That night, my mother's tears made me feel deeply guilty.
In recent days, I can't help but think of her heartbroken look in my mind. Her tears rolled down like pearls from a broken string. She choked and said, Ningjing, you must not embarrass your father, you must not.
I don’t know why, but my mother’s words always ring in my ears and can’t be shaken off.
No matter what, I can't make my mother sad or cry anymore.
Her health was already very weak, and I didn't want to make her worry about me anymore. And I had been planning to draw a line between myself and Lu Qingyu, so this time I was determined to make it clear with him.
Although I had already made up my mind, I didn't know why I felt inexplicably lost.
The scene that happened that day also came to mind——
He leaned down slightly and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek.
At that moment, I couldn't avoid that heart-pounding feeling no matter how hard I tried.
I tried to forget the impact that kiss had on me. I thought that time would erase it. So I started to avoid meeting him as much as possible, maybe as long as I stopped meeting him, everything would return to peace.
He and I are not from the same world and should not have any intersection. We should each return to our own lives.
As I thought about this, the feeling of loneliness in my heart became even stronger.
It turns out that there is no point in avoiding some people.
I thought if I just avoided him he would fade out of my life, but the truth is, he was everywhere in my life.
I would see Lu Qingyu every day except when I was in class. What was different from before was that he didn't talk to me every time he appeared, but just kept wandering around in my sight, making it impossible for me to ignore his presence.
This went on for several days in a row, and I felt like I was about to collapse from the situation.
Just before I collapsed, I decided to have a good talk with him.
After making up my mind, I rushed out of the classroom as the school bell rang.
I ran into the corridor and there he was, as expected, standing at the door of our classroom.
He was wearing a white sportswear, looking sunny and handsome. He attracted the attention of countless passers-by just by standing there silently.
I couldn't help but sigh silently and slowly walked up to him.
When he saw me coming, a fleeting surprise flashed in his eyes. He stood up straight and stared at me, still without saying a word.
I stared into his eyes, and we just stared at each other silently for a long time, as if we were performing a pantomime.
After a while, I asked, "Lu Qingyu, what do you want to do?"
He pretended to be surprised and asked me in confusion: "Ningjing, what's wrong? I don't understand what you mean."
"Stop playing innocent."
I spoke word by word, not at all fooled by his confused expression.
Only then did he put away his innocent look, slightly raised the corners of his mouth, and smiled at me.
When he smiled, shallow dimples appeared on his face, making him look somewhat playful, like a big child.
I lowered my head and stopped looking at him, as if I was afraid that I would waver in my determination. I repeated again: "Lu Qingyu, what do you want to do?"
He then answered me honestly: "I didn't intend to do anything."
After a pause, he continued, "Ningjing, can't you really see? I want to pursue you."
I raised my head and looked at him with wide eyes. This was the first time he said seriously that he wanted to pursue me.
Although I had a vague understanding of his intention, I didn't expect him to say it so bluntly, and I was not mentally prepared at all.
I suddenly felt a little nervous and my cheeks turned slightly red.
Seeing that I didn't say anything, he continued to talk to himself: "Ningjing, I really like you, and I won't give up so easily. Since you want to escape, then I don't mind playing the cat and mouse game with you."
"Game?" I raised my head and looked him in the eyes. "So you treat love as a game."
I snorted coldly and looked at him with disdain, with a look of disdain on my face. I always thought I was very calm, but when I met Lu Qingyu, I was defeated.
"Lu Qingyu, I never treat feelings as a game. On the contrary, I think my feelings are sacred and inviolable. So, if you want to play a game of feelings, go find someone else. I won't play with you."
I don't know what's wrong with me. I got so excited when I heard what he just said. I thought, maybe he just said it casually and it didn't have any special meaning, but I just couldn't suppress my anger at the moment.
"Lu Qingyu." I gritted my teeth and said, "You know what? You are a scoundrel!"
I couldn't help but yell at him, but he didn't take it seriously. He still looked at me calmly with a smile in his eyes. He raised the corners of his mouth, and to my surprise, he actually said to me, "Thank you for the compliment."
