Chapter 4: The Temptation of Blood and My Loss of Control 3
While Kawakami Fuuhozhu was busy removing the spell, I sneaked away alone.
Because I didn't want the medical teacher who had his memory erased to see me again after waking up, although I could feel that I had basically recovered my human appearance after a series of accidents just now. But I was still afraid to face the medical teacher, afraid to remember him looking at me in horror and shouting "monster" again.
Although Akashi teacher asked me to have confidence, every time my body changes completely out of my control, I don't know how I can maintain confidence in myself.
Will... there really be a day when I will attack my own companions?
I sat on a bench in the park, watching the people coming and going, imagining that one day I would suddenly attack one of them, like the lively and cute little girl in the distance, or the mature and steady uncle over there, or the beautiful young woman who was walking over...
I lowered my head and looked at my hands: Will there really be a day when my hands are covered with all kinds of blood? No, no, no, I don't want that. If that happens, I might as well not have the heart surgery at all, and I might as well give up my life!
Tick-tick-tick…
Water dripped onto my hands.
I wiped them away curiously. I clearly wasn't crying, so why were there water droplets?
Tick, tick, tick, tick... More and more water drops fell, hitting my head and body. People who were originally strolling leisurely around me began to run home in panic.
I was the only one sitting on the bench, staring at the sky. After a long while, I murmured, "Oh, it's raining."
Yes, it was raining. I knew it, I didn't cry.
"Girl, it's raining heavily, why don't you leave? Your parents will be worried." A kind-hearted auntie persuaded me when she passed by me.
Mom and Dad? One day, I will hurt even them.
My heart ached, and the more I thought about it, the more I didn't want to go home and face my parents.
If I go back like this, my parents will be even more worried. So, please leave me alone for a while.
I sat quietly on the bench, watching how soon I was the only one left in the once bustling park. The rain continued to fall, and it was getting heavier.
I closed my eyes slightly, thinking how nice it would be if this heavy rain could take away all my worries!
Rain, please rain harder and harder! I thought silently in my heart, but I found that the rain that should have fallen on my face did not fall.
I opened my eyes and saw a black umbrella appear above my head. I turned my head slowly and saw a handsome face with a faint smile appear in my sight.
"It's raining too hard. You'll catch a cold." Lagude said softly, sitting on me naturally. "No matter how sad you are, you shouldn't joke with your body."
I stared at him blankly, watching his mouth opening and closing as he spoke such gentle words. I don't know why, but my eyes, which had never thought of shedding tears, suddenly began to shed tears.
Wuuuu… I cried harder and harder, and finally, I just cried out loud.
"Cry, it's okay to cry. I know you must be very scared these days. If possible, I wish I could share your burden."
Lagude held the umbrella in one hand and gently stroked my back with the other hand, saying softly, "Qiqi, I don't know how to comfort people, but as long as you need me, I will be by your side."
The gentle words, like a spring breeze, caressed my painful and flustered heart. I looked up at the handsome but pale boy in front of me. I thought about how weak he was, but he still showed up when I needed comfort the most. How could I not feel his kindness?
But why?
"But why?" I thought to myself and asked, "Why are you so good to me? I've been so bad to you."
"Silly boy, how have you ever been mean to me?" Lagude smiled, and the slightly raised corners of his mouth gave his pale face a hint of bright color. "Qiqi, I said I know you, maybe even better than you know yourself. So, I know that the things you said in the infirmary were definitely not meant to hurt me."
"The Kiki I know is a very kind and lovely girl. She would never hurt anyone around her." Lagood said in a firm tone, as if he knew the panic in my heart.
Really? Why is it that even I don't have that much confidence in myself, but this guy in front of me can say such words firmly without blinking an eye.
I will never hurt the people around me.
This guy said so.
And I…I wanted to believe him.
"Lagude, you said you like me, why?" I looked at him and was slightly stunned by the words I asked.
"Why do I like you?" Lagude looked at me with a blank expression on his face. "Qiqi, if I say I have known you for a long time, do you believe me? Long before you had to go to the hospital all day long."
"Ah?" I exclaimed. Wasn't it before my heart transplant when I was running to the hospital all day? Did Lagoud know me at that time? But why didn't I have any impression of it?
"You must feel strange, because in your memory of that time, there is no existence of me." Lagude smiled and said, "Qiqi certainly doesn't know that at that time, I was a very qualified secret admirer. I only secretly watched you and liked you in the dark."
Uh - a qualified secret admirer? I really want to ask what that means, but - seeing this guy smiling as he recalls, I decided not to interrupt him.
A corner of my heart suddenly softened. Thinking about the treatment process that I thought was so lonely and painful, how could I not feel happy when someone was silently accompanying me?
"No wonder you were so weak!" I said, "Did you have to go to the hospital all the time at that time? You saw me in the cardiology department. So you also had heart problems?"
Thinking of this, I looked at Lagoud with a sense of sympathy.
Oh, how pitiful! Such a good-looking guy, I didn't expect he also has a heart disease. And seeing that he faints from time to time, this disease probably can't be cured.
"It's okay, Lagood, you have to have faith in yourself. One day you will wait for a heart that suits you and undergo a transplant operation." I don't know when the situation turned around, and I was the one who started to comfort this guy.
