Chapter 6: The End of Eternity 4. Job’s tears
"Empress!" It would be more accurate to say that I was taking care of Su He when she entered the palace rather than serving me.
"Call me aunt." In fact, this child's personality is very similar to Amber, soft-hearted and good-tempered, but perhaps because of her appearance, I treat her differently.
It has been nearly two years since she entered the palace at the age of thirteen. I can see that she has grown taller, but the familiarity between her eyebrows has become stronger and stronger. In my spare time, I often like to call her to my side and do nothing but quietly watch her, listen to her talk, and watch her grind for me, busying around...
I also wanted to teach her Taekwondo, but firstly, I am old, and it would be extremely inconvenient and unsightly for a queen to wield swords in the palace. Secondly, Su He prefers quietness to activity. After teaching her twice, I found that her foundation was not suitable for martial arts. Her body flexibility and coordination of her limbs were far inferior to those of Liu Shou.
But I didn't give up, and there was a certain obsession hidden deep in my heart. Because I was too eager and anxious, I was always reluctant to let it pass by. Just like thousands of mothers in the world, I always hope to find my own shadow in my children and grandchildren, and pin my beautiful youth that has passed away.
Su He's facial features are very similar to mine. This has long been a recognized secret in the palace, but no one dares to discuss it casually. Moreover, I have been trying to make her more and more like the lively Yin Lihua in her youth, but unfortunately, I have not been successful.
The only person who could sense my obsession was my husband who had slept with me for decades, but he never expressed anything. Once I tried to mention Su He to him, but he just smiled and asked me, "How can there be two Yin Lihuas in the world?"
How can there not be two Yin Lihuas in the world? At least, I, Guan Lihua, have been using an impersonator’s name for more than thirty years .
Although Liu Xiu didn't care about Su He's existence, there were people in the palace who cared about her. Princes of her age, such as Liu Cang and Liu Jing, all tried their best to find excuses to get close to Su He, and treated her very differently from other palace maids. Not only that, even Liu Zhuang, who lived in the Prince's Palace, would occasionally shift his gaze to Su He when he entered the palace to pay his respects.
I remember when I first entered the palace, Su He was honest, so she was often bullied by the naughty Liu Jing until she cried. At that time, I asked Liu Cang to teach Su He how to punch and kick, and half-jokingly said to her: "If you are willing to slap him and kick him, he will definitely not dare to bully you in the future, but will listen to you wholeheartedly!"
I was really hoping that Su He would say something heroically: "Okay! Next time I will definitely beat him up and teach him a lesson!" But in the end, I could only get a humble sentence: "How can I do that? I dare not overstep my bounds!"
I have to say I am disappointed. Besides disappointment, all that is left is a complete loss.
I hoped to find the willful and innocent self in her, but it was always in vain. Perhaps, the person she is most like is not me.
But I still indulged Su He in her unruly behavior in the palace and granted her many privileges and favors that other palace ladies could not get, so much so that sometimes Liu Shou would complain jealously that I treated my niece better than my daughter.
"What good things did your mother bring you yesterday?" I was leaning on the bed, and she was massaging my calves.
"How can there be anything better than what's in the palace?" she answered absentmindedly.
This child can't hide what's on his mind, and everything he's thinking shows on his face.
I remained calm: "Indeed, there is nothing in our home that can compare to the palace. Tell your mother later so that she won't have to worry too much. Just say that your marriage is entirely decided by your aunt, and you can marry whoever you want!"
Su He's pale cheeks suddenly turned red, and her watery eyes lit up and sparkled. She glanced at me quickly, suppressing her excitement under her shyness, but she still whispered, "The Queen really loves to make fun of Yin Ji."
I smiled. I liked hearing her tone when she called herself "Yin Ji", liked looking at her blushing ears, liked looking at her excited expression, liked looking at her innocent and love-loving look. I greedily searched for traces of the passing of time on her body.
"My queen!"
"I've told you hundreds of times. When no one is around, just call me aunt."
