Chapter 5 Please don't think that I have no choice but you 2
Qiu Zhuoping threw her into the car without saying anything, then started the engine, skillfully stepped on the clutch, released the clutch, stepped on the accelerator, and sped away. When Zhong Jialiang chased out the door, he could no longer see the car.
"Qiu Zhuoping!" Zhong Jialiang frowned and pounded the wooden pillar beside him.
"Where are we going..." Chen Yiying looked at Qiu Zhuoping, who was driving silently, with some uneasiness. His cold expression made her hesitate to speak.
The car seemed to have no destination and just kept circling around this huge city.
Yiying looked at the outside world through the car window. The crowd on the street went from sparse to bustling, and then from bustling to sparse. The red sun in the sky gradually sank into the endless distance of the city. The sky changed from the initial bright white to a faint yellow, then from the faint yellow to crimson, and then from crimson to a light purple, and finally the purple completely disappeared on the horizon.
The neon lights in the city gradually light up, and the streets are full of traffic. There are no stars in the city at night because the lights are too strong to block the light of the stars.
Chen Yiying looked at the dark night sky. She remembered that when she was in school, she could see many stars when she looked up at night. They were like talking eyes, blinking and conveying emotions to the people on the ground.
Yiying and Qiu Zhuoping also watched the stars together at night. They sat on the large observation deck behind the school, watching the sunset and waiting for the stars to come out. At that time, she looked at his quiet profile, and he suddenly turned his head, lifted her chin, and kissed her lightly. That was their first intimate contact after they started dating, and also the last time...
The car slowly stopped. Yiying got out of the car and found that the car was parked at the lighthouse. They had been here before, and it felt like a repetition of the old tricks and a revisit of the old place.
Qiu Zhuoping walked ahead without saying a word and climbed up to the top of the lighthouse. Yiying followed his steps and walked up to the lighthouse.
The lights of the city are like a picture scroll, and the lighthouse on the sea in the distance is faintly visible. Although it is summer, it feels like being at a high altitude and getting cold.
Yiying hadn't heard Qiu Zhuoping's voice for a long time, and hadn't seen him up close like this for a long time.
If he explained why he had been missing for the past two years, maybe she would forgive him, and maybe they could get back together. But as time passed, he still just stared at the night view without saying a word.
"You brought me here, don't you have anything to say to me?" Chen Yiying finally couldn't help but speak first. She pulled Qiu Zhuoping's arm and asked him to talk to her face to face. "Shouldn't you explain why you left without saying goodbye? Where have you been in the past two years? What happened? Don't you have anything to say to me? Why can you always be so calm that it's scary? Or are you just a person without feelings and who doesn't understand warmth and coldness?"
For some reason, Yiying couldn't help choking up when she said this. She clenched her fists tightly, trying hard not to let the tears flow out, but when Qiu Zhuoping turned around and continued to look at the scenery, she burst into tears.
"What happened in the past has happened in the past. There is no way to undo it by explaining it. It is better to just let it go."
"Qiu Zhuoping! Who am I to you ? If you can just let it go so easily, why did you take me away from Zhong Jialiang? Why do you still care about me dating other men? You obviously care about me and you obviously like me, so why do you want to keep me stuck like this?"
Qiu Zhuoping was startled, then smiled bitterly. He turned around and gently held Yiying in his arms, as if he wanted to give her some comfort and support, but then he said something unpleasant: "Don't cry, you look really ugly when you cry."
This time, Chen Yiying could no longer control her emotions. She leaned against that warm chest and burst into tears, as if she wanted to vent all the longing and grievances she had experienced in the past two years.
"I used to think that my abilities were unlimited, and that there was nothing I couldn't do as long as I wanted to. But in fact, there are many things in life that we are unable to do. We always encounter things that are difficult to decide, and then we find ourselves small and humble." Qiu Zhuoping smiled bitterly, with a trace of sadness in his cold eyes. His tone was so slow, as if he was expressing emotions that Yiying couldn't understand. "Each of us is just the smallest dust in the universe, a wisp of dust that can be blown away by a gust of wind."
"So, I'm the one that was eliminated when you were faced with the choice, right?"
From the beginning to the end, I was just the one item in your life that was not considered, right? Chen Yiying looked up at Qiu Zhuoping, her sadness and confusion turned into anger, which swirled in her eyes and sank into the night with her tears.
If that's the case, why should she be sad for such a man? Why should she pursue explanations and the truth? She should live her life well, find someone who loves her, and be a confident, arrogant and independent woman, a woman who is as free as the wind.
"Qiu Zhuoping, if you have never left a place for me in your life, then I hope you will stop interfering in my life and choices. Whether I am with Zhong Jialiang or with another man, it has nothing to do with you. Please don't think that I have no choice but you!"
Hearing this, Qiu Zhuoping trembled all over, but he could only stand there blankly, watching Chen Yiying's departing back.
That was the first time he looked at someone's back.
If you have never seen others leave, you will not understand the sadness of parting, nor the sadness of watching someone leave. Now, the person he loves and cares about the most has left him with a sad and resolute back. He didn't even chase her, and even chose not to tell her what happened two years ago. Because he knew that he made the wrong choice at that time, he didn't choose her. That was the first time he felt helpless and powerless. He didn't even have the courage to choose her, so how could he have the courage to think that she would forgive him and come back to him?