He stared into my eyes, looking very rude, but his eyes were so clear. He suddenly said word by word: "Ningjing, I really like you. Whether you believe it or not, I am serious."
He said this with great conviction.
I felt like I was about to explode with anger, and I didn't know what words to use to describe how I felt at the moment.
But, I suddenly found myself liking this feeling a little bit. Should I call this feeling of bickering with him "being a jerk"? I suddenly felt that after interacting with this scoundrel in front of me for a long time, I was also starting to become a little abnormal.
When I wanted to say something else, he turned around and left. He didn't even say hello or "goodbye" to me, and just walked away.
I saw his tall and thin figure quickly disappear in the crowd.
I sighed deeply and walked out of the teaching building. When I got to the door of the teaching building, I found Zhuo Yian standing there.
The weather was very hot and the sun was very strong. He seemed to have been waiting for a long time, and his fair skin was tanned red by the sunlight.
"Zhuo Yian!"
I shouted his name loudly and hurriedly ran over. I have to admit that I was very excited when I saw him.
He heard my call, looked up, a faint smile appeared on his face, he waved at me, and looked very happy.
I trotted over to him, adjusted my breathing, and asked, "Why are you here?"
He smiled, showing his neat and white teeth, and said, "Nothing, I just wanted to come and see you. Anyway, I'm free recently."
Maybe his words were unintentional, but they still made me excited involuntarily.
I smiled and said to him, "Zhuo Yian, why are you always so silly? The weather is so hot and the sun is so strong, why don't you wait under the shade of the tree?"
He waved his hand, smiled gently, and said, "It's okay, I'll be fine when I wait for you."
After saying that, he took out a handkerchief from his pocket and gently wiped the sweat from his forehead.
Look, this is Zhuo Yian, the elegant and noble Zhuo Yian who is like a prince. He has always been like this, gentle like a prince in a fairy tale.
I saw a leaf fell on his shoulder and wanted to reach out to help him take it down.
Suddenly, I was hit hard by someone behind me, and I lost my balance and fell to the ground. Because I was in such a hurry to run out of the classroom, I forgot to zip up my backpack, so the things in the bag were scattered all over the floor, looking very embarrassed.
My knee hurts so much! I turned my head with difficulty and found that it was a girl who knocked me down. She ran over and knocked me down, then ran away without looking back.
At this time, her figure had gradually disappeared from my sight, and I didn't even have the chance to vent my resentment.
I fell to the ground. Because I was wearing very little in the summer, the scratches on my knees were particularly obvious.
I turned around and found that the backpack had fallen to the side, and the things in the bag were scattered all over the floor.
"Ningjing, how are you? Are you hurt?"
When I was in a daze, Zhuo Yian squatted down and looked at me nervously. When he saw that I was in a daze, his eyes followed my gaze.
His eyes stopped on the photo, which reflected an exceptionally bright light under the sun. It was a photo of Zhuo Yian and I taken together in the summer of our graduation year.
In the photo, we were arm in arm intimately, smiling brightly. I tilted my head slightly to look at the camera. No one knew how excited I was at that moment.
In fact, my original intention was just to take a photo. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to take a photo with Zhuo Yian. I suppressed my nervousness and held his arm tightly when my classmate pressed the shutter to satisfy my selfish desire.
The memory is deeply rooted. Even after a long time, I still can't forget the heart-pounding feeling I felt at that moment.
I was a little dazed, and when I came to my senses, Zhuo Yian had already reached out and picked up the photo. In the sunlight, his body was trembling slightly.
He turned the photo over, and I knew he must have seen it, seeing the words "I MISS YOU" clearly written on the back of the photo.
I miss you.
During the days when he left me for England, my longing for him entangled me like a vine, leaving me with nowhere to escape and no power to resist.
I miss you. Many times in the middle of the night when I couldn't fall asleep because of missing you, I could only sit at the table and write his name fiercely with a pen.
Zhuo Yian, I miss you.
At this moment, my heart is very confused. I don’t know what words to use to express my feelings. Is it enough to just say that I miss you?
