Chapter 4 When Will We Cut the Candle in the West Window Together? 2. Premature Death
Epilepsy is commonly known as seizures. During an attack, there will be intermittent convulsions, and severe cases may even be fatal.
Liu Heng is only four years old. The imperial physician said that there are many causes of childhood epilepsy. Judging from his current condition, he has frequently been absent-minded, dazed, and even had spasmodic muscle cramps in the past half month. The situation is not optimistic. Although the condition can be controlled with acupuncture therapy and medication, the child is too young and has an active and playful temperament, so the requirements for care are particularly strict. Because when the symptoms are not obvious or there is no attack, he is no different from a normal child. He still eats, drinks, plays, and is extremely naughty.
Since the beginning of spring, Liu Xiu first had a stroke. When Liu Xiu's condition finally improved, before I could catch my breath, Liu Heng fell ill again. After experiencing too many blows, I was already exhausted. I was busy taking care of Liu Xiu a month after Liu Shou was born, running around and making my body weak. It was like a gorgeous building that had been hollowed out by termites and could not withstand a single blow. So when this blow came again, I couldn't hold on and fell ill all of a sudden.
I felt dizzy, my limbs were weak, and I was lying in bed recuperating. I often kept my eyes open and numbed myself, imagining that Heng'er was healthy and free from illness. The person who was diagnosed with epilepsy by the imperial physician was me, not my son.
Poor parents in the world, and only at moments like this do I deeply feel the heartache of being a parent.
"Sir, Chen Min is here." Shanan reported in a low voice from outside the bamboo curtain.
The cicadas chirped faintly outside the window. I leaned on the bed and said weakly, "Let her in."
Through the sparse gaps in the bamboo curtain, one could vaguely see Chen Min walking into the room gracefully, lowering her head and kneeling in silence. Her right arm was still bandaged and hung stiffly around her neck, and her movements were not very agile.
I took a breath and said, "You did a great job during the Zhangling Tour. I didn't have time to reward you. Now I want to ask you, is there anything you want?"
She didn't look up, and after more than ten seconds, she replied calmly, "I have nothing to ask for."
"I once said that I would find a good family for you." After a pause, Chen Min outside the curtain did not move at all, so I continued, "Li Zhen from Pingyuan County is young and talented, just 20 years old, and has not yet married. What do you think?"
Chen Min trembled slightly and raised his voice, "But is he the person who pleaded for Ouyang Xu two years ago?"
I smiled and said, "You have a really good memory. It's this man. He is so kind and righteous. His Majesty praised him for his kindness and righteousness and appointed him as a doctor. Looking at the talented people in the court, I think this man can be a good son-in-law and be entrusted with life. He is of equal status to you and can be considered a good match."
Chen Min was silent in deep thought, while Shanan joked, "Your Excellency's vision is never wrong in choosing people."
After chatting and laughing for a while, Chen Min kowtowed and said in a low voice: "I will completely rely on the decision of Yin Guiren."
Shanan joked outside the curtain: "Women are thin-skinned. They blushed when they just mentioned their husbands."
Being able to help Chen Min with her lifelong affairs, I felt like I had put down a burden in my heart, so I breathed a sigh of relief and said with a smile: "When you get married, I will definitely buy you a generous dowry. After the six rituals are completed, we will choose an auspicious date next month and marry you off in style."
"Your Excellency..." Chen Min's voice was barely audible.
"Go ahead. You are still staying at the Duke of Donghai's place during this period. Don't be lazy and slack off."
"promise."
Shanan led Chen Min back. I felt a little dizzy, so I just lay down on the bed with my clothes on. I didn't know what kind of upside-down and broken dream I had in the half-awake and half-asleep state. My heart was always empty. After resting for a while, I suddenly heard the sound of a baby crying. I was startled and sat up suddenly from the bed.
My thin shirt was soaked with sweat. I was still in shock, so I called the palace maid kneeling outside the curtain to bring some water to calm my nerves. After a while, Shanan came into the room, and I asked, "Did you hear a child crying?"
"No." She looked at me strangely. "I guess the sound of cicadas outside disturbed your sweet dreams. You must have heard it wrongly, right?"
