Chapter 1 The Secret That Cannot Be Told three
By the time I got out of the maze of alleys and returned home, it was almost eight o'clock in the evening.
When I passed the kitchen, my stomach started to hurt reflexively. Lately, my stomach seemed to be a bottomless pit, and I could get hungry and painful at any time.
I walked into the kitchen, cooked myself a big bowl of noodles, and sat alone in the empty house to eat.
Strictly speaking, this is not my home. My home is in another faraway city, where my parents and the Baisha School where I used to study are. This place is just my temporary refuge to escape reality.
Sometimes, I am very fortunate to have such understanding parents. Although they do not agree with what I am doing now, they give me the greatest understanding and tolerance, and they always believe that one day, I will return to my hometown.
But, Mom and Dad, what should I do? I can't go back, I can never go back to the past.
I lowered my head, staring blankly at the noodle soup. With a "plop", something dripped into the noodle soup. I reached out to touch my face, and was shocked to find that I had burst into tears without knowing when.
The doorbell rang at this time. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and went to open the door. Xiaoyuan was standing outside the door, smiling at me under the light.
Xiaoyuan is my only friend in my new school. The reason why we became friends is actually very simple. When all my classmates laughed at my weight, she was the only exception. After we got to know each other, one day, she came to me timidly and confessed to me.
She said, "Hexue, I'm not as good as you think. I didn't laugh at you before, but it was because before , I was the one that the whole class laughed at. Later, when you came, I... I was very happy, thinking that they would finally not laugh at me alone, and I finally had a companion. Hexue, am I very bad? You... You don't want to be friends with me anymore, do you?"
After Xiaoyuan finished speaking, she looked at me pitifully with her big eyes. Her eyes were misty, as if tears would fall at any time.
I quickly comforted her: "No. Fatty and the youngest are a perfect match. We should be friends forever."
At that time, I actually knew why Xiaoyuan extended an olive branch to me, and I also knew the origin of her nickname. No matter how hard she tried, she always ranked last in every test, so she was ridiculed as "the last one". What was the difference between her and me who was ridiculed because of my weight?
In this cold world, if we don't keep each other warm, it will be too cold. Therefore, from then on, Xiaoyuan and I became friends who could talk about anything.
"Hexue, so you are at home. I called you several times." Xiaoyuan stood outside the door and looked at me. Her voice was soft and thin, as if she was always worried about disturbing others.
I took my cell phone out of my pocket, only to find that it had been set to silent mode at some point.
"Xiaoyuan, I'm sorry, my phone was on silent mode, so I didn't hear you. Is there something you need from me that's so urgent?"
"It's okay." Xiaoyuan followed me in. "I just wanted to tell you that I found out everything you asked me to find out."
Xiaoyuan unzipped her schoolbag and handed a stack of information to me as if she were presenting a treasure.
My hand reached out subconsciously, but the moment it touched the stack of documents, it suddenly retracted as if bitten by a snake. I lowered my head, slowly clenched my fist, and told myself that I was not afraid, I was just confirming in my heart, Song Hexue, are you sure you want to do this?
Because, some things either don't start at all, or once they start, they can never be stopped.
And the conclusion is affirmative, yes, I want to do that!
When I looked up, Xiaoyuan was looking at me in surprise.
She stared into my eyes and asked, "Hexue, why are your eyes so red? Are you... okay?"
"It's okay." I didn't want her to worry, so I teased her, "Because I didn't buy the roast duck I wanted on the way home, I was so angry that I cried, so..."
She believed me easily and took out a small box of cake from her schoolbag with a smile: "Yes, your favorite."
I took the cake, and my nose suddenly felt a little sour, but I still pretended to complain to her: "Why do you always feed me food that is so easy to make me fat? Humph, you just want me to be fat forever."
"No!" Xiaoyuan was so anxious that her voice almost sounded like tears. "No, Hexue, I just think this is your favorite food..."
I forgot that Madoka, who is timid and sensitive, could easily take my jokes seriously.
"I was just kidding." I quickly ate the cake to show that I really liked her gift, and at the same time changed the subject, "Tell me, what did you find out?"
"Well, this is the current school beauty of Binghui School, Lian Mengsha." Xiaoyuan handed me a printed photo.
The girl in the photo has a beautiful face, but on that face there is a pair of clear and innocent eyes. Beautiful face, clear eyes, these two completely incompatible things, combined in her is so harmonious, and the smile on her face seems to be able to light up other people's eyes.
I remember someone once said : Ten miles of spring breeze is not as good as you.
If I had to describe the girl in the photo in one sentence, it would be this one.
"She's so special that people can remember her at first sight." I held the photo up to the light and looked at it carefully . "But why have I never seen her on campus since I came to Binghui School?"
"Because she is preparing for the International Mathematical Olympiad during this period, she will hardly appear on campus except for attending classes."
