Chapter 69 Single Bed

Chen Shuze returned to the company that afternoon.

Passing by Feng Ran's desk, he didn't offer a greeting or chat as usual. He couldn't tell what he felt guilty about.

Feng Ran ignored him, too. It wasn't

until the evening that he spoke to him again, and again, it was all about work. Then, it was time to leave work. Out of the corner of his eye, he cleaned up his desk, got a glass of water, and stood up to leave.

Chen Shuze said, "Hey."

Feng Ran turned half his face. Chen Shuze said

lightly, "Sorry about what happened yesterday."

Feng Ran also replied lightly, "Nothing."

He asked again, "Going to see Chen Zhi?"

Feng Ran nodded, his face still expressionless.

Then Chen Shuze noticed the dark circles under his eyes.

He wanted to ask what was wrong, but Feng Ran said, "Anything else?"

"Nothing.

" Feng Ran said, "See you tomorrow," and left.

If he knew Chen Shuze was so confused by his indifference at this moment, he might have taunted him.

But he didn't know and walked away silently. So Chen Shuze was left to speculate on what the phrase "see you tomorrow" really meant.

However, he did not blame Chen Shuze for speaking out his whole past.

He no longer cared whether Shen Zhi knew about his past, nor did he care whether his impression of him would be worse after he knew it.

He had been uneasy about it, but he had never intentionally concealed it. When they were together, Shen Zhi never asked.

Feng Ran thought for half a minute at the subway station, whether to go to the hospital or go home to sleep.

He was seriously sleep deprived last night.

Shen Zhi hoped that he would resign and find another job.

Shen Zhi just said "Can you resign?", but Feng Ran suddenly couldn't bear it anymore, like a stream of air rushing through his chest, rushing to his lips, and completely erupting. He shouted: "You can't be so selfish, forcing me to do something because you don't like it. I am me, you are you, and I will make money wherever I like. If I resign from him one day, it can only be because I want to resign, and it will never be for you..."

- "Ding Dong". The ringing of a new message on his phone brought him back to reality.

It was from Shen Zhi: "Shen Yuan is here. After work today, go home and get some rest."

This was the first message he'd received since leaving the hospital that morning.

The second arrived quickly: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have argued with you."

"Are you still angry?"

Perhaps because he hadn't replied, the message was slow to arrive. "The other party is typing" appeared for a long time before a few words appeared: "Will you come tomorrow? I miss you / crying /"

Feng Ran's chest heaved. He wasn't really angry, but more like a traumatic stress reaction. It was as if hearing Shen Zhi's words would send him back to that dark, dark room, powerless to the world.

He closed his eyes and told himself that the Shen Zhi of today wasn't the same Shen Zhi of that time. They'd broken up, and he'd only stayed because... he felt sorry for him.

He had the right to leave. He could leave whenever he wanted.

Only then did he calm down and type a reply: "Tell Shen Yuan to get the folding bed out."

"What's wrong?" Shen Zhi asked.

"I want to go over and rest," he replied.

Shen Zhi hadn't expected Feng Ran to come today.

He stared at those six words, stunned for a long moment—Is he coming? Really? Was he right?

Shen Yuan, noticing his strange expression, asked, "What's wrong?"

"Feng Ran... asked you to get the folding bed out."

Shen Yuan: "Oh." After doing so, he asked, "What's he going to do?"

"He said he was coming over to rest," Shen Zhi said. "What does he mean? He's coming over?"

"If he comes, I'll have to leave. It's so uncomfortable to be around him." Shen Yuan pouted. "I've only been here half an hour, huh? Didn't you say he wasn't coming?"

"I don't know."

Shen Zhi's memory wasn't so bad as to forget what had happened between last night and this morning.

Conflicts were common, but this was the first since their reunion.

Perhaps he was too afraid—afraid of Chen Shuze's special status, afraid of their four years of unique memories, afraid of everything Chen Shuze could give that he couldn't... Impulsively, he demanded, "Are you trying to make money, or do you want to sleep with him?"

