Chapter 3: It is because of love that I feel I am not good enough 2
Hearing this answer, Qiu Zhuoping couldn't help but burst out laughing, then nodded, and lowered his head to kiss Yiying's forehead again...
Chen Yiying's worst and happiest moments in college were all filled with Qiu Zhuoping. After the dance, they became a couple that attracted much attention in the school.
The incident of Liu Jiaran's skirt being stepped on also became a hot topic. After that, Liu Jiaran rarely appeared at Rucci University.
The school’s Weibo still retains their photos from the May Day party, and Qiu Zhuoping and Chen Yiying’s daily lives have gradually become the most frequently appearing content on Weibo.
The place where they met was usually in the library, because Chen Yiying's English was so poor that it was difficult for her to graduate. Qiu Zhuoping would force her to take tutoring classes every day, teach her various grammars, force her to memorize words, and randomly check her every day. What Chen Yiying could not forget was that Qiu Zhuoping would suddenly communicate with her in English. If she could not answer, Qiu Zhuoping would punish her by making her memorize an English composition. If she could not memorize it, Qiu Zhuoping would be angry for a whole day .
Girls in love are most afraid of their partners getting angry, so in order not to make Qiu Zhuoping angry, Chen Yiying decided to study English hard. In this way, under Qiu Zhuoping's devilish training, Chen Yiying's English level improved by leaps and bounds.
Qiu Zhuoping loves reading, so Yiying would accompany him to read various books in the library. It was also during that time that Yiying developed the habit of reading every day.
Perhaps, the positive meaning of love is that you are willing to become a better person for the other person, and you are willing to work hard to change yourself. This is Yiying's biggest feeling this summer. She hopes that such a simple and beautiful time can continue forever.
But the beauty is only a fleeting moment, because what comes faster than the CET-4 exam is the school-wide badminton friendly match.
Yiying will remember the afternoon after the competition. She wanted to take a photo with Qiu Zhuoping holding the gold medal that everyone had worked so hard to win, but after the competition, Qiu Zhuoping disappeared. She searched every corner of the school and asked everyone who knew him, but no one knew where he was. His phone number became an unavailable number and no one answered it anymore.
That was the first time Chen Yiying felt helpless and sad. She hid in the dark corner of the playground and cried. She didn't know if she had done something wrong, so Qiu Zhuoping disappeared from her world without even saying goodbye. Or maybe, from the beginning, he just wanted to play with her, and when he got tired of playing, he would leave naturally.
During that time, she kept reliving her past memories. She walked through the places they had walked through and saw the scenery they had seen together, as if he was still by her side, as if, as soon as she turned around, she could see the boy who smiled at her.
But, no.
He was like water evaporating into the air, completely gone. Yiying cried, felt lost, and was depressed about it, but that couldn't change anything. In the end, she accepted the fact that he had left her world in silence.
A month later, Xu Shu also said goodbye to them. Xu Shu applied for a place to study abroad and would leave in a few days. Qiu Zhuoping's sudden disappearance also caught Xu Shu off guard. He thought he knew Qiu Zhuoping, until Qiu Zhuoping disappeared without a word, and then he realized that what he knew was only the surface of Qiu Zhuoping.
Finally, only Huimei went to the airport to see Xu Shu off. It was a rainy day, the city was soaked in humidity and noise, and when Huimei ran into the airport, Xu Shu was about to enter the boarding gate.
"Xu Shushu." Huimei shouted at the tall and slender figure.
The owner of the back stopped and turned around hurriedly.
"Emi, you're here?"
"I'll take you there."
"It's so nice of you to see me off." Xu Shushu felt a little happy and a little sad. He reached out and pinched Hui Mei's face which was wet by the rain and said, "It would be great if you could go abroad with me, so that we could meet every day and paint together..." Xu Shushu was hesitant to speak because he saw Hui Mei's surprised look.
He scratched his hair and laughed at himself: "I'm leaving now. I'll treat you to some pancakes next time I come back."
"Okay, if you become a great painter you will still remember me." Huimei tried hard to force a smile. She wanted him to remember how she smiled. She wanted him to always be the clumsy Huimei in his heart, and always be the little girl who shared hand-pulled pancakes with him.
Xu Shushu walked into the boarding gate dragging his suitcase.
Huimei deeply remembered the figure that disappeared at the end of the corridor.
I don’t know how long this separation will last.
It would be great if you could go abroad with me, so that we could see each other every day and paint together...
Xu Shushu's words lingered in Huimei's ears like a spell. She already knew Xu Shushu's intentions from those words. However, there was a distance between them. This distance was not only in height, but also in life experience. It was the distance between two different families, and the distance between two different countries and cities.