I patted my chest and felt my heart beating abnormally fast. I felt extremely nauseous and queasy. "It's so real, it seems to be right next to my ear."
"Your Excellency is worrying too much. The imperial physician said that you are overly concerned and need to rest well. How can you recover from your illness if you keep worrying about it like this?" He helped me lie down again as he spoke.
I grabbed her hand, still feeling terrified, and said anxiously, "Go to the side hall to see how Lord Linhuai is doing."
She smiled and pulled her hand away: "I just went to check on him, he was sleeping. Before going to bed, he insisted on being fanned by the nurse, saying he was afraid of the heat."
"Really?" I breathed a sigh of relief. "Then when he wakes up, I'll go over and take a look..."
"My dear, please stop doing this. It's so hot, and you're still struggling to go see Lord Linhuai despite your illness. Not to mention the burden you'll suffer, if you pass on your illness to him, wouldn't that be terrible?"
I thought what he said made sense, and I couldn't help but laugh at myself: "It seems that for my son's sake, I have to get better quickly."
Shanan took the feather fan from the bedside and fanned me slowly. The sweat on my body gradually dissipated in the cool breeze. I closed my eyes and continued to sleep. I vaguely seemed to see Liu Heng jumping into the room, pulling my sleeve with sweat on his forehead, and yelling: "Mom, get up and play with me!"
I was dazed and unable to move. He couldn't pull me up, so he got anxious and twisted his body, crying and making a fuss: "Mom, get up and play with me! Play with me! I want you to accompany me... Woo woo, I want you to accompany me..."
My heart suddenly trembled and I was heartbroken. I struggled to comfort him, but I couldn't make a sound no matter what I did. I couldn't help but become more anxious.
"Heng'er——"
Stars were darting in front of my eyes and I was gasping for breath, holding my chest.
Shanan's hand trembled, and the fan fell on me. I looked at her with sweat dripping down my face, my chest rising and falling. The room was silent, two maids were kneeling quietly outside the curtain, and cicadas were chirping happily on the treetops outside the window.
"Sanan...did Heng'er come here just now?"
"No...no." She bent down to pick up the fan, her face pale, her fingers tightly gripping the fan handle, "Is the noble lady in a nightmare?"
I saw that she looked strange, and suddenly an ominous thought came to my mind, so I climbed down from the bed despite feeling dizzy. Shanan hurriedly stopped me and asked, "What are you going to do, my noble lady?"
"I'll go to the side hall to check on Heng'er."
As soon as my feet touched the ground, I felt the whole room spinning. I cried out "Ouch" and fell to the ground. Shanan hugged me and choked up, "My dear..." She bit her lips, tears falling, and she couldn't say any more.
I looked at her in horror, the shadow hanging over my heart growing larger and larger: "Are you... hiding something from me?"
Although she spoke in an uncertain and questioning tone, Shanan's sobbing became louder and louder. She hugged me tightly and said, "Don't blame His Majesty. His Majesty is just worried that you will worry. You are so weak now, how can you still..."
"What on earth happened?" I screamed loudly. My vision went black in an instant. I held her arm tightly. I was so panicked that I felt like I was drowning in water and couldn't breathe.
Shanan choked up, "Last night, Duke Linhuai suddenly developed a high fever. The imperial doctors treated him overnight, but they were unable to stop the fever. Just now, a report came from the side hall that Duke Linhuai had convulsions due to the high fever and was twitching non-stop..."
I pushed her away, used all my strength to stand up, took a deep breath and said tremblingly: "I want to see my son! I want to see my son! I want to see my son!"
"My dear lady!" Shanan hugged me and burst into tears, "I will carry you on my back!"
The atmosphere in the side hall was very depressing. Shanan accidentally tripped when entering. I clung to her shoulders tightly, my palms full of sticky cold sweat.
The imperial doctors gathered together in the room, and I easily spotted Liu Xiu among them. He was exhausted after a night of sitting on the bed, and looked haggard. When he saw me come in, his usually gentle face revealed an air of sadness and despair.