He regretted it

the moment he said it. Feng Ran's expression was a complex one.

In the past, when they quarreled, Feng Ran would always compete with him. He was good at talking and was even more aggressive during arguments. Shen Zhi was no match for him at all

. But this time he didn't.

He stood up, walked to the window and opened it.

The warm wind blew away the cigarette escaping from his lips. He took a few puffs and then put it out. Shen Zhi remembered that the last time he was in the hospital, Feng Ran did the same thing, with his elbows on the window, a cigarette in his mouth, and asked Shen Zhi to keep watch for him.

He stood by the window, his black clothes blending into the black night, and he didn't look back for a long time.

It was so long that all Shen Zhi's desire to pursue the matter disappeared. He just wanted Feng Ran to stop giving him this cold back and look back at him.

He pleaded, "I was wrong. I just envied him... not a lot, just a little. It's up to you whether you resign or not, I won't interfere." Feng Ran remained silent. He probed again, "Did he ever like you?"

Feng Ran said, "Does it matter?"

"What about you?"

"I said no, do you believe me?"

Shen Zhi hurriedly said, "Of course I do."

But Chen Shuze's words echoed in his ears, and he couldn't help but have wild thoughts. Feng Ran didn't like Chen Shuze, yet he had maintained this physical relationship with him for four years.

This was something he could never imagine. He had thought he could pretend to like Feng Ran, but he hadn't imagined that in the process, he had also deceived himself.

...But Feng Ran, in his heart, probably believed that love was love, sex was sex, and they were separate.

Shen Zhi still felt uncomfortable.

He asked again, "Why didn't you tell him about your situation?"

"My situation?"

"Working, paying back debts... something like that."

Feng Ran said, "What did I tell him for? To ask him to pay me back, or to make him pity me?"

"If I had been by your side then, would you have told me?"

Feng Ran laughed. "Same thing. Why would I tell anyone else?"

"Why 'others'? Even if I can't help you, I can share some of your burden, like taking care of your sister or helping you with some chores." Shen Zhi hoped to get a different answer from Feng Ran. It seemed that only if he said, "Yes, I didn't tell Chen Shuze anything, but I kept nothing from you, because you and I are more familiar and trust you more, and he's just..."

could he prove that he was superior to Chen Shuze, more useful than him. Only then

could he defeat him.

Feng Ran said, "Yeah, but it's unnecessary."

"Why is it unnecessary?"

"Why are you dwelling on this?" Feng Ran said, "It's been a long time. What's the point in talking so much?"

Chen Zhi was speechless for a moment, and after a while he said, "I really wish you'd met me back then, not him."

Feng Ran assumed he was still dwelling on the fact that he and Chen Shuze had been friends with him, and impatiently said, "Enough. There's no point dwelling on it. This is the reality. No one can change the past. If you really can't accept it, I can leave now."

"Don't go." Shen Zhi panicked.

Feng Ran finally approached the window. The only light source in the ward was the medical equipment, a faint blue glow illuminating Feng Ran's face.

He finally saw his expression clearly: cold, stiff, his brows furrowed tightly, his eyes sharp as a knife, condescending, as if he were facing an enemy.

Shen Zhi rarely saw him like this. The only times he saw him like this were when they were entangled in a dispute and he had used force to force Feng Ran to compromise.

His heart sank.

Feng Ran said slowly, "If you don't want me to leave, don't force me, judge me, or torment me. Be good, okay?"

Feng Ran pushed the door open and came in. His steps were heavy and slow. Shen Zhi looked over and saw that he was exhausted. He said, "It's hot outside, right? Let me peel an apple for you."

Feng Ran waved his hand and said, "No need." He lay down on the folding bed. The bed was too short and there was no place for most of his legs to rest. He could only curl up in a ball.

Shen Zhi pulled him: "You sleep in my bed."

