Chapter 3: Distant First Love Target three
"Wow, is that girl from our school?"
"How courageous! Hehe, An Yixuan is really indifferent."
"Luckily it wasn't me, otherwise I would have wanted to find a crack in the ground to crawl into."
The girls' gloating voices rang out one after another, and I felt dizzy, just as bad as the day he broke up with me.
"Xizi, Xizi, are you okay?" Lingling ran over and hugged me, "How could he be so ungrateful? We just ignored him!"
"Why, why did it turn out like this? It wasn't like this before. Didn't you say you would love me forever ? But in the end you still abandoned me time and time again." I squatted down, holding my head and crying.
"What are you talking about? Are you stupid? What's so good about Anyixuan? We will definitely meet better men in the future!" Lingling took me to a quiet place, hugged me and kept comforting me.
"There's nothing better. I thought I could catch up with him earlier if I came back. I thought we met earlier just to fall in love earlier. Do you know how much my heart aches? I love him just like I love the world. I don't know how to survive without him, but he still leaves me again and again!" My face was full of tears. I cried and said, "Can you understand? The purpose of my coming back is to catch up with him."
"Well, are you stimulated? Calm down, calm down. If you really like An Yixuan that much, there is still a chance. Didn't you say that it's easy for a girl to pursue a boy? Let's continue next time!" Lingling took out a tissue and wiped my tears while comforting me. Even though she didn't understand what I meant, she still tried to comfort me.
"Bell..."
I hugged Lingling and cried bitterly, venting all my grievances. Lingling hugged me without saying a word. She just patted my back and waited quietly for me to finish crying.
"Cry, you'll feel better after crying. Do you feel better now? After all, we are still high school students. Study is very important. You still have classes in the afternoon and you have to go back to school. There's no rush for love. You have to think about it. Life is so long and there are still many beautiful scenes we haven't seen, right?" Lingling said gently.
I felt better after a good cry, although I was still emotionally low, but Lingling was right, life must go on and I must continue my life, just like the breakup after 10 years, no matter how painful it is, I have to learn to accept the reality.
"Lingling, thank you, I understand. I'll go back to school." I took a deep breath, stood up, and wiped my tears with a tissue.
"Are you okay? How about I take you home?" Lingling held my hand, her eyes full of worry.
I forced a smile and pulled my hand out: "Let me walk by myself, I want to be quiet and think carefully." I lowered my head and walked towards the school gate. Suddenly, I seemed to have lost all my strength. I didn't know how to spend the next second. All the spirit and strength in my body seemed to be drained away. I walked towards my school like a puppet.
"Ah, Xizi, what's wrong with you? Are you crying?" Xun Yiran's exaggerated voice attracted many classmates to come and look at me.
"Really? Your eyes are red and a little swollen. What's wrong? Were you bullied?" My classmates surrounded me and asked questions.
I shook my head and answered weakly: "No, my eyes just feel uncomfortable." Then I lay on the table and pretended to sleep.
My classmates no longer paid attention to me, except Xun Yiran who was still chattering around me.
"Are you okay? Do you want to ask for leave to go home?" Xun Yiran pushed my arm.
"I'm fine, I just want to lie down quietly for a while." I replied in a low voice.
"Something seems to be wrong with you recently. You study so hard, and you're very different from when you were in junior high school." Xun Yiran sighed and continued to mutter.
"Haven't you changed? Everyone changes. You think I have changed? How have I changed? Don't I treat you as a good friend and give in to you like before?" I said angrily.
"You...what do you mean?" Xun Yiran stared at me with eyes wide open, and for a moment her eyes were a little red. "I have always regarded you as a good sister and a good friend!"
I bit my lip and looked at her. Her expression was so frank, but I could never forget what she did behind my back 10 years later. She flattered the teacher to take away my scholarship, and she told other people that she didn't want to be friends with me.
"Do you really consider me a good friend? Aren't your good friends the people who can help you?"
"What's wrong with you? Are you irritated? How can you say that to me, you..." Xun Yiran lay on the table and cried.
"Xizi, why did you bully Yiran? She was so nice to you and cared about you, but you still bullied her." Immediately a boy came over to accuse me.
"Yes, I bullied her. It was my fault. Everything was my fault. What happened to me that I ended up here? I really want to go back." I couldn't help but cry. Oh God, why did you play tricks on me like this? I thought everything could start over, but you made me completely lose confidence.
"You, you have a bad attitude. We are classmates and should help each other. Can you stop speculating on others based on your own ideas?"
"Then I was wrong, okay? I'm sorry!" I yelled.
Maybe my classmates have never seen me like this. For a moment, everyone looked at me quietly. I didn’t think I would be so outstanding!