I bit my lips tightly, fearing that I would burst into tears at this moment. I clearly saw his expression change from calm to shock, and I also saw his slender and white fingers trembling slightly.
As soon as his hand loosened, the photo slipped from his fingers and fell to the ground again, leaving him feeling isolated and helpless.
I think the shock brought to him by the words "I miss you" must be no less than the collision of Mars and the Earth. I think he must be very anxious at this moment.
But, after he understands my feelings, can he accept it?
I stared at his tall back without blinking. At that moment, I felt that the whole world had become quiet, and I was silently waiting for the verdict of fate.
He suddenly turned his head and looked at me blankly, without saying a word, just looking at me quietly.
I opened my mouth, wanting to explain something, but I didn't know how.
What can I say?
It seemed like saying anything was redundant, so I could only remain silent.
Seeing that I didn't say anything, he looked at me for a while and then turned his head away again. I couldn't see his expression, but I could feel that his broad shoulders seemed to be trembling slightly.
Before, I always wanted to find a suitable time to tell him my feelings, but today I revealed my feelings to the world without any preparation.
I was daydreaming when Zhuo Yian suddenly turned around, gently picked up the photo, and then solemnly placed it in the palm of my hand.
The shocked expression on his face just now disappeared, and he turned back into the calm and composed Zhuo Yian.
He smiled gently and said to me, "Ningjing, I suddenly remembered that I have something to do today. I actually forgot about it before. I am really becoming more and more forgetful."
After saying that, he pulled me up from the ground. I stood up but didn't dare to look him in the eye.
Then I heard his faint voice in my ears, and I heard him say, "Ningjing, I'm leaving first." After that, he looked at me deeply, then turned and left.
I looked up at his receding back. I don't know why, but to me, it always felt like his departure was more like a flight.
I clenched my fists and looked at his back thoughtfully as he left. The sad feeling surged over me like a tide.
I don't know if his sudden departure was because he really had something to do or was a tactful rejection. As smart as Zhuo Yian was, after seeing that photo, there was no reason for him not to understand my feelings, but did he leave in such a hurry because he didn't like me?
His back had disappeared from my sight, and I could no longer see him. I stared blankly at the direction he left, feeling very sad.
The sun was blazing, and at this moment, I could no longer suppress my urge to cry. I didn't know why, at this moment, I actually wanted to find Lu Qingyu to cry to.
I can't explain why I had such an idea, but when I turned around, I saw his figure.
I thought it was an illusion caused by my trance, so I rubbed my eyes and found that the person was really Lu Qingyu.
I looked at him, feeling a joy that was hard to conceal. I was about to walk over but stopped because I saw a girl standing next to Lu Qingyu.
I stood there in a daze, watching them talking and laughing. They seemed to have a good relationship and their every move seemed to reveal intimacy.
I couldn’t explain how I felt at that moment. I just stared at their silhouettes until they left.
The sunlight poured down and stung my eyes, and I couldn't help but shed tears.
I laughed at myself and thought: This life is much more interesting than TV dramas. Look how ridiculous this is. The boy I like was scared away by me, and the boy who likes me is flirting with other girls.
Suddenly, I felt as if I had been abandoned by the whole world. It was not until this moment that I realized that I was an extremely tragic person.
I was feeling sorry for myself, and when I looked up I seemed to see Mo Yan.
I was thinking to myself, why are these people appearing in front of me one after another as if they are here to report to me?
I looked over and realized that I was not mistaken. The girl was clearly Mo Yan. At this moment, she was arguing fiercely with a boy with a red face. The two of them seemed to be arguing fiercely, and they even pulled each other.
Because we were too far away, I couldn't hear clearly what Mo Yan and the boy were arguing about, but I could clearly feel that Mo Yan was very emotional and she looked extremely sad.
I hesitated for a moment and decided to go over. After all, Mo Yan and Ning Yuan have a close relationship. Thinking of this, I took a step and walked towards Mo Yan.
As I was walking towards them, Mo Yan suddenly yelled and ran away crying. After she ran away, the boy hesitated for a moment and then hurriedly chased after her.
