No matter how ugly a cockroach is, it will yearn to be loved. When I am with you, it seems that I am not so despicable. I am just this kind of person, a disgusting bad guy, but I love you so much.
Chaiquan 01
My name is Chai Quan. It is a name that is very easy to be misunderstood. My mother told me that she used to have a Shiba Inu, so she gave me such a bad name.
I was a hateful child since I was born. No one liked me. The kids in the alley wouldn't play with me. I lived on Xingfu Street. There were many women of that kind living on Xingfu Street. My mother was one of them. Do you know what that woman means? You can guess.
I don’t know who my father is, and my mother doesn’t know either. After she gave birth to me, she never took care of me again.
My mother's name is Chai Kefu, which is uglier than my name. I think my family has the two ugliest names in the world.
When I was a kid, when my mom beat me, I would scold her, and she would get so angry that smoke would come out of her nostrils, and she would hit me with a feather duster and yell, "I'm going to beat your ass to pieces."
The women on Xingfu Street go out to work during the day and bring back strange men at night.
I know that the woman named Shen Cuihua who lives in No. 376 is the most beautiful. Sometimes I would whistle at her, and she would put on bright red lipstick, raise her orchid finger and scold me: "You stinky boy, you come to tease a woman before you have even grown all your hair."
Then I burst into laughter and ran away.
However, Shen Cuihua was unlucky. One day, two little hooligans started fighting over her. She went to stop the fight but was stabbed by one of them. If Shen Cuihua had a stronger life, the compensation would have been enough for her to live on for the rest of her life. But she didn't make it and died at a young age. Later, it was heard that a relative of hers in her hometown got the money.
That year, the women on Xingfu Street were quiet for a while, as if they were afraid of becoming the next "Shen Cuihua". I hid in my quilt and cried quietly all night. I felt like I had been heartbroken.
Later, I never saw a woman more beautiful than Shen Cuihua, and the pain of my youth was gradually smoothed out by time. Since I was fifteen, I knew which cinema was the cheapest, of course, I was talking about the informal "small movies".
I know, I was a bad teenager.
I know a group of bad kids. They dye their hair messy, chew gum, ride motorcycles through the streets and alleys, and think they are very cool.
One of the bad kids is my girlfriend. Her name is Gudong. We don’t like to say our real names, so they call me “Shiba Inu”.
Forget it, forget it. I won’t argue with uneducated people.
I have a black motorcycle, I call it "wife", Gudong refused to do it, she said she was not as good as a car, so I pinched her face, kissed her, and said to her: "Don't be so stingy."
Gudong suddenly became happy. What a woman who is easy to please.
Gudong went to a girls' school. Every night, she would climb over the school's wall, which looked like it was about to collapse, to look for me. Every time, I would wear a helmet and lean on my motorcycle waiting for her to come out, like a knight welcoming a princess in the dark night.
Then I drove her along the road through the darkness, she stepped on the pedals, put her hands on my shoulders, and yelled to the sky: "Hualala! Come and have fun! I love you!"
I smiled coolly, feeling a little proud.
During the day, Gudong didn't go to class. She would sleep until the sun was shining on her butt before getting up. In the afternoon, we went to the alley to eat wontons while discussing the women passing by.
This boring life!
One day, I saw a beautiful child walking by. Rather than calling her a beautiful woman, I prefer to call her a beautiful child, even though she was wearing the most ordinary school uniform and was not young.
I heard the sound of the wonton in my mouth hitting the soup bowl.
I felt my blood rushing to my head, a firework exploded in my chest, and the dream that had been buried for many years was dug out of the ground.
I finally met a woman who is more beautiful and elegant than Shen Cuihua.
"If you still keep looking, I'll pull your ears off!" Gudong grabbed my ears and spit all over my face, what a shrew.
However, I didn't beg for mercy like I usually did. I slammed the bowl on the table and said firmly in my voice: "I want her to be my woman!"
Oh my god, I feel like I'm in love all over again.
Can you believe it? This was the first time I had this feeling since Shen Cuihua's death. I felt as excited as if I was watching a "little movie" for the first time.
I started following her and knew she would go to a factory on the outskirts of the city.
The factory was dilapidated, but she stood there like a pure white angel. For the first time, I, who used to swear all day long, felt afraid to desecrate her.
So, I designed that encounter.
She will never know that those three wretched thugs were the helpers I hired at a cost of three hundred and eighty dollars. I just didn't expect those three bastards to hit me so hard that I almost suspected they were acting.
