The day after Wu Zhizi left, Xia Chan fell ill.
It rained heavily in the early morning. Xia Chan wanted to stay cool, so she left the windows and the fan open. She was blown by the night wind all night , making her feel dizzy.
She slept until around nine o'clock. She tried to get up, but her body swayed and she almost fell. Her cell phone was out of battery and turned off, so she found the charger and plugged it in.
Sitting slumped on the bed, Xia Chan found Ella's number and said in a hoarse voice, "Ella, please ask for a day off from class for me. I'm feeling a little unwell."
Ella shouted loudly, "Are you sick? Is it serious? Why don't I come to see you? I happen to be in your classroom now, and I'm wondering why you didn't come to school. Hey! Mo... where are you going..." Her voice could be heard shouting to someone else from inside.
Xia Chan smiled weakly and said softly, "I'll be fine tomorrow."
"Don't hold on. If it's not serious, take some medicine and get some sleep. If it's serious, go see a doctor. Also, say hello to Aunt Zhizi for me." Ella muttered on the other end of the phone. She didn't know yet that Wu Zhizi had gone to Hangzhou in advance.
Xia Chan smiled and responded with a few words, then hung up the phone. She lay on the bed for a while, and when she had regained some strength, she walked unsteadily to the medicine box, found a few pills, and swallowed them with water.
Feeling a little hungry, she opened the refrigerator and found nothing inside. She struggled to change her clothes and shoes, then took the keys and went out.
She didn't expect to meet Jiang Huainan.
Jiang Huainan stood downstairs of their house, his eyes fixed on something unknown. Xia Chan could sense the loneliness in him, which made her feel distressed.
She took a few steps, trying to bypass him and enter through another entrance.
"Axia." Jiang Huainan called her and whispered, "I came to see you." He didn't tell her that her cell phone was unreachable, so he stayed in a hotel nearby for the night.
Wu Zhizi called him and asked him to take good care of Xia Chan. He didn't know what happened in her family until he came and stood at the door for a long time, not daring to push the door open.
He would go to bed only when her light was turned off at night, and would wait here only when he saw her go out in the morning.
He turned around and looked at her, his deep eyes seemed to have something to say. Somehow, his eyes reminded people of Monet.
Two completely different people unexpectedly gave her a sense of familiarity, even though it had been more than half a month since they last met.
He held out his broad, dry hand.
Xia Chan was distracted for a moment. She remembered that Jiang Huainan had held out his hand like this and taken her for a walk. She still remembered the warmth of those hands, but the memory was too old.
This action is too long-lasting.
Seeing her expression, Jiang Huainan knew that she had misunderstood. The corners of his mouth were stained with bitterness, and he said, "Give me the things, let's go for a walk."
He took a few steps towards her, took the shopping bag from her hand, and walked forward one step ahead.
The two were silent for a long time, as if everything had stopped.
Passing by a house with flowers and plants planted on the balcony, Jiang Huainan stopped, looked at the oleander and hollyhocks on the balcony, frowned slightly , and then smiled.
He stood there, looking at her quietly, and said, "I remember you asked me what oleander looked like."
Xia Chan looked up and saw oleander branches growing outward from the same place. The leaves were long and smooth, and the branches were topped with clusters of pink flowers. She had just read a legend about oleander. It was said that this plant was gorgeous and beautiful, but each part contained a variety of deadly toxins. The toxicity remained after it dried up and lasted for a long time.
Things that are too beautiful are often poisonous, just like her feelings for him over the years.
In fact, if you calm down and think about it, it's really nothing. He just doesn't love her. Apart from that, what's wrong with that? There is no right or wrong in love, and he can't even be considered wrong.
Jiang Huainan continued, "I only found out last night that Aunt Wu had left City S. If it were before, I would have known it long ago."
"I left in a hurry and I haven't told you yet." Xia Chan replied in a low voice.
"How are you?" His eyes fell on a white plastic bag in the shopping bag. It was the cold medicine that Xia Chan bought when she passed by the pharmacy when she came back.
"Not bad." Her heart tightened and ached. He was still so thoughtful.
