Ever since I last saw Xiang Nanfeng at school, I always "happened" to meet him again somewhere.
Sometimes it was the nearby McDonald's, sometimes it was a quiet cafe, and even in the library of our school, I would see him appearing in front of me with a faint smile on his face.
I seemed to have returned to my old self, always avoiding him intentionally or unintentionally, and refusing his frequent requests to "have dinner together".
Xiang Nanfeng was like a soft shadow. His frequent appearances aroused Ni Nuo's vigilance and a sense of crisis. He began to ignore his busy work and always competed with Xiang Nanfeng to appear in front of me . When they met, they were like hedgehogs with spikes all over their bodies, neither of them giving in.
I am almost going crazy from this invisible pressure.
On a sunny afternoon, after rejecting Xiang Nanfeng's invitation again, I sat in a dark corner of the library at a loss, feeling a splitting headache.
Suddenly, a bright smiling face appeared in my mind - it was Jiang Xing.
She waved at me and laughed loudly, but her eyes were full of worry.
She said, "Wen Yu, what's wrong with you? Are you unhappy?"
I clasped my arms around my body, my eyes ached and tears fell.
I kept nodding my head, repeating over and over again: I am not happy, I am really not happy.
Caught between these two people, what should I do?
Countless confusions exploded in my mind, and I missed Jiang Xing's voice and smile more and more. I really wanted her to sit next to me again and listen to me talk about these troubles.
So I wiped the tears from my face, bought two cans of cold beer, and without telling anyone, walked towards Jiang Xing's grave.
Jiang Xing, we haven't seen each other for a long time. I have a lot of things to talk to you about... Perhaps because someone always takes care of it, the surroundings of the tomb are very clean, and there is even a bunch of slightly yellow lilies placed there.
This should have been placed here by Xu Zejun, right?
I let out a long sigh, leaned against her tombstone as if exhausted, opened a can of beer, and began to chatter about what had happened during this period.
I talked about Ni Nuo's warmth, his romantic proposal, my tangled feelings for Xiang Nanfeng, and the uncertain future...
A bitter tear fell, and I looked at Jiang Xing's smiling face on the tombstone, which was always young and as bright as a sunflower, and my voice trembled uncontrollably.
I said, "Jiang Xing, what should I do? Where is the best place for me?"
The cold wind blew, and of course no one could answer me.
I hugged Jiang Xing's tombstone and cried my heart out.
I really want to hear your voice again.
Even if you can answer me with just one word, it would be good...
Ni Nuo's perception has always been extremely sharp, and this time is no exception.
Ever since I visited Jiang Xing's grave, I became a negative person. I would often stare into a certain direction in a daze while eating or doing things. Ni Nuo called my name many times but got no response.
I think he should have guessed the reason for my distress a long time ago, right?
But what made him continue to persist and not give up?
He started spending more time with me and even bought me a fluffy golden retriever to keep me entertained.
Touching its furry fur, I feel particularly at ease.
Nino gave it an interesting name - the Sun.
He said: "I hope it can be your sun, accompany you and give you strength when you are cold and helpless."
I understand his good intentions.
But I still have nothing to repay you.
I finally waited for the day when Ni Nuo was having a day off. In order to help me get out of the cloud of confusion, Ni Nuo bought two tickets to the amusement park and handed them to me with an expectant look.
I took it with a smile and patted his forehead: "Are we still children?"
"Although you are not a child, you are still young." Ni Nuo smiled and held my hand tightly. "It's nice to feel these pure and clean happiness occasionally."
I lowered my head and looked at the two colorful tickets with naughty clowns painted on them.
Maybe Nino is right. It's time to put aside all worries and madly feel the happiness that belongs only to children.
Since it was a holiday, there were a lot of people in the amusement park. Children were running around excitedly holding their parents' hands, and couples were leaning against each other and whispering to each other with balloons of various shapes in their hands. No matter who you are, you can easily be infected by the happy atmosphere here.
Ni Nuo studied the route map in his hand carefully, nagging like a teacher: "There are many projects that you may not be interested in. I have already studied them. The weather is so hot today, and the 'whitewater rafting' ahead is very interesting, haha, and the carousel... We don't need to play every one purposefully, just go to whichever one you like, okay?"
I nodded, showing a sly smile, and deliberately asked: "Ah... do you have the courage to ride a roller coaster? I have always wanted to try that!"
