After the rain, the air smells like rotting wood.
The factory was quiet in the evening. There was a wooden staircase leading to the other side of the rooftop, which made a creaking sound when you stepped on it.
The gray clouds were like cotton soaked with water, hanging low in the sky. The wild grass in front of me was covered by the faint light, and a "ding dong" sound came from my pocket.
I put the half-drunk beer on the ground, took out my cell phone, and saw a text message from an unfamiliar number: Yin Shuitong was in a car accident and died.
Car accident. Died.
This sentence is hard to believe because it is so simple and clear.
A drop of rain hit the back of my hand, and a few cold rain drops hit my neck, but I seemed not to feel it and kept looking at the short message above.
The rain fell down with a loud noise.
I saw the raindrops weaving into a curtain, and looking out from the rooftop, I could see the outline of the mountain peaks and the birds flying over the mountaintops. It was as beautiful as an ink painting by a master.
He sent another text message: I feel so bad.
I sent a message back: Where are you?
When I saw the address sent by the other party, I turned around, accidentally kicked over the unfinished can of beer, and ran outside.
Many times, something will slip away from you quietly.
For example, raindrops from the sky fall into the soil on the ground and disappear.
For example, a group of sparrows perched on the wall, countless gray shadows flapped their wings, flew into the sky, and disappeared.
They have nothing to do with you because they have no impact on your life.
But what if it’s a person?
What if someone you have an intersection with disappears from this world?
What would you do?
Time is like a black cat with light footsteps, passing by you leisurely. I was sitting in the taxi and vaguely heard the mocking voice of that girl. My eyes were wet and about to cry. I wiped the corners of my eyes, but there was nothing.
The noise of the traffic was like the sound of bargaining in a vegetable market at dusk. The red light came on, the green light came on, and the faces of the pedestrians outside the car window overlapped and flashed before my eyes.
At the same time, I thought of the fact that I would never see that girl's face again.
I began to sweat profusely on my back and palms, and an indescribable pain overwhelmed me. Arriving at the destination, I squinted in the dim light and saw Qi Beichen lying on the bar in the crowd. He was a little drunk, but then he ordered another bottle of wine.
Some people come to the bar not to get drunk, but because the environment here is suitable for releasing emotions, happy or sad, all emotions can be swallowed up by the noise.
There is no such thing as getting drunk just by drinking. When you are sad, the more you drink, the clearer your mind will become. Drinking and acting crazy is the best way to hide your sadness.
I looked at Qi Beichen but didn't call him. His figure looked a little sad under the soft light.
Actually, he is half a stranger to me, but I still feel a little heartbroken. But in fact, if I think about it from another perspective, it is fortunate that we are not too familiar with each other. If I fall too deeply in love with him, then seeing him sad, my pain will be as strong as a tsunami or a hurricane.
I sat down next to him and said to the waiter, "A glass of water."
A strong smell of alcohol came towards me.
Qi Beichen looked at me with a bitter smile, half of his face was in the light and half in the shadow. There was fine, dense green stubble on his chin and his eyebrows were slightly wrinkled.
The waiter brought a glass of water and I handed the cup to him. Qi Beichen didn't say anything, but stretched out his hand to take it, tilted his head back and drank it all in one gulp.
Then he slumped over the bar, crying.
There was no sound, but I knew he was crying.
It’s the same when I cry. I don’t say a word, don’t cry out loud, and don’t talk to anyone. I’ll be fine after I get over the pain.
The light in the bar was so dim that it was almost impossible to see.
Qi Beichen calmed down after a few minutes, raised his head and said to me: "She went to the hospital for surgery half a month ago, and her mental state has been bad. Yesterday, she drove drunk and crashed into a truck. When I heard the news, she was already dead..."
I stared at his face for half a minute. His eyes were like a black hole. All the light was absorbed into them. Not a single light could be seen.
"If I hadn't said those words that day, would she not have died?" Qi Beichen unconsciously held the glass, his fingers trembling slightly.
"Even if you don't tell her, she will find out sooner or later," I said.
The noisy dance music was replaced by lyrical music. Some of the people who were tired of dancing in the dance floor returned to their seats, while others were still twisting their bodies. The lights became brighter, and a singer was singing and playing the guitar on the stage.
He sang: "I am afraid of always missing you. I am even more afraid of seeing you sinking from the illusion. I am most afraid of your temples being stained by wind and dust, unless there is immortality in this world..."
We sat quietly in the busy bar, the blue lights illuminating Qi Beichen's pale face. I didn't say anything, but turned around and listened to the song. Qi Beichen next to me also said nothing.
It seemed like a long century had passed before I heard Qi Beichen's calm voice coming from behind. He said, "Why would I target Qi Xiaofeng?"
"This is not your fault."
"I promised to keep it a secret from her, and I didn't."