Looking at her pale and haggard face, he tried to force a smile, but his tone was complaining: "Axia, we are estranged after all..."
Gusts of wind blew by, sweeping away the dew on the leaves of the paulownia trees. The dew dripped onto my arms, bringing a cool feeling.
Jiang Huainan's behavior really made Xia Chan feel guilty.
She remembered that he had ridden his bicycle to take her to the hospital when she had a high fever, covered in wind and rain; she also remembered that he had beautiful eyes and eyebrows, and bent over the table to teach her those complicated quadratic functions.
Whenever she quarreled with Wu Zhizi and ran away, he would take her for a walk around the community, sometimes telling her stories of ancient Greek mythology, sometimes telling her interesting historical stories, in order to divert her attention.
He was both a friend and a relative, accompanying her through all the dark and lonely years. She wanted hopelessly to follow him for the rest of her life. Maybe he made mistakes in dealing with her feelings for him, but she was wrong from the beginning.
Who can tell right from wrong? But the moment she saw his true feelings, she had already pushed him away.
The wind makes people’s bodies and hearts cold.
Looking at him standing there, emitting a cool breath, the morning mist shrouding him, the past and memories blending together, his lonely figure seemed like he would disappear at any time.
Her body moved before her thoughts, and she took a step forward and threw herself into his arms, hugging him.
Her eyes were red, she said nothing, greedily inhaling the familiar scent from his body, and her words were fragile: "Jiang Huainan..."
There was a sob in her throat, and the breathing sound in her ears was like a silent thread binding her heart, and her heart gradually warmed up in the thick embrace.
For a long time, they were silent. The embrace in silence was too long.
Her eyes looked behind him inch by inch, and fell on a familiar figure, and her chest suddenly stagnated.
Her eyes met his, and there was a moment of fear in her eyes, while the cold light in his eyes was colder than the snow in winter.
Monet stood under a Metasequoia tree, his eyes covered with a layer of deep sadness. He half tilted his head, put away his usual playful smile, and watched them hugging each other.
He stood there alone, like a wooden man, holding a small bag of cold medicine he had just bought from the pharmacy.
He seemed to have been there for a long time and looked for a long time.
She thought he would turn around in anger. But she underestimated him.
Monet looked at them, pursed his lips and smiled, then walked straight over, pulled her out of Jiang Huainan's arms domineeringly, put his arms around her shoulders, held the back of her head with one hand, and kissed her like a storm. He bit her predatoryly, and a tear slid down his face into her lips, so bitter.
A strong fist wind swept past her ears, Xia Chan staggered, Monet groaned, and almost fell to the ground.
A trace of blood flowed from the corner of Monet's mouth. He looked at Jiang Huainan with deep irony in his eyes: "Is that all you have?"
The shopping bag was thrown on the ground. Jiang Huainan looked at the person in front of him indifferently. His clenched fists were still shaking. He looked like a pool of clear water, but his rapid breathing betrayed him.
"Angry? Jealous?" Monet looked at his eyes that were red with anger and said something even more outrageous, "Who are you to be jealous of? I like A-Xia, I dare to admit it! She is mine..."
Another heavy punch hit Monet's chest. Monet took the punch and hit Jiang Huainan's lower abdomen with a backhand hook. Jiang Huainan bent over in pain, raised his fist and rushed forward without thinking, and the two of them fought.
The two men punched and kicked each other without mercy, quickly and fiercely, until each was covered in bruises.
"Stop! Stop!" Xia Chan screamed, not knowing what to do.
Monet was kicked back several steps by Jiang Huainan. He laughed arrogantly, "Who do you think you are! I just like her, so what? Fight! Come on!"
There was a bruise at the corner of his mouth, and his clothes and face were dirty, but there was a fiery light flashing in his eyes.
"I'm not a coward like you. I dare to say and do what I say. If I like someone, I'll grab her and never let her go. What does it matter what your relationship is! If you're not interested and you don't have the qualifications, don't bother her!" He gasped and coughed with excitement, his voice filled with strange excitement.
The walls on both sides were very high, and the wind made the leaves rustle. Monet's arrogant words echoed in the air, and it was impossible to ignore them.
