Chapter 4: The Night Without Faith Lu Shuang 06
The final compensation amount was still beyond my expectations - three thousand. I know that for a luxury item, three thousand is really nothing, but three thousand is all my current savings. This means that after using this three thousand as compensation, I will be penniless, and Su Xin, Lu Lan and I will have no living expenses for the next month.
My heart was clenched and my head seemed to explode. But I couldn't think of any other way. Su Xin still had foreign debts. I'm not a magician and I can't make up so much money.
When I walked out of the police station, I found Lu Lan standing outside waiting. He brought me a thin coat and called out carefully, "Sister."
Lu Lan was the most pitiful and innocent person in these disputes. He was simple and cowardly by nature, and never thought of doing bad things. He always did what I said, and was a child who was not competitive and kind to others. But even so, he could not escape the clutches of fate. He was tortured to the point of looking haggard, and his eyes did not have the vigor of children of the same age.
I feel sorry for him, but I can't save him.
"Let's go, it's okay."
This sentence comforted Lu Lan, but at the same time I was deceiving myself. I knew that it was impossible for everything to be alright, and we had to face a bigger problem.
After Su Xin left the police station, she seemed to be released and started to ramble again: "I just can't stand them carrying brand-name bags. Why? Why do I have to live like this while they can live so glamorously?"
I didn't want to pay attention to her, I tried to suppress my anger, and walked forward with my head down. I was really afraid that I would not be able to resist and slap her again.
If I could, I really wanted to die with her. But thinking that Lu Lan would be left alone from now on, I could only suppress these thoughts and continue to bear the pressure of life, crawling forward at the bottom of society.
This feeling is really terrible.
Su Xin didn't stop talking: "Have you thought about what kind of bag I wanted to buy? The skirt she's wearing is so ugly, I don't like it at all. Also, did you see the pair of shoes on her feet? They're limited edition, they look good, but she made them look ugly."
Su Xin's words were like a tight hoop, stimulating my brain with each sentence, making me fall into an uncontrollable rage.
Lu Lan noticed my mood change, tugged at my sleeve, signaling me not to lose my temper, and then pulled Su Xin's arm: "Mom... don't say anything more, my sister is angry."
"Can't say it? Why can't I say it? What I said is the truth. I shouldn't live this kind of life. Why is everyone else fine, but only I am living like this? Why?" Su Xin said, her eyes reddened, and she cried aggrievedly, "It's so unfair. Why can that bastard Lu Jingcheng live well? Why can his child with that person go to the best school? Why do we have to live like this?"
I really couldn't listen to it any more. Su Xin was 42 years old this year, but she still hadn't grown up: "Su Xin, please face the reality, okay? Do you know why you are not living a good life? Because you used all your money to fulfill your broken dream that will never come back! Yes, you were a princess for more than 30 years, so what? Your palace has been demolished, and now you are just a blade of grass, anyone can crush you and step on you. You don't know how to resist, you just know to look down on others like a grudge, who can you blame?"
“…”
"You are not as good as me. Even though I almost went astray, at least I am still trying to survive."
After venting all my anger, I felt like I was exhausted and had no strength in my body. Lu Lan came over to help me, with a look of worry and concern on his face: "Sister...are you okay?"
However, my words only calmed Su Xin for a moment. Soon, she started to get sick again: "No... No, I can't continue to live like this. I am the daughter of the Su family, I should live a glorious life... How can I live like this..."
As she spoke, she wanted to run towards the busy street.
I know she wants to steal again.
Although it was late at night, all the shops were closed, and there were no pedestrians on the street for her to steal, I was afraid that she would run away and wander outside until dawn, and then cause trouble again. So before she ran away, I grabbed her arm and gave Lu Lan a look: "Catch her, don't let her go out and cause trouble again!"
Lu Lan understood what she meant, and grabbed Su Xin's arm, and said to her in a pleading voice: "Mom, can you just come home with us? My sister is really working hard and tired, please don't drag her down anymore, okay?"
Su Xin struggled hard: "Don't stop me, I don't want to live this kind of life! I want to live better than Lu Jingcheng and that woman!"
I couldn't stand it any longer, so I let go of her hand, stood in front of Su Xin, pointed at the dark street and said, "Go! I won't stop you, but if you go, I will no longer recognize you as my mother. I will take Lu Lan away with me, and whether you live or die has nothing to do with me. Anyway, you will only spend all the money in the family. When have you ever fulfilled your responsibilities as a mother?"
Su Xin seemed to have finally woken up. Maybe my announcement that I would take Lu Lan away had stimulated her, and her expression suddenly became panicked.
She turned around and grabbed my hand, holding it tightly like crazy: "A Shuang... I know you wouldn't do this to me, right? How could you have the heart to do this? I'm your mother..."
I just looked at her calmly, my eyes as cold as ice: "I've had enough of this kind of life. Lu Lan can't grow well in this environment. I wanted to leave a long time ago. If it weren't for you giving birth to us, I wouldn't have spent so much time with you."
Su Xin was touched by my resolute expression. She pinched my arm harder , and her expression became a little ferocious: "A Shuang, you can't do this to me! I'm your mother, I gave birth to you, you can't get rid of me in this life!"
I didn't answer. Su Xin's words were like invisible shackles, entwining my brain, getting tighter and tighter.
"How can you be so vicious! You are unfilial!" Su Xin roared at me, as if she wanted to provoke me with the most vicious words, but I remained indifferent.
Finally, Su Xin knelt down and burst into tears: "A Shuang, I don't want to do this either. I will definitely change. I know you will leave if you say so... I knew everything when you left with Lu Lan and his luggage, but I didn't dare to mention it... I know I'm useless, I can't take good care of you, I can't even control myself. But I will change... Can you please don't leave? I really can't live without you..."
I know that Su Xin is destined to be a nightmare that I can't get rid of in this life. No matter how I struggle or try to escape, it will be useless.
Faced with her confession and tears, I couldn't leave.
For the first time, I hated myself for not being so bad.
If I was really hard-hearted enough, maybe I would be living a better life now and could go to college with peace of mind.
It’s a pity that I still can’t leave Su Xin behind.