Huimei knew that she was ordinary, and like many people, she would be drowned in the crowd. But Xu Shu was different. He had the brilliance of the moon. He shone brightly in a place that she could not reach. She was like a firefly following the moonlight, wanting to fly towards the moonlight, but could never reach the moon.
When Huimei returned to the dormitory in the rain, Chen Yiying was sitting on the balcony of the dormitory drinking beer. The cans on the ground were blown back and forth by the wind. The sky outside was covered with dark clouds and heavy rain was pouring. Yiying just let the wind and rain kiss her.
Huimei walked to the balcony, twisted the rain off her skirt, and smiled foolishly. She sat next to Yiying, opened a bottle of beer, and drank it as if it were water.
"Tell me, where did Qiu Zhuoping go? Why didn't he return my calls and isn't at home?" Yiying asked Huimei. They were not drunk, but were more sober than usual.
"People always think that as long as the bond is deep enough, it can last. But the bond is so fragile in the face of time and distance. Because we can't reach far away, we naturally can't participate in each other's growth." Huimei smiled bitterly, leaning her head against the wall of the balcony fence, "We are the same. We live in a circle that we think is big enough, but the outside world is so big that we can't reach it."
"maybe."
"The people you can't forget now, maybe in a year, two years, or even longer, you will forget them. The memories of the people you once cared about will also become vague, and you will only remember the feeling at that time. We always have to grow up, leave school, graduate, go out into society, and then meet someone who is more suitable."
When Huimei said this, tears flowed from her eyes, the bitter taste mixed with the rain. The clothes that she hadn't taken away in time were blown by the wind and rain, swaying continuously.
“Maybe it’s hard to like someone who is better than you.”
"It's because I like you... It's because I like you that I feel I'm not good enough."
"Maybe we are really not good enough. We don't have an enviable family background, nor do we have stunning looks. Apart from these, our grades are terrible." Chen Yiying laughed at herself.
If Qiu Zhuoping and Xu Yishu are pearls among the crowd, then they are like the sand that sets off the pearls' brilliance. The brighter the pearls' brilliance, the duller they appear.
"So we are the ones who should work harder. We work hard not because we have nothing, but to become better people, to make ourselves valuable before we meet better people." Huimei stood up, patted Yiying on the shoulder, took a deep breath, and decided not to continue this decadence. "Youth will inevitably have things that make us feel regretful. Maybe it is also a kind of happiness to end it at the best time? Let's go take a shower. By the way, your CET-4 exam will be next week. In order to graduate, you'd better get up and take a shower, and go to bed early, and review early tomorrow."
Huimei recovered too quickly, so Yiying couldn't adapt all of a sudden. She originally thought Huimei would come back to accompany her to be decadent until the summer vacation, but Huimei's words ended her decadent period early.
Losing love is also an inevitable part of life, and it is also a trivial setback. We can't let this setback make us lose heart. There are more things worth pursuing and fighting for than falling in love. Although no one can predict what will happen in the future, at least don't let yourself regret it. If she continues to be decadent like this, she will look down on herself after so many years, right?
"I've turned on the water heater. I'll go take a shower first." Yiying got up from the balcony floor, grabbed the towel hanging on the clothesline and ran to the bathroom, leaving Huimei behind with a confused look on her face.
"Chen Yiying, could you please not change your mood so quickly?" Huimei's lion roar mixed with lightning made the rain seem even more violent.
"I will study hard and make progress every day. I believe that it won't be long before I get a promotion and a raise, become the general manager and CEO, and become the goddess in the eyes of the rich and handsome. I want to reach the pinnacle of my life! So I must take a shower and go to bed first!"
Chen Yiying's voice came from the bathroom, and she finished speaking without taking a breath. Then, the sound of running water filled the air among the sound of rain outside.
Huimei sighed, and looked at Chen Yiying's resurrected state, feeling angry and amused. She began to clean up the garbage on the balcony and dormitory. In the past few days, Chen Yiying had turned the dormitory into a crematorium.
After that day, the southern part of the country ushered in the plum rain season, and the coastal city where they lived was hit by heavy rain. The sky in the city was dark every day, and the water in the school's lotus pond had already overflowed the cobblestone path.
The hill behind the playground was closed to traffic due to continuous heavy rain. Every time Yiying and Huimei passed by the playground coming back from the classroom, they could see the yellow seal swaying in the wind.
The concrete floor of the school was constantly dripping with rainwater, and the trees in the school were always being hit by the rain, making crackling sounds. In order to prevent the trees from being blown down by typhoons and heavy rains, the school leaders had all the branches of the trees cut off. The trees in the school became bare and looked particularly depressed.