Don't bother her...
Jiang Huainan's expression gradually returned to normal. He slowly raised his head and looked at Monet, pursed his lips, and stared at Xia Chan for a long time.
For some reason, Xia Chan wanted to cry when she saw him like this.
His expression froze for a moment, and then he said slowly: "Okay... "
His back, with a determined look, gradually disappeared under the lush green trees. A few leaves were blown down by the wind and fell lightly.
Jiang Huainan, you have been so good to me, I can't let you go in the future.
Jiang Huainan, you shouldn’t be so outstanding. There are too many girls chasing you and I can’t handle it.
Jiang Huainan, why don’t you find a girlfriend?
Jiang Huainan...
It was as if the entire world I was carrying had left me at that moment, and the memories that were so heavy that they threatened to tear my body apart passed through the fragmented past, leaving only a pile of debris.
Xia Chan watched him disappear step by step at the bend of the road without looking back. The man who once occupied her life seemed to never come back.
She turned around , stared at Monet behind her fiercely, and growled: "Are you sick?"
He automatically blocked out Xia Chan's words, wiped the corner of his mouth, picked up the bag on the ground, and handed it to her: "This is for you."
"Go away!" Her voice changed tone because it was so loud. Monet's gaze fell on her face, and there was hurt and loneliness in her eyes that she could not understand.
If Xia Chan was rational enough at this moment, she would see that it also contained a deep and desperate love, like a dying patient's desire for life.
There was only piercing coldness in her disoriented eyes: "Do you think you are so powerful? You forced Jiang Huainan to leave, how powerful!"
The smile on Monet's face was a little forced, and his low voice was wrapped in powerlessness: "I'm not powerful, it's you who are powerful. You are so powerful that you can easily take my heart away just by standing in front of me."
"Really? I didn't see that." Her eyes gradually became moist, and her self-deprecating tone was hard to tell whether it was sad or happy. Her eyes were red, and she took a deep breath, and a fishy sweetness came from her throat. She stared blankly at the direction where Jiang Huainan left, and murmured: "He left and will never come back. We were about to reconcile. It's you, it's all your fault..."
"Asha!"
Someone was calling her name in panic in her ear, and a few white birds flew across the gloomy sky above her head.
Her mind was blank, as if all her strength had been drained away, and she was unable to stand steadily. The moment her eyelids closed, a pair of dark eyes fell into her eyes, and her body fell into a cold embrace, her consciousness blurred, and the last trace of light disappeared from her world.
When I woke up, the room was filled with the smell of porridge.
Xia Chan was lying in her room. There was the sound of water running in the kitchen, and then footsteps in the living room. Monet carefully brought a small bowl of preserved egg and lean meat porridge to her and said with a smile, "I wonder if it suits your taste."
She looked at his expectant eyes, neither took the porridge nor spoke.
He sat down next to the bed, scooped out a spoonful of porridge, blew on it and handed it to her: "At least eat something."
The air was filled with the aroma of meat and the smell of wind. The sky outside the window gradually darkened, and a few stars hung in the night sky. She looked at the hand holding the spoon, and her heart suddenly contracted. He didn't have to be humble and seek perfection.
Thinking of Jiang Huainan's back as he left, her heart ached.
She supported herself on the bed and sat up. Monet took the pillow with one hand and tried to stuff it behind her back. She pushed the pillow away, leaned against the head of the bed, and said , "Monet, you don't have to do this."
He put the spoon back into the bowl, held the bowl with both hands, lowered his eyes and begged: "Axia, let's talk properly."
"You talk, I listen."
The words that were said to Jiang Huainan were also said to her.
Some things cannot be avoided and pretended not to have happened. Yes, Monet liked her, and she avoided it for a long time, treating it as a joke.
All jokes are serious, it depends on whether you are willing to believe them or not.
Monet glanced at her, lowered his attitude, and said helplessly, "How am I inferior to him? I've never figured it out."
The light cast his lonely shadow on the curtains, and the tone of his sighs was like a traveler who had lost his way.
