Chapter 119 Painful Decision
Sometimes, a person's mood really affects his or her behavior. Normally, I would never do such a crazy thing. But on this night, my heart was in a mess. I felt the pain and despair of not being able to get Xu Shu's love, and I felt ashamed and blamed myself for what I had done. I was even more disappointed with my shamelessness.
All in all, I didn't know what I was. At that moment, I had the idea of giving up on myself. Anyway, I would never get Xu Shu, anyway, I didn't have the face to continue dating Qiu Jieqin, anyway, I was a shameless villain, anyway, I was a coward, anyway, I was a worthless person, so why should I pretend to be a good person?
An uncontrollable evil fire surged up in my body, madly driving away my rationality. Just when Hua Jingjing's lips touched mine, I didn't care anymore and hugged her suddenly. I opened my mouth and sucked her tongue in. At the same time, I pulled up her underwear with one hand, trying to make a gap under her clothes to make it easier for my hand to get in.
Hua Jingjing! Come if you want! I'll fucking eat you right now. Anyway, I'm not a fucking human anymore.
I pulled a few times but failed to get it out. How could I be gentle in my frenzy? I pushed her away, grabbed her coat and pulled hard, and "snap" a button was broken by me.
Hua Jingjing's face flushed, and she subconsciously reached out to cover her clothes, and said in panic: "Tang Qian, this place...can't do this, someone will see us."
My eyes were red, I didn't care if anyone was watching or not! I took her hand away with force, and continued to take off her clothes with my other hand. Hua Jingjing's hand was hurt by my grip, and she cried out, "Tang Qian! You hurt me!" I ignored her, and since I couldn't take off her clothes with one hand, I grabbed the hem of her clothes and tried to lift them up with force. Hua Jingjing was a virgin after all, and she dodged in panic, pushed open the car door with one hand, and crawled over me, not daring to look back, and ran away.
Instead of stopping her, I burst into laughter uncontrollably.
It turns out that even Hua Jingjing's enthusiasm was fake. When it came to the real thing, she was really scared!
My laughter turned into a wild laugh! That's right! I am a fucking scoundrel! Hua Jingjing has finally seen through me now, right? She will definitely hate me, right? She hates me for the right reason! She hates me for the right reason! A scumbag like me is not worthy of any woman's love!
I burst into tears unconsciously while laughing wildly. I suddenly felt that I was such a failure in love. The women I loved didn't love me, and I hurt the women who loved me one by one. I am such a bad person!
In the end, I couldn't laugh anymore, only tears kept flowing. I didn't know why I was crying, I just knew that the depression in my heart needed to be vented.
After a long time, I finally calmed down. I think I am not suitable for love. I will not bring happiness to any woman. I am not worthy of being with them. It is time to make a decision. From now on, I will not be unclear with them anymore.
I stepped out of the car and saw Hua Jingjing walking back in the distance. I quickly reached out to wipe my tears and waited for her to come over. Hua Jingjing walked up to me, looked at me with a worried look, and whispered: "Tang Qian, you scared me just now! What's wrong with you? It's not that I don't want to give it to you, but this place... is not okay!"
I looked at Hua Jingjing who was still frightened and said apologetically, "Boss Hua, I'm sorry, I was crazy just now. I don't know what I did. I'm sorry. If you hate me, go and sue me. I am willing to be punished!"
Hua Jingjing was a little scared and asked, "Why should I sue you? What did you... call me just now?"
I hardened my heart and said, "It's up to you whether you want to sue me or not! But I don't want to see you anymore. Just forget me ."
Hua Jingjing got anxious when she heard this and said, "Why? Is it because I didn't agree just now? Then...then let's do this, I...will promise you."
I smiled and shook my head, saying, "It's not because of this. I'm not worthy of a relationship. I can't bring happiness to any woman. You don't need to waste your time on me. That's all I have to say. I won't answer your calls anymore. I hope you can forget me soon. Okay, let's go back. I'm going upstairs."
As I said this, I walked towards the stairs. Hua Jingjing hurriedly grabbed me and shouted, "Wait a minute, you haven't made your words clear yet, don't leave!"
I turned around and remembered something, and said, "Oh, by the way, there is something I have to warn you about. I may do something bad to you in the near future. I hope you won't blame me then."
Hua Jingjing was confused and scared, she was shaking and said in a trembling voice: "What...what's the matter? Tang Qian, don't scare me! You look like this, I'm...so scared!"
I sighed and said, "Don't be afraid. Maybe that matter is nothing to you. It's just that everyone has their own aspirations. The business world is like a battlefield. You will understand when the time comes. Now, I can only tell you this much."
I broke free from her hand and said, "Go back! Don't waste your time here. I'm not worthy of your love." Then I turned around and strode towards the stairs.
Hua Jingjing shouted from behind: "Tang Qian, stop! You didn't make it clear! I don't understand what you mean!"
I didn't look back and went upstairs and back home.
My family went to bed early, I lit a cigarette and smoked it. In fact, I was in pain, and I really didn't want to hurt the women who loved me. But I knew that as long as I still loved Xu Shu, I would never be able to bring happiness to any woman. Instead of dragging it out like this, it's better to make a decision early. Even if they hate me, it's better than loving me hopelessly!