I stopped and looked at their backs as they ran away one by one, frowning.
Why would Mo Yan flirt with other boys? She and Ning Yuan are not...
No matter what, as Mo Yan's boyfriend, Ning Yuan still has the right to know.
I called Ning Yuan, and the phone rang several times before he picked up.
"Sister, is there something wrong?"
There was confusion in Ning Yuan's voice. He must not understand why I would call him at this time.
"Where are you?"
I thought about it, but still didn't say what I had just seen.
"Of course it's at school." Ning Yuan replied, with worry in his tone, "Sister, didn't something happen?"
It turned out that he was still in school. I thought about it and asked, "What about Mo Yan? Is she with you?"
"No." Ning Yuan denied, "Mo Yan went home. Sister, do you have something to do with her?"
"Oh, no, nothing." I said quickly, "I just wanted to ask when you will be home."
Afraid that he would become suspicious, I spoke in a nonchalant manner.
"Ah, you scared me." Ning Yuan said with a sense of relief, "I will go home early, sister, don't worry."
"Well, be careful on the road." I reminded him.
After saying a few words casually, I hung up the phone.
I thought about it and decided not to tell Ning Yuan what I had just seen. I didn’t say too much to Ning Yuan because I felt that I was actually an outsider when it came to his emotional affairs.
Since that "photo incident", Zhuo Yian hasn't come to see me for a long time. I think this may be a silent rejection. Maybe he doesn't like me, so he chooses to escape without saying anything.
Thinking of this, my heart felt a little aching.
So when I saw Zhuo Yian again, it was already half a month later.
When I saw him standing in front of me, I thought it was all just a beautiful dream.
I looked at him and saw that he had become much more haggard in just half a month. I felt very distressed when I saw how haggard he looked.
I looked at him, quietly, as if I wanted to engrave his appearance firmly in my heart. I wanted to smile at him, but I pulled the corners of my mouth, but I couldn't smile.
He disappeared for more than half a month, so he should have given an explanation. But before I could wait for his explanation, a girl stood up next to him.
I looked at the beautiful girl whose face was filled with happiness. She held Zhuo Yian's arm affectionately and called him softly, "Yian".
Yian, what an intimate name. It is not the cold "Zhuo Yian", but the "Yian" that proudly declares a certain identity symbol.
I noticed that his expression was a little stiff. Perhaps it was because he was still not used to the change in their relationship, I thought sadly in my heart.
In just half a month, he had already started holding someone else's hand.
So this was his way of rejecting me.
I suddenly felt a blackness in front of my eyes and my body began to tremble uncontrollably. I bit my lips tightly, trying hard to control my emotions and not shed tears.
But I still couldn't stand steadily. I felt extremely weak all over. Everything around me became blurry, even Zhuo Yian in front of me began to become blurry.
Suddenly, I felt a pair of warm and strong hands grabbing my arms. I seemed to be injected with some new strength, and I fell into that warm embrace.
I turned my head and found that the person who grabbed my arm was Lu Qingyu.
It’s actually him!
I was shocked. I never expected that he would appear in front of me at this time.
However, fortunately he appeared in time, and at this moment my heart is filled with infinite gratitude to him.
I looked at him gratefully, and he nodded at me with a knowing smile on his face.
He put his arm around me, and it looked so natural. Then he turned around and said hello to Zhuo Yian: "Are you here to see Ning Jing too?"
I didn't expect him to come.
I just felt a buzzing in my head, and I didn't know what Lu Qingyu and Zhuo Yian said next. I only knew that he was talking to him politely, his attitude was calm and elegant, and there was no trace of deliberateness. It was just the right amount of naturalness, saving me from embarrassment.
I turned my head and looked at Lu Qingyu's profile. It was a face with sharp edges and corners. His profile flickered in the sunlight, but he was really handsome.
I thought silently in my heart that it makes sense that those girls like him, he is really a very handsome boy.
I turned my head and saw that Zhuo Yian's face suddenly turned pale.