The night breeze was cold on people's faces. She looked at Monet's appearance, and her eyes were sore and painful. Her voice was as cold as the night wind: "You are very good, and it's because of me."
Monet looked at her for a long while, then smiled and said, "If a woman says it's her fault, then it must be the man's fault."
Monet's seriousness made her feel at a loss as to what to do.
The Monet of today seems to be no different from the Monet of the past, but something deep down has quietly changed.
A piece of opera tune from The Peony Pavilion came from the red theater outside. The lingering voice reminded her of the first time she climbed the wall to the alley of Ziwei North Road to find him. Since they met, he has tried every way to get close to her, but she has built a wall in her heart, keeping him away from her.
She is more afraid of being let down than being loved.
She lowered her head and pulled the corners of her mouth, as if to tell him, or to comfort herself: "Monet, sometimes I wonder if it would have been better if I had met you first and liked you."
His tone was burning: "Then I like it!"
"But the most frightening thing about love is preconceived ideas. Even though you know it will all end in ashes, you still risk your life for it." She smiled.
A salty bitterness rose in his chest: "Yes... just like I do to you."
She was speechless.
Looking at her wandering eyes, he whispered: "Axia, I hope you can promise me one thing. If, I mean if... I am not by your side, you must remember me..."
Her nose felt sore: "Why do you say that suddenly..."
He chuckled, "Just say it when you think of it."
Monet's words made her heart tremble slightly, and she turned her head to look into his eyes.
Seeing her nod woodenly, Monet stood up, hugged her shoulders gently, and said softly, "Have a good rest, I'm going back."
He looked calm, but the flash of sadness in his eyes made Xia Chan realize that she had hurt him.
She wanted to say something, but Monet walked to the window, closed the half-drawn curtain, picked up the cold porridge, and walked out of the open door.
Looking at his back, all her emotions were like rocks thrown into a lake, creating ripples and then calming down little by little.
She couldn't understand Monet. Many times, even when he was smiling, she felt that he was not happy, and when he was sad, she couldn't figure it out. There was a fog between them.
Everyone lives for himself, so perhaps there should be no complaints.
At around ten o'clock, she had slept enough and was sitting on the balcony looking at the stars when she received a call from Qin Xiaosi. She didn't know where Qin Xiaosi got her number.
Maybe one person hates another person and will do whatever it takes to express his hatred. Qin Xiaosi's voice was as calm as dead water, but his words made people feel cold all over.
Qin Xiaosi said, "I warned you not to associate with Brother Huainan. Do you know where he was when you called? He was having dinner, and my family and Uncle Jiang and Aunt Jiang were all there, and we were discussing the engagement."
Wu Zhizi called Jiang Huainan and Qin Xiaosi thought it was her.
She listened without explaining.
Qin Xiaosi said: "I used to be very happy, but the day my parents died, I lost everything. God took pity on me and let him appear in my life. My requirements are very low, to be an ordinary person, with a lover, children, and a home. I have nothing in this life, I only have him. No one can stop my happiness, not even you. I will kill anyone who stands in my way."
Every word was like an invisible silver needle, piercing into her heart, piercing her bones and not stopping until she died.
Qin Xiaosi said: "Xia Chan, I will be happy, just wait and see."
Every word was filled with gnashing hatred, which made her shudder.
Happiness always comes back to you when your heart aches the most, giving you a reason to live on.
Are you getting engaged?
Jiang Huainan, you are really a savior. You treated me well in the first half of your life to atone for your sins to Jiang Huaibei, and you sacrificed your life in the second half to save Qin Xiaosi.
How great!
I finally understand that you are not heartless and loveless.
Your nerves and skin, blood and bones, hold all the important people you care about. You look around, thinking you can fulfill everyone's happiness, but you only leave the greatest cruelty to yourself.
You were born in the light, but even if the sinful people are rescued from the chaotic darkness, what awaits them is still not light. They will only sink deeper and deeper into the maze of haze.
The cold moonlight shines down, but cannot illuminate the sad corners in people's hearts.
In the deep night sky, two stars fell, fell into the bottomless wilderness, and turned into two cold tears on the face.
quietly.