I thought about it for a while, picked up the phone in the living room, and called Qiu Jieqin. The call went through quickly, and I said, "Hello, Jieqin, are you asleep?"
"No, I can't sleep."
"Yeah?"
"Well! You're calling me now, do you have something to say?"
"...Jie Qin, I've thought about it carefully, we...should just break up. I can't be with you anymore, I'm sorry!"
“…”
There was a long silence on the other end of the phone. I sighed and said, "That's it. You will find a man who truly loves you."
After that, I hung up the phone with a heavy heart. After taking a few puffs of cigarette, I picked up the phone again and dialed a number. After a few rings, it got through: "Hello, Manager, are you still awake?"
"I couldn't sleep well these past two days since you came."
"...Manager, I think I won't come here anymore, but you must not torture yourself like before. You should find a man who can really take care of you as soon as possible, otherwise I will be worried."
"...Really? You finally... hate me?"
" No, don't get me wrong, I don't hate you. It's just that I have other reasons and may not be able to take care of you."
"It's okay. I'm already prepared. Don't worry. I won't give up on myself like before."
"That's good, have a good time."
"Yes, I will."
I put down the phone and collapsed on the sofa. I couldn't calm down the pain in my heart for a long time. I knew that I hurt three women tonight. But I couldn't do it. If I didn't do it, it would only hurt them more.
I sat on the sofa, smoking one cigarette after another, as if I wanted to poison myself with cigarettes. I have made up my mind that I will never talk about love again, and I will never mess with any woman again. I can only enrich myself by working hard. A man should focus on his career without a woman!
Suddenly, in the quiet night, the phone rang, startling me. In order not to wake up my sleeping family, I quickly picked up the phone and said, "Hello! Who is this?"
Hua Jingjing's crying voice came from the phone: "Tang Qian! I won't accept your unclear words! I'm still downstairs, come down quickly, or I won't leave even if I die."
I sighed and said, "Boss Hua, even if I come down, I can only say that. Forget it. With your conditions, you can find a man who is a hundred times stronger than me. Why bother hanging on this tree of mine?"
"I don't care! I'm going to hang myself on this tree of yours! Can you come down? If you don't come down, I'll come up!"
I made up my mind and said, "Hua Jingjing! Don't mess around and disturb our family! I'm telling you the truth. I don't like you and I will never be with you. If you dare to come up, don't blame me for being hostile!"
"Tang Qian...you are so cruel! I...I...wuwu..." Hua Jingjing couldn't help crying on the phone. I hardened my heart and hung up the phone. But I jumped to the window and looked down. I saw Hua Jingjing squatting downstairs, covering her face with her hands, crying sadly with her shoulders shrugged. My nose couldn't help but feel sore, and I turned my head away and didn't dare to look again. I thought to myself: "Jingjing, you can hate me, hate me to death, I really don't deserve your love, I really don't want to hurt you, but I can't do it, I really can't do it!"
But Hua Jingjing's desperate crying downstairs still hurt my heart. I walked around the living room anxiously, smoking one cigarette after another. I realized that I really couldn't stand this torture. I wanted to rush downstairs to comfort her several times. But I knew that as long as I went downstairs, the quarrel with Hua Jingjing would never end.
After I finished my pack of cigarettes, I walked to the window again and found that Hua Jingjing was no longer downstairs. I sighed, sat down on the ground, smiled bitterly, and grabbed my head, grabbing my hair deeply. The endless pain was like a knife scraping my heart.
Finally... it was dawn! I sat there like a fool until sunrise, until I heard my parents' door open and my mother came out yawning. Seeing my strange look, she asked in surprise, "Xiao Qian? What's wrong with you?"
I got up and put on a forced smile, "Nothing... nothing, I just slipped and hurt my butt and couldn't get up."
My mother was both angry and amused. She asked, "What's wrong with you lately? You keep getting injured, either falling or having car accidents. You're such a grown-up, why do you always make us worry?"
I knew that once my mother started talking, it would take a long time to end. I had no choice but to shout, "I know, I know. I will be careful next time. I haven't slept yet. I'm going to bed first." Then I rushed into my room as if escaping.
I closed the door, sighed again, and decided not to think about it anymore, to have a good sleep, and stay away from those emotional disputes in the future. I took out my phone and plugged it in to charge it, then lay down on the bed, my mind was in a mess and I couldn't fall asleep. I don't know how long it took before I fell asleep in a daze.
When I woke up again, it was already two o'clock in the afternoon. I sat up groggily and grabbed my phone to turn it on. Not long after I turned it on, I kept receiving text messages one after another. I knew that my phone had been off for two days, so there must be a lot of people contacting me. I didn't even look at them and deleted them one by one.
I opened the door and went out to wash my face and brush my teeth. Halfway through, my cell phone rang. I took it out and saw that it was an unfamiliar number. Whose number was it? Fan Yunting?
I suddenly remembered that the business card Fan Yunting gave me was still in Hua Jingjing's hand! I answered the call with a wry smile, and Xu Shu's furious voice came from the phone: "Tang Qian, you are too much! How could you hurt Jingjing like this? Come here now, right now!"