Because of the incessant rain, many students bought raincoats and rain boots, and the ban on wearing slippers in class was also lifted.
Whether it was rainy or sunny, Yiying and Huimei would wear rain boots and hold umbrellas to study in the library. They would sit by the window, and when they got tired of reading, they would look at the heavy rain outside, the umbrellas of pedestrians being blown over by the strong wind, and the cars on the road splashing high water.
After Qiu Zhuoping left, Chen Yiying read books and memorized English words like crazy. As an English major, failing the CET-4 meant she couldn't graduate. If she couldn't get a diploma, she wouldn't be able to find a good job in the future.
Huimei read almost all the books on design in the remaining year and a half in college. If she could not travel far away, she hoped that her future designs would have the flavor of foreign countries.
After the results of the CET-4 exam came out, Yiying had a look of great joy on his face, and excitedly grabbed Huimei who was sitting in front of the computer and shook her.
Huimei looked at the score displayed on the computer with disdain. It was a passing score of 426, not a single point off!
Two years later, they stood on the graduation stage and received the graduation certificates issued by the principal. Although it was just a piece of paper, they felt it was extremely heavy and precious. When they were taking pictures in front of the camera, they never thought that one day they would really graduate and really leave school. They would enter the society, be labeled with different professions, and start to look for their own life.
Yiying and Huimei used digital cameras to record every corner and every scene of the school, which is their best memory in the past four years. They promised to be good friends for life and never forget each other no matter what difficulties they encounter in the future.
After graduation, everyone was busy interviewing for various jobs and settling down in this city. Huimei and Yiying searched for a long time before finding an apartment in the city center that was not expensive.
They are still roommates, but the difference is that Huimei went to work in an animation design studio after graduation, while Yiying is still confused about what kind of job to look for.
Although she studied English very hard in college, as an English major, she only passed the Level 4 exam, which made people look down on her. So Yiying was afraid to find a job related to English. She went to many job markets, but she turned back without confidence after a few visits.
On the way back, she saw a large real estate company recruiting people. The HR manager who was handing out recruitment flyers everywhere spotted Chen Yiying in the crowd. She was very tall, and such height and beauty were extremely advantageous in the real estate industry.
"Miss, are you looking for a job?" A professional woman pushed through the crowd and came in front of Chen Yiying. She had high cheekbones, which made her blush more conspicuous.
Yiying was a little confused, but nodded.
The woman's lips were painted with thick red lipstick, and when she smiled, Yiying felt that her mouth was bloody. She pulled Yiying to her recruitment table and began to talk about some details: "Our company is also recruiting, are you interested in an interview?"
"Are there any major requirements? I'm an English major."
"Nowadays, job hunting doesn't require a matching major, it mainly depends on ability," the woman continued with a big smile, and took out an application form. "Our company is a large chain real estate company, but don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to get you to do sales. We are now recruiting marketing planners, and there are gender and height requirements, so it's very difficult to recruit. This position does not require a high major, but it is best to have a bachelor's degree. The main job is to be responsible for marketing planning, which means writing plans and looking at real estate areas. There is not much content in the work, especially in the off-season."
"Write a business plan?" Yiying recalled that the business plan she wrote in college could be published as a novel. Maybe marketing planning is a suitable position for her.
"Yes, if you are interested, you can fill out this job application and paste a red-background ID photo in the upper right corner. We will notify you of the interview and work time." The woman looked at Chen Yiying with some anticipation.
Chen Yiying picked up the pen and started filling out the job application form...
Happiness came too quickly. The next day, Chen Yiying was notified to go to the designated office for an interview. The interview went unexpectedly smoothly. The interviewer looked up at her height and face, lowered his head to stamp the application form, and notified her to come to work at 9:30 the next day.
Chen Yiying was a little confused when she walked out of the commercial building holding the stamped copy of her employment application.
In order to go to work, Yiying and Huimei went to the clothing market and bought a formal suit and a pair of pointed black low-heeled work shoes.
Before graduation, Yiying had never worn shoes with heels, so on the way to work the next day, she sat on a chair on the side of the road because she couldn't stand the pain in her heels.
"It hurts so much. I should have bought flat shoes earlier." Yiying rubbed her heel. The black trousers made her legs look very long.
She looked up at the sky. The sun was scorching, there were no clouds in the sky, and it was quite stuffy.
"Leave me alone. I have my freedom. Stop nagging me. It's so annoying. It's more annoying than my mom."
