Chapter 6 Some pain must be returned tenfold 05
I want to leave this place, escape to a quiet place.
I took a step forward without saying a word, wanting to grab Fang Xuyu's hand and leave this suffocating place. The tall buildings in front of me were spinning in front of me, and I heard someone's anxious shouting in my ears.
Fang Xuyu, I'm sorry for letting you see me in such a miserable state.
Are you here to find me? Does it hurt when those fists hit you? But how can I face you in this state? I have lost myself and I can never find myself again.
I don’t think I have ever said thank you to you. Thank you for shielding me from so many wind and rain.
Thank you for coming into my life.
My eyes were dizzy and I fell backwards into a warm embrace.
Someone picked me up, and he ran as fast as he could, calling my name as hard as he could. I could hear his heart beating strongly, and every beat was so reassuring.
July seems to be calling me too. But I am so tired...
There were lightning and thunder in the sky, and the streets were whistling, as if it was going to rain.
The wind poured into my heart, and there was a big hole in my heart. There was nothing to repair it. At the bottom of the hole, the sound of memory came up like a spring, gurgling.
“Are you listening to the sound of the waves in my house?”
"Um."
"Why do you like listening to it?"
"It's like someone is crying."
"What a strange little boy, who are you?"
"It will only take a moment."
When I was very young, I was afraid that Fang Chongyan would leave me and my mother, so I sat on the steps every day waiting for him to come back, sitting in the same place and standing at the same intersection. But in the end, he never came back.
Later, I was always afraid to walk the same road.
Fate goes in circles, there is no waiting, and it leads to a direction of no return.
Now, everything I feared had happened.
I mustered up the courage to accept the cruel truth, but I never did. Walking in the busy streets, I felt cold and lonely. All the bad things were imprinted in my heart, and there was no place to hide the pain.
I woke up in the middle of the night, the smell of hospital disinfectant lingered in my nose, and the orange light outside the window was tinged. I lay on the bed and saw Qiyue sleeping on the sofa with a thin white blanket on her. Fang Xuyu sat on the chair next to me, sleeping with his head propped up by his hands.
My eyes slowly moved to his hand, which was holding mine. In his sleep, he held it so tightly, as if he was afraid that I would let go.
——Are you saying this because you care about me?
——Yes, I care about you.
…
——I will return it to you.
…
I threw all the memories I had picked up into the deepest part of my heart, and the big hole in my heart was gradually filled. Everything around me was spinning rapidly, and the scene before I fainted returned to my mind.
His concern, his fear, and the many unspoken words hidden in his eyes make me burst into tears instantly when I think of them.
Not long after, Fang Xuyu woke up. He looked at me quietly. I never thought that I would meet him at my most vulnerable time and let him see me so helpless.
I looked at him silently, wanting to give him a smile, but tears fell involuntarily.
Without any extra words, he reached out his hand and gently wiped away my tears, his movements as gentle as if he was protecting his most beloved treasure.
He said he knew everything. At this moment, the pain spread, and my hollowed-out heart fell into the abyss and suffered. He sat silently in the darkness, his face seemed even sadder than mine.
The dim light outside stung my red and swollen eyes, and my face was filled with tears again.
"I can't promise to help you solve all your problems, but I promise I won't let you face them alone. I will repay those who ruined you tenfold." His hand brushed across my endless tears again and looked at me. His words were firm and powerful, hitting my heart like a heavy hammer.
For a long time, I put on a mask, fully armed, trying to hide my wounds, not letting anyone see or touch them. But now I am exposed. When I was at a loss, he said that he would promise not to let me face it alone.
I saw behind him that July sat up quietly, looked at us , then walked gently towards the door and closed it.
I closed my eyes, as if everything was a dream. Not long after, I fell asleep again. Fang Xuyu was also very tired, and he also closed his eyes to rest after I fell asleep.
The only sound in the entire room was our even breathing.
I don't know when he left. When I opened my eyes again, it was already daybreak. The ward was filled with the fragrance of porridge.
"Good morning." July scooped a bowl of porridge with a smile, blew on it and greeted me.
"Well, good morning." I looked at her and responded with a chuckle. Her lips were dry and it was a little difficult for her to laugh.
"Do you have the energy to wash?" On the cabinet next to him were newly bought toothbrushes, cups, and towels. Everything was ready.
I was about to praise July for being attentive, but she seemed to have guessed what I was thinking and said, "Oh, he bought it."
It turned out that Fang Xuyu bought it. I got up and washed up, still feeling a little dizzy. After washing up, I sat back on the bed and drank the porridge slowly, one mouthful at a time.
When July saw me finish eating, she chuckled and took the empty bowl, with a hint of mist in her eyes: "You eat like a kitten. You look really pitiful."
"You know, that guy is weird. He asked me what happened to you, and I told him everything. Don't blame me." July murmured, looking a little lost.
She stood up, walked to the window, and looked at the cars shuttling back and forth downstairs. She didn't know what she was thinking. The morning light outside the window was soft, and the cool air formed a layer of fog on the glass.
"He won't give up, you have to be mentally prepared." July turned around and said to me.
"I will..." I stood in front of the window, watching the backs of the pedestrians downstairs walking away step by step, and it seemed that something important in my heart was also walking away with them.
Forgive? How can I forgive if I can't do it? Not to mention for just a moment.
I don't know how long it took, but July 's high heels passed by me and she walked out of the ward. Then, heavy footsteps sounded, and someone stood behind me.
A pair of hands came up to my shoulders and gently embraced me. I looked down at the white, slender hands in front of me, thinking I was seeing things. I looked up along those hands, and saw distinct joints. The silver watch on the wrist was trembling slightly.
My shoulders felt heavy, and Fang Xuyou hugged me, resting his chin on my shoulder, breathing softly behind my ears. He seemed very sad.
I don't care about the endless flow of people on the street downstairs, the noisy voices, the shrill honking, and the laughter of passers-by. The boy who gently hugged me from behind made me unable to feel the sounds of the world. I could only feel that his sadness was like a river of sorrow, and I felt like I was going to sink with it and drown.
All the scenery became the background, and the sky and the horizon intertwined bright colors before my eyes.
He opened his lips slightly and whispered in my ear: "I'm sorry..."
I felt a pain in my heart, I couldn't explain what it felt like. I didn't know why he apologized, he said it so helplessly, as if he was blaming himself deeply. I just stood there motionless and let him hold me.
He held me in his arms and kept saying "I'm sorry". All he had to say were these three words. He said nothing, but it seemed to say everything. Listening to his tone and feeling his gentle embrace, I felt as if all the strength in my body had been drained away, and I felt extremely uncomfortable.
Does he know that it was Zhong Maner who did it?
Is he apologizing for involving me at that party?
It’s strange, but whenever we meet, we always argue with each other. We have never had a good conversation, but we have never been as quiet as we are now.
I wanted to hold his hand, but after hesitating for a moment, I finally took it back and just chose to accompany him in silence.
It seemed as if a piece of ice that had been dormant for thousands of years in my heart suddenly melted into water, turning into a trickle and flowing slowly in my heart.
I seemed to feel something called warmth.
In fact, I never knew that there would be someone waiting for me in armor.
I knew nothing about the difficulties and grievances he left unspoken, the efforts and commitment he made when I was hurt, and the times he tried hard to enter my world.
——Why do you care about me so much?
——Because I care.
Fang Xuyu, do I care about you as much as you do?
