Xu Xilin angrily said: "Dou Xun, are you mentally retarded?"

Dou Xun's rationality was almost burned dry by the unprecedented jealousy. He stared at Xu Xilin, wanting to punch him, but also wanting to do something else. He felt wronged and angry, thinking: "Why do you have the final say? Why should I leave just because of a hint from you?"

Xu Xilin saw Dou Xun's eyes clearly in the dimly lit entranceway and was frightened by the great despair and anger in them. Before he could say anything, Dou Xun pushed him away and went upstairs.

Plastic bags from the supermarket were scattered all over the floor. Xu Xilin cursed softly, put his arms behind his back with difficulty, rubbed his sore back, then he took a deep breath, calmed down his anger for a while, and then picked up the schoolbag that Dou Xun had thrown away.

He carried food in one hand and a bag in the other and ran upstairs to "solve the problem." This was what Xu Jin had taught him back then - small problems should be solved in a timely manner to avoid them becoming big problems, and big problems should also be solved in a timely manner to avoid missing the best opportunity.

Xu Xilin went upstairs and knocked on Dou Xun's half-open door.

Dou Xun sat facing the door, staring at him with a deep and gloomy look in his eyes, without saying a word.

Xu Xilin: "Then I'll come in."

He entered the room and put his things down. He crossed his arms over his chest, and did not sit down. He stood there with a bit of annoyance and said to Dou Xun, "Tell me, did I provoke you?"

Dou Xun was choked by his words and became even angrier, because he felt that Xu Xilin was pretending to be ignorant even though he knew the truth and came to ask hypocritically, which really deserved a beating.

He now regretted liking Xu Xilin very much. He felt that he had finally seen through this person's true nature and that he was not worthy of being liked.

Unfortunately, it's too late to recover.

As soon as Xu Xilin saw his expression, he knew that he had said the wrong thing because he was angry. He began to think that he had chosen the wrong time, so he walked around the room in silence for two rounds, and then knocked on Dou Xun's desk and said, "Can you die if you say something?"

Dou Xun said coldly: "What do you want to hear? That I like men, or that I like you?"

Xu Xilin received the most provocative confession in history. He didn't expect that the window paper he had tried every means to protect would be torn apart by Dou Xun. His heart began to beat wildly and he was stunned.

Before he could react, Dou Xun raised his head and ordered arrogantly, "If you don't like it now, get out."

Xu Xilin's natural eloquence had not yet evolved to its full form, and he could not withstand such a level of mood swings. He didn't know what to say. He was stunned for a long time, turned around, and walked away without saying a word.

Dou Xun's strong neck collapsed when Xu Xilin left.

His lonely world had endless boundaries, and he stood at the end, wearing a crown. On either side were paper guards and iron subjects, who surrounded him, the only living thing, lifelessly, allowing him to be crowned on the throne by himself and imprisoned by himself.

There was a tiny seedling of grievance in his heart, but he had no place to vent it over the years. The tiny seedling had already taken root and sprouted on its own, growing wildly day after day, and eventually became an endless forest, echoing his lonely kingdom from afar.

Dou Xun's nose suddenly felt sore and he almost cried, but he was the one who got angry and he was the one who drove the person away. It would be too embarrassing to cry about this matter, so he had to grit his teeth and bear it. When he was about to feel extremely anxious, Xu Xilin staggered at the door and came back.

Xu Xilin brought a small rattan chair from the living room, pushed it into Dou Xun's room, and sat down without saying a word. He practiced the silent meditation with Dou Xun for a while. He changed his posture irritably, stretched out his legs, and kicked Dou Xun on the calf: "Hey, speak human language, what do you want?"

Dou Xun glared at him with red eyes.

When Xu Xilin saw him like that, he knew that he probably hadn't thought about it either.

Dou Xun looks cool on the surface, but actually he is not a calm person. He is a middle school student with cancer who believes that "the bolder the man, the more productive the land". He does things without considering the consequences. He even dares to say he won't take the college entrance examination - it doesn't matter what, he just wants to have fun first.

Xu Xilin sighed, sat up straight, leaned forward slightly, and rested his elbows on his knees.

Although no one was at home, he couldn't help but lower his voice: "Have you ever had this feeling towards others?"

Dou Xun raised his hand and pointed to the door. Not wanting to discuss his unfounded love history with him, he still told him to get out.

"Okay, then no." Xu Xilin helplessly translated his body language for himself.

Xu Xilin was already feeling very awkward discussing this kind of topic with Dou Xun, who was not cooperating at all. He just sat on the small rattan chair with his head held high, wanting to jump up and leave at any second.