Compared with the cramped, hard, and creaking folding bed, the hospital bed was especially white and soft. After Shen Zhi stood up, the bed seemed to be waving and welcoming him. Feng Ran was extremely tired and sleepy. He didn't refuse and fell asleep almost as soon as he touched the pillow.

While he was sleeping soundly, Shen Zhi was finally able to get closer to him, closer and closer. His hand traced lightly from above, from Feng Ran's eyebrows and nose bridge, down to his collarbone and chest.

Feng Ran didn't react. He took courage and gently touched his hair and cheeks. Feng Ran's eyes remained closed, but Chen Zhi was eager to make his move, holding his breath as he leaned forward to press his lips. He could feel his heartbeat so fast it threatened to leap out of his chest. He closed his eyes, instinctively searching for a kiss on Feng Ran's lips.

In that instant, a string snapped in his mind. The long-lost soft touch of touch was too much to stop, and he became even greedier. One kiss became five, six... He climbed onto the bed, pressed close to Feng Ran, hugged him, and sighed contentedly.

As long as this person was by his side, he would never be completely destitute, he thought.

Even if he no longer loved him, even if he stopped treating him the way he had in the past,

he still had a lifetime of time and energy to look back at him.

Feng Ran slept soundly, but he couldn't help but feel someone tickling him. Early in the morning, he was awakened by the doctor on his rounds.

The doctor pushed open the door, saw the two in bed, and exclaimed, "It's broad daylight!" and "The patient isn't well yet!" Feng Ran woke immediately to see Shen Zhi huddled close to him.

He quickly brushed aside the covers and got out of bed.

Shen Zhi was half asleep when the doctor pulled his arm over. As soon as the needle entered his flesh, he snapped awake. The first thing he did was open his eyes wide and look around for Feng Ran.

Feng Ran came in from behind the medical staff, took his other hand, and said, "I'm here."

The attending physician reminded him of the condition and said meaningfully, "You're using the folding bed instead of sleeping on it, competing with the patient for space. Family members should prioritize ensuring the patient gets enough rest."

Feng Ran nodded repeatedly in agreement.

The doctor left.

It was only half past five. As soon as the lights in the ward were turned off, he started to feel sleepy again. Feng Ran yawned while pressing the cotton swab while sitting on the folding bed. Shen Zhi was also a little sleepy. After the bleeding stopped, he lifted the quilt and said, "Come back to sleep for a while." Feng Ran shook his head

and refused: "Forget it, I'm upstairs, you can't rest well."

"Sure." Shen Zhi urged in a low voice, patting his side, "Come up quickly. You can still sleep a little longer."

Feng Ran hesitated, walked to the door and looked around, closed the ward door, pulled the curtain, took off his shoes and got into bed.

Two adults squeezed on a single bed, neither of them could move much, arms against arms, thighs against thighs. Shen Zhi turned over and faced him. Feng Ran could feel every breath he took. His sleepiness suddenly dissipated.

He was a little confused and wondered what was going on. Why did he sleep with Shen Zhi? The doctor even called him a "family member," and none of them objected...

Chen Zhi called him softly, "Feng Ran."

"Hmm?"

"Are you hot?"

Feng Ran wanted to say no, but after he asked, he seemed a bit hot. He was wearing long pants and a T-shirt, covered with a blanket. His back was a little sweaty, and his legs and feet were uncomfortable.

Chen Zhi said, "Or else..."

"No," he said flatly.

Shen Zhi asked again, "Can I hold your hand?"

He wanted to forget it. Sharing a bed was already weird enough, and holding hands... Shen Zhi groped for his hand under the thin blanket and held it tightly, but he didn't refuse.

Shen Zhi said nothing more and soon fell asleep. He slept well, and didn't move much after falling asleep, but he still didn't let go of his hand.

This was the first time in his life that Feng Ran slept hand in hand with his ex-boyfriend, in such a small bed. So close, he could smell that Shen Zhi was still using the same shampoo and laundry detergent.

The familiar smell kept invading him, interfering with his thoughts and bringing back countless memories. He stared at the ceiling with his eyes open, unable to describe the feeling.