"Qiqi, you know, I like you just like this. I like your strength and courage when facing the disease, I like your vitality and happiness after recovering, and I also like your kindness and gentleness at this moment. Qiqi - you should be such a sunny girl, so don't frown, it will hurt me if you do that." said Lagood.
How did this suddenly turn to confession? I really wanted to ignore this guy's confession like I did before, but I don't know why, this time, no matter how hard I tried, it was hard to do.
I felt my whole body suddenly getting hot, and what was even worse was that I didn't know where to put my eyes, which had been naturally focused on this guy. In a panic, my eyes met his. My face flushed, and I turned my head quickly to look the other way.
"Qiqi, are you okay? Why is your face so red? Is there something wrong with your body again? Is it your heart?" Lagude shouted in confusion when he saw my series of strange reactions.
"No, no, I'm in good health." I quickly shook my head and explained, "In fact, since the heart transplant surgery, my body has been healthier than most people. At first, I was very happy because I finally didn't have to go to the hospital, but who would have thought that it would turn out like this in the end." Thinking of the physical changes caused by the heart transplant, my mood became heavy again.
"Because of the heart transplant, my body has undergone so many changes. Maybe one day, I will become a real vampire." I smiled at myself, and my heart, which had originally calmed down, began to ache again.
"Qiqi, if you were given a chance to do it again, would you still be willing to undergo that heart transplant?" Lagood looked at me, and the expression on his face became very strange, a mixture of heartache and confusion, as well as a hint of temptation.
If I could do it all over again? "I don't know." I thought about it for a long time and finally shook my head. I really don't know, because whether it was me then or now, I want to live hard and live happily with my family and friends around me. But if I hadn't received the heart transplant, my life would probably have said goodbye to this world at that time.
Even for Jiusha, I thought, I would not have the chance to wait for his return happily like I do now. As soon as this thought flashed through my mind, Lagude suddenly stretched out his hands and grabbed my shoulders tightly. The black umbrella fell to the ground because it lost its power. The raindrops kept hitting my face and Lagude's face.
Lagude looked at me with a complicated expression: "Qiqi, look at me, don't think about others." He said, for the first time, in such a domineering tone. I stared at him blankly, stupidly, because of his words, all thoughts in my mind were cut off, and I just stared at him blankly.
"Qiqi, you said you already have someone you like, and you also told me not to bother you anymore. You hate me. I - I am sad, but if that is your request, I will agree. But, but... you also know that my physical condition is not very good, so..."
Lagude looked at me, and I looked back at him. Our eyes met, and the air suddenly became tense.
I don't know why he suddenly changed the subject, but because of what he said, I felt reluctant to let him go. I think this guy is really good to me. If, if I didn't like Jiusha, maybe... No, no, how can I think like this? I like Jiusha so much. But, but what about this guy? And, maybe, actually - I don't hate him that much.
He said he had been secretly in love with me for so long, so I wonder how sad he must be to hear those words I hated about him. Now he said he wanted to leave, he must be very sad.
"Qiqi, don't frown. I told you that I like to see you in a sunny mood, so promise me that you will never frown and be happy forever. The friends around you are very capable, and they will definitely help you solve your current problems. Qiqi, I... I may... I may not be able to wait until that day."
Can't wait for that day? What does that mean?
I felt like my whole heart was being tightened by Lagoud's inexplicable words, and it hurt so much that I could hardly breathe.
"Lagoud, what do you mean?"
"Haha, it's nothing. I have the same heart problems as you. It's just that my problem is a little bigger. I guess there won't be a heart suitable for me in this world, so..." Lagude looked at my nervous face and laughed happily, "Qiqi, you really do care about me a little. Haha, I'm so happy."
I really want to roll my eyes at this guy: Come on, this is a matter of life and death for this guy, I'm so nervous, and he can still smile so happily?
"Qiqi, it's okay. I had anticipated the current ending half a year ago. So - as compensation, before I disappear from your life, can I ask you to give me a farewell kiss?"
Kiss? Kiss? Kiss?
After this guy said the last word, all the words he said before disappeared in my mind. The only word in my brain was "kiss": kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss...
"I--"
"Qiqi, don't reject me, this is my last request." I just opened my mouth, and Lagude interrupted me and looked at me expectantly. I don't know what happened to me, although I was extremely shy, but under his expectant gaze, I nodded.
"That's great, Qiqi, you agreed." Lagood hugged me in disbelief and shouted loudly.
"Lagude, put me down." I was suddenly hugged by him tightly, with my whole head resting on his neck. A faint scent of the boy's body came clearly into my nose. I felt uneasy in my heart and shouted to stop him, but this guy didn't listen to me at all. Instead, he began to hold me and turn back and forth in ecstasy.
Maybe it was because he was too excited, or because of the sudden movement, but the deadly body odor of the boy between my nose became stronger and stronger. I felt my heart beating uncomfortably, and my whole body began to undergo familiar and terrifying changes.
“Don’t—” I screamed in panic in my head.
"Qiqi, Qiqi, Qiqi..." Lagood's joyful calls came into my ears again and again. I hoped that such pleasant and happy voices could awaken my increasingly weak consciousness, but I didn't expect that they would act like catalysts and quickly destroy all my sanity.
What a lovely voice.
I like the taste very much.
Such a familiar temperature.
I really want, really want... to have this warmth in your arms.
Lowering my head, I thrust my long canines forcefully into Lagoud's neck.