Xu Xilin lowered his head and thought for a long time, racking his brains to figure out what he should say.

He wondered, “What would she say if Seo Jin was here?”

However, it was no longer possible for Xu Jin to teach him.

It is impossible for men to marry other men? Because the law stipulates that men can only marry women - nonsense, everyone knows this.

Maybe it's all your illusion. You have too few friends, and your emotional distribution is a bit over the line - you are asking for trouble.

I don’t accept it, so just give up - this... this is how Dou Xun speaks.

Xu Xilin would never kick the door open and speak nonsense when others are sad. His principle in doing things is always to seek common ground while reserving differences as much as possible without hurting people's hearts or feelings, and to make big things into small things so that everyone can still play together in the future.

However, it is obvious that Dou Xun is just the opposite. He never "seeks common ground while reserving differences" with others.

Dou Xun’s principle is also very simple: either listen to me or get out.

Xu Xilin was silent for so long that Dou Xun actually calmed down slowly on his own.

Dou Xun looked at Xu Xilin's face in the dark room. After a while, his irritability miraculously subsided a little, but the grievance was still there. Dou Xun took out a cigarette box from his pocket, took out a cigarette roughly, emptied the contents of a pen holder on the desk onto the table, and pulled it over to use as an ashtray.

A strange thought suddenly passed through Dou Xun's mind. He thought, "Did I make things difficult for him?"

"Forget it," Dou Xun waved his hands in the smoke and said to Xu Xilin dejectedly, "I'm sorry, I won't bother you anymore. I hope Xiao Cheng and Dou Junliang are doing well now, and you too..."

Xu Xilin's heart tightened, and he interrupted him: "How come I am the same as them? What did I say? Can you not be so extreme!"

Dou Xun looked at him indifferently.

Xu Xilin was worried. He glanced at Dou Xun's cigarette box and held out his hand: "Give me one."

Dou Xun hesitated for a moment, shook the cigarette box with one hand, shook out a cigarette and handed it to him. Xu Xilin held the cigarette and gestured with the lighter from beginning to end, but finally did not take a bite, and put it aside heavily. He said with a vicissitudes of life in his heart: "You have never had a normal relationship with a girl, how can you be sure that you want to go this way? Don't you think you are too hasty?"

Dou Xun said sharply: "I need to find a woman to fall in love with and then dump her to prove that I like you?"

Xu Xilin: “…”

Dou Xun leaned back in his chair irritably, feeling that if Xu Xilin said these illogical and stupid things a few more times, he might really fall in love with someone else.

Xu Xilin said tiredly: "Are you really ignorant or what? Have you ever considered the reality? What do your parents think..."

Dou Xun sneered.

Xu Xilin: "...Okay, never mind them - what would grandma think if she knew? Your teachers who have high hopes for you, your current classmates, and your future colleagues, how would they see you? You can't be a great immortal and never interact with others for the rest of your life, right?"

Judging from the surface, Dou Xun is an impeccable "other people's child" who meets all the expectations of society for people of his age and is excellent to the point of being outstanding. If he doesn't commit suicide and make trouble, and if he can restrain his occasional rebelliousness... As for his future, Dou Junliang and others will not really ignore him completely in the future.

He has everything, including talent, ability and family background. He is destined to have a smoother life than others and can see the distant destination at a glance.

Xu Xilin sighed: "This is not a joke, don't be willful."

Dou Xun listened to him talking about a bunch of irrelevant things without getting to the point, and he became impatient: "That's all in the future. I just want to ask you what you think now."

"..." Xu Xilin found that he couldn't communicate with him, and he got angry. His tone became heavier involuntarily, "Does it matter what I think now? Do you only consider the consequences when you consider things? Then why don't you kill people or take drugs? That would be fucking satisfying! You..."

Dou Xun jumped up unexpectedly, and pressed Xu Xilin down on the rattan chair, showing Xu Xilin what "momentary pleasure" meant - he blocked Xu Xilin's mouth.

The last time in KTV, it was a boring game that they were forced to play. One of them was thinking about how to draw a line between himself and Wu Tao, and the other was simply distracted.

This time it was a completely forced kiss.

Dou Xun clamped his hand around his neck and twisted his chin with his thumb. His grip was so strong that it made it hard for him to breathe. He rushed forward recklessly without any intention of "normal diplomatic relations" but simply acted in a pure act of aggression.

Xu Xilin was so shocked that he didn't know if it was because he was angry or something, but an indescribable shudder rushed from the back of his spine all the way to the top of his head. He forgot to push Dou Xun away for a moment until Dou Xun bit his lip with his fangs without any lightness.