"Well, I'm sorry, I just don't feel good." I was still very good at dealing with situations, and immediately put on a miserable expression and said, "I'm so sorry, Yiran, can you forgive me?" I couldn't become someone that everyone hated, otherwise my high school life would be miserable.
"No...it's okay, Xizi, I'm just worried about you. Are you feeling better?" Xun Yiran wiped her tears and immediately put on a smiling face.
"Much better. Class is about to start, so get ready." I said, looking at my watch.
The afternoon classes sounded boring, and my thoughts always drifted away inadvertently, drifting to An Yixuan... An Yixuan, what should I do to be with you again? Should I give up? That's too cruel. I don't know if I will fall in love with other men in the future. I'm only in high school now. Will I spend the rest of my life in longing and sadness? The sweetness we once had is all my own memories. An Yixuan will not know that there is another me in his life... That's too terrible!
I can't give up! I can't live without An Yixuan! Am I too impatient to get to this point? An Yixuan in high school may be different from that in college, and the things he experienced are also different. He doesn't have me in his memory now, and according to him, in his high school life, he didn't like girls who took the initiative like me... Maybe everything is wrong. I took it for granted that we would be together, but it wasn't! I am a complete stranger, a person who does not meet his aesthetic standards and does not arouse his interest!
I am so impatient and reckless that he feels scared and even disgusted when he sees me... Otherwise he would not run away when he sees me. Have I become his shadow?
"Shakiko, you are so stupid!" I hit my head hard, making a loud "bang" sound, which scared the physics teacher who was giving a lecture on the podium, and he broke the chalk in his hand.
"Sakiko, are you okay?" the physics teacher looked at me and asked.
"I'm fine, I'm fine!" I stood up and answered awkwardly.
"Just listen to the class carefully. Although you have made some progress recently, you shouldn't be too proud." The physics teacher turned and said seriously.
"Yeah, I know." I nodded vigorously in agreement.
"Sit down, let's continue the lecture." The physics teacher turned his attention to the textbook and explained the complex formulas of mechanics.
I pretended to listen attentively, but I was thinking about An Yixuan. Would this ruin our future? If he hated me now, he would not be with me in college, and our fate would end here. This was too scary!
It seems that I still need to change my mentality and image. I can't let An Yixuan hate me. This time I must take it slow and not be impatient. I must change his attitude towards me and let him know that I am different. Well, I can't let our fate end like this!
But what should I do? He hides when he sees me now. Should I disappear for half a month or a month, and then reappear when he has temporarily forgotten me?
"Xizi, why haven't you shown up for so long? I thought you didn't want to see me!" An Yixuan looked at me anxiously and said, "Where have you been for the past month?"
"You psychopath, you just disappeared for a month and you're back again, stay away from me!" An Yixuan pointed at me impatiently.
"Ah, Xizi, you seem to have changed a lot. Is it because of me?" An Yixuan asked with a wicked smile.
Countless scenes popped up in my mind, but I rejected them one by one, for fear that the image I had was too deep to make up for. I had to prepare several more plans!
I imagined myself growing my hair long, wearing a white dress and white shoes, walking like a lady on the campus of St. John's, with the fallen leaves of late autumn flying in the wind, and occasionally a few falling on my long black hair. I should also learn piano. The scenery outside is picturesque, and I sit in front of the piano and play Beethoven's "Moonlight"... What a beautiful scene it would be, An Yixuan would definitely be fascinated by me!
But it was too difficult to implement. I was not good at taking care of long hair, and I often woke up late and had no time to comb my hair. Secondly, piano learning was not something that could be learned in a short period of time. More importantly, I had to study hard to have a chance to take the St. John's exam. Learning other subjects would distract me!
"Xizi, are you distracted again? Have you fallen in love with someone?" Xun Yiran asked me secretly in a low voice.
"No way, I was just thinking about something." I quickly denied it. The fact that I like An Yixuan must not be spread out.
"It's okay to share. It's normal for you to have a crush on a boy. Just like in TV dramas, high school is a season of flowers."
"Oh, I think you have someone you like?" I thought of Muye Ge again, who had a secret crush on Xun Yiran. She probably doesn't know yet that there is such a handsome guy who likes her.
"Hehe, no, I only love my big stars!" Xun Yiran covered her mouth and smiled, then pointed to her collection of star stickers and showed me. To be honest, I think Mu Ye Ge is much prettier than the stars on the stickers.
"You, if there was a handsome guy who is more handsome than a star who likes you, you wouldn't say that." I joked with her.
"Am I that superficial? Do you like someone based on his talent? He sings well and acts well, and that's what I like!" Xun Yiran answered me with a smile.
It seems that he is not only obsessed with looks, but I don’t have the heart to help others to matchmake right now. I still have to continue thinking about how to develop the next step with my Anyixuan.
