Xu Xilin subconsciously glanced at Dou Xun and found that Dou Xun, who was three steps away from him, had no expression on his face and even avoided his gaze. Then Dou Xun stood there stiffly for a while and walked away silently.

Dou Xun had to leave. He was usually extremely willful, but when Luo Bing smiled at him just now, he suddenly realized that no matter how unhappy he was, he had to endure it. Any expression of anger would be "unreasonable."

He has always been aloof and self-centered, and rarely feels the existence of "other people's eyes".

Then he saw it in Luo Bing's eyes.

In the eyes of others, he is a good friend, a friend who will take the initiative to step back when talking about private matters.

Xu Xilin was almost used to coaxing him, and was troubled by his sudden "sensible" behavior, and almost chased after him subconsciously.

He was absent-minded, and Luo Bing's discomfort and nervousness could no longer affect him. Xu Xilin was a little impatient and asked with a reluctant politeness: "Well, what's the matter?"

This sounds fine, but people can sense whether the speaker is indifferent. Luo Bing suddenly became more nervous. She said incoherently: "I just want to... um... the extra points. The teacher told me about it. Thank you. Also, you gave me many small gifts before, but never in person... really..."

Xu Xilin understood half of what was said: "No need to thank me, it's my duty... What gift?"

The girls who usually hang out with Luo Bing have similar personalities to her, all of them are quiet and don't take the initiative to talk to boys. They have only had experience of being confessed to. Luo Bing is the only one who pursues others, and has no experience to draw on. Luo Bing is embarrassed and at a loss. At this time, his brain is completely a mess due to the overdrawn college entrance examination. He can barely maintain the ability to express himself, and can't take care of the communication part.

Luo Bing didn't notice the genuine confusion on Xu Xilin's face, and just kept talking to himself: "I have written you many letters. At first I was afraid to disturb you, but I didn't expect you to reply... I am very grateful in my heart... No, it's not thanks, I don't know how to say it..."

Xu Xilin frowned slightly and almost blurted out "When did you write me so many letters and when did I ever reply?" But he had a feeling that there was something going on, so he listened patiently.

Luo Bing's voice became smaller and smaller: "When your family was in trouble, I was also very upset. I said a lot to you, I don't know if I comforted you a little bit..."

Xu Xilin's heart suddenly skipped a beat - he had no interest in studying during that dazed period of time. It seemed that most of the papers handed out in class and the newspapers of various subjects sent to his mailbox were sorted for him by Cai Jing.

Luo Bing: "...but every time you reply, you only have a small thing, not a single sentence. I want to ask you..."

She was a little unable to continue speaking, so she mustered up the courage to look up at Xu Xilin, only to find that Xu Xilin's expression was very strange.

Xu Xilin felt as if his chest was pressed down by a stone and he couldn't breathe.

The only people who would touch his things normally were Yu Yiran and Lao Cheng, besides Cai Jing. Yu Yiran was a girl, and she and Luo Bing were just friends who borrowed sanitary napkins from each other, so there was no need to reply to her anonymously. Lao Cheng… Lao Cheng loved to stir up trouble and watch the fun, and he would stir up a storm even when there was no wind. If he had found the letter written by Luo Bing, he would have spread the news long ago.

Only Cai Jingcai likes to express his concern or gratitude in the form of "small gifts". Because he is short of money and cannot afford expensive things, he can only put in some thought, and every time he can make people feel his care.

Xu Xilin glanced at Luo Bing with a complicated look, and then slowly recalled some details - Cai Jing didn't like to tease girls, but he didn't completely avoid talking to girls. He was normal to others, but he rarely looked Luo Bing in the eye. Every time she came over for something, he either avoided her or lowered his head and ignored her.

But he clearly remembered that she was a poor student, and whenever she had any difficulties, he would hint at her.

Xu Xilin had been sitting at the same table with Cai Jing for three years, but he didn't even know that Cai Jing liked Luo Bing.

His love is like the moss in the corner, growing quietly and darkly, dense and melancholy, never blooming, and dying when exposed to light.

Xu Xilin's throat seemed to be blocked by something. He used all his strength to smile. Maybe his smile was too ugly. He felt that Luo Bing was scared.

"It means thank you." Xu Xilin said softly, "Thank you for being so nice to me."

Luo Bing was stunned at first, then slowly realized what he meant, and his eyes suddenly dimmed.

Xu Xilin looked at her deeply again and said, "You will definitely be admitted to your first choice. If you become rich and powerful in the future, please don't forget me, monitor."

Luo Bing's face turned red and then white, and then there were tears in his eyes. He barely kept up appearances and nodded woodenly: "Thank you, I'm sure you can get into your first choice."

Xu Xilin nodded to her, then walked away almost absent-mindedly, holding the transparent document bag for the exam.

Luo Bing finally couldn't help but wiped away her tears, and said with her back to Xu Xilin: "Next time you meet someone you like, don't drag it out, because it's gone. If someone you don't like comes up to you in an annoying way, ignore her. You don't have to take everyone's feelings into consideration. It's not easy to be sentimental."