Lu Qingyu gently held my shoulders. I don't know why, but at this moment my heart became at ease. In order not to embarrass myself, I did not push Lu Qingyu away.
Before I could say anything else, the girl next to Zhuo Yian suddenly spoke up: "Yian, it's so hot today, the sun is so strong, how about we go eat ice cream together? Let's go, how about we go now?"
She pulled Zhuo Yian's arm and shook it back and forth, acting coquettishly towards him.
Zhuo Yian looked at me and smiled apologetically. Before he could say anything, the girl had already taken his hand and left.
I stared blankly at their receding backs. The girl gently combed his hair with her hands and leaned happily on his shoulder.
At first I thought they were acting for me. But now, looking at their sweetness and the girl's happiness, I realized that all this was real and not an act for me.
It turns out that Zhuo Yian has a girlfriend. This is a cruel and heartbreaking fact.
All my strength seemed to be drained away in an instant. I felt light and weightless, and everything in front of me started to blur again. My feet felt like they were stepping on cotton and I almost fainted.
I tried to calm myself down, and after they walked away and I could no longer see them, I pushed Lu Qingyu away with force.
"Thank you."
I lowered my head and spoke in a low voice.
He didn't answer, but just stood in front of me silently.
I could feel his burning gaze on me, and I suddenly remembered what happened that day, and how intimate he was with a strange girl. Suddenly, a rage seemed to be slowly rising in my heart.
I raised my head suddenly, and my tone became somewhat unfriendly: "Lu Qingyu, please leave."
He stared at me in surprise with his eyes wide open, obviously not expecting my expression to change so quickly. I was grateful to him in the last second, and in the next second I gritted my teeth and let him go.
He looked at me in surprise and was speechless for a long time. I looked at him fiercely and said, "Lu Qingyu, why do you still mess with me when you already have a girlfriend? Do you want to have the best of both worlds? Or do you want to have girls on both sides? What do you think of me?"
"Wha...what?" He looked at me in confusion, obviously not understanding what I meant. He looked at me aggrievedly, almost raising his hand to swear, "Ningjing, how can you wrongly accuse a good person? How can you say that to me? How can you say that to yourself? There is only you in my heart, you know that."
I looked at him with disdain and snorted, "Forget it, Mr. Lu. It's not like I didn't see you being affectionate with a pretty girl that day."
I paused and continued, "But you are not my boyfriend, so I can't control you that much. How can I be qualified to control your affairs? You don't need to explain anything to me."
I spoke in a low voice, a little insincerely. I don't know why, but I couldn't help getting angry when I thought about what happened that day.
He looked at me with a mixture of laughter and tears, and suddenly he understood and said, "You mean the girl from that day? That girl is a sister I grew up with."
"Huh, is it true that people use brothers and sisters to play ambiguously these days? I didn't expect that they are childhood sweethearts." I felt a little sour inexplicably.
"peaceful!"
Lu Qingyu shouted my name loudly, scratched his hair with his hands, and looked very anxious.
Suddenly, he raised his hands and said, "Ningjing, please believe me, she is really my sister. If I lied to you, let me... let me be a monk for the rest of my life."
I didn't expect that he would swear such a vicious oath. I looked at him, feeling somewhat touched. I couldn't hold back the smile on my face any longer and burst out laughing. I was amused by his serious look.
At this moment, I don’t know why, but my heart felt a little sweet. I looked at his face which turned red due to anxiety, and I thought he looked even more handsome.
When he saw me smile, he was less nervous and his face gradually turned from red to normal.
He breathed a sigh of relief, and then asked me, "Ningjing, you are not angry anymore, are you?"
I lowered my head, said nothing, and ignored him.
He became anxious again and asked me nervously, "Ningjing, are you still angry? You have to believe me, I really didn't lie to you, I swear!"
I looked up into his eyes. His eyes were so clear and his expression was so pious. I was a little moved and said, "I'm not angry at all."
When he saw that my tone had softened, a hint of joy appeared on his face. He put down his arms and smiled at me, looking a little silly.
Suddenly, he asked me: "Ningjing, were you jealous just now?"