Ni Nuo spread his hands: "You want to see me scared? You will be disappointed. Who knows who will scream then!"
After saying that, we all burst into laughter .
Ni Nuo took out a camera he had prepared in advance and forced me to strike all kinds of funny poses to take photos with clowns and puppets holding balloons in their hands. He also pushed me onto a "spaceship" full of children, while he hid underneath to capture my unnatural expression. Afterwards, he threatened me to print out and enlarge all of them and post them in front of our school's gate.
I had no choice but to chase him and play with him in the crowded amusement park. Finally, I was bribed by the fruit ice cream he bought and became quiet spinelessly.
Finally, it was the turn of the last project that we were all looking forward to - the roller coaster. In the crowded line, Ni Nuo looked through the photos in the camera with satisfaction and nodded frequently: "It seems that changing my career to become a photographer is also a good choice."
I raised the ice cream in my hand and said, "You are still a long way from here!"
"Oh?" He raised his eyebrows and approached me. "You still dare to provoke me now? When we get on the roller coaster, I will also take a picture of your horrible expression when you scream in fear..."
I pretended to be angry and frowned: "How dare you!"
Nino laughed and put his arm around my shoulders.
I couldn't help but curl up the corners of my mouth and feel relaxed.
It’s been a long time since I saw Ni Nuo like this .
This was his last smile, forever frozen in my mind, turned into a gray memory, a wound that I never want to touch.
All unpredictable accidents come unexpectedly at people’s happiest moments.
When it was our turn, Nino and I sat at the rear of the car and he considerately fastened my seat belt for me.
After the staff's routine inspection, the car started slowly, then accelerated. The scenery around became blurry, the howling wind blew past my ears, and terrified and exhilarated screams rang out from all directions.
I closed my eyes tightly, fear swirling in my throat, but I stubbornly refused to make a sound and held the seat belt tightly with both hands.
"How about it, Wen Yu, are you scared?" Ni Nuo's voice came with the sound of the wind.
"Don't be afraid!" Using all my courage, I turned around and shouted.
Just as he finished speaking, the roller coaster suddenly began to shake violently. At first, people thought it was caused by the car running off the track, and no one paid attention to it. The sounds of shouting and laughing became louder and louder, and everyone thought it was an escalation of sudden stimulation.
But as the shaking became more and more obvious, and even someone's cheek was scratched by the branches nearby, leaving several bloody cuts, people realized that something was wrong.
Unease enveloped me, I opened my eyes tremblingly, and discovered to my amazement that the car had deviated from its original track!
"What's going on?" I looked around and yelled.
Ni Nuo's face turned pale. In a hurry, he grabbed my arm and whispered in my ear, "It's okay... don't be afraid... I'm here..."
But before he could finish his words, the car suddenly made a loud bang, completely went off the track, and rolled down!
died……
At that moment, only these two dry words appeared in my mind.
Everyone was screaming and some were crying.
My mind was already beginning to become confused. In a daze, I felt Ni Nuo unbuckling the seat belt, and he turned over and hugged me in his arms, with his arms tightly protecting my head.
What is he going to do? If he continues like this, he will hit the ground first and die!
I struggled to get out of his arms without asking questions or warnings, but the speed of falling made it impossible for everything I thought of in my mind to become a reality... "Wen Yu." Ni Nuo's voice was still as gentle and sad as usual, but at this moment, it became ethereal like smoke, "You have to live well."
I didn't have time to answer. The huge pain made me scream. Blood spread all over my eyes. It felt like all the bones in my body were crushed, making a sharp sound. It even felt like there was a thorny stirring constantly, disturbing my thoughts... Ni Nuo...
I was unconscious and tried to open my eyes, but I only saw the bloody red color, which gradually turned into a winding river...
The intense pain woke me up from that dark and confusing nightmare. First, I heard the ticking sound of instruments, and then the thick white fog in front of my eyes gradually dissipated, and what came into view was the snow-white ceiling of the hospital.
"Um……"
I struggled to utter an unclear syllable from my throat, but heard a rustling sound, which was the sound of a chair being dragged.
"He's awake... Wen Yu is awake... Doctor! Doctor, come and take a look!" The mother's hurried back staggered towards the door.
A pair of warm and dry hands stroked my forehead, and Xiang Nanfeng's worried face appeared.
"Wen Yu, are you conscious now? Do you recognize who I am?" Xiang Nanfeng's tone had never been so anxious.