"Yes." Xu Xilin replied, "I'll remember it next time."

Then he paused and added, “I’m sorry.”

At the chaotic school gate, the noisy voices gradually faded away, and the isolation tape used exclusively for the college entrance examination hung loosely on the ground. Several policemen were chatting while cleaning up.

Xu Xilin has been sitting at the same table with Cai Jing since he entered school. He remembered that he was late for school on the first day. When he found Class 1, Grade 1, everyone had already started queuing up at the door of the classroom and arranging seats according to height.

At that time, Cai Jing was wearing a junior high school uniform, which was washed white and had a little wear and tear on the cuffs. He stood quietly at the back, not competing with anyone, and quietly gave way to anyone who tried to cut in line.

Xu Xilin still remembers that when Cai Jing turned around and saw him, the first thing he said was: "Classmate, are you also in this class? Do you want to stand in front?"

It seems like it happened yesterday.

If Xu Jin were still alive, perhaps she could use some of her early connections to hire a good lawyer for Cai Jing, but she had been working in cross-border mergers and acquisitions for more than ten years, and later dealt with various financiers and financial advisors. Even if Xu Xilin wanted to shamelessly borrow her help, he couldn't do it - besides, by the time he knew what had happened to Cai Jing, it was already too late.

Now, the verdict is pending, and he cannot even see Cai Jing. What made the young man so brazen as to use the knife is no longer traceable. He is only left with such a small clue, and all his speculations are in vain.

Dou Xun had been following him, not understanding why his face turned so ugly after he spoke a few words to Luo Bing. He was a little unhappy at first, but when he saw his ghostly face, he didn't dare to ask any questions along the way.

When I returned home that evening, Aunt Du came to say goodbye.

Aunt Du used to live in my grandmother's room. After she packed her luggage, half of my grandmother's bedroom was empty. She had already booked her train ticket back home, which had been kept under the coffee table in the living room. She left in such a hurry because the students were about to have their summer vacation and train tickets were already in short supply.

Grandma asked Xu Xilin to pack a red envelope for her. She held her hand and chattered with her as if her daughter was going on a long journey, asking her to pay attention to the luggage in the car and be careful of pickpockets. She also told her that after returning home, she would have to make sure the younger generation had a way to make a living, as they could not survive forever relying on demolition... She wished she could give her a plan for the rest of her life.

It's amazing that an old lady who doesn't care about what's happening outside can give so many instructions.

Aunt Du said, "Aunt, when I go back, I will have to see how people look at me."

Then she started crying.

Aunt Du started working at a very young age and had little education. She had been with her grandmother for so many years but had not received any influence from her. When she cried, she still cried out loudly with tears and snot streaming down her face. Her howling was very ungraceful and she even squeezed her grandmother's hand, leaving a white mark.

After saying goodbye many times, she cried as she walked. Xu Xilin called a taxi, and together with Dou Xun, he carried her luggage and sent her to the train station. Aunt Du cried for a while and stopped for a while, chatting with Xu Xilin. She didn't know which memory was involved in the chat, and which uncertain future she recalled. She was filled with sorrow and then began to release the flood.

When they arrived at the station, Dou Xun was waiting on the platform. Xu Xilin helped carry her luggage onto the train and put it away. He took out the last tissue on him and wiped Aunt Du's face. The train broadcast began to remind relatives and friends to get off the train, but Aunt Du held his hand and refused to let him go.

Xu Xilin didn't want to let her go, and he could see that Aunt Du didn't want to leave his house.

In the city, she sells her own labor, and she arranges the daily life of the family. She works and gets paid, and she can stand up straight. When she returns home, she becomes an idle country old lady, and she has to take care of the daily life of the family. Not only does she not get paid, but she may even have to rely on others for money. Because family members are priceless if they are lucky, and worthless if they are unlucky. It depends on the situation, and it is hard to say.

But he couldn't decide whether to let her stay.

Xu Xilin: "Auntie, the car is about to start, I have to get off."

Aunt Du shook his hand and said, "My child, my poor child!"

After all the troubles that Xu Xilin had experienced this year, he gradually stopped feeling sorry for himself and just felt very weak. It seemed as if there was a whirlpool around him, sweeping away his relatives and friends, and he was powerless and could only watch.

He pulled his hand out and finally got off the train before the conductor closed the door. He was even pushed by the anxious conductor: "Didn't you hear the announcement after so many times?"

Xu Xilin staggered two steps on the platform before he stood firm. As soon as he felt his feet touch the ground, the train sighed and drove away under the heavy burden.

Xu Xilin took the comprehensive science and English exams first, and then sent Aunt Du off in the evening. He had no mood to eat dinner, and he was busy all day. When he got in the taxi on the way back, he began to take a nap against the window.

Dou Xun knew that he could not speak and was afraid of saying too much and making mistakes, so he did not dare to say a word the whole night. Now he found that Xu Xilin had fallen asleep. Dou Xun raised one hand and tried several times to hug Xu Xilin, but after gesturing for a long time, he still couldn't find a place to put his hand, and they arrived home.