He looked at me very seriously, with an inquiring look, as if he was looking for some clues.
"I didn't!" I denied hastily, my heart pounding wildly. I lowered my head, avoiding his burning gaze.
He still didn't give up and said, "But you looked jealous just now. If you are jealous, does it mean that you like me a little bit?"
"If I say no, then no!"
I raised my head and stared at him fiercely, and my tone of voice sounded a bit shady.
He was stunned for a moment, then he chuckled. He no longer insisted and didn't say anything, with the same look on his face that said "you obviously like me".
I glared at him fiercely, and his knowing look made me feel a little guilty.
I was a little angry and couldn't say a word in defense. I just felt a little less confident.
After a while, he said, "Ningjing, can I take you home?"
"No." I refused without thinking.
"Why? Are you still angry with me?" He asked me with a puzzled and worried look on his face.
"I told you I'm not angry," I repeated.
"Then why..." He frowned.
"Anyway, you don't have to send me home. Not just this time, but you don't have to send me home in the future. That's it, goodbye!" I said all in one breath, waved at him, turned around and prepared to leave.
In fact, I was not angry. I did not agree to him simply because I did not want to make my mother sad again.
When I thought of my mother's sad tears that day, I couldn't help but feel sad.
Her hot tears dripped onto the back of my hand and burned my heart.
Thinking of those tears, I unconsciously wanted to draw a clear line between myself and Lu Qingyu. He and I are not from the same should not have any intersection. But my mother's tears completely woke me up that day and made me repent.
But who knew he would actually hold my hand and won't let go.
When I turned around to leave, Lu Qingyu suddenly grabbed my arm. He was so strong that it hurt my hand.
I frowned and said, "Lu Qingyu, let go."
"I won't let go." He shook his head stubbornly and said firmly, "I will never let go, not in this life , not in the next life."
I turned my head to look at him. He was frowning slightly, and there seemed to be an unshakable sadness between his brows. At this moment, he was looking at me intently with a determined expression.
"Lu Qingyu..." I called his name, but I didn't know what to say and was speechless for a moment.
"Ningjing, I will never give up, even if I chase you to the ends of the earth." His voice was low, but full of affection. "Ningjing, from the moment I saw you, I knew I could never escape in this life. I can't suppress my longing for you. I want to see you every moment. As long as I can see you and be with you, I would be willing to exchange the whole world for you."
I stared at him blankly, my heart beating fast.
He looked at me quietly and said, "Ningjing, I like you. I will only like you in this life. Let me take good care of you and be your guardian angel, okay? Promise me, be my girlfriend, okay?"
I didn't expect Lu Qingyu to suddenly confess to me. I was suddenly at a loss and my heart was confused.
Just when I was very panicked, he actually leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. His kiss fell on my face so gently, so gently that I almost cried.
Then, his deep and magnetic voice rang in my ears again, and he vowed: "Ningjing, believe me, I will always be good to you, and only to you, be my girlfriend, okay?"
Perhaps it was because his voice was full of temptation, or perhaps it was because such gentleness was irresistible to me, I nodded inexplicably.
Later, I kept thinking about why I nodded. After thinking about it, I could only attribute it to the fact that I was hot-headed for a moment, or maybe I had been walking alone for too long and was really exhausted physically and mentally.
In the past, I always placed my hopes on Zhuo Yian, but he is so happy now, not because of me at all.
It turns out that I was really wrong, completely wrong, so from now on I will never be sad for Zhuo Yian again, I will never be sad for him again.
Lu Qingyu saw me nod, obviously not expecting me to agree, so he was overjoyed and pulled me into his arms , holding me tightly in his arms.
I leaned my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes gently. I didn't expect that Lu Qingyu's arms could be so warm.
I felt my face a little itchy and my eyes a little moist, but Zhuo Yian's shadow was still in my mind, lingering.
I think I will definitely forget Zhuo Yian. Starting from today, I will try hard to forget him every day, and one day I will definitely forget him.
I know this may be unfair to Lu Qingyu, but I will definitely make up for it with my future feelings.