But thanks to them, she believed me.
I knew she would save me. I was right. She looked cold but was actually kind. Everything went according to plan. I ran away with her and talked to her, just like a script written in advance.
The rain that day was so romantic that I almost thought I was a poet. She didn't want me to take her home, so I jumped out of the car and bought an umbrella for her.
It turns out that I would also do these romantic and heartwarming little things for a girl.
Gudong has never enjoyed these treatments. I owe Gudong. I know she has suffered a lot for me. I have said before that I am a bad boy. Gudong gave me everything she had, but I abandoned Gudong after meeting that angel.
When I broke up with Gudong, she was terrifyingly calm. She didn't cry, make a fuss, or try to jump off the building.
Before leaving, she said to me viciously, "Don't regret it." Then, she picked up a chair and smashed it at my black motorcycle, smashing the rearview mirror into pieces.
Smash it, smash it, it's just a motorcycle.
The next evening, I received a text message from Gudong: I’m pregnant.
My heart skipped a beat. My first reaction was that it was a good thing we were adults. This girl wouldn’t ask someone to take me away, right? I knew she had an uncle who was a policeman.
Before I could reply, another message popped into my inbox: I did it.
I stared at the screen of my mobile phone, reading these two sentences word by word, and then I understood what she meant when she said to me, "Don't regret it."
I wanted to laugh when I thought about the way Gudong smashed the car that day. In fact, I laughed out loud, and my tears fell onto the screen with "plop, plop".
Later, I kept thinking, if Gudong hadn't aborted the baby, what would I have done? Marry her? Drop out of school early and open a small shop to support my family? I wouldn't, and Gudong knew it.
See, people like me deserve retribution.
However, this incident also had an impact on me. I never did anything bad again. Even when I went out to play with bad friends, I didn't do anything bad.
I decided to live a good life.
I decided to pursue that beautiful child. I got her information and knew her class and her name. Maybe I was a little bit confused, so every time I went to her school to find her, I brought Langzi and Xiaoshuai with me.
"Brother Chaiquan, if you catch my sister-in-law, please treat us to a meal and sing a song!" The two guys kept encouraging me.
"No problem, I'll treat you."
She is really different from girls nowadays. I searched for her information on various online forums and found out that she didn't play anything and didn't even take a single selfie.
Fortunately, she registered a QQ account with the nickname "Hedgehog". I found that this name really suits her, little hedgehog.
In the end, I had no choice but to find a profile picture of her on her admission ticket. It looked like what she looked like a few years ago, thin, with her lips pursed and looking unhappy.
I printed her admission ticket portrait on my T-shirts, on every color of T-shirt. I pursued her madly, and everyone in her school knew about it.
I know she was annoyed by my harassment, but she must have remembered me.
She finally remembered me, but she chose him, Qi Beichen.
She was in love with Qi Beichen, she was in love with him!
I can't describe my mood, but my heart has been in a mess for a long time.
On Langzi’s 18th birthday, I met Gudong again. I was still wearing a T-shirt with a little hedgehog’s head printed on it. Gudong seemed to be doing well. He was dating a “sissy” who was not as handsome as me. The “sissy” was called Fan Weihao.
It's not that I have a problem with Fan Weihao, it's just that the way he speaks is so soft, it makes me upset for no reason. I know that it's not his voice that bothers me, but his face that looks a bit like Qi Beichen. Everyone was singing in the box, I walked out alone, squatted on the steps, holding a cigarette in my hand, and Gudong followed me out, she borrowed a light from me and squatted beside me.
"Hey, are you in a bad mood?" Gudong asked me.
"No, I'm in a good mood every day."
"Did you succeed?" Gudong still remembers the reason why we broke up.
I put out my cigarette, stood up, stretched, and said, "You play first, I'll stretch my muscles."
"Chai Quan, you will die if you say a few words to me!" Gudong threw her burning cigarette butt at me. I didn't dodge, and the cigarette butt hit my forehead and burned me.
Gudong didn't expect that I didn't hide. She ran down the stairs and ran towards me. I got on the motorcycle and blew her a kiss.
"Goodbye," I said.
"Chaiquan!"
The motorcycle sped past her. I couldn't hear Gudong's shouting and cursing. I looked down at the brand new rearview mirror. Things that were smashed could not be replaced.
In this city full of lights and night, the night is as cold as my mood. I don’t know where I’m going, I just step on the accelerator and drive forward desperately.
I have nowhere to go.