Even if you glue a broken cup together, it will still leave scars. Just like their relationship, which is difficult to repair, it is full of scars...
When Huimei found Yiying, Yiying was lying on the bar like a puddle of mud. Her eyes were hazy, but she raised her hand and asked the bartender to give her another glass of wine.
Huimei received a call from Yiying just after she finished overtime. Because she didn't have enough money on her, she asked Huimei to come over to help pay the bill.
The noisy voice on the other end of the phone made Huimei worried. She knew that Yiying had never been to a bar. Yiying was a person who lived as she pleased, but Qiu Zhuoping was the only one who could control her emotions.
"Don't drink anymore. If you still like him, tell him and start over. What's the point of getting drunk here alone? Does he know?" Huimei snatched the cocktail handed to her by the bartender and stopped Yiying from drinking.
"What qualifications do you have to criticize me?" Yiying snorted sarcastically. She was a little tipsy and raised her hand to grab the cocktail in Huimei's hand. "You are still the same. You like Xu Shu so much, but he went abroad, and you still don't have the courage to tell him that you have always liked him. You are not as good as me, not as good as me!"
The three words "Xu Shushu" seemed to hurt Huimei's heart. She had buried her love for Xu Shushu in the deepest part of her heart, but it was dug out by Yiying. It felt like a tear in her heart, tearing all the blood vessels that supplied blood to her heart, and the blood just flowed out, unable to be stopped.
"Xu Shu and I are different from you and Qiu Zhuoping. We are different. You and Qiu Zhuoping are a good match, and you like each other, but I just have a one-sided love for Xu Shu, a secret love, which is a feeling that can never become a reality."
"You're just making excuses for your cowardice! You're cowardly, you're incompetent, and you don't even have the courage to say you like someone!" Her anger, which had nowhere to vent, turned into sharp thorns, and it was always directed at the people she was close to, just like now, Yiying was using the thorns of words to hurt Huimei. She didn't even notice that Huimei's red eyes were filled with tears.
"Chen Yiying, do you really think that love and affection require only courage? That's just a lie used to deceive children in fairy tales. In the final analysis, all feelings are a matter between two families." Huimei took a deep breath and continued, "How can you, the only children who are doted on by everyone, understand? You have never experienced poverty, and you don't know how to share and give in. Have you ever lived a life where you could only eat white rice with soy sauce? Do you know what it feels like when others are discussing buying a house and a car while your family can't even afford the rent? You don't know! Because you have never experienced such days and such a childhood.
"Maybe you're right. I don't have the courage. I have low self-esteem. Low self-esteem comes from deep inside me! Xu Shushu's existence is like a ray of sunshine in my life. He has an enviable family background, friends who match his status, and the capital to support him to do what he likes freely. While he was pursuing his ideals and talking about life, I was still worried about the rent for my family and the living expenses for my parents. What qualifications do I have to ask such an excellent person to like me?"
Huimei started to cry as she spoke, and the bitterness in her throat could only be relieved by the cocktail in her hand. She suddenly found herself so ridiculous and humble. She was like the shadow behind Xu Shu. The stronger his light, the darker she looked.
"Our families are not compatible. His family background is beyond my reach no matter how hard I try. He went abroad to study, pursue his life and his ideals, but I don't even have the ability to leave this city and walk to his side. Why should I like him and disturb his life?
"Chen Yiying, not everyone can be as daring as you, daring to act, to love and to hate. Not everyone can meet someone they like like you. Love is very realistic, so realistic that it hurts people but they still have to put on a smile."
Yiying stood there in a daze, watching Huimei say all the words buried in her heart. As a close friend, she didn't know Huimei's past at all. She always thought Huimei was too cautious and timid. But in fact, it was an irreversible inferiority brought by her family. Because of this inferiority, Huimei always smiled, making everyone think she was a cheerful girl. In fact, her smile has always been to cover up the unbearable and bitterness behind it.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Yiying walked down from her seat, she hugged the crying Huimei into her arms, and they hugged each other and cried bitterly, "I didn't mean to say those words to hurt you, I'm sorry. I'm just sad, I just feel very uncomfortable in my heart, I don't know how to vent, I'm sorry..."
"It will pass. All the unhappiness and sadness will pass." Huimei leaned on Yiying's chest, tears streaming down her face uncontrollably.
Finally, they drank a lot of wine together until they had spent all the cash they brought with them.
Suddenly, they seemed to be back in the less than 20 square meters double dormitory at school. Their balcony was piled with beer cans, and the whole dormitory was filled with the smell of alcohol. Two years later, they were drunk again in another corner of the city.
The drunken women walked out of the bar, supporting each other, and staggered towards the apartment.
Many taxis honked at them along the way, but they didn't want to squeeze in the disgusting carriage. They just sang and walked along, as if the night in the city was always so deep and so dark, as if dawn would never come.
"Wandering on the strange streets, looking for you but lacking direction. Laughing when tired is far-fetched, retreating and giving up this truth, who is afraid of being hurt for me, defending is a great ideal. I used to be happy in the old way, why is it like this now..."
On the street, a small shop was playing the song "The Abandoned Princess" sung by Stephy Tang. It was just like what they were doing now, so appropriate. They sang along with the melody, and they started crying while singing, and they cried and went back to the apartment. They didn't have the energy to take a shower, so after vomiting into the toilet and the trash can in the hall several times, they each found a place to lie down and fell asleep...