For a long time, no matter how great the difficulties were, Liu Xiu always kept a faint smile. Even in the bitterness and pain, his smile gave me a great spiritual encouragement, which was a pillar in my heart. But now that pillar collapsed in an instant. When I met Liu Xiu, I clearly heard something in my heart shattering.
Liu Heng was stripped of his clothes and lay naked on the bed. The doctors wiped his body with hot water over and over again. His pale and weak body was trembling slightly under the doctors' hard hands, and his limbs were twitching unconsciously.
I was stunned and had completely forgotten how to vent my emotions. I just felt that my heart had been emptied at that moment along with the child's tremors.
Liu Heng's face was red, his eyes were tightly closed. I watched his convulsions become more and more intense, watched the doctors nervously stuff the cork into his mouth, watched so many hands forcibly hold down his thin arms and legs, watched... watched...
"Hold him down!"
"Hurry up and give me the needle!"
The panicked voices of the imperial doctors brought me back to my senses. The cork that Liu Heng was biting fell out of his mouth during the convulsion, and Liu Xiu put his right hand into his mouth without hesitation.
twitch……
twitch……
The child with a red face finally calmed down at that moment.
The doctors silently retreated, and Liu Xiu picked up the child and carefully held him in his arms. His right hand was bitten, and there were teeth marks on the edge of his palm, and blood was gushing out of the wound. A doctor came forward to bandage him, but he was pushed to the ground with a strong palm.
That naked, white body, white, tender, and thin, like a soft lamb, lay silently in Liu Xiu's arms. I vaguely remember that year when I gave birth to him, he also lay softly in my arms, naked, with smooth skin, soft hair, wrinkled little face, pure and beautiful like a little angel.
Liu Xiu stroked the child's face with his hand, brushed away the hair that was soaked with sweat, and gently kissed the pale little face.
I just watched him sitting on the bed holding his son without saying a word. Hot tears fell from his eyes that were always full of smiles, and dripped one by one onto Liu Heng's face.
I slipped off Shanan's back weakly and knelt down in front of the father and son. After a long while, I timidly reached out to touch the child's cheek. My fingertips felt a little cold, and I shrank back in fear. I trembled and touched Liu Xiu's face, wiped the tears from his face, and asked stupidly: "Why are you crying?"
Liu Xiu took a breath, buried his head and sobbed: "I am sorry for you!"
"You said...what?" The corner of my mouth twitched, and I actually laughed. A tear fell from the corner of my eye. I smiled and said, "Is Heng'er naughty again? Don't be angry. When he wakes up, I will teach him a lesson!"
"I'm sorry for you and the child...I can't save him!"
"What nonsense are you talking about!" I suddenly raised my voice and screamed, "My Heng'er just fell asleep! He fell asleep! He fell asleep!"
The imperial doctors suddenly knelt down together, along with the palace maids and eunuchs inside and outside the house: "Your Majesty and Concubine Yin, please express your condolences. Duke Linhuai has passed away!"
"What nonsense are you talking about!" Looking at the figures on the ground, I roared and pointed at them angrily, "Do you know what the consequences of talking nonsense are? Do you all... want to die? You..."
It felt like there was a fire burning in my chest, and the fire burned all the way to my throat. I screamed hoarsely. When the fire reached its peak, a chill suddenly rose in my heart, and I shivered all over, as if my whole body was frozen. My scream was frozen in my throat. Shanan hugged my waist and tried to drag me away. I struggled and rushed madly towards the child who had lost his body temperature and was no longer twitching.
But I failed in the end. Many people surrounded me, crying and persuading me to leave, and carried me out of the side hall. I looked up and saw Liu Xiu kneeling on the bed motionless, as if he had been petrified into a pottery figurine, tightly hugging my son - the little man who was not even four years old, the little man who loved to pester me to tell stories, the little man who would forget the lyrics when singing pug, the little man who would say that he would hug us when he grew up... the little man who I gave birth to after ten months of pregnancy and whom I regarded as my own life.
"My Heng'er——"
The moment I fainted, there was a vast white world in front of my eyes. I couldn’t hear any sound and couldn’t see anything. However, I knew very clearly that there was a missing place in my heart that could never be filled.
Henger! My darling...
