Chapter 245 I will kill my past self
Chu Yang originally thought that he would no longer waste his life on that little thing under his butt, and could face the world with a normal attitude.
But.
Even such a small matter as taking supplies was disgusting. Huang Weixing's face still irritated Chu Yang's heart.
My own cultivation will never reach the state of being calm and peaceful, and my heart still has a raging fire for this power, and this desire cannot be suppressed, which makes me moved and surprised.
I used to be that kind of person.
Oh my god.
Chu Yang had a deeper understanding of himself. He thought he didn't care much about it. It seems that his fall was not unjustified.
I was young and frivolous, and a little bit arrogant.
It is very comfortable to be in the flight class, arranging flowers, drinking tea and flirting with Li Xiaomei. It is very suitable for retirement. However, Chu Yang is only 26 years old and has the level of having sex seven times a night. Only one Li Xiaomei in the flight class is not enough to fill his teeth.
So it feels a bit wasteful here.
Moreover, Chu Yang was disheartened and didn't want to risk his life for Mr. Xie anymore.
The incident with the hydroelectric power station shows that he condoned it but deliberately ignored it, leading to .
He actually treated him as a chess piece, so he didn't care about the relationship between the monarch and his subjects. Chu Yang couldn't help but think of Uncle Huang's words. Since he had no way to go in Butai, he should leave this sad place and go to the city.
Chu Yang should have gone earlier. He didn’t agree to Zhiying at the beginning because he was weak and didn’t want to step out of his comfort zone. Now that his comfort zone is gone, he must step out.
But how to get there? This is a big problem.
Yesterday was Saturday. In fact, Chu Yang also went to Uncle Huang’s house for dinner. The whole process was still as joyful as before. Huang Ling has grown up a lot, and the study pressure of the second year of high school has not crushed her development.
But I didn't have the courage to tell Uncle Huang about my current situation.
I don’t know what I am hesitating about or what I am afraid of. Anyway, I can’t explain it clearly .
This may be the weak point of men.
On Sunday morning, I was still sleeping in the dormitory when Zhiying called and said she had arrived downstairs of my dormitory.
Chu Yang was a little surprised. He didn't expect her to come. After hesitating for a long time, he finally decided to go downstairs and meet her in a sloppy manner.
Zhiying was wearing her best pink dress with a white belt around her waist. The white belt around her waist was like the golden ratio line of her body, dividing her upper and lower parts.
The upper body is round and full, while the lower body is tall and slender.
From a distance, she looks like a fairy, graceful and elegant.
Chu Yang walked closer and found that her eyes were red and her body was shaking.
"Why are you here?"
Chu Yang wanted to touch her head, but he held back. He didn't know why they felt a sense of distance between them.
"Chu Yang, are you okay?"
Zhiying was a little sad because Chu Yang didn't hug her. In the past, Chu Yang would rush to her the first time he saw her.
"I'm fine, don't worry." Chu Yang finally touched her hand.
"You said it's okay, come walk with me." Zhiying came over, took Chu Yang's hand, and leaned against him.
Chu Yang was intoxicated when he smelled her scent, but then he started to feel pain. He felt uncomfortable when he thought of the group of people behind her Li family.
The two walked to a nearby park together and sat on a small bench.
The bench is cool and feels comfortable on the butt.
"Chu Yang, I really don't care what position you hold."
"But I care, your mother cares, your father cares, your cousin cares, your aunt cares, right?" Chu Yang answered in one breath.
“They are not me.”
“But you can’t leave them.”
"So you want to break up with me?" Zhiying's eyes turned red.
"It's been three years, and I haven't done it. It's my problem." Chu Yang didn't know what to do. Is letting go also called love?
"Chu Yang, who am I in your heart?" Zhiying stared at Chu Yang, feeling a piercing pain.
"A perfect girl, pretty, intelligent, comes from a well-off family, everything is good." Chu Yang blurted out.
"I'm not perfect. I'm just like other little girls. I'll have wild thoughts and worry about gains and losses. I'm also very fragile. I just want a sweet love." Li Zhiying has always been too cautious about love.
"Zhiying, I'm sorry, I disappoint you. I thought I could satisfy your parents' requirements, but it was too real."
“Chu Yang, are you willing to come to the Shishi Company? Please come, I will go and ask my mother.”
"I don't need your mother to pity me." Chu Yang wanted to go to the city company, but he couldn't go through her mother.
A man's self-esteem does not allow him to do this.
…
Zhiying left, leaving with disappointment.