"Oh, so he's another 'academic master'." This surprised me a little. "What about his personality? Judging from the photo, he seems to be a very easy-going person."
"No." Xiao Yuan muttered softly, "She looks innocent on the outside, but in fact, she has all the bad tempers that a school beauty should have. She is arrogant, conceited, and overbearing. However, since she is beautiful, comes from a wealthy family, and is a 'top student', it is normal for her to have a bit of temper."
"Really?" I laughed. "If it's really like what you said, then it's easy to deal with."
"What are you going to do?" Xiao Yuan grabbed the hem of her clothes and looked at me, suddenly getting nervous. "He Xue, you must not offend Lian Mengsha, seriously. Although she looks like she's smiling all day long, everyone is afraid of her. Behind her back, everyone calls her 'Her Majesty the Queen'."
"Who said I want to offend her?" I laughed, "I just want to be friends with her. You know, if you have a school beauty as a friend, you won't be laughed at by others."
"Be... friends?" Xiaoyuan looked incredulous, "But... she probably... wouldn't..."
I winked at her: "Don't worry, I have my own way."
"But..." Xiaoyuan still had some concerns.
I reached out and patted her shoulder to comfort her, and took out another photo from the documents in her hand.
Xiaoyuan, whose eyes were dim the moment before, suddenly lit up the moment she saw the person in the photo in my hand.
She pointed at the person in the photo and said, "Well, this is the legendary Lian Mengsha's boyfriend - Xu Yun, a first-year student majoring in civil and commercial law at C University."
The boy in the photo is standing with his back to the light, with golden light shining on his head, looking dreamy and mysterious. The collar of his black windbreaker is standing upright, covering most of his face, leaving only a pair of dark and deep eyes exposed. But this pair of eyes alone is enough to captivate people.
I stared at the person in the photo with interest: "Why do you say he is the legendary boyfriend?"
"Because Lian Mengsha has never admitted it." Xiaoyuan sighed softly, her face full of envy, "In fact, they are a good match."
"Don't admit it? Why not admit it? Lian Mengsha doesn't like Xu Yun?" I got to the bottom of it.
"Of course not." Xiao Yuan was unusually excited. "Who wouldn't like a guy like Xu Yun? It is said that because the two families are old friends, although Xu Yun never refused, he never took the initiative to admit that he is Lian Mengsha's boyfriend, so... Lian Mengsha should be a little angry! You know, as a school belle, sometimes you have to maintain the dignity that a school belle should have."
Yes, I know. I understand too well that awkward mentality of pretending to be indifferent for the sake of that little bit of pitiful so-called dignity even though one clearly desires something.
My eyes slowly met Xu Yun's, and the corners of my mouth curled up into a smile.
Xiao Yuan also came over, looked at Xu Yun in the photo, then looked at me and said, "He Xue, actually, Xu Yun should be considered your senior! I checked, he also graduated from Baisha School. Haven't you heard of him?"
My fingertips slowly stroked the deep eyes in the photo, and a smile slowly spread across my lips.
I've heard of it, of course I've heard of it.
Xu Yun, the familiar stranger Xu Yun, we are about to meet.
After Xiaoyuan left, I tossed and turned in bed for a long time. I finally fell into a drowsy sleep, but then I fell into a terrible dream again.
In my dream, I fell into an icy river. The cold water instantly rushed into my nasal cavity, and a feeling of suffocation followed. I couldn’t breathe, move, or even open my mouth to call for help. I could only wait in fear for death to slowly approach.
I don't know why, but this feeling of fear made my brain clearer and clearer. I opened my eyes and looked up from underwater, and I saw the reflection of the beautiful girl . Her beautiful face was slightly tilted, full of contempt and disdain.
She said, "Song Hexue, do you think someone like me would really be friends with someone like you? Don't be naive! You are just a little follower of mine."
She was absolutely right. How could the high-ranking school beauty of Baisha School be friends with Song Hexue, who was always a joke?
This world is so cold.
In the dream, I closed my eyes resignedly and let the darkness invade. However, it was not so easy to end. I woke up from the dream, my body sticky, and realized that this was just one of my many nightmares.
I took out the phone from under my pillow. It was exactly three in the morning. I couldn't fall asleep anymore, so I woke up from the bed like a sleepwalker, walked barefoot to the desk, opened the drawer, and took out the diary at the back.
During countless nights of anxiety and waking up from nightmares, the only thing that could calm me down was to read this diary over and over again.
When I opened the cover of the diary, what caught my eye were a few familiar big words - Song Hexue, Baisha School, February 2013.
I stroked the paper with my hands, closed my eyes and silently recited the inscription that I had already memorized by heart:
I heard that there is a kind of star that cannot shine by itself, and can only show its existence in the dark night by reflecting the light of the sun. If I am that kind of humble star, then you are undoubtedly the sun-like existence in my world. Thank you, Xihe, thank you for being willing to be my friend and letting me know that this world is not as cold as I imagined.
——Song Hexue
