Chapter 111 Love and Hate (2)
Many things happened later, and now, Zhou Yan feels that everything seems to have returned to the starting point, as if everything before was just a joke played by God, disgusting and hateful. Only what happened to Yin Yin made him know that it was not a dream. Sighing deeply, Zhou Yan realized that life is not a dream after all, because what was left to him was unforgettable pain. If it was a dream, how could he feel so painful?
Zhou Yan felt that until now he didn't know why he was so obsessed with Yin Yin, loved her deeply to the point of being unable to extricate himself, and loved her to the point of being unforgettable. He loved her to the point of no room for anyone else in his heart except Yin Yin, and he would even sacrifice everything for her. Zhou Yan felt that he could completely understand those people who were trapped by love, died for love, and went crazy for love. Just like him, all of this was completely confirmed in him. Only death had not been experienced yet; no, or he had already realized it, because Yin Yin had been on the brink of death several times, and that was a feeling more painful than his own death.
"Yin Yin——"
After the intimate call, Zhou Yan closed his eyes.
At the door, Han Ji walked into the room slowly holding a bowl of something. Looking at Zhou Yan, Han Ji's face had an undisguised sadness. Although she knew what Zhou Yan was thinking, she could only watch. After getting used to something, one often becomes numb, just like Han Ji.
The faint fragrance awakened Zhou Yan a little , and when he opened his eyes, he saw Han Ji's gentle face...
"Why are you here?"
"Go and take a rest."
Han Ji sat up straight and placed the plates and bowls on the table.
"Drink this and go take a rest. You are tired."
Listening to Han Ji's gentle voice, Zhou Yan felt as gentle as a breeze blowing on his wounds.
"Are you feeling better?"
Ignoring Han Ji's concern, Zhou Yan asked about Han Ji instead. He said that he was on his way to Zhao State because Han Ji was unwell, so he could only make it to the birthday banquet on the day. Although he had the impression that Han Ji was not a weak person, Zhou Yan was still worried about himself for caring so little about Han Ji. It could also be said to be a responsibility.
"Much better. You should care more about yourself than me now, right?"
Han Ji was very smart in continuing the topic, not bringing it up explicitly but simply showing her concern.
Since Han Ji didn't ask, Zhou Yan wouldn't take the initiative. Besides, in principle, telling her would only hurt Han Ji. Every time when Han Ji was around, Zhou Yan would feel guilty for having only Yin Yin in his heart, especially when Han Ji was more generous and tolerant than anyone else. In addition to guilt and self-blame, Zhou Yan didn't know how to face Han Ji. It's not that he had never thought about compensation, but no matter how he compensated, it seemed that he could not make up for it, even if Han Ji never said anything. On the contrary, Zhou Yan would only feel more guilty towards her.
"We may leave here at any time. If you are well, go first. I have arranged everything, so don't worry."
Zhou Yan took the bowl of soup handed to him by Han Ji and spoke calmly. It sounded like he was asking for Han Ji's consent, but in fact, he could not tolerate refusal. After all, he was facing Han Ji, and Zhou Yan could not say anything too tough.
Han Ji was silent for a moment, looking at Zhou Yan, who was stirring the soup with a spoon to cool it down. Han Ji knew that since Zhou Yan had already asked, there was no room for her to refuse, but she was still happy that Zhou Yan asked for her opinion, and was relieved that Zhou Yan still remembered her in this situation, and sighed softly: "Well, if that's what you mean, I have no objection."
Zhou Yan's hand holding the spoon paused slightly, not noticeably, and then continued stirring: "Sorry, I will make it up to you when this is over."
If Zhou Yan had not mentioned compensation, Han Ji might have been happier. After all, Zhou Yan only felt guilty towards her and offered so-called compensation. Bitterness began to spread in Han Ji's heart. She had thought it was a journey worth looking forward to, perhaps only when she felt unwell on the road. Zhou Yan's thoughtfulness made her feel a little comforted. However, after arriving in Zhao State, she realized that it was the beginning of another pain.
"…It's okay. I understand. So there's no need for compensation."
Taking a deep breath, Han Ji forced a smile.
Zhou Yan was drinking the soup in one breath. He heard Han Ji's words. After finishing the soup, he put down the bowl and said, "You don't have to rush back after you set off. Go wherever you want. If you think a place is good, you can stay for a while. I will find you when I have time after I have dealt with everything."
Is it a promise or consolation? Han Ji smiled bitterly. No matter which one it was, she was just behind Yin Yin. Whether it would come true or not, Han Ji had no hope at all. But hearing Zhou Yan say this, maybe she should feel a little relieved, but why did her heart still hurt so much?
Just when Han Ji was thinking, Zhou Yan stood up. Han Ji lowered her head slightly so that he could not see the reality clearly. However, Zhou Yan knew that Han Ji was worried. No matter how tolerant Han Ji was, Zhou Yan knew that Han Ji could not completely not hate him. Even so, as long as it was Han Ji's words, Zhou Yan had no complaints. He gently put his hand on Han Ji's thin shoulder, and clearly felt her body tremble, and said: "Go and get ready. I want to take you out to see. You haven't been out for a walk since you came here, right?"
Zhou Yan's actions shocked Han Ji, and his words surprised her even more. As if in a dream, Han Ji raised her eyes and looked at Zhou Yan steadily. She saw a faint arc at the corner of Zhou Yan's lips, then he let go of her hand and walked away. Han Ji stood there in a daze.