"Aunt...Aunt, this servant..."
"No need to be humble."
Her face turned even redder, and she randomly tried to find a topic to ease her embarrassment: "Mother said that she didn't see any women or children from the Ma family at the palace gate yesterday..."
The smile suddenly froze on my lips. Ma Yuan's matter was a thorn in my heart, and I couldn't touch it at the moment. I deliberately ignored this matter, and believed that Liu Xiu had decided to keep the peace, so Zhu Bo was sent back to his hometown, and the ministers' attitude towards this matter also became cold.
But Su He obviously didn't know what I was thinking. She continued, "I heard that it was because Ma Yuan's youngest son was sick and he was looking for a doctor everywhere. Come to think of it, kneeling under such a scorching sun for a whole day would make his skin peel off..."
I suddenly sat up from the bed. Su He was caught off guard and quickly retracted her hand in fear. I forced a smile and patted her shoulder: "Good girl, go out first, auntie wants to take a nap."
Su He naturally did not refute and went out obediently. I lay on the bed in a daze for a while. After a while, I heard Shanan's voice outside asking in a low voice: "Is the queen resting?"
I hesitated for a moment, and finally stood up and called her in: "What's the situation of the Ma family now ?"
Shanan was stunned, and subconsciously lowered her eyelids and remained silent.
I sighed, "I don't want to pursue anything. I know how to weigh the pros and cons, but I still miss you in my heart."
Shanan looked up at me, and after a long hesitation, she said, "Ma Yuan's youngest son, Ma Keqing, died last night after his treatment failed..."
My heart suddenly felt cold.
Shanan glanced at me worriedly: "Ma Yuan's wife Lin was grieving and cried all night. I heard that she was not quite conscious..."
I felt more and more conflicted. I don't know why, but when I was listening to Shanan's narration, the shadow of Liu Heng appeared in my mind.
"Does your majesty know about this?"
She shook her head: "No one in the capital pays attention to the Ma family anymore. People who are usually on good terms with Ma Yuan no longer come to visit. All the guests in the house have left. It's really..."
She didn't say the rest, but I completely understood what she was going to say. When the tree falls, the monkeys scatter. This kind of fickleness of the world is the same from ancient times to today.
"I..." The words stuck in my throat, and I stared at Shannan in a daze. Ma Yuan's death could not move my hardened heart, but Ma Keqing's untimely death seemed to have opened up an old scar deep in my heart. "I want to go to the Ma family to take a look."
Shanan looked at me with a look of disapproval. She didn't dare to say anything, but in her heart she probably thought I was crazy too.
Strike while the iron is hot, I did whatever I thought, so I got up and changed my clothes: "Just say you're going to the Crown Prince's Palace, leave the palace from the upper east gate, and then go to the Ma family. There's no need to spread out the entourage and ceremonial procession, so as not to attract attention!"
Ma Yuan's mansion was not in the city, but rather in a remote location. I changed to a simply decorated carriage outside the palace and traveled to Ma's house in a light and simple manner.
The courtyard was deserted, the rammed earth walls were scorched and mottled, and outside the walls were several acres of straw plants, about one meter high, which were neither grains nor rice, and no one knew what they were.
I wanted to get closer to see more clearly, so I got off the car. Su He hurriedly held an umbrella to block the sunlight for me.
Shanan went forward and knocked on the door. After a while, someone came out to open the door, wearing a linen robe.
"Who... are you looking for?" She was a girl who was a few years younger than Su He. She had a pretty face with tear marks on her face. Her eyes and nose were red. When she saw a group of us standing outside the door, she was surprised and alert.
"My wife... has come to visit Madam Ma specially." Shanan moved aside so that the girl could see me clearly.
I nodded and smiled at her. She half-closed the door and looked at me suspiciously: "My mother...is not in a position to see guests!"
Shanan took a step forward to explain, but the little girl seemed to be very frightened and slammed the door shut.
Shanan looked back at me helplessly.