Xu Xilin took a nap in the car, but he was not sleepy when he got home. As usual, he wanted to go to the living room on the second floor to get his schoolbag to do his homework. However, he found that his schoolbag was hanging on the wall, and there was only a transparent plastic clip for his admission ticket on the small table in the living room. Then he remembered that he had no homework to do.

When he was just promoted to the third year of high school and started to attend evening self-study, Xu Xilin had fantasized about what he would do after the college entrance examination. But when the day really came, he didn't want to carry out those plans at all. Instead, he felt empty inside because he had no "goal".

Grandma had fallen asleep a long time ago, and the grey parrot was not tied up. But maybe because their house was a little big and there were no people anywhere, the bird was scared and didn't dare to fly around. It just stayed quietly on its shelf, buried its head under its wings, and fell asleep.

Xu Xilin quietly went downstairs, went into the kitchen, and got himself a bottle of beer.

Normally no one drinks beer and it was about to expire. Xu Xilin was feeling depressed and wanted to drink to drown his sorrows, so he put all the inventory together and put them in a row. In the end, he did not have the courage to do so, so he only opened one bottle and poured himself a glass.

This was something that Xu Jin had left deeply rooted in him - when boys first entered puberty, there was a period of time when they admired the gangsters in various movies and secretly learned to smoke together. Xu Xilin followed suit and tried one, thinking that he could do it without anyone noticing. However, before the smell had dissipated, Xu Jin returned home early from a business trip and was caught red-handed.

Xu Jin didn't beat him, nor did he emphasize the "smoking is harmful to health" printed on the cigarette box. He just told him that quitting smoking is difficult. People who are in the process of quitting smoking are often listless, yawning with tears, and will gain weight.

Xu Jin said, "Your mouth is on your body, and I can't sew it shut. You have to figure it out yourself. In the future, when you take a long-distance flight or eat in a non-smoking area, you have to endure what others do. Think carefully before doing anything. Don't regret it later when you can't handle it. When you want to quit smoking with snot and tears, don't say your mother didn't take care of you."

Xu Jin taught him that when he wanted to smoke, he should think about quitting, and when he wanted to drink, he should think about his dry eyes and irritated head the next day.

Dou Xun walked in quietly, took a look at the half bottle of beer left on the table, picked up the bottle and took a sip, then sat on a stool at the small bar in the kitchen. He opened his mouth several times, then swallowed his words back in annoyance, and finally clinked glasses with Xu Xilin in a stupid manner while holding the bottle.

Xu Xilin forced a smile: "Why are you clinking glasses? What are you celebrating?"

Dou Xun racked his brains for a while and said dryly, "...Have you finished the exam?"

Xu Xilin took a big sip.

His boyhood was over.

After drinking, Xu Xilin began to stare at Dou Xun. With the bitter aftertaste on the tip of his tongue, he remembered Luo Bing's parting words, and Cai Jing's moss-like love. He thought, "If you delay, it will be gone," and felt the dark loneliness.

At the same time, according to his original thinking habits, Xu Xilin thought of the numerous difficulties in the future, the pointing and criticizing he had experienced more than ten years ago, and the labels that would never be removed from him in the future, like "pervert", "AIDS", "hepatitis B", and "labor camp prisoner".

The two thoughts were fighting each other in his chest. Dou Xun was confused by his stare and thought Xu Xilin was waiting for his comfort, so he tentatively put his hand on his shoulder. Then he felt that it was a bit painless, so he jumped down from the high stool, slowly moved closer, and gave him an awkward hug.

Xu Xilin kept repeating in his mind, "Think everything through carefully before doing it, don't regret it later when you can't handle it." He also knew that he was defeated by the temporary loneliness and emptiness and was shamefully weak.

However, he was defeated at this moment and had no strength to struggle. He put one hand on Dou Xun's back and pressed him towards himself. With no other choice, he turned his head and kissed the side of Dou Xun's neck.

In that second, he knew how Cai Jing felt when he raised the knife.

Dou Xun was stunned. He pushed him away in disbelief. He raised his hand and touched his neck. He finally blurted out the words he had been holding back for a day: "Did you take the wrong medicine?"

Xu Xilin: “…”

Dou Xun's face suddenly turned red, and he wished he could bite off the troublesome tongue. The two looked at each other for a moment. Xu Xilin really couldn't do anything about him, so he shook his head and turned to go upstairs.

When Dou Xun saw him turn around, he was so scared that he broke out in a mixture of cold and hot sweat. Without thinking, he pounced on him, hugged Xu Xilin from behind, and then instinctively dragged him back to the kitchen with brute force and pressed him on a high stool.

It seems like there is a curse at the kitchen door, and if you step on it, everything that just happened will be forgotten!

Xu Xilin: "What are you doing?"

Dou Xun realized that he had done something stupid and thought blankly: "Yeah, what did I do?"