I asked him, "Why did the matter between Qi Xiaofeng and Yin Shuitong involve you?"
"I don't want to talk about it anymore."
The lights around gradually dimmed, and a uniform applause was heard. Then it started again along with the music, and gradually faded away. The singer began to sing the next song.
I asked Qi Beichen: "Do singers in bars make a lot of money?"
"Not much. They play on feelings."
"So what can you do to make more money?"
"Actor? Professional singer?" Qi Beichen smiled. "Anyway, I know that some of the popular TV series now have small actors making good money. But the entertainment industry is a big melting pot after all. Only those with a brain shot will jump in."
I don’t know if Qi Beichen was drunk or not, but what he said stirred up waves in my mind.
Qi Beichen seemed a little tired. He stood up with his elbows on the bar and asked the waiter to settle the bill. I saw 3,680 yuan written on the bill.
We walked out of the bar.
Qi Beichen said to me: "I always feel that you are not suitable to stay in there."
"What do you mean?" I saw my shadow and Qi Beichen's shadow overlapping on the ground.
"I'm afraid of blaspheming you." Qi Beichen turned his head away.
"Ha, what a false compliment." I kicked the pebbles under my feet.
We walked side by side, our shadows overlapped, separated, separated, and overlapped. I looked at him, and he walked with his head down, not saying a word. We tacitly agreed not to mention Yin Shuitong.
However, Yin Shuitong has turned into the air and surrounds us. It is like this now and will be like this in the future.
"Which university will you apply to?" he said.
"A University or F University, any one," I said.
He added: "Is perfume good? Butterfly poison."
I didn't say anything.
"Why no response?" he asked me.
"I threw it away." I looked at the long shadow on the ground. "It's normal to throw away the gifts given by your ex after breaking up, right?"
"Oh, that's normal."
Qi Beichen asked me to go with him for a midnight snack. He said his stomach was full of alcohol and it was causing him stomachache. We ate at a nearby midnight snack shop.
"Isn't your mother worried that you don't come home so late?" There were coriander leaves on the corners of his mouth, and he looked a little funny when he spoke.
I took out a tissue and handed it to him. He looked at me. I pointed at the corner of his mouth and said, "My mother trusts me very much. But my boss might get mad tonight. I skipped work without asking for leave."
"You are so willful." He laughed at me.
"Yes, I am willful," I admitted.
Qi Beichen's smile was very attractive, so I smiled back at him. He was stunned for a moment when he saw my smile, then he finished the last mouthful of porridge and said to me, "Let's go, I'll take you to work."
That night, Qi Beichen dropped me off at the supermarket and left.
During the day I tutored You Qi, and at night I found a job as a supermarket cashier, starting at seven and finishing at ten, with a monthly salary of three thousand.
At nine o'clock in the evening, there were not many people in the supermarket. I stood in front of the cashier, and my calves felt a little tired. I don't like working, and if I could, I would rather spend a summer vacation in a daze.
But I don’t want to make my mother too tired, so I would rather do something within my ability.
At ten o'clock, the street was filled with a deserted atmosphere. I walked down the long stairs into the subway. I don't know why, but I felt extremely depressed.
There was a young girl whose life forever stopped in the summer when she was 18. I believe she must have turned into a star in the night sky, and never disappeared in the universe, but ascended to heaven and went to a farther place.
Is there anyone accompanying her in heaven?
It was eleven o'clock at night when I opened the door of my house. The house was pitch black. My mother had gone to bed early. The moonlight sprinkled into the house, leaving a silver glow on the ground.
I took off my shoes wearily, loosened my hairband, picked up my clothes and went to the bathroom. After taking a shower and drying my hair, I walked out with my neck hunched, took out my phone, and there was a text message from Qi Beichen: Good night.
I had deleted his contact information but could recognize his number.
I typed "good night", deleted it, typed "go to sleep", and deleted it again.
I simply turned off my phone.
In the dark, I lay on the bed, looking at the endless night. Yin Shuitong, if you were looking at me in the sky at this moment, I want to tell you that you are braver than me.
You have been loving Qi Beichen for so many years. You didn't lose to me, you lost to yourself. If you let go earlier, would the ending be the same?
I reached out, and there was nothing.
That night, I magically dreamed of her. She was standing under a magnolia tree, looking at me with sad eyes, without hatred or resentment. She said to me, " Love him for me."
That fair and beautiful face and star-like eyes pierced my heart in my dream. When I opened my mouth to refuse, she disappeared.
When I woke up, the cold air was wandering in the room, and the bleak moonlight shone on the dark green branches, emitting a faint light.
I turned over and looked outside with my eyes open. I heard the sound in my chest, breaking through the silent night, falling into the bottomless abyss, and echoing quietly.
Yin Shuitong, I'm sorry...
sorry.