A somewhat childish male voice floated in the hot summer, and Yiying looked towards the source of the voice with a gossipy mentality.
A boy who seemed to have just reached adulthood was talking to a girl with tears in her eyes. Yiying looked over and found that the girl with tears in her eyes was Liang Geqi, who used to be on the badminton team and always had tears in her eyes.
Who is that boy who is talking to her?
"Tianyang, can't you be a good boy? You skip classes all day to practice riding motorcycles. This not only worries your teachers, but also your family. If you have nothing to do like this, when you enter society in the future..." Liang Geqi said earnestly while wiping away her tears.
From the time Yiying met Liang Geqi until graduation, her only impression of Liang Geqi was that she was a crybaby. She had never seen a girl who could burst into tears even when she was talking normally, and Liang Geqi was the first.
"But I have things I want to do and a life I want to pursue. Do I have to study hard to get an ideal job? Can't people have their own personality?" The boy named Tianyang impatiently pushed away Liang Geqi who wanted to take him away.
"It's good to have personality, but it depends on the starting point."
Listening to the conversation between the two, Yiying put on her high heels and walked over.
She did not directly stand on Liang Geqi's side to criticize the ignorant brother, and said: "It is a good thing to pursue your own personality, but you cannot pursue your own personality at the expense of hurting the people around you."
"Who are you?" Tianyang, dressed in European and American motorcycle clothes, looked at Chen Yiying with some displeasure, as if he thought she was a nosy passerby.
"Personality needs corresponding abilities to support it." Yiying said this in English. She looked at Tianyang who didn't seem to understand what she said and repeated it in Chinese, "You want to be a person with personality, so do you have the abilities that people with personality have? Sometimes studying is not for exams, but for making yourself better, so that more people will recognize your personality."
After being scolded by Yiying, Tianyang blushed a little and muttered, "I didn't say I wouldn't study hard."
“I believe your personality will make you better, so do you believe in yourself?”
Tianyang suddenly raised his head and met Yiying's serious eyes. Those pure eyes showed unconditional trust. Such trust was the greatest encouragement for a boy who still retained his innocence. He finally nodded and turned to walk towards the school.
Liang Geqi was very grateful to Chen Yiying for helping her educate her brother, but at the same time, she also felt guilty.
"Chen Yiying, there is actually one thing I have always wanted to apologize to you for."
"What's up?"
"Do you still remember Hong Wuyue? I was the one who sent you the text message, and I was also the one who locked you up." Liang Geqi lowered her head guiltily. She didn't know how to face Chen Yiying.
At that time, she was very worried because her brother could not continue his studies, but Liu Jiaran promised to help her brother find a good university, but there were conditions.
"For my own selfish desires, I helped Liu Jiaran do things that went against my conscience. I have always wanted to say sorry to you, but I couldn't open my mouth."
"It's been two years. It's no big deal. Everyone makes mistakes. I forgive you." Yiying patted Liang Geqi on the back, her carefree look unchanged. "You were the one who sent the text message to Zhong Jialiang at that time, right?"
"Yes." Liang Geqi nodded. "I was worried that something might happen to you, so I told Zhong Jialiang your exact location and asked him to find you."
"You are very patient with your brother. If I had a younger brother, I would probably not bother to take care of him."
Yiying and Liang Geqi hid under the eaves of a shady house on the street. Yiying was also an only child, without brothers or sisters, and her parents were in the countryside. She couldn't understand what it was like to have brothers or sisters. It would probably be troublesome, because Chen Yiying was used to being alone and didn't like upset things.
"You can choose friends and lovers, but you can't choose relatives. Relatives are connected by blood and bones, and sometimes they even surpass yourself. I hope my family can live well and move in a positive direction. So I am a nagging and crying sister. Do you also think I'm annoying?" Liang Geqi's eyes were filled with tears when she said this.
But Yiying couldn't tell whether the tears were because of the importance of family affection or because of habit. But this was the first time Yiying was moved by such words.
Relatives are beings connected to you by blood and bones, and sometimes, they can even surpass you.
Later, Yiying also asked Huimei, who has younger brothers and sisters, what it felt like to have brothers and sisters. Huimei thought for a moment, rubbed her chin and answered that the only feeling she had was that it was very convenient when moving and collecting money.
"Where do you work now?" Liang Geqi asked after chatting for a while.
"I am now...ah! Oh no! I almost forgot that I have to go to work! I'm leaving first, see you when I have time!" Chen Yiying suddenly remembered that she had to go to work, and hurriedly said goodbye to Liang Geqi and ran towards the company building.
Behind her, Liang Geqi was stunned for a moment, then burst into laughter.
