On Christmas Day of the second year, Shen Nianci found a friend and gave apples to him in his new school. The third year was the same. She just remembered Li Yingze saying, "You don't have to do this."
Shen Nianci replied with a wry smile: "Only eating apples on Christmas Eve will bring happiness."
This is what Shen Nianci often said, even now she would say it. After Shen Nianci replied to the message, she added: "I won't be able to find anyone next year." After sending this message, Shen Nianci never waited for Li Yingze's reply.
However, Li Yingze is also a very strange person. It can be said that he is incomprehensible. The school where they go is too small, and the place is also small, so school bullying often occurs. At that time, Shen Nianci was afraid that what happened to her would happen to him, so she asked a friend to take care of him. As a result, he sent a message at night: You asked so-and-so to protect me, but it's not necessary.
Shen Nianci sent an emoticon and replied: "I'm afraid you'll be bullied."
Later she found out that he might not need any protection at all because he was very strong on his own. However, it took Shen Nianci a long time to find out about this. He never hung out with those gangsters, but many of them were his friends. Shen Nianci never asked why he knew them. In other words, she had no chance.
Perhaps during those lonely and helpless days, he learned to protect himself.
Now when Shen Nianci thinks back on everything that happened between them, he sometimes feels like laughing for no reason. He remembers that Li Yingze had not graduated yet and was still in the third year of junior high school.
That day, the setting sun illuminated half the sky red. Shen Nianci stood at the door of . Seeing Li Yingze was about to go downstairs, she immediately followed him. As a result, something delayed her in the middle. Shen Nianci saw Li Yingze standing by the steps down to the playground, watching Shen Nianci walk over step by step. That day, the setting sun shone on his side face. Shen Nianci felt her face flush and her heart beat fast. At this time, the radio station played a song in accordance with the occasion:

Heartfelt Conversation in Heaven
Become dull, look forward to
Can't wait for your good night
None of this has anything to do with me
Anyway, I've already gotten used to you not being here anymore
A person is blank and pretends to be relieved

They just looked at each other, no one spoke, and Li Yingze stood there for a long time, but Shen Nianci didn't have the courage to say a word to him. When Shen Nianci got the phone, he immediately sent a message asking: "Are you waiting for me?"
Waiting for Brother A, followed by an emoticon of covering face with soybeans.
Shen Nianci responded with an embarrassed expression.
Maybe Shen Nianci's delusion was too serious, or maybe Li Yingze was not good at saying no, so this kind of delusion was a vague feeling that made Shen Nianci unable to get out of it. For a long time, Shen Nianci never went to bed late and never listened to Chinese love songs, for fear that he would fall into it and really could not get out.
Those days were the most difficult time for Shen Nianci. She was afraid of the free activities in physical education class and afraid of hearing her classmates reciting each other's content during group assignments during exams.
She was isolated by her classmates and could only walk back to the classroom silently during free time in physical education class. When forming a team, she always stood alone. No one wanted to be in the same group with her. That was the time Shen Nianci was most afraid to recall. She didn't have a mobile phone during that time and survived entirely relying on Li Yingze and his figure.
They are like the moon and the sun, in the same time and space, but not on the same horizontal line. After a brief intersection, they continue to move away.
After Shen Nianci graduated from high school, she and Li Yingze still had brief contact. In fact, it was just that Shen Nianci was shameless and had the nerve to send messages.
December 27, 2018.
Shen Nianci left a message for Li Yingze: "Countdown three days."
Soon Li Yingze also responded, saying: "What cannot be kept will eventually pass away."
Yes, what cannot be kept will eventually pass away, so what is she worrying about?
Li Yingze would occasionally come to her space and check out Shen Nianci's QQ music homepage, and they seemed to be always entangled like this.
On December 19, 2021, Shen Nianci posted a message on his space: "No one let anyone go."
Soon Li Yingze deleted her contact information. Shen Nianci looked at the search records and smiled bitterly. She fell on the bed, looking at the ceiling, and suddenly a few words appeared in her mind: It's time to let it go.
But that vague love made Shen Nianci unable to truly give up no matter what.
Li Yingze would also do some strange things, such as sending a Japanese message to Shen Nianci: ヤスミナサイ
Shen Nianci searched for his meaning on more than a dozen platforms, but all she got was "good night". She knew that Li Yingze was a second-dimensional person, so when she was away, she watched a lot of anime, just to have a lot of common topics with him one day.
Too bad she never got the chance.
Shen Nianci would often dream about Li Yingze. Once , Shen Nianci dreamed that Li Yingze said to him angrily, "Don't talk to others in the future, I will be jealous."
That real yet illusory feeling made Shen Nianci unable to recover for a long time. When he woke up, the feeling of youthful throbbing appeared again. Fortunately, green buds suddenly grew next to the dead branches, and the tender buds grew out from the cracks in the hard stone wall.
Perhaps only in dreams can Shen Nianci feel the happiness that should have belonged to her but never had, but dreams always end, and the pale and powerless reality will tear apart all the beauty, replacing it with desolation.
Li Yingze, in your youth, have you ever liked me? Or, will you remember me?
Shen Nianci knew that one day, Li Yingze would forget her voice and what she looked like. Perhaps one day in the future, Li Yingze would smile and say to others, "Shen Nianci? I don't remember much."
Thinking of this, Shen Nianci's heart seemed to be cut by someone. The sharp blade was deeply embedded in her heart, leaving a mark that could never be erased.
It's a mark that makes me writhe on the ground in pain whenever I think of it.
Shen Nianci suddenly remembered that he once asked him: "Do you really have no feelings?"
Li Yingze replied: "I am not a plant."
It turns out you can feel it, it turns out you just don’t like me. Why didn’t I understand it earlier, and instead I was trapped here for ten years.
Shen Nianci's head suddenly felt buzzing. It was as if she wanted to reach the top of a mountain but was going downhill instead.
Shen Nianci suddenly felt very regretful. She had an indescribable feeling in her heart. She felt that she had wasted her time and it was not worth it.
On the day when Shen Nianci and Li Yingze were walking on the playground, Shen Nianci asked him: "What if I wait for you until you graduate from high school?"
Li Yingze did not answer. She looked at him and a sentence suddenly appeared in her mind: It's just my wishful thinking and he doesn't have to pay for it.

There is no sun in my sky, it is always dark
But it's not dark, because something has replaced the sun
Although not as bright as the sun, it is bright enough for me.
With this light, I can turn night into day
I have never had the sun, so I am not afraid of losing it
From Keigo Higashino's "White Night Walk"