I smiled and continued to walk to the foot of the wall to look at the weed-like plants. The soil was cracked into countless small cracks by the sun, and the straw had turned yellow and wilted. I was about to lean over to take a closer look when the door creaked open.
A girl came out from the door, also covered in a large robe, but she was much taller than the previous girl.
"Is it this guest who wants to see my mother?" The girl spoke slowly, modestly but with tenacity, not afraid of strangers at all, with clear and open eyes, quite like Ma Yuan. She looked at everyone and finally landed on me, then stopped and bowed to me politely, "I'm sorry for offending you just now, please forgive me."
The bright sunlight shone on her black hair, and her fair skin was slightly covered with a layer of sweat. She did not wipe it off, but let the sweat slide down her neck into her collar.
"Please take a seat in the hall first!" She leaned sideways and made a gesture of "please". Although there was no smile on her face, it made people feel that she was sincere in treating guests and had no intention of neglecting them.
"Thank you!" Shanan thanked me and entered the Ma Mansion first. Suhe helped me into the mansion. I saw trees and trees. There were several towering trees such as apricot trees, mulberry trees, and banyan trees planted in the courtyard. The main house was built under the shade of the trees. When people walked in, they felt a kind of coolness that was isolated from the world.
I accidentally caught a glimpse of the little girl who had shut us out, hiding behind a banyan tree, staring at us with her black eyes, still warily.
The girl who opened the door for us led us up to the hall. I took off my shoes at the bottom of the stairs and chatted with her casually, "Is that your sister?"
She paused, looked back at the girl under the tree, and answered, "No. That's my half-sister, only one year older than me."
I was greatly surprised. The girl in front of me was tall and slender. Although she looked young, she was calm and composed in her gestures and had a steady temperament in dealing with people. She didn't look like a little girl at all. Before I came, I knew that Ma Yuan still had three unmarried daughters at home. I thought she would be the eldest of the three daughters, but I didn't expect that I was completely wrong.
"Girl." I took the opportunity to grab her hand, patted the back of her hand cheerfully, and asked casually, "What's your name? How old are you this year?"
She was not afraid of strangers and answered confidently, "My name is Ma Cheng, and I'm ten years old this year." Then she pointed to a little girl at the bottom of the stairs and said, "This is also my half-sister, her name is Ma Jiang, and she's twelve years old this year!" She then pointed to the shy girl under the shade of the tree outside the hall and said, "That's Ma Qian..."
As we were talking, Ma Jiang was walking up the stairs. After hearing my sister's introduction, she shyly gave us a forced smile. Compared to Ma Jiang's somewhat unfamiliar politeness, Ma Qian still stared at us intently, making us feel itchy on the back.
"My mother is ill in bed and cannot see guests. I hope you can forgive me." Ma Cheng bowed to me as a junior and sat on the west side facing east.
I was just surprised at her courtesy when Ma Jiang carefully asked, "What's your name, Madam?"
I was just about to make up a story when Ma Cheng said, "Second sister, take Third sister to take care of mother first, and tell the housekeeper to take good care of Madam's followers. I will take care of this place."
She was young and a concubine's daughter, so she should have had a humble and insignificant status in the family, with no say in the matter. However, Ma Jiang's reaction was unexpected. Instead of refutation, she actually obeyed and went downstairs to take Ma Qian away.
After Ma Jiang and Ma Qian left, Ma Cheng dismissed the maids. Just as we were surprised that she was so young but behaved like an adult, she suddenly pushed away the mat under her, knelt on the ground, and bowed to me, saying, "The guilty daughter Ma Ji pays homage to the Queen!"
This time, not only was I frightened, but even Shanan and others also changed their expressions.
"How do you know I'm the queen? Aren't you afraid of recognizing the wrong person?" I asked with a friendly smile.
Ma Cheng replied calmly, "I watched the Nuo opera at the Prince's Palace on the twelfth day of last year. I had the honor of seeing the Empress' appearance. I believe I would not be mistaken."
"Prince's Palace?"