I rolled my eyes woodenly a few times, and everything that had happened came back to my mind bit by bit.
By the way, Ni Nuo and I went to the amusement park together. We played many rides and took interesting photos. Finally, we rode the roller coaster together. There was a big malfunction. He protected me in his arms at the critical moment. He...
"How is Ni Nuo? Where is he... I, I want to go see him!" I sat up from the bed and struggled to tear off the infusion tube. Then came an irresistible pain, as if there was a violent machine stirring inside my body... But... Ni Nuo, I want to see him, he will be fine, he must be safe... "Lie down and rest first! Don't move now!" Xiang Nanfeng angrily pushed me back onto the bed, "Don't you see what you have become!"
"Please, tell me, how is Ni Nuo now..." I breathed rapidly, tears welling in my eyes, "He protected me, but what about him?"
Xiang Nanfeng's hands froze there. He frowned and looked out the window with a gloomy look.
He chose to avoid my questions.
So that means...
"Tell me, please tell me." My mind went blank and my thoughts strangely calmed down. "If you don't tell me, I will go and see it myself."
"Ni Nuo... the rescue efforts were ineffective and he has passed away." Xiang Nanfeng's voice was hoarse. "He was seriously injured, especially in the head. He was no longer breathing when he was sent to the hospital."
Rescue failed...
My eyes suddenly widened and even breathing became difficult.
Is this some ridiculous joke on me?
Ni Nuo promised to stay by my side forever. His firm words still seem to echo in my ears, so clear and lingering...
Why would he leave so suddenly?
I heard anxious footsteps in the corridor, and several doctors holding various instruments rushed into the room to examine me. My mother covered her mouth with her hands. In just a few days, she had aged alarmingly. The gray hair on her temples became more and more obvious, and tears slowly fell.
I let the doctors manipulate me unconsciously, as if I had sunk into a spring of water that made it hard for me to breathe, and I couldn't even struggle.
The whole world became blank and silent. I could see nothing and hear nothing.
I even hope that I am the one who left... How great it would be... "Let me go see Ni Nuo, right now..." I choked and clenched my hands into fists, "I have to go no matter what."
"Wen Yu, calm down..." Xiang Nanfeng walked forward and comforted him weakly.
"I ca stay calm! How can I stay calm when things have become like this?" I roared, using my last bit of strength to push away the helpless doctors, "I'll go by myself..."
Everyone looked at each other in bewilderment. Finally, the doctor standing in the front sighed and waved his hand: "Let her go. Go get a wheelchair..."
Accompanied by my mother and Xiang Nanfeng, I was slowly pushed into the gloomy and terrifying morgue .
The first thing I saw was Ni Nuo lying there quietly. His clothes were all dirty, and there were even big holes in many places.
His bare arms and fingers were covered with dried blood.
"Wen Yu, you..."
My mother was about to open her mouth with concern to say something, but I interrupted her with my hand.
I just want to take a look at Nino now.
Cold fingers touched his pale face, first the pair of tightly closed eyes, then the high bridge of his nose, and then the bloodless lips...
Not long ago, he smiled at me happily and said that he would enlarge all the photos of me he took and post them in front of the gate of our school.
But why...he left me like this?
The angel-like Ni Nuo always carefully protects me and cares about my feelings. In order to keep me away from troubles, he racked his brains to plan surprises, adding many bright colors to my dull life .
How could I bear his leaving?
My eyes were so sore and tears fell drop by drop on his cheeks which were colder than ice. I leaned over and buried my head in his arms, but he could not reach out his hand again, hug me gently and comfort me softly.
"Ni Nuo, I, I haven't accepted your proposal yet. You said you would make me happy and that we would be together forever. Why are you, a person who doesn't keep your promise, doing this... I haven't even said I love you yet...
"You have been by my side , and I have finally become what you want me to be. I go to school and work like other normal girls... But... if you don't look at me... what's the point..." "Why did you abandon me? What should I do..."
Heart-wrenching cries echoed in the cold morgue.
It seemed as if the soul was disappearing bit by bit, being gnawed and torn by the sharp teeth of the wild beast.
The darkness of the past has gradually gone away, and when I thought it would never appear again, a new darkness comes again.
How can I bear it and get through it?
Nino, without you, the world loses its color.
I will live forever in this endless void, like a bird in a cage.