu and Lin Jiarui are not suitable to be together, unless Lin Jiarui lets go of An Xiaoduo. In their relationship, I can never be the stumbling block.
As for Sun Yu, I have nothing to say. I didn't mean to break up her and Xu Yan, because I didn't even know she liked Xu Yan, so how could I stop her?
But I have to thank her because she made me see a lot of things clearly.
I finally understood why Xu Yan was so abnormal that day and squatted near my house to call me and apologize in tears. It was because Sun Yu, who was almost insulted by the gangster, and Sun Yu, who was squatting in the corner crying in tattered clothes, reminded him of me who was helpless after being hurt by him.
The reason why he didn't dare to comfort Sun Yu was because, to him, at that moment, Sun Yu was me, and he also realized that he was the same as the gangsters he drove away, both of them had done things worse than beasts. Those people were driven away by him without hurting Sun Yu, but he really hurt me that day.
So, realizing how much harm he had caused me , he cried in remorse, kept cursing himself, kept apologizing, cried like a child who had made a serious mistake, and then avoided me again.
Because he left an unhealable scar on my body, and I was also an indelible stain on his proud heart.
But Sun Yu was right. I must really like Xu Yan, that's why I felt sorry for him that night, why I was bothered by his escape, and why I could never hate him again.
The thick fog that had lingered in my heart for a long time dissipated, and my heart became clear.
Yes, I like Xu Yan.
The person I like is no longer the Qi Xuan of my childhood, no longer the Qi Xuan who didn’t trust me, no longer the Qi Xuan who abandoned me, no longer the Qi Xuan who belongs to An Xiaoduo, but Xu Yan who hurt me but also warmed me, Xu Yan who was born in the same helpless way as me, Xu Yan who couldn’t choose his own destiny like me, Xu Yan who cried and scolded himself as worse than an animal and asked me not to forgive him...