After eating, Chu Yang did not go back to the dormitory, nor did he want to go back for fear of being lonely. Instead, he kept wandering on the street without any purpose, just strolling. When he was the office director, he rarely had such free time.
Normally, he either goes to social events with Mr. Xie, or works overtime in the office reviewing manuscripts.
Today is a rare day.
When I first came to the city of Butai, I felt that this place had few industries and was small, but the air was good and the people were kind.
It seems to have changed now. There are more people, more cars, more hotels and more bars. There is a slightly intoxicating smell in the air. Some people say that this is the smell of fireworks, but in Chu Yang's eyes now, this is the smell of decay.
Every progress of civilization is indeed an expansion of desire. In the past it may have been just about food and clothing, but now it has reached sex and desire.
The world is changing every moment.
Time is the greatest driving force of all things.
Women are one of the biggest factors in all change.
Unconsciously, it changes everything, changes the city, and changes people. Will the things that I couldn't achieve in my previous life have the same ending in this life? Is life already predestined?
Unconsciously, Chu Yang walked to a small alley. It was surprisingly quiet here, with only a few people around. Looking around, he saw a few crosses, words like "Allah", and a few abstract Western oil paintings.
After a closer look, I finally discovered that this was actually a Christian church.
There's something.
Chu Yang really didn't expect that there would be such a place in this small city. It could be seen that the church had declined and the facilities were dilapidated. No one knew how it was maintained. Chu Yang was a little curious, so he walked in and saw a woman wearing a black headscarf praying with her hands folded.
I don’t know if he is the abbot of this church.
She was very pious, and kept chanting: "God, please give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to do the things I can change, the wisdom to know the difference, not to worry about tomorrow, to enjoy every moment, to see suffering as the only way to success, and to see frustration as a whetstone to sharpen your will..."
It was just a paragraph of words, a bit like chicken soup, but Chu Yang was fascinated by it.
View suffering as the only way to success, and frustration as a whetstone to sharpen your will. These are very philosophical words. I never thought that Christianity could say such profound words.
Even though I don't believe it.
After a while, the woman took off her headscarf and walked out. She was bald, with a very pale face. She was pretty and had a calm and peaceful expression. When she saw Chu Yang, she said softly, "Are you here to pray to the Lord as well?"
Chu Yang quickly waved his hand and replied, "No, I was just passing by."
The woman smiled a calming smile: "If you have any problem, you can tell the Lord. The Lord will take care of you."
Chu Yang only has one belief in his heart, which is unshakable, but he would not say that he has any contempt for other beliefs. Last time he went to Buddhism with Uncle Huang, he also felt that he gained something, so he still answered respectfully: "I am not a faithful believer."
The woman didn't take it seriously and said, "The fact that you've come here means that you have a connection with the Lord."
“I don’t believe in fate.” Chu Yang thought it was ridiculous. Do you still want to influence me?
The woman was not anxious or impatient: "Are you unhappy about something?"
Chu Yang: "Everyone has unhappy things."
The woman looked up at the Lord: "In fact, all people are miserable and need a myth. In this myth, people will be invincible and can defeat all evil. This myth is the Lord."
Chu Yang didn't expect that she really wanted to develop him into a believer. He didn't know if this guy had a mission, so he could only answer: "When a person lives in this world, he is his own master, and he is the only source of meaning."
Unexpectedly, Chu Yang would discuss philosophy with a Christian believer.
Chu Yang didn't expect that he would say something that he himself didn't even believe.
The woman remained calm: "If people could really be the masters of themselves, there wouldn't be so many people dying and living in pain. People are too fragile, so fragile that they can hardly guarantee their own survival. People need to find the basis for living in a space outside of their own survival. God is our basis in this world."
"You are poisonous." The woman's voice seemed to have a kind of magical power. Just a few words messed up Chu Yang's firm faith in the Tao. Chu Yang couldn't stand it, so he quickly ran away and ran out of the alley.
But this voice seemed to come from within my heart and could not be eliminated or verified.
Chu Yang ran a few steps and looked back, but found that even the lights on the Christian tower were off.
The woman was never found again.
As if it never existed.
Chu Yang was glad that he ran fast, otherwise he might have stayed in there forever.
Living in misery and sadness, living in vanity and emptiness.
I have to make effective contact with reality.
This can't go on.
So Chu Yang decided to kill all his past selves, to lower his head once again, to start all over again, and to give a hard slap in the face to those who looked down on him.
The goal is also very clear.
The first step is to go to the city and get a job there. Only in the city can you have a chance to make a comeback.