"Yes. My eldest sister has a daughter named Jia, who was selected to be a good girl in the Prince's Palace. She became pregnant last year and was promoted to a child. On the New Year's Day, I accompanied my eldest sister to the Prince's Palace to visit Jia."
"Jia Ruzi..." After Liu Zhuang became an adult, the Crown Prince's Palace selected good family children according to the rules. I don't know whose character this child inherited. He loves this one today and that one tomorrow. He has taken many concubines. In just the past two years, he has added two girls and one boy one after another. I have said it several times, but he always agreed on the surface, but he did not restrain himself behind the scenes and continued to do his own thing.
If I remember correctly, this Jia who was promoted to Ruzi is the mother of my second granddaughter Liu Nu.
“So they are relatives.”
Ma Cheng bowed his head again, and this time when he looked up, his eyes were red: "No matter what the reason is, the fact that Your Majesty can come to my humble home in plain clothes is enough to make us burst into tears of gratitude."
Although she tried hard to hold back her tears, she could not hide the sadness on her face. No matter how strong and capable she was, she was still just a ten-year-old child.
"Where's your brother?"
"My cousin took them everywhere to redress the injustice for my father..." When she said this, her voice trembled, and her thin shoulders also trembled slightly. But she was always neither humble nor arrogant, and she never asked me for help from the moment she found out my identity until now.
"Don't you want to redress your father's injustice?"
She shuddered, tears streaming down her cheeks. "As a child, filial piety comes first. It is only natural to seek justice for your father, and you cannot be timid. But I think the Queen has her own opinion, and it won't be shaken by my crying. In that case, there is no need to say a word."
I have a genuine liking for her. This child is quick-witted and organized. It is rare that she can remain so calm and rational despite the catastrophe her family has suffered. Not to mention that she is only a ten-year-old girl, even an adult would find it difficult to do this.
"It's worth the trip to meet Ma Yuan's daughter today." I didn't make any promises, and she didn't ask me for anything. We both knew each other. How could one not like such a smart girl ?
When I was about to leave, Ma Cheng saw me off to the door, and Su He and Shan Nan helped me get into the carriage. Ma Cheng just stood quietly at the door and looked at me from afar. Just when we were about to leave, she suddenly rushed to the wall, pulled out a bunch of straw, and rushed towards the carriage quickly.
"Empress--" She looked at me with a pale face, her clear and bright eyes filled with a pleading look, and with trembling hands she handed the straw to me.
Because she pulled the needles too hastily, her hands were cut by the leaves. There were several criss-crossing blood-red stripes on the back of her fair hand, which was particularly glaring.
"What is this?" I asked her with a smile, "Girl, are you giving it to me as a gift?"
"This is... this is..." In the sunlight, her face was surprisingly pale, without any blood. Sweat soaked her hair, and the broken hair stuck to her cheeks. She stammered for a long time, and finally mustered up the courage to put the straw on my cart, "This is a cart of pearls and rhinoceros horns that my father brought back from Jiaozhi!"
My eyelids twitched twice, but my expression remained unchanged. I just stared at Ma Cheng quietly. She was breathing rapidly, and her big eyes were full of hope and desire. Although she said nothing, her crystal clear eyes told me everything she wanted to say.
I sighed secretly and nodded calmly: "In that case, thank you for your gift!"
Ma Cheng retracted her hand and the bamboo curtain was lowered. I no longer paid attention to her expression. Her eyes were just staring at the withered plants in front of her.
The carriage started to move slowly. I reached out woodenly and pulled a handful of ears from the stalks. I put my hands together and rubbed them carefully. Many yellow-brown seed coats fell off. After a while, only tiny seeds were left in my palms. They were larger than wheat grains, blunt at one end and slightly concave at the other. The back was round and convex, and there was a deep vertical groove on the ventral side.
Su He was very surprised and asked curiously: "What is this?"
I silently picked one up and put it in my mouth. My teeth chewed it slowly, and the seeds were ground into powder: "Job's tears..."