Xu Xilin suddenly came to his senses and pushed Dou Xun away. The rattan chair fell down. Xu Xilin staggered back two steps and subconsciously reached out to wipe his mouth - there was blood.

The four words "Are you a pervert?" reached the tip of Xu Xilin's tongue and he almost spit it out, but at the critical moment, he met Dou Xun's panicked, stubborn, arrogant and panicked eyes. Xu Xilin narrowly bit off the hurtful words, blood flowed into his mouth, and he left in a rage.

Neither of them was in the mood to eat. They sat in their rooms separated by a living room, each with their door closed and not coming out. The more Xu Xilin thought about it, the more regretful he became - he had thrown all the snacks he bought in Dou Xun's room, what a shame.

Doudou was wandering around downstairs, occasionally making a few unhappy growls, trying to get the attention of his family to take him out for a walk. After barking for a long time, no one paid any attention. The old dog was tired, and lay on the side with his ears drooping, mumbling curses in his throat.

Xu Xilin took down the photo of Xu Jin from the bookshelf.

He didn't like to post photos of her afterlife. This was a photo of her taken at a tourist attraction before she died. She was only in her thirties at the time, not fat, young and fashionable, and she smiled brightly at the camera.

Xu Xilin wiped the frame and recalled a classic line from a movie.

“Is life always this hard, or will it be better when we grow up?”

Just then, the door rang and Aunt Du and Grandma Xu came back.

Xu Xilin half-deadly crawled out and greeted: "Grandma, Auntie, you're back?"

"Come here," Grandma Xu waved at him and asked, "Where's Xiaoxun?"

Xu Xilin frowned and said woodenly, "He is meditating in seclusion."

"Oh, you are so old, but you still quarrel all the time." Grandma knew that they were fighting again, and said goodbye to Xu Xilin, "Grandma will help you say a few words."

Xu Xilin walked without lifting his feet and went downstairs in a hurry.

Grandma Xu: "Your father..."

Dou Xun upstairs quietly pushed the door open a little, and Xu Xilin downstairs was furious: "I told you not to go with him, not to go with him, how many times have I told you, and you still mentioned him!"

"What are you yelling about?" Grandma raised her hand and slapped him on the forehead. "Your father is trying to find a way to return to China to work recently. I hope he can come to see you once a week after he settles down."

Xu Xilin's melancholy was like a great river. Hearing that Zheng Shuo was going to make trouble, he slumped down on the sofa with a look of disbelief: "Come if you want."

"And..." Grandma paused, and looked at Aunt Du hesitantly.

Aunt Du, who usually does housework when she gets home, sat still today. When she saw grandma looking at her, she stammered, "Yes... there is such a thing. Our hometown was demolished and one family was given several apartments. My daughter-in-law just gave birth to a child..."

Xu Xilin understood her hidden meaning at the first sentence, and his mind was startled, and he went straight from the scorching heat of the dog days to the coldest days of winter.

Aunt Du lowered her head, hardly daring to look at him: "My son said that our family conditions are better now, and he wants to take me home to take care of me in my old age. My grandson is so young, he also needs someone to take care of him..."

Xu Xilin said softly: "Auntie, are you leaving?"

Aunt Du's lips moved slightly, and she stammered for a long time: "How could Aunt leave at this critical moment? Don't worry, I'll wait until you finish the exam."

Aunt Du has been in the Xu family for ten years and has become a part of this family. Anyone in the family who goes on a long journey and brings home gifts will never forget her. Many times, Xu Xilin even forgets that she is someone else's mother.

He knew that all good things must come to an end, and he knew that he should speak nicely and prepare a bonus for Aunt Du to thank her for her hard work in his family over the years, and tell her that she had a "son" like him and could come to him if she had any problems in the future.

But I couldn't say it.

Xu Jin is gone, Aunt Du is gone, and grandma is old.

And there is Dou Xun... Well, it’s better not to mention Dou Xun.

His utopian, carefree home was like a small sand castle on the beach, gradually fading and falling apart in the waves and breeze, exposing him to the vast sea, where he was tossed about in the salty and fishy turmoil.

Xu Xilin responded, said nothing, and left.

More than a month later, Xu Xilin had just finished his evening self-study when he suddenly received a text message from Dou Xun.

Dou Xun hadn't paid any attention to him for some time. He came back to see his grandmother as usual, but when he came he would go into his room and avoid Xu Xilin.

Xu Xilin opened the text message and saw that Dou Xun had sent an address concisely. He reacted for a moment and remembered that it was the pet hospital in their community.

He vaguely understood something, stood for a while in the dry and abrupt spring breeze from the north, and smelled the complex and indistinguishable